I own none of the characters within this fan-fiction, but wish I owned at least 99.9 of them. (They'd still do with just a little trim of the hair).
The Interview…
(There is a stage, which looks very much like the Jerry Springer stage, but with a whole deal many chairs… To the right of the stage, there is a door in which all guests enter. To the left of the stage, there is a desk at which The Interviewer sits and it is here that he drinks his coffee, eats, sleeps, and does his job. His job is to interview and on this faithful day, he gets to interview people of popular demand…)
Interviewer: Hello people of the audience! We are here today due to popular demand of those boys you can't get your hands off of!!! Or rather, wouldn't get your hands off of, if you could get your hands on them to begin with! Here they come, so let's introduce them one at a time…
(Lights shine to the right of stage where a boy of seventeen walks out, clad in spandex and a cheap green shirt).
Interviewer: Our main man of the popular anime series… Heero Yuy, who played himself!!!
(The crowd cheers and the next boy of seventeen walks onto the stage. He is entirely covered in black, and he sports a three-foot braid).
Interviewer: And who couldn't miss the sidekick… Duo Maxwell! Who also played himself!!
(Again, the crowd cheers. On the stage, Heero and Duo eye each other and roll their eyes until, another boy the age of seventeen enters the stage. The boy is tall and slender and he is wearing dark jeans with a light green long sleeve).
Interviewer: Another one of our men… Trowa Barton! Who would play himself, if he had a name!
(The crowd begins chanting "Bar-ton! Bar-ton" and do not cease until the fourth boy, also at the age of seventeen walks onto the stage. He is dressed in black, khaki, and white; his platinum blonde hair glitters as he makes his entrance).
Interviewer: Here he is! Quatre Winner, who also played himself, but I must say – his hair is a lot better in person.
(The crowd nods in agreement and Quatre smiles modestly. The fifth boy is of Chinese decent and wears a flannel, black pants, and a white shirt – the audience freezes in silence).
Interviewer: And who would miss Wufei Chang for their lives!!! Who also played himself!
(Wufei massages his temples and joins the rest of the boys in their chairs. Heero sits closest to the Interviewer and Wufei sits furthest).
Interviewer: To start our interview, I'll direct questions to each of you individually. After I have asked you all questions, we can have the open discussion our crowd is dying for, unless they're Heero lovers and only want to hear him talking.
(The Interviewer picks this time to wink at Heero at an attempt of humor, Heero who is not amused, smiles sarcastically and turns to a beaming crowd).
Interviewer: Okay, let me start with Duo.
Duo: Alright man, you can start whenever you feel.
Interviewer: Duo, is it true that you had to grow out your hair for the filming of the series and the Gundam Wing video?
Duo: Uh, actually no. That's a complete lie.
(The Interviewer stares at Duo, uncertainly and shrugs).
Interviewer: Next question! Duo, many fan-girls have emailed me this question and I'm sure they're out there recording this show right now… so let me finally ask. Do you and Heero have any homosexual innuendos during your coffee breaks?
(Wufei and Trowa take this time to snort, while Quatre looks to the ceiling in pure discomfort).
Duo: No, Heero and I aren't gay man. That's a common… misunderstanding.
(Again, Wufei and Trowa take the time to snort, while Quatre looks at the ceiling).
Interviewer: Donut breaks?
(Duo shrugs).
Duo: We never had donut breaks.
(The Interviewer again, looks at Duo with doubt, he speeds up his talking and finds his next question coming out at the speed of light – a question only the well alert audience was able to catch).
Interviewer: If you had donut breaks would you have homosexual innuendos with Heero?
(Duo, who doesn't take in all of the question, only hears 'Donut breaks. Innuedos. Heero.' With this, he again, shrugs).
Duo: Yes, if we had donut breaks, I'd spend time with Heero.
(Wufei and Trowa stare at each other with doubt, Quatre stares at Duo with shock, and Heero looks over at Duo blankly. Heero puts his hand on Duo's thigh and sighs).
Heero: No, dear. I think it's time we told them.
(Duo catches on and sighs).
Duo: Oh? This soon?
(Heero gravely nods and the two bow their heads in silence for a few seconds. In unison, the two raise their heads).
