Iceclaw14: This is my story, Scarred and Beautiful. I think the title kinda makes it seem girly and some stupid romance story, but it is so not like that. The title does match, and you will find out why very soon, but I do wish there was something else I could call it, so the title might change, just to warn you. It is a romance story, so you people who have read my other bloody/gory/terrifying/tragic/sad/death/spine-crawling stories might not like this one. I'm going moving towards something different. But there is still killing, angst, blood, and deception, I can't promise whether or not my few fans will enjoy this, but I'm sure it will appeal to some and make my small group of admirers grow, yes? Disclaimer:I own nothing bla bla bla... here it goes!

When I was younger, I was different. I wasn't anything close to who I am today, I hadn't even known that what I am now was possible for me; or even existed. Now, looking back, I think that it was another life; well, technically I had three lives. I adapted to each one quickly, becoming an entirely different entity each time. I feel the most comfortable here, though, with my third and hopefully last life.

I was always an outcast, only two cats accepted me for who I am, had understood why I had done the terrifying things I had, they knew I wanted to change. Well, they were the ones who inspired me to, they forced me to realize how uncomfortable I was; and they showed me my third life, and gave it to me. They trusted me from the beginning.

I now understand that kits will hear of my story, and you are the first to hear it. Sit down, little kit, and listen to my tale.

However much I don't want to, I must start from the beginning, my first life.

With every life, a new name was bestowed upon me. My parent blessed me with this one, and I am not ashamed to be referred to it now. My name had meant truth.

My name had been Vera.

I had lived with Housefolk, or I could simply put it that I was a kittypet, as your terms call it. Twolegs tended to me.

My mother was a beautiful white tortoiseshell. She had deep amber eyes and an odd yet attractive prick forward with her ears. Her name had been Jewel, and she was born a kittypet, and died a kittypet.

My father was a large, muscular, broad-shouldered golden tabby tom with a black underbelly, paws and tail tip. His eyes were a clear crystal blue, and they reflected everything like a clear pond. He had been a wild cat, or as you would call a rogue or loner, I don't know wether he bothered the Clans or not; and he had been passing by my mother's house when a dog attacked. He fought with all his strength, but the dog easily overpowered him and severely broke his left foreleg. The dog tore up his underbelly and chest, and just before finally killing him, a loud noise had scared it away.

He laid there for days, my father, and the dog never returned to obtain its prey. He slowly starved, his tongue becoming swollen and pressing uncomfortably against his teeth. He could feel the pain course through his body, and as he slowly died, his body healed even more sluggishly. He entered a stage of sub-consciousness, completely unaware of his surroundings; he was so lucky no wild animals had found him before Jewel did.

She had gotten a treat from her Twolegs and went out into the forest to feast on it, when she heard him groan. When she saw him, her heart wrenched, and she knew she had to help him. She ran to his side and lifted up his head, he opened his mouth for the smallest moment and Jewel ran to the river and soaked moss up with as much water as she could, walking back as carefully as she could to avoid spilling. She poured the water into his mouth and quickly returned for more. When his tongue had shrunken down to a normal size, she fed him the treat, pushing his jaw to chew and giving him more water to help him swallow. Now it was night, and she had to return to her Twolegs, but that wasn't the end.

She would wake at dawn and go to see him, giving him water and whatever food she could find, mostly herbs and leaves since she couldn't hunt. She would then return to her Twolegs until just before sunset, occasionally returning with a treat for him. Leaving at nightfall, she would give him water and lick his body, cleaning out the dirt and dried blood that had remained on him for so long.

After two moons of intense care, he was able to speak. At first the words came like barks, but raspy and thin; but he could still speak. Jewel explained how she cared for him and that he was alright, but he was still nervous, and demanded her leave. She simply nodded and walked away, but returned shortly, his rude comment not shaking her off her routine embedded deep into her mind.

Another moon passed, and the tom began to trust my mother, he told her his name, Sparrow, and of his fight with the dog. They became closer and closer, exchanging old kittypet tales of cats eating bones and wild cat stories of mythical creatures and the strong, brave cats who defeated them.

Slowly but surely, the two fell in love, and when Sparrow was finally well enough to take care of himself; he didn't leave. Not because his leg was broken so severely that he would always limp and would never be able to fight or hunt well, but because he wanted to stay by Jewel forever, and unborn litter of kits.

