Chapter 1

Hey guys so I had writers block with the other fic I'm working on and decided to make the plot outlines and write the first chapter to a new fic that suddenly came to me. This one will probably take a while to get updated as my first priority is still Once and Future King, but I really wasn't able to write anything good for that one tonight. Harry is a bit more...aware...in this fic than in canon, but I've always thought Harry was much smarter than the books gave him credit for. He was basically solving mysteries and fighting Voldemort all while managing to keep decent grades so I figure as soon as the whole dark wizard aspect is gone he can really come into his own.

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Six bloody months.

He had been perched in the windowsill of an empty classroom in an abandoned wing of the castle when he heard the clock strike twelve. A bottle of firewhiskey in hand, Harry Potter watched the world turn from his little box of memories.

Today he had passed the burnt and gutted corridor that once held the room of requirement.

It's inconspicuous corpse didn't raise much thought; simply a pair of scorched wooden doors that led to nowhere. He passed empty halls that still held the echoes of the war. Sometimes when he was drunk enough or closed his eyes long enough he could still imagine blood stained stones decorating the thousand year old floors.

Today he had passed the spot on the west wall where Fred Weasley died.

To most the wall stood as a simple shadow, a wall of cracked and faded stones placed there a millenia ago but now, at least for Harry, it stood as a grave.

Ron didn't go into the west wing anymore. Harry thought he saw the whole castle as a grave sometimes.

Taking another swig of firewhiskey, Harry watched the ghosts of innocence lost dance across the scarred and damaged grounds.

Hermione would say they were healing.

He swung his feet against the cold stone walls below him, listening to the dull thud as his rubber soles smacked the rock. Maybe she was right.

And maybe it had been six months since the Battle of Hogwarts.

Harry thought that's what they were calling it now. No one he knew ever took the time to name it; whenever it was brought up in conversation it didn't need a name to get recognition.

Letting his mind wander, Harry suddenly wondered if it was a stupid decision to get drunk half hanging from a fifth story window in the middle of the night. The walls around him were so destroyed that they would probably crumble below him before he was finished wallowing.

That reminded him of another reason he found himself in his window; their bloody living spaces.

Twenty four hours after the final spell was cast in the war Harry declared to his friends that he was going to change the world. Everyone insisted on calling him a hero anyways, why not make it official? Hermione had muttered that he had continually proved his heroism since he was a one year old. Harry told her it wasn't enough.

That was why he was here in the first 8th year class to ever grace what was left of Hogwarts' halls. Everyone had their own reasons. Hermione decided she couldn't give up on finishing her education, no matter what came in the way.

Once she had told Harry that no one could become Minister with only six years of schooling.

They had laughed.

Ron was going to become an auror, he too insisted on living up to the hero status given to him after the war. Harry thought it suited him. The Ministry offered to take in those of them who had lost a year of school but still fought in the war, but Ron said he wanted to become a real auror not a Ministry tool. Harry thought that suited him too.

Each one of the 16 eighth years had their own reasons for returning to Hogwarts; although Harry was mostly positive that many of them simply weren't sure where else to go come September.

Headmistress McGonagall had placed them in the farthest half of the east wing, the only area of Hogwarts untouched by war. He believed she probably did that on purpose, no need to damage them more. They slept with two to a room with a combined 'common room' which was simply a conjured fireplace surrounded by beanbags and sofas.

Harry had to admit dissolving the houses for the eight years was a smart move on the headmistress's part. It forced them to socialize with the other three houses they had practically ignored for nearly seven years. In some ways it had worked; Harry had grown rather close with the six Ravenclaws that had returned. He appreciated their unshakable logical approach to life, especially in a time where no one really knew what to do with a future they weren't expecting to have. No one was surprised that more Ravenclaws showed up than any other class. Most of them had ambitions that could not be met through only six years of schooling, even if they were off fighting their parents' war. Next were the Gryffindors: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and surprisingly Neville. Harry had asked him why he had come back. The boy had never been one for power and had quite the inheritance to live off of. The once shy boy and answered with a simple shrug and replied that it was what he felt he should do.

Next were the three Hufflepuffs, but the only one he had ever spoken to was Susan Bones. Harry found he had an easy time getting along with the three of them as well. Two were studying to become healers, and the third had plans to work for the Daily Prophet. Healing was a skill Harry would never overlook again. If the Hogwarts students had been taught even basic healing magic so many more lives would have been saved in that final battle. In fact, for a brief moment Harry himself had considered becoming a healer but had quickly decided he could do more to heal the wizarding world in the ministry.

The only surprise in the eighth year class were the Slytherins. Harry wasn't sure if any of them would show up, but two did.

Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini.

Harry didn't think he had ever seen two people look more out of place in his entire life, but he wrote their presences off as nowhere else to go.

