DMB: Um…uh…well…I…
Luthien Eowyn: GET ON WITH IT!!
DMB: Hey, will you shut up!! This is my story! You're just the co-writer.
LE: Then show a little respect.
DMB: Anyway, moving on. This is my first fic, so be nice. Nah, you don't have to be if you don't want to. Just review and let me know what you think.
LE: You know, you're setting yourself up for some major flaming with that last sentence.
DMB: SHUT UP!! Oh, by the way, this is my annoying big sister, a.k.a Luthien Eowyn. She'll be writing this story with me. So if there's anything in this story that you don't like, it was probably written by her.
LE: I heard that!
DMB: Whatever. We'll be re-writing the entire yugioh series. I'll be directing it my way and you'll get to see what goes on behind the scenes. What are our favorite anime heroes really like? We'll explore their deepest, darkest secrets and expose their secret hearts.
LE: Oh give it a rest. They all know that we're just writing this for some laughs.
DMB: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!
(Yugi enters)
Yugi: Dark Magician Boy! Luthien Eowyn! We're ready to start filming now.
DMB: Yugi, we're kind of in the middle of something right now! You should know better than to interrupt me when I'm fighting with Luthien!
Yugi: I know, but…
DMB: Well, so long as you're here you might as well make yourself useful. Do the disclaimer.
Yugi: Ok. Neither Luthien Eowyn nor Dark Magician Boy owns anything from YuGiOh.
DMB: All righty then, now that that's out of the way, we can start shooting. LIGHTS!
(lights come up on a classroom set in Domino high.)
CAMERA!!
( Luthien is seen operating the camera.)
ACTION!!!!!!!
DMB: The filming of YuGiOh: Behind the Cards has officially begun.
(Focus switches to Yugi and Joey, dueling.)
Yugi: Hey Joey! Earth to Joey!
Tristan: …
Yugi: Uh…Tristan, you have a line there.
Tristan: Aren't you supposed to say "Are you in there?" first?
Yugi: Oh yeah. All right, lets start again.
#Take 58#
Yugi: Hey, Joey? Earth to Joey! Are you in there?
Tristan: Uh… what's my line again!
DMB: TRISTAN, THIS IS THE FIFTY-EIGTH TAKE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MEMORIZE YOUR LINES LAST NIGHT!! THE LINE IS "AW, ISN'T HE CUTE WHEN HE'S THINKING!" HOW HARD COULD THAT BE?!
LE: Ignore him. Just take it from the top.
Yugi: Hey, Joey! Earth to Joey! Are you in there?
Tristan: Aw, isn't he cute when he's thinking.
Everyone else: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!
Luthien: And there was much rejoicing.
BMD: Ok, yahoo. Whoopdee-frickin-doo. Moving on. Lets skip ahead to the game shop.
(Scene change to the Kame Game Shop. Yugi, Tristan, Tea, and Joey enter.)
Yugi: Grandpa, I'm home!
Solomon: Ah, I see you've brought company.
Yugi: Hey, grandpa, could you show my friends your awesome, super-rare card?
Solomon: Rare card? My special card?
Yugi: Please, please!
Joey: Pretty please.
Solomon: Hmm, how can I refuse? You kids are in for a treat.
( Solomon pulls out a small card box and opens it. He shows it to the kids without actually looking at it.)
Solomon: Impressive, eh?
Joey: Uh…not really.
Solomon: What are you talking about? This is one of the best cards in the game!
Tristan: What's so special about a fur ball with feet?
Solomon: Huh? (looks at the card and sees that it's a Kuriboh.) Oh, whoops. Wrong one. (tosses the box aside and pulls out another one. This one really is the BEWD.)
Solomon: So, what do you think. Impressive, eh? (Closes eyes in happiness to see that most of the kids are in awe.)
Tristan: Doesn't look so special to me. (Grabs card with an unusually hard grip and rips it in half, leaving the other half in Solomon's hand)
Solomon: Wait here. (Walks into a door behind counter)
Kaiba: (Walks in through the entrance, sees the ripped BEWD in Tristan's hand and faints)
DMB: ITS NOT YOUR'S FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!