Heero & Duo: No, we're not gay. We've never screwed. We've kissed once.
(Duo points at Heero).
Duo: Which would be his fault since he sooo drunk at the one party anyway.
(Everyone pauses as all the fan-girls in the audience grow with jealousy, the Interviewer smiles).
Interviewer: Well, Quatre – you're up next. Have you and Trowa ever NOT gone on a date?
(The audience laughs with Wufei and Duo snorts).
Quatre: Well, Trowa and I have never gone on any dates to begin with.
(The Interviewer plays with his hands and studies Quatre).
Interviewer: Yes, well… that's just uh, too bad.
Heero: Yeah, he's really good in bed.
(The Interviewer coughs).
Interviewer: Which is great. I believe that I only need to ask three more individual questions, which include Heero, Trowa, and Wufei. I'll ask the questions now and have you all answer shortly after. I believe it's more fun this way. Heero, Trowa, Wufei, have you had any intimate relations with Relena Peacecraft, Catherine Bloom, or Sally Po?
(The audience leans to the edges of their seats).
Heero: Yes, no, no.
Trowa: Yes, yes, no.
(At this, Heero shoots a look over at Trowa, Trowa shrugs).
Trowa: It's all in the acting business.
Heero: That doesn't mean a thing, you damn clown.
(The Interviewer interrupts).
Interviewer: Okay boys, no personal attacks, but at the count of three you may have a sumo match!
(Trowa and Heero look at each other then, in unison, as always, both pull out a handgun).
Trowa: Aww, damn. You drew yours a second before me.
Heero: Oh, sorry man. Wanna try that again?
Trowa: No, but I think Wufei should answer the question now…
(Duo has gracefully fallen asleep in his chair and Quatre is playing with Duo's hair).
Wufei: Yes, yes, yes.
(All five boys, including Duo who has just woken up and you just didn't know it, erupt in laughter. Trowa is the first to hit Wufei in the back, followed by Heero).
Trowa: Wow, who say that coming?
Heero: So? Donut breaks, huh?
(Wufei takes the time to smirk).
Duo: Damnit! So you beat me to it huh?
(Duo, being the God of Death, somehow finds a way to elbow Wufei. Which was probably done by massive domino affect).
Wufei: Looks like it, huh?
Quatre: You know… come to think of it… I think you're almost competition...
(Duo, Heero, and Trowa begin laughing. Quatre smiles over at Wufei, who shrugs, but is smiling none-the-less).
Interviewer: You boys put on quite the show! And now it's time for open discussion!
(The audience applauds).
Interviewer: First question, was what the greatest thing about shooting with one another?
Duo: I got to shoot at Heero.
(Trowa elbows Duo).
Heero: He meant shooting the show, idiot.
Duo: No, but I mean really.
(Quatre clears his throat).
Quatre: I'd have to say the donut breaks.
Duo: I second.
Heero: I third.
Trowa: I fourth.
(Trowa whispers, 'Damn, Heero is still ahead of me…').
(Heero whispers, ' Damn right, Circus boy!').
Wufei: I fifth.
(Duo turns to look at Wufei).
Duo: We go all the way to 'fifth'?
Wufei: Obviously. Every figure out there are five of us?
Duo: No man, I'm telling you – I forget to count myself.
(The audience laughs and Trowa pipes up).
Trowa: We also enjoy the fact that Wufei and Duo absolutely love each other, and show it only through verbal fighting.
(The audience claps and Duo and Wufei stand up, hold each other's hands, and bow).
Interviewer: Haha, well… That's great. Wonderful. So, who was the creepiest crew-member? Speaking on terms of backstage crew?
(Trowa, Wufei, Heero, and Duo all look at Quatre).
Quatre: Oh, fine fine. I'll answer the question. Okay, so there is a backstage member named Mally. He's about six feet tall and she's got about a D cup. She wears a lot of make up and sometimes we see him carry around these big ass weights. We haven't figured out what it's for, but someone said it's because s/he gets twice the testosterone, though – none of us have dared test the theory… Anyway, at a party, half of us end up drunk. Myself and Duo are entirely wasted, and Heero is half drunk.
