Disclaimer: huff puff, we don't own Zelda!

Ready Steady Zelda

Cheesy music begins to play as we see Zelda walking out onto the main stage dressed in a black cardigan and knee high matching skirt with red high heels. The crowds pretend not to notice as she trips rather than suffer her royal wrath. She quickly jumps up and waves to the camera.

"Hi! Welcome to Ready Steady Zelda the only cooking show in Hyrule! As you know I'm Princess Zelda and I'll be the hostess. The aim of this show is to have two teams of two competing against each other to create the best tasting dish but they will only have 30 minutes to do it! To decide the winner our special food taster Crazy Windmill guy will taste each dish, if he doesn't pass out then they'll be the winners!"

The audience cheers.

"Now to introduce the two teams. The first team will be Bright orange and its members are; Princess Ruto and Mido!"

Ruto and Mido enter the studio, some members of the crowd throw eggs and half cooked chickens at them, one chicken hits Mido on the head and knocks him out. Ruto grabbed the chicken off his head and began to chew it.

"Mmmm tastes like chicken…oh wait it is!"

Zelda walks over, grabs Mido and takes the chicken off Ruto throwing it behind her back causing it to smash one of the windows.

"Erm oops eheh, anyway welcome Ruto and Mido! You will be the Bright orange team so you will need to wear these bright orange aprons"

The audience screams at the brightness of the aprons and puts sunglasses on.

Ruto looked at the aprons in disgust.

"WHAT!? There is no way I am wearing that!"

Zelda shoves it over Ruto's head and pushed them behind one of the counters and continued with the show.

"And now for the next team who will be the Bright pink team, welcome Impa and Ganondorf!"

Some members of the crowd throw random objects like cactuses and watering cans. One cactus hits Ganondorf right on the nose.

"Ow now my nose is dented! Why I outta!" He yelled as he shook a fist at the camera.

"Um anyway now we will see what our teams have brought to cook!" Zelda said while smiling at the crowds.

She walks over to Bright orange's counter to take a look. Ruto is busy chucking the contents of her bag all over the table while Mido is just staring.

"So Ruto what did you bring and what are you planning to make?"

Ruto stopped what she was doing and turned to the camera.

"Well, I have some fish, some more fish, and some fish from the river oh and almost forgot…some fish!"

"Call me crazy but I'd say fish is on the menu today then." Zelda said picking up one of the fish.

"Oh good idea I never though of that!" Ruto exclaimed jumping up and down.

Zelda sighs and rolls her eyes at the camera.

"And Mido what did you bring?"

Mido digs in his pocket and drags out a single root placing it next to Ruto's pile of fish. Zelda stared at it in disbelief.

"Erm lovely, you two seem to have some great ingredients there. Now let's see what team Bright pink has brought."

She heads over to where Ganondorf and Impa are just putting on their bright pink aprons. Ganondorf is looking into one of the mirrors over the sink.

"Does this make me look fat?" He asked still looking in the mirror.

"No Ganon not at all." Impa said while sniggering behind his back.

"So what did you two bring?" Zelda interrupted them.

"Let me see, I have some deku nuts, a redead's arm, a pocket watch and a green thong…HEY how'd that get in there!?" Ganondorf yelled hiding the thong behind his back.

"And I have a grain of rice, a skulltula egg and some of the finest Sheikah wine in Hyrule" Impa said pulling out her ingredients."

"Sounds interesting, I wonder what Ganondorf gets up to in that thong? Anyway both teams shall now have exactly half an hour to cook up something edible for Windmill guy to eat. Let the cooking commence!" Zelda shouted as she signaled for the timer to start.

A bell sounds and the teams get started.

"Now Mido what shall we make with these ingredients?" Ruto asked.

Mido took a look at the food in front of him.

"Um fish and root? Root fish? Fish with root in mouth?"

Ruto put her finger to her lips and thought for a moment. "Yeeees, all good ideas but how about we make a fish root cake?"

"Eh? But we have no proper cake ingredients." He pointed out.

Ruto began to search in the cupboards and pulled out a rolling pin.

"Um Ruto, What are you gonna do? Roll the fish or something?"

Ruto smiled with an evil look in her eye.

"Exactly, we can use fish for everything!"

Over at the Bright pink's counter they were also deciding what to make.

"Hmm I know! Let's make a redead pudding with a wine and deku nut sauce?" Impa suggested.

Ganondorf agreed so they got to work.

Zelda walked to the center stage smiling at the camera.

"Well we are 5 minuets in and everything seems to be well…oh no scratch that Ruto is on fire!"

"Ahhhh put it out put it out! Who knew fish were so flammable!" Ruto screamed while running around in a circle.

Mido throws a banana at Ruto's head in hopes it will suppress the fire. It doesn't and the fire spreads to Impa's hair, which is burnt to a crisp instantly because of all the hair spray she uses.