Kaiba: (Pops back up as if nothing ever happened and walks back out door)
Solomon: (Comes up to the front counter with a BEWD and forgets to close door)
Yugi: (Looks in door's entrance to see piles of BEWD cards)
Solomon: Um, okay, I forgot my line in all of that of that hubbub.
LE & DMB: WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE TODAY?!?!
Yami: (Walks on stage) At this rate, we'll never get to my scene.
DMB: Yami, what the heck are you doing here?
Yami: YOU PAY ME TO BE HERE!!!!
LE: No he doesn't.
Yami: (Whispers under his breath) I hate it when she does that.
LE: What was that you said?
Yami: Um a, I said, I need to go. (Opens Millennium Puzzle like a compartment and pulls out a smoke bomb)
DMB: Oh, woof.
Yami: (Throws smoke bomb to ground. Smoke only issues enough to cover Yami's legs. When smoke clears, Yami's pants are gone.
DMB: (Mouth drops and eyes start twitching.)
LE: Cover your virgin eyes! (Runs over to DMB and covers his eyes.)
Yami: Ra, dang it, I hate it when this happens.
Yugi: You mean this has happened before?!?
Yami: Yes. It was during a speech to all of Egypt!
Yugi: Dang, no wonder you decided to put yourself in the Millennium Puzzle.
Yami: No, really. (Smoke bomb crackles and issues enough smoke to cover Yami. This time, when smoke clears, Yami is gone.)
LE: Okay, I think we should just skip to the entering the tower.
DMB: HOW MANY MORE TIMES ARE WE GOING TO SKIP SCENES?!?
LE: This will be the last time.
(If you can see into the future, you'll see LE skipping more scenes)
(Scene changes to the entrance of Kaiba Corp. Yugi, Joey, Tea, and Tristan are seen outside.)
Joey: There's got to be a way in. (Looks at Yugi to see him chewing gum) Hello, aren't you supposed to dramatically lead us in?
Yugi: Oh, sorry. It's just that this pack of cherry flavored gum came with the chocolate donuts Kaiba requested on his phone call. I've never tried cherry flavored gum, and I guess I just really like it.
Joey: What phone call?
LE: What donuts?
Yugi: It was all in the scenes Luthien Eowyn made us skip.
Joey: Oh okay.
(Everybody is still waiting for Yugi. When Yugi sees everyone is staring, he realizes it's his line and starts swinging his arms crazily and marches into the building. Everybody does the exact same and DMB slaps himself on the face.)
(Scene changes to inside elevator)
Yugi: (Closes his eyes and starts snapping his fingers to the elevator music)
(Door opens to reveal that they are at the wrong floor)
Yugi: Rats, I pushed the wrong button.
(Everybody piles back into the elevator)
Tristan: Wait a minute, how can we pile back into the elevator if there's only four-(Tristan is cut short by the elevator doors closing.)
(22nd try)
Yugi: Still the wrong floor. How many floors are there?
Tea: 14
Yugi: Well gee, I wonder how I managed that one.
Joey: You never opened your eyes when you were listening to the elevator music.
(They all go back into the elevator and once again to the wrong floor)
Tristan: How does this keep happening?!?
DMB: Kaiba's office is on level 15. You guys keep on ending on the 16th level of a level 14 building, whereas the studio is on level 17.
LE: A riddle, oooh, awe, special.
Tristan: Whhhaaaaat?
LE: This is getting old. (Snaps fingers and the four are on level 15.)
DMB: Hey, can you show me how to do that?