It was my litter, and I was born late Green-leaf.

There were four of us; I was the pride of the litter, firstborn, biggest, strongest. Back then I had been a beautiful tortoiseshell with a black underbelly, paws, and muzzle, with my father's crystal eyes. I was the prettiest of the litter, and my parents told me that often.

The second born had been a golden tom with amber eyes. Jewel had known from the start that he would be a kittypet, he wasn't muscular or broad-shouldered. So they gave him the name Perky, which matched his attitude most of the time.

Next came my sister, she was lithe, and the smallest; jet-black all through out her body, with normal blue eyes, but she was beautiful. Her name was Luna.

Last was my brother, he was gray, broad-shouldered and had piercing amber eyes. Like Perky, my mother had known what he was destined to be, a wild cat, like my father. They named him Serpent, after one of the first tales of wild cat life my father had told my mother, a strong creature that was independent, just like my brother.

At three moons we began our training. Similar to what you will do soon, young kit, but more organized, or at least in my opinion. Sparrow taught us how to hunt, which all of us picked up easily except Perky. He would complain and mop around, stating that he would never have to hunt because he would always have Twolegs to feed him. Then we moved on to fighting. Perky only tried (and failed) at moves that would distract or daze your enemy long enough to give you time to flee; through his teeth you could hear him mumble 'I'm never going to fight, I won't have to fight, ever. I excelled highly in both, while Luna was an amazing hunter and Serpent a spectacular fighter; Perky was good at being a kittypet, lazily sitting around grooming himself and complaining about the smallest things.

When we were five moons, my mother and father gathered us together. They informed us that soon, Twolegs would come and take us away, so we would become kittypets, or we could run away, and become a wild cat.

Serpent had already decided long ago. "I don't want to live the contained life of a kittypet," he said instantly after our parent told us of our important, life-changing decision. His amber eyes glowed, looking golden in the setting sun's light. "I want to be independent, I want to forge my own life and lead it the way that pleases me most." He stepped forward and sat next to our father, I had never seen him so happy before.

Perky came to a decision several heart-beats later. "I shall live with housefolk, it is the world I was born in; A world I have come to think of as my home." He rose from the ground and hovered to Jewel. "It is a world I am not ashamed of."

Silence fell over use like a heavy cloud, separating us into our own thoughts, making our bodies freeze with it cold aura. My mind reeled. I looked to Luna, who looked back; her blue eyes the color of a cloudless Green-leaf sky. I nodded numbly, swallowing hard and feeling my paws tremble.

It was our plan that we would leave and escape into the wild; caring for each other, never being alone. Then, I never felt alone, with three siblings and two parents who mooned over my sheer beauty, I had never tasted its bitter tang in my mouth; never felt the chill crawl up my spine as I realized no one was next to me. That no one would fight beside me. It was a foreign felling to me, but one I would come to know well and loathe with all my heart.

Luna and I had promised we would always stand by each other, swearing that she would fight for me and I her; that we would support each other through anything and everything.

I was still lost in my own world when Luna spoke; and my mind snapped angrily back in place at the first word.

"I, Iike Serpent, want to live in the forest. I want to wake up each morning to the songs of birds and feel the breeze in my fur, I want to know that no matter what the sun will rise again at dawn; and I can start anew, knowing that my past will not be held against me." She focused her eyes on me, and winked, her neck fur twitching. "To always know I will never be alone."

She stepped forward with an other-worldly grace, her paws lightly touching the ground. She seemed so calm, as though she were merely stepping into a pool of moonlit water, unaware of the horrid creatures within.

Now Serpent and Luna were in that treacherous water, while Perky stayed on shore. Luna and Serpent pleaded for me to come in, oblivious to the monsters swimming in its depths, planning their attack, also begging for my entrance, to have another cat to feast on. My other brother quietly groomed himself, but he was tempting me to stay clear of the water and come to him, on the safe side, where nothing bad happens. Only good.

I mentally shook my head. Nothing bad would happen to me in the wild, I would have Luna, nothing bad would ever happen. I opened my mouth to give voice to my decision of living in the wild, but then I remembered the story of my father.

Mauled.