(The audience chuckles and allows Quatre to complete his story).
Quatre: Anyway, so Trowa and Wufei tell Mally to put Duo and myself to sleep, what ends up happening Mally ends up on the middle of the floor with herself. He's on top though.
(The audience pauses and Quatre shrugs).
Quatre: Yeah, we never got to figure out what Mally was and none of us tried.
Duo: It was kind of scary at first, but then I realized my calling was to befriend Dear Mally!!!
(Duo stands triumphantly).
Duo: Naw man, bullshit. I'm an actor, dude, I don't try to befriend the token-transvestite-that-can-be-found-at-every-movie-shooting.
(Duo shivers)
Wufei: Yeah, but what about that one guy?
(Duo answers matter-of-factly).
Duo: Babe, that was at a bar.
(The audience laughs and gives Duo a standing ovation. Duo, of course, stands up and bows. The Interviewer laughs as well and asks another question).
Interviewer: About how many times did you have to do every take?
(Heero and Trowa begin laughing, and Duo sticks his tongue out).
Duo: The bastards weren't there half the time; they ended up taking the Gundams out for joyrides.
(Quatre laughs).
Quatre: If I remember correctly, they were stolen one time.
Interviewer: Wow! The Gundams? Wing and Heavyarms?
(Wufei shakes his head).
Wufei: No, no. He means Heero and Trowa.
(Heero and Trowa smile, Heero shrugs).
Heero: Hey man, you gotta lose it sometime…
(The audience erupts into laughter and joy by the sight of Heero showing some emotion, all five boys join in the laughter).
Interviewer: So, did you guys have any nicknames during the shoot?
(Duo bites his lip trying to remember).
Duo: Well, ya see – all of us had kind of earned a reputation on the set. I had somehow walked away with the nicknames 'Dos', 'The God of Sex', and 'Braid Baby'.
Heero: Might I point out that 'Braid Baby' was given to him, by the only too great Mally.
(The audience snickers).
Trowa: People taunted me a lot about my name, but I didn't get any nicknames besides 'Quatre's lover'.
Quatre: Actually, 'Quat' and 'Quat's lover' were also favorites among the crew.
(Wufei pulls out a large white board and a black dry erase marker. He writes WUFFEI equals WUFEI, then proceeds to cross it out).
(The Interviewer laughs).
Heero: I gained a few names myself and most of them regard the words quiet, pervert, Duo, and lover.
Interviewer: So I take it none of you are like the characters you had played?
Trowa: Oh no – we are. Quatre is actually gay this time.
(Quatre takes off one of his shoes and throws it at Trowa's head, Trowa continues to laugh).
Quatre: Believe me, I'm only as gay as you are.
Duo: And the boy is pretty fucking gay!!!
(The audience erupts into laughter and Trowa proceeds to show off a hint of his tiddie whiteys with purple triangles on them).
Heero: Hey, I gave those to you for Christmas, huh?
Duo: No way? I thought I gave him a pair too?
(The Interviewer laughs, pausing only momentarily to stare at Trowa questionably).
Interviewer: Okay, so, this is open to interpretation… How was it working with gay man?
(Heero smirks).
Heero: You are what you eat!
(The audience laughs uncontrollably and Duo turns to Quatre).
Duo: So Quatre isn't kosher, eh?
Wufei: I'd say he's the least kosher of all of us…
(And so, the interview ended with the world wondering about all Gundam Pilots' orientations…)
Interviewer: So, thanks for joining us!!! Come back next time and we'll have another round of the Gundam Pilots, with some love brought by those Saiyuki boys you love only too much!
(The crowd cheers and the five boys 'play' around on screen).
Finally, at when all five boys walk out of the studio, they sit down on the corner of a random street.
Duo: Our publicist is going to kill us.
Heero: No doubt.
Quatre: So now that everyone thinks we're gay…
Wufei: That just means more fan-girls…
Trowa: Hm, Mally.
And so, the five returned home to get some sleep.
A/N: Yeah, what the hell? Haha, anyway – update shall come eventually. Tell me how you like. If you read, do me a favor and review. Please don't waste my time with flames.