The First and Last Goodbye

GinRan

You shook off my grip so easily.

I knew.

I knew if you had wanted to kill me, I would be dead without any doubt.

Why was I still breathing now?

I wished I were dead.

You should know I would allow it to happen.

Killed by you.

Your betrayal took away a part of me.

My soul, shattered into pieces.

My memories haunted me.

Lately, I no longer dream because I learned not to sleep.

The only escape to my nightmares.

If I were dead...

I could not see you turning away your back on me.

I could not see your tedious grinned.

I could not see you being hated by thousand souls.

I could not hear your words. "Goodbye Rangiku, I'm sorry."

I could not hear the heartbreaking comments on you.

I could not hear you speaking in my dreams.

I could not feel the bitter feeling in my heart.

I could not feel your lingering warmth on my finger tips.

I could not feel the emptiness in me.

No one understands my greatest fear.

You, Gin of all people should know.

My greatest fear of all.

Being left alone by you.

Since the first day I knew you, you used to disappear without saying goodbye.

You would appear one day and left me alone again.

I feared your leaving.

You didn't even bother to say goodbye.

How many times had I longed for you saying goodbye to me whenever you are leaving.

It will make me feel contented of your approval on me.

So I presumed.

That day, you choose to say goodbye to me.

It was the first time you had said it to me since I knew you.

The contented feeling did not come.

Fear overwhelmed me.

Did you choose to say goodbye to me this time because this really means goodbye?

Is it because you will no longer return to me anymore?

All the while I had longed for your goodbye.

At that moment, I realized I don't want a goodbye from you.

This is not goodbye.

You will return to me again someday just like you always did in the past, ne?

Ne, Gin?

You will return to me someday along with your tedious grin on your face, ne?

I don't want goodbye, Gin.

I regretted.

When you asked me what I wanted on my 20th birthday, I remember telling you.

"Just remember to say goodbye to me whenever you are leaving."

You just smiled at me without a word.

My wished had never been granted.

No matter how I demanded it from you in the past, you had refused to say it to me.

Yet why?

Why had you said goodbye to me this time?

When you said "Goodbye Rangiku, I'm sorry."

I looked into your eyes.

I knew what you mean.

You are telling me that you had given me what I had wanted all along.

You are telling me you had granted my wish.

Go to hell with the wish, Gin.

You are a cruel man.

I knew.

My wish. Your goodbye.

It will be the first and the last.

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