LE: Sure. (Snaps fingers and DMB finds himself in the Everglades of Florida)
DMB: Oh, she is going to pay. (Snaps fingers and appears on the back of a kangaroo)
(Kangaroo stops and stares at DMB. DMB smiles and waves. Kangaroo stares a little longer and then continues hopping)
DMB: Wow, he's considerate. (Snaps fingers and appears on a slide of ice in Antarctica heading towards a hammerhead shark's open mouth.) Oh, poopy. (Snaps fingers again and finds himself in a old fashion Mickey Mouse cartoon)
DMB: Why the heck do I look all cuddly. I mean look at head, my ears, my eyes, my….. Tail?
Mickey Mouse: (Opens mouth to say something, but DMB covers Mickey's mouth with the new gloves on his hand.)
DMB: If you're Mickey Mouse, I just want to know one thing.
Mickey Mouse: Yeah, what?
DMB: What's with the gloves on every boy character in your cartoons?
(Mickey Mouse is about to say something, but DMB snaps his gloved fingers to find that he is in another T.V. show)
DMB: (Annoyed) What now? (Sees Barney and Baby Bop approaching him prepared to hug him)
DMB: NO! NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! (Hastily snaps fingers and finds that he is now in an oven next to two apples.)
Apple no. 1: (No enthusiasm) Hey look, a fan fiction author.
Apple no. 2: (Bursting with enthusiasm, and staring at Apple no.1) WOW, A TALKING APPLE!!!!
DMB: Wow, the two smartest things on this trip.
(Suddenly, a worm pops out of Apple no. 1)
Worm: (Also bursting with enthusiasm) Hello and greetings from Apple World!
DMB: Does everything in this oven talk?
Oven: Yeah, pretty much.
DMB: Okay, I'm leaving. (Snaps fingers and finally ends up back in the studio)
LE: So, did you enjoy your trip?
DMB (Stares at her with a scowl) IIIIIII hhhaaattteee yyyyyyyyoooooooouuuuuu.
LE: Well, your just lucky you didn't get stuck in Blue's Clues. Blue wouldn't stop licking me for an hour, so I couldn't concentrate enough to get out of there. Well, anyway, you still aren't finished. Now you need to teleport someone else without going with them.
DMB: Oh, I am way ahead of you. (Snaps fingers and LE disappears) That was easy.
(LE suddenly reappears in front of DMB)
DMB: Oh crap.
LE: Whoever said you were the only one who could snap?
DMB: Dang it, she's right.
Yugi: Um guys, we need to move on.
LE: You guys go ahead, I've got a score to settle with my brother.
Yugi: Ok. (Walks back to set chewing more gum)
DMB: Bring it on!
(LE and DMB walk out of sight. Continueing with YuGiOh: Behind the Cards)
(Solomon staggers out door, clearly drunk)
Yugi: Grandpa! (Runs up to catch Solomon and drops him right away when he smells Solomon's breath)
Solomon: Kaiba's (hiccup!) drinking skills are great (hiccup!) He challenged me to a drinking duel!
Yugi: But I thought you guys played Duel Monsters.
Solomon: We did?
(Suddenly, everything begins rewinding till Yugi and company burst out of the elevator. Solomon falls out the door on the other side of the room and Yugi runs to Solomon)
Yugi: Grandpa!
Joey: Could you not do that whole rewinding thing again, it kind of hurts.
(Joey is rewound a couple of seconds)
Solomon: Yugi, beware..
Yugi: Of what, the way Kaiba duels?
Solomon: Yes that, but also, beware of running with scissors! (Yugi's face grows confused)
Yugi: Uh, Grandpa, are you ok?
Solomon: (Not listening to Yugi) It's all fun and games until someone loses an AAHHHHH!!! (Solomon dies)
Tea: He died? And this is supposed to be a PG series.
Tristan: He's not supposed to die. It's right here in the script. (Holds up script. Reads it and finds that Solomon isn't dead, he fainted)
Joey: So he's doing the right the thing, and we're not. Well, I feel ridiculous.