He had been mauled by a dog when he was just walking through the forest and now-now he has a horrible limp, and he can hardly hunt and fight.

I was at the pool of water, one paw was hovering over it, casting a shadow on its still waters. I eased my paw in closer to the water, and then it began thrashing. I watched in terror as dark creatures pulled my siblings into its endless abyss. I pawed at the water, screaming their names, until I felt Perky rest his tail on my shoulder. "You made the right decision," he cooed, "you could have ended up like that. It's better for them that you are alive, so that you'll never make their mistake."

"I'll live with housefolk."

I found everyone staring at me, open mouthed. At first I didn't know why, but then it hit me.

I had just told them I was going to be a kittypet.

I found myself staring open mouthed too, and the silent moments that passed between my family were heartbreaking. Soon, my mother nodded. "If that's what you want, then you can have it, Sparrow." She turned to my father, "give them a chance to say good-bye in private." The injured tom nodded, it seemed as though that was all he could do, neither of them looked back as they padded away, leaving the four of us alone.

At first, none of us moved, they all stared at me in disbelief. I didn't blame them, I harldy knew the words had come out of my mouth, I wasn't sure if I meant them. My two brother's realized how this situation was going to work out, they glared at each other for a moment, then Perky stepped towards him, and they said good-bye. I knew they were just trying to get Luna and I started, then they would listen to our conversation.

The two of us stood motionless for more countless minutes, until Luna stepped forward towards me. I closed my eyes, for fear that she would claw at me. Instead, I felt her nose touch mine. I opened my eyes, and looked into hers, they were the color of the moonlit pond of my nightmarish daydream. I felt my eyes water, and she sat down in front of me.

"What's wrong, Vera?" She asked, her features full of worry.

I swallowed hard, feeling the knot that had formed in my throat growing larger with my saliva. "I-I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I stared at her in disbelief. Had she forgotten? Is it possible that she could have forgotten our promise that we made when we were only three moons old? Her voice sounded puzzled, but how could she be?

"Our promise," I managed to say. "The one that we made when we were three moons, that we would leave and become wild cats? That we would stay be each other forever and we would never be alone?"

Luna pawed lightly at my ear, but her motion of comfort didn't help. "I know why your upset, but don't worry about it. I won't ever not be beside you, I'll always fight for you, and never against you."

I looked at my paws, I didn't want to look into her eyes. "But how are we supposed to always be together when your a wild cat and I'm living with housefolk?"

She rubbed her head against my neck and purred, I looked up with surprise. How could she act this way when all our plans for the future were shattered with four words like a small twig dropped from a cliff the size of the biggest tree? How could she act like nothing happened?

"We don't have to be next to each other physically to never be alone," she said, straightening back. "Because I'll always be with you, I will always fight for you, will you always fight for me?"

I nodded, and I meant it.

She nodded as well and turned to the sky. "As long as we both look up at the same sky you'll never be alone. One day, we'll meet again."

At that moment, my parents came back. Luna licked my nose then went to say good-bye to Perky and our parents, while Serpent gave me his final farewell. Soon, it was over, and Serpent and Luna were walking through the forest, they looked back one last time, and I could see both sadness and joy in their faces.

I was glad they did what they want; they didn't let fear get into their way.

Did I choose what I wanted?

Did fear get in my way?

I woke in darkness. Perky and Jewel curled up next to me. I wasn't cold, nor did I have to make dirt nor have a nightmare. I woke for no reason. The silence of the house was calming, and I was left alone to my thoughts.

Serpent and Luna were gone. I would never see them again, and at dawn I would be taken away to like with housefolk. Again the memories of the previous day dawned on me. I thought more of Serpent and Luna, and of the stories of the wild told by my father and all of Luna's and my plans.

I could smell fresh air, taste fresh-kill in my mouth. Everything from the wild bore deep into me. Then I tasted reality. The smell of over-cleanliness and the dry food the housefolk would always give.

Then, it snapped.

I was going to find Luna. I didn't want to stay here, I was going to find her and we were going to live our dreams of the future. We'll be together physically, and forever.

I squeezed my way between the two sleeping cats. I looked back at their peaceful sleeping faces, their full stomachs and perfect fur. I licked both of their faces, then I silently crept through the swinging door to the outside.