"My hair!" She cried.

Zelda pulls a fire extinguisher from her skirt (O-O) and overwhelms the flames, everybody resumes cooking.

"Phew! Let's go over to the Pink table to see how they're doing!"

Impa is nursing the loss of her hair while Ganondorf holds the Skulltula egg over the heat; unfortunately the egg hatches and dashes away.

"Nuts!" He shouted as the spider escaped.

"They're next to the pocket watch." Impa sighed casually.

Zelda headed over to have a chat with the windmill guy.

"All seems well! Now Windmill guy, how are you feeling about testing these…creations?"

"Go around, go around!"

"Yes but how do-"

"Go around, go around!"

"Will you stop-"

"Go around, go around!"

"Right I'm just not going to talk to you anymore!"

Zelda walks over to the orange table leaving the Windmill guy to cackle insanely.

Mido is crushing his root ready to put into the cake, when he sees something dash past.

"Hay Ruto, did you see that?"

"Wha- Ahhhhh!"

The Skulltula baby had now latched onto Ruto's head and is trying to devour her.

"Eeeeew" It said as it tasted Ruto's head

Now the skulltula baby deciding it doesn't like rotten fish launches itself at Mido, deciding that the crazy little Kokiri would make a good 'Mamma.' 'Now.' The little arachnid thought, 'To get some of mammas' milk!'

Mido sadly was having none of it so tossed the little spider into his cake mixture.

Over at the pink table Impa was adding her main ingredient to her pudding, the redead arm. But the redead arm, not wanting to be a pudding jumped out of the bowl and started to strangle her; Impa screeched like a banshee and threw the arm at Zelda.

"Ahhhhh! Watch where you throw your rotten arms!" Zelda screamed.

Luckily for Zelda she was a world wrestling champion so decided to 'lay the smack down' on that cheeky little arm.

Having recovered Impa looked over to see what Ganondorf was up to when she noticed he had a fuzzy in his hair.

"Oh Ganon you have a little white fuzzy in your hair." She said.

Ganondorf shrieked like a little girl and started jumping up and down, unfortunately whacking Impa with his spoon.

"Get it out! Get it out!"

Impa now looked quite a spectacle with no hair and a big spoon imprint on her face, but she managed to pull herself up and remove the offending fuzzy, deciding the fuzzy looked tasty she dropped it into the mixture.

Over at the orange table Mido was making the dough.

"Hurry up I wanna press the button!" Ruto yelled

"But it's not ready!"

But Ruto being the crazy child she is, hit the button anyway, flour and dough flew all over the studio destroying many expensive cameras, the audience, being very displeased with being covered in cake crud decided to throw rubber-duckies at the orange team.

Zelda dodging the yellow projectiles made her way to the centre of the studio.

"Well teams your food should now be in the ovens, we now have a 3 minute break; join us after for the testing!"

Announcer guy - Do your tunics itch? Do your fish scales never stay white? Well with 'Navi's cleaning products' these problems will be a thing of the past, just send us 200 rupees to 747 Deku tree lane, for your free trial if you're not 100% satisfied then we'll send you your money back! Remember you can't save Hyrule without a clean tunic!

Announcer guy 2 - Can you never reach those high places? Always being caught short? Well with springy boots you can now reach any height! They now come in a brand new design, Springy sneakers! Picture of Link jumping and landing in an uncomfortable position Springy boots, it's the only way to go!

"Welcome back! Now it's time to taste these…creations? Windmill guy are you ready?"

"Go around! Go around!"

"Take that as a yes."

Ganondorf and Impa bring their pudding forward, but the windmill guy was too busy singing to take a bite, so Zelda picked up some of the food and shoved it in his mouth.

"Mmmm red!"

"I take it you like?" Zelda asked.

"Mmmm blue!"

"Well he isn't dead so that must be good, now orange team your turn!"

Ruto hands a spoonful of their gloop to the Windmill guy, he begins to chew.

"Mmmm pain."

The Windmill guy continued to chew, suddenly he turned red and then he went from green to purple to blue, he jumped up looking around for water but ended up dropping to the ground never to get back up then a stretcher was called in and he was removed from the set.

"Well I guess that makes Ganondorf and Impa the winners! See you in the final! But no one goes away empty handed, Ruto and Mido, you are both banned from the set!"

Two big bouncers come in and remove the offending pair.

"Thank you all for tuning in! See you all next time on, Ready Steady Zelda!"

End

Azure Rose: Dances Wooo that was fun!!

CoolKD: also Dances Yep nothing better than seeing the Zelda gang getting burnt and eaten by random things.

Azure Rose: Please review!

CoolKD: Or send milky bars!

Azure Rose: Or cookies!

CoolKD: Or bacon!

Azure Rose: Flames will be laughed at and then fed to Ruto!

Hat rippers appear

Azure Rose & CoolKD: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh run away!