Zabini had renounced his family half way through their seventh year before disappearing. He hadn't fought in the war and Harry assumed he wanted no part in it. His mother had never been a vocal muggle hater or Voldemort supporter but things change. She had been killed in the war by an angry death eater for a reason Harry neither knew nor cared about. After everything Zabini still received his mother's entire fortune.

Malfoy on the other hand wasn't so lucky. He had reluctantly stuck with Voldemort throughout the war before completely breaking off from the death eaters during the battle of Hogwarts after Harry saved his arse. He promptly returned the favor by saving Ginny's life.

Harry thought that made them even.

It's not that the Slytherins fought with the other houses, but they had managed to almost isolate themselves completely despite sharing a quarters. Harry couldn't blame them, no one knew what to say. He respected Zabini for telling the death eaters to go screw themselves and couldn't blame him for not fighting in the battle; he would have been a major target. Malfoy was a bit of an unknown variable in Harry's mind.

As much as Harry hated to admit it, he was grateful to the prick for saving Ginny's life. That didn't mean he had to like him.

Harry was drawn out of his thoughts when he tried to take another swig of firewhiskey and found none was left. He was now completely sloshed while half falling out of a window feeling sorry for himself. He doubted he could he be any more pathetic.

Giving up on his reminiscing for the night, Harry attempted to climb back into the classroom which his inebriated mind interpreted as sliding backwards until he hit the floor, arse first. He miraculously managed to pull himself upwards, leaving the empty firewhiskey bottle behind. No one came to this wing anyways.

Although it took him a while of stumbling over rubble and nearly smashing his face on the stone floor, he eventually managed his way back to the east wing where he saw the flickering shadow of a fire still blazing through an open door. His inebriated mind did not comprehend that someone was most likely still in the common room and stumbled down the hall anyways.

"Potter?" a quiet voice asked when he finally reached the blazing warmth.

Blaise Zabini sat in front of one of the couches, book in hand, as he raised an eyebrow at the man in front of him.

"Hullo Zabini" Harry slurred, performing a mock salute.

"You're tabled" the Slytherin snorted, closing his book.

"I seem to have drunk an entire bottle of firewhiskey" Harry shrugged before almost falling into the fireplace.

In a flash, Zabini was on his feet, grabbing Harry's shoulders to steady him, "you're going to kill yourself."

"Shame" snickered Harry, only half joking.

"I guess we all have ways of dealing" Zabini muttered to himself, "your's is just highly addictive and unhealthy."

"I'll never be a drunk" Harry muttered, "one day I'm'a fix the entire world. You can't do that if you'rea drunk."

"If anyone will do it it will be you" Zabini muttered mostly to himself as the two reached Harry's room, "I'm counting on you being so sloshed you don't remember any of this tomorrow."

"Likely" Harry yawned before stumbling into his room and closing the door. Zabini shook his head and went back to his book before realizing it was two in the morning on a Tuesday; suddenly feeling as if he could use a drink too.

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"Morning beautiful" Ron said as Harry groaned and sat up. Harry looked around and suddenly discovered he was lying on the floor with Ron looking down at him from the edge of his bed.

"Ow" muttered Harry simply as he rubbed at an intense throbbing in his neck.

"Did you drink again?" asked Ron rather quietly, lying his head back onto his pillow.

"Take a wild guess" replied Harry, standing up and stretching out his sore body.

"How many?" Ron asked softly.

"One" said Harry instantly.

"Drink?" Ron scoffed, eyeing his best friend's indent on the floor.

"Bottle" Harry corrected, looking anywhere but Ron.

"Har..." Ron started.

"I don't want to hear it Ron" Harry muttered.

Ron sighed, "I know."

"I better get going" Harry said suddenly, grabbing a fresh set of clothes from his trunk, "I'm meeting Ginny for breakfast."

"Take a shower first" Ron said with a disappointed frown, "you still smell like booze."

Harry cringed slightly and changed as quickly as he could before leaving.

In reality Harry still had an hour before breakfast would even be served but he didn't want to deal with Ron's wholesome judgement any longer.

It's not that he ever really craved alcohol, but sometimes when the bad memories got too crisp and the good memories got too faded it was better to make everything a bit fuzzy. It wasn't if Ron didn't have any coping mechanisms, but Harry figured flying until he was ready to pass out was most likely more healthy than what he was doing.

Harry wandered around the castle, inhaling the crisp air. A misty breeze blew through the open windows, causing the world to go slightly grey.

Harry liked the early morning. He could wander around in peace, just like a ghost. Maybe he would be better off as a ghost.

Looking out one of the newly repaired windows onto the grounds, he could see the repair crews arriving for the day heading for what used to be Gryffindor tower. Repairs were supposed to have been finished before the year started, but repairing a millenia old magic castle seemed to require more effort than was originally anticipated.