(Kaiba walks out of door with Solomon's BEWD card)
Kaiba: Ha-Ha! (Runs over and grabs a dozen donuts from the box in Yugi's hands and somehow manages to stuff all of them into his mouth at the same time and he now looks like he has gerbil cheeks. Talking through half chewed doughnut-) It seem the old fool 'cough!' didn't have what it takes. I 'cough!' must have overwhelmed him a little too much. (Rips card in half and flinches a little)
(Everybody stares at Kaiba in horror and a little humor that he has gerbil cheeks and is turning blue)
Yugi: Kaiba, I 'snicker!' challenge you to a duel. And your face is as blue as your trench coat!
Kaiba: (Grabs a hand mirror out of nowhere, sees the true horror, rushes to the bathroom and spits all the donuts out)
Yugi: Well that was disturbing.
Tea: Okay everyone, hold out your hands, and I'll mark us with a special doodle.
Tristan: What's a doodle?
Tea: (Ignores Tristan and pulls out a red marker, and draws a smiley face on each of their hand)
Joey: What's with da smiley faces?
Tea: It's all I know how to draw. But it's cherry scented.
Yugi: Good enough for me then. (Takes a tiny lick of the drawing on his hand and spits it out immediately)
Yami: Get on with it.
Yugi: Oh boy. I'm betting this is going to start a chain.
Bakura: Yes, get on with it!
Tea: Bakura?!?
Yugi's entire deck of monsters: GET ON WITH IT!!!
Yugi: (Sarcastically) Oh, I am enjoying this scene!
Winged Dragon of Ra: GET ON WITH IT!
Tristan: What the heck?
DMB: (From offstage) Skip to the duel, we don't have much time left!
LE: (Also from offstage) You're gonna soon be wishing that you never sent me to that pineapple under the sea. (One might note that LE is soaking wet and DMB"S skin has been scorched by flames)
(Beginning of the duel. Yugi switches with Yami. Yami isn't wearing Yugi's clothes, but Tea's school uniform)
Tea: Where did you get that!?!?!
Yami: Um, a. (Pulls out another smoke bomb and smoke pops out from it, and Yami poofs into clothes that are look alike clothes to Yugi's)
Yami: Finally.
Kaiba: Hey, who are you, where's Yugi?
(Yugi is seen backstage running around with scissors and an insane look in his eyes)
Yami: Wait a minute, we were supposed to go to the end of the duel, weren't we?
Kaiba: Oh yeah. Hey wait a minute, no we-
(Kaiba is cut short by when everything fast forwards to the end of the duel. The three BEWD are getting board of just sitting on the field now, and have pulled out board games, books, etc.)
Kaiba: Draw your last pathetic card, Yami. I-I mean, Yugi.
Yami: My grandpa's deck has no pathetic cards. But it does contain (Pulls up a card and doesn't look at it, but expects it to be the head of Exodia) The Unstoppable Exodia?
Kaiba: Well it might contain Exodia, but it doesn't look like you've drawn it from your deck.
Yami: (Looks at card and sees that it is really Kuriboh) What is with this card!?! It's stalking the cast!
Kaiba: Then why don't you sacrifice it to draw another card?
Yami: Oh yeah. (Throws Kuriboh into the graveyard, and then draws the Head of Exodia) Now I play Exodia, Obliterate!
(Exodia pulls up hands and a ball of light attached to a string falls down on Exodia's head. Exodia then falls apart)
(LE and DMB run on stage to see what happened, and DMB's mouth drops)
DMB: YOU BROKE MY EXODIA PROP?!?! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THAT THING COST? HUH, DO YA?! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY! I'LL SHOW YOU FUNNY! (DMB snaps himself up to Yami's dueling platform)
Yami: I'm in trouble, aren't I?
LE: Well, when he has that look in his eye and that tone in his voice, all I can say is it was nice knowing you, Yami!
Yami: Help!
(DMB jumps on Yami and a cloud of dust issues, and punching noises are heard)
LE: We are sorry for any inconvenience, but this chapter must end now because of the sudden uproar between Yami and DMB. Reviewers, you decide who you think will win. (Grabs popcorn and seat and sits down in front of the cloud of dust, munching popcorn.)
Kaiba: Are you going to share any of that?