My father was sleeping in his usual place. Beneath a holly bush near the swinging door, close enough that he could quickly bolt in if anything were to happen, but concealed from the housefolk by the bush. Sparrow was curled up tight, and I could suddenly feel the cold in the night air. I looked at him with curious eyes, when I realized he wasn't curled up for protection from the cold, but just to hid his body perfectly from any sight. Looking at his injured leg, it jutted from his body oddly, part of his bone sticking out. Bite marks right above his paw pads that dog deep into his skin. He was missing fur in the shape of claw scratches and neat rows of teeth, missing claws.

Part of me wanted to run, but I knew I couldn't. I had run away once, and I wasn't going to do it again. I came towards him and licked his face. "I'm going," I whispered. "I understand now why you loved the wild, and I'm going to live their too, I'm going to live for you. I'll come back, and tell you of all adventures." I touched his nose with mine, and then I walked into the darkness of the forest.

I don't know how far I walked, but I know how long. The sun rose, and my stomach growled loudly, but I couldn't stop. Hunting would take too long, and I could smell Luna. Soon the sun set and I was still following her scent. Darkness wrapped around me, and I couldn't go any farther. I collapsed onto the ground, my throat as dry as the last leaf that fell from a tree during Leaf-fall.

I walked messily, crashing into bracken and falling into holes. But soon I found myself walking on a trodden path, but I didn't notice. I kept moving, and I fell into a deep hole, I pulled myself back up, but it took me long enough. My strength waning.

I was about to give up when I saw something glow, at first I thought it was my tired eyes playing tricks on me. But soon I sure something was there, I made my way up the path, and found myself staring at a moonlit pool. I found new energy, and I raced to the pool. When I arrived, I fell onto the pool's surrounding edge, cool rock. I lapped up as much of the water that would fill my stomach.

I suddenly felt the long for sleep crash over me like a wave, and with the next three heart-beats, I was in deep sleep.

I was standing in a meadow of wind-swept grass, the sky above me littered with stars. I felt alone, but soon a cat formed several tail-lengths in front of me. She was a blue-gray she-cat with silver tinged around her muzzle and blue eyes that shined like a beacon in the semi-darkness. Other cats ghosted behind her, and I felt my body freeze as though I just stepped into a place of endless winter.

The cats behind her began to whisper, "Who is she? I've never seen her before, is she from ShadowClan?" "No, look at that pelt, she is obviously ThunderClan." "Definitely not, look at her legs, they are so long, she must be able to run swiftly, she is WindClan." "What are you mouse-brains saying? Her fur is so sleek, she is RiverClan."

The she-cat flicked her tail, and all the murmurs quieted. She looked at me intensely for several agonizing moments, her eyes scanning every hair, every part of my body that squirmed under her stare. It was as though she was reading my thoughts, as though she were staring into my thoughts as openly as is if she were recalling her own. Finally, she spoke, and her loud voice full of command made me shrink. "She is not from any Clan, she is a kittypet."

More whispers ran through the crowd like lightning; "A kittypet?" "How could a kittypet get here?" The lead she-cat flicked her tail again, and silence reigned once more. A dark gray she-cat stepped forward. She was frightening, with a squashed face, unkempt fur with deep scars played all across her. Her eyes were bright orange, and I wished I could disappear, vanish from beneath her gaze. She stepped up next to the blue-gray she-cat, and spoke loud enough for the entire crowd to hear. "I have never heard of a kittypet coming to our sacred grounds, Bluestar. She should be punished."

The cat called Bluestar nodded. "You're right, she should be. She should know to beware our grounds. She should never have crossed the border."

Before any other cat could speak, a large white tom stepped from the crowd. "Bluestar, Yellowfang, don't you think you're being a bit irrational? She is only a kit, we should just give her a warning and she won't come back."

I wanted to turn into a mouse and just slink away. I wouldn't even care if any of the cats ate me, I would do anything to avoid this.

Bluestar shook her head. "No Whitestorm, you know that kits hardly ever listen to their parents, what do you think would make her listen to us?"

The cat called Yellowfang nodded. "Yes, she should be punished so we are sure she won't return."