He eventually looped around the still standing parts of the castle and made his way back to the makeshift great hall to meet Ginny. Headmistress McGonagall had converted one of the larger meeting rooms into a dining area. It wasn't as if too many students had returned that year, they didn't need too much room.

As he entered the room, the smell of overwhelmingly delicious food filled his nostrils.

"Harry!" waved Ginny with a smile from their table. Harry took a seat next to his girlfriend and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Morning love" he said with a smile.

"Harry..." she muttered, bright smile fading a little.

"I forgot to take a shower..." Harry sighed, looking away. At this point Ginny could tell when he had been out trying to drink the memories away, no matter how much he tried to wash the night off.

"I wish you'd talk to someone instead of trying to poison the nightmares" Ginny said softly, taking Harry's hand in her own, "but I do understand...just try to talk to me next time okay?" she asked, "you know I'll probably be awake anyways."

Harry gave her a warm smile and squeezed her hand, "yeah Gin."

The two enjoyed their breakfast in silence as Harry seemed to wallow in guilt, glancing over at his girlfriend every few minutes but not saying anything.

"I better head off to Charms" he announced, standing from his seat.

"Have fun, don't mope all day, and do a scourgifying charm for Merlin's sake. " Ginny said with a nonchalant wave of her hand and a playful smile.

"Yes mum" Harry replied with a joking roll of his eyes. Ginny felt some of the tension leave her shoulders as she watched Harry walk from the dining hall.

Something was wrong, but something always was. She knew it would take him a long time to heal, if he ever did. She now knew the pain of jolting awake in the middle of the night, mutely screaming with silencing charms placed in abundance around her bed. She knew that pain had haunted Harry since he was 11 years old.

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As Harry strode down the chilly hall he whipped out his wand to cast a quick freshening charm. It wasn't as good as a shower but it would hide any lingering remnants from the night before from his teachers and anyone who didn't already know what he got up to. As he walked into his charms class he glanced at the words written in bold text on the board adorning the main wall of the classroom.

'New Seats Assigned Today'

"Since when has Flitwick ever assigned seats?" asked Ron, crossing his arms in annoyed defyance.

"Trying to promote house unity I'd assume" Hermione answered, studying the names written on the board, "I'm with Susan."

"Least it's not a snake" Ron muttered as he saw his name next to a Ravenclaw 7th year the three had never spoken to before, "can't say the same for Harry though."

"I didn't know Malfoy was in NEWT charms..." Harry commented, trailing off as he finally found his own name on the bored and glanced over at the name written next to it. It was the last person he wanted to be stuck with after last night.

Blaise Zabini.

It wasn't as if Harry necessarily diskiled the other boy but considering the only interaction they had ever had was when he had stopped Harry from falling into the fireplace due to the fact that he was so drunk he could hardly stand, Harry wasn't feeling too optimistic.

Not many people had ever seen Harry so vulnerable as he had been in the common room last night, and Harry couldn't help but feel his palms grow a bit clammy that a nearly perfect stranger knew his dirty little secret. Hermione gave him a sympathetic smile as she took her seat next to Susan Bones and Ron placed his bag in the seat 4 seats to the left from her.

Harry slowly took his seat across the room from his friends. He knew he would have to be polite at the least but he truly did not look forward to having to speak to Zabini again after having made such a fool of himself.

He could really use a drink.

"Potter" he heard a monotone voice great him. Looking up he saw Zabini place his things next to Harry, keeping his face a carefully controlled mask of indifference. Harry took a deep breath; better to rip the bandage off quickly.

"Uh, hello" Harry answered awkwardly, "so, um...about last night..."

Blaise cocked an eyebrow, "I can't even believe you remember that at all."

"I don't remember specifics..." Harry admitted with red cheeks, "but...I do know I made a complete fool of myself."

Blaise shrugged, "don't worry about it. Not as many people care about your bad coping as you may think." Harry was about to glare at the other boy before he saw the small smile on the slytherin's face, and he found himself laughing a bit.

"Harry Potter, ever the self-absorbed celebrity" Harry replied with a snort.

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen so many self inflicted drama pieces written on a war hero before" Blaise quipped back.

"I'm not a war hero" Harry answered quietly, but Blaise simply rolled his eyes, "whatever you say Potter."

After that, the air between the two boys was rather uncomfortable but their first NEWT charms class passed faster than Harry assumed it would. Flitwick covered the syllabus that they would be following over the course of the year in exhausting detail and repeated time and time again that his NEWT class would be much more difficult than any charms class any of them have taken in the past. But it wasn't until the end of the class that he finally said something mildly interesting.