Whitestorm opened his mouth to object, but Bluestar flicked her tail to silence him. "Yes," she said, not once taking her gaze off of me. "I can see anger in her heart, and wether or not it has been awoken yet, I don't know; but it is strong. I can see that revenge would boil into her heart whether we punished her or not. She is strong, and has enough power to rob any cat of its life," she squinted her eyes at me, and I wanted to scream, but my mouth would not open. "Even an experienced leader with all nine lives could fall victim to this kit."

Yellowfang nodded again. "Yes, a curse, I have the perfect one, if you would allow." Bluestar nodded, and Yellowfang's eyes danced with glee. She stepped closer to me, and began walking around me in a circle, her tail tracing me.

"I can read you, every little thought, every memory." She said, her voice had obtained a new tone, one that made me cringe in fear. "I can see your parents, a delightful bunch, might I say, and your siblings, how you abandoned dear Luna. You should have been paying more attention." She moved to my ear, and hissed the next horrifying group of words into my ear. "She's always been jealous of you, of your beauty. She wanted to be just like you. I know you want to help her and be with her, so I'll help even the score."

Suddenly, I felt my body wither. I fell to the ground with a horrible thud, and I screamed. The pain was horrible, like snakes were crawling up and down my body, then digging their way into my skin and eating my insides. Then, I felt battle after battle pound down on me, bites and scars. I felt my tail rip, and my ear slice almost cleanly in half. I was still scrunched in pain when Yellowfang said the worst part of my curse.

"Oh and your eyes, they are so pretty. So warm and welcoming, we need to change that. I saw you squinch under my gaze, and now others with yours."

My eyes were on fire, I felt them mold and push against my expanding skull. Then a horrifying pain slashed through my right eye, as Yellowfang ran a claw down my closed eyelid. I felt my claws twist and fall of off me, my fur falling off and decaying. Every part of me growing larger and larger.

"Then, to keep your revenge quelled, the final part of my curse," I could hardly imagine what she would say. "You can't fight Clan cats, you can't hurt them. Even through your new muscles and stronger body parts, you can't lay a claw on a Clan cat."

I heard cats laughing...but that was it.

I was jostled from my sleep, breathing hard. I looked franticly around, I was back at the pool, no other cats were there. I let out a breath of relief. It was all just a dream, a horrible nightmare.

Then I realized something was odd, for some reason I couldn't see very well out of one eye... and I felt odd all over. I stood clumsily, almost falling underneath my newly found weight, but my legs were stronger-I could feel that immediately. I stepped just a bit forward, and looked down at my reflection in the pool.

I screamed a horrible, deafening scream.

My fur was no longer sleek and beautiful, with pure, perfect colors. Now my black fur was streaked with gray, and some hairs were missing. The white parts were also gray-like, along with the other different color patches of my tortoiseshell fur. Scratches extended from the base of my neck to my flank.

Some of my claws were missing, others were broken, and some were hideously long. Half of my tail was sliced off, the remainder covered with a deep bite mark, very similar to my father's, but much deeper. A long slice came from the top of my ear to very close to base, so that it came down in two separate pieces, without enough strength to stay straight. Every part of me was hideous.

But muscles had forged in every possible area. I was strong enough to climb any tree, to swim across any lake.

I fell to the ground in tears.

For my eyes, my beautiful eyes that my mother always praised were gone. Replaced by a putrid orange color that looked like vomit. The whites of my eyes were bloodshot, and pink. On my right eye, the one I could hardly see out of, was a long, deep scar. My eyelid was half closed, and I was so...

Terrifying.

Little kits would cringe in fear, run to their parents crying. Apprentices would run to their mentors, looking for any possible way to hide their watering eyes. Any warrior or medicine cat would pray to StarClan that I wasn't real. And any leader would quickly surrender.

Vera...

Is gone.

IC: That was so creepy, I want to run away. Don't worry, Yellowfang and Bluestar aren't evil, they're just real mad. I also think Yellowfang really wanted to curse someone, so she did. Sorry about how long this took to get up, and it'll take forever for me to update. I go in a pattern, My Guardian, Heart of Darkness, Intertwined, Scarred and Beautiful,then a new story. My schedule is so stuffed to bear with me, I would so freeze time and just spend forever writing for you if I could, but sadly I can't. If you review I'll get it up faster, I promise. Bye!