"After the events that took place last year, no one would blame any of you if you're having trouble falling back into a normal school routine. Please remember that there is no shame in asking for help if you so require it" the tiny man said, more serious than Harry had ever seen him before. He supposed the sentiment was nice, but it was hard to take a man who had to stand on a box to teach seriously.

Harry reminded himself to not discount the professor. He had watched the least threatening teacher at Hogwarts take down at least three Death Eaters with some rather nasty magic only half a year ago.

As the students began to place their materials back in their bags, the room was uncomfortably silent. Blaise stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder as the bell rang, signaling that the class was finally over. As he was leaving, the Slytherin looked back at Harry who was getting ready to head over to the side of the room with his friends.

"Next time you try to drink yourself to death wake me up, it's not alcoholism if you do it in pairs" Blaise said casually with a neutral expression, before strutting out of the room.

Harry's head swivels to watch the dark-skinned boy leave and couldn't decide if he should feel annoyed or laugh. He decided on shaking his head in indifference before heading back over to his circle of Gryffindor safety.

The rest of classes passed in a blur. By the end of the day, Harry's head was throbbing with a combination of the knowledge of the immense effort all his NEWT classes would take as well as a lingering hangover.

He decided that his day had been rather challenging so he would do something enjoyable, something that wasn't alcohol related.

After a bit of searching he found Ginny in the library, glaring at a transfiguration book like it had just insulted her family.

"Hey Gin" he said quietly, not wanting to evoke the wrath of Madam Pince.

His girlfriend look up in relief and smiled, "what's up Harry?"

"What would you say if I told you I got some of the elves to set up a picnic for us on the roof of the east tower?" he asked, comically wriggling his eyebrows.

"I'd say the east tower is still damaged and will probably collapse under us" she replied with a mischievous smirk.

"Perfect" Harry said, grabbing his girlfriend's hand as the two made their way up to the food.

"How was your first day?" she asked as the two strolled through the halls.

"You have nearly every class with me" Harry laughed, "probably the same as yours."

"You know I don't mean the classes" Ginny replied, looking at Harry sternly.

"It was...fine. I don't know, the teachers are teaching us like if they say the wrong thing the entire student body will break into a million pieces" Harry answered finally with a sigh.

"I know what you mean" Ginny scoffed, "Professor Vector came up to me after class and told me she was 'oh so surprised to see me back again this year, what a strong young lady'". Harry gave her a confused look, "I think a lot of people were just expecting the two of us to just get married as soon as the war ended and galavant off into the sunset."

Harry gave a scoff to match Ginny's, "you weren't even 17 when the war ended, I don't even think it would have been legal."

"Oh but the Ministry would make so many exceptions for two war heroes in love dear!" Ginny said in a sickly sing-song voice.

Harry let out a real laugh, and squeezed Ginny's hand. If it weren't for her, he probably would have drunk himself to death already.

The two finally reached the top of the tower and took a seat next to the spread the elves had set out. It was mainly leftovers from dinner, but Harry saw a few lavender macaroons which he knew were Ginny's favorites.

Laying back, he took in the stars which shone brightly against the inky night sky.

"Thanks for this Harry" Ginny said, purplecrumbs spilling from her mouth.

"Molly would be horrified. Her only daughter out with some boy in the middle of the night? An affront to basic decency!" Harry joked, looking up at the red-head.

"She's one to talk" Ginny muttered with a shudder. She leaned back so that her head was resting on Harry's shoulder.

"You're the only one that's keeping me afloat right now Ginny" Harry announced quietly, studying a velvet sky studded with diamonds.

Ginny reached down to squeeze his hand, "you know if it's ever something you feel like you need to do or have to do, you have to stop" she replied, looking at him. Sometimes it hurt her to see Harry in situations like this, because behind the beautiful glow of his jade eyes there was shattered glass that threatened to slice into anything that attempted to sweep it away or put it back together. He was so fragile sometimes, not as a war hero or as the chosen one, but as an 18 year old boy who had been to hell and defeated the devil.

Harry broke her gaze first as he turned back towards the stars, "I know."

His reply was so quiet, but also so sure. Ginny smiled. She knew Harry had too many dreams to realize to let something like drinking get in his way.

So instead of sitting, half conscious, in a crumbling window sill; Harry clutched Ginny's hand tighter and let her ground him. Let her tie his soul to the earth to protect it from getting burned from flying too high. Because as much as the heavens twinkled, they were still made of fire.

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So how are we feeling about this story? I'm actually really excited for the concept. I'm thinking the chapters will all be around 4k-6k and it will probably only be 10-20 chapters long. I'm really feeling the 8th year on fic trope rn though so I hope you guys like this one as much as Once and Future King. Let me know in the comments any thoughts or ideas you may have!