Hmm.I don't exactly know why this popped into my tiny little brain, but it's been bothering me ever since and I just had to put it up.

At first I ment for this to be just pure comedy, but it ended up turing into something deeper. (ummm...oops?..) It's still humor, but with some dark and mystery themed undertones, and I intend to keep it that way.

Oh, yeah, and enjoy the eye candy at the begining, I didn't describe anything too much. I'll leave it to your own imagination to...fill in...the... blanks...(cough)

Enjoy!

A Hangover you Dindn't Deserve

Chapter One

Drip…

Drip…

Drip…

Drip….

"Nnn…." It took everything Sanosuke had to barely open his bloodshot eyes. Is the roof leaking again? He thought. I'll fix it in the morning. He ignored the dripping water that actually was not form a leaky roof, but from the leaf of an almost barren tree. The brunette snuggled closer to the warm woman pressed up against him, and she tightened her grip around his waist possessively. Sano's hands blindly roamed for her chest.

…What the f—!

Weren't women supposed to have breast? Maybe she just had a flat chest. (AN: Fat chance) His hands roamed down to lower territories...

Holy sh—!

Sano instantly stiffened at what his hand had just grabbed. He may be stupid, but he sure as hell knew that women most certainly did not have…If this isn't a chick…he opened his eyes and tried to straighten out his vision. When his vision came to he found himself face to face with Hajime Saitou, who in turn, was also looking at Sano just as horrified. They were in the middle of nowhere, soaked to the bone from the rain that had stopped only an hour ago, butt naked. Not mention Sanosuke still had not taken his hands off Saitou's…… (Cough, cough, cough…)

Birds chirped happily as the two men stared at each other in the most intense, shocking, and awkward silence they both had ever experienced.

"KKYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

Both men let go of one another and ran blindly in opposite directions. Saitou jumped into the bushes near by as Sano gracefully slipped on the soggy grass and slid groin first into the tree they had been lying under. He clutched himself and did his best to suppress the urge to scream bloody murder. He could here Saitou snickering from the bushes. Damn that bastard. Sano gazed up at the dull gray sky as small headache made itself known to the back of his head. Letting out a shaky breath as the pain between his legs died down to a small inferno, he picked himself up off the muddy earth and leaned against the tree.

What the hell was going on? He tried to remember what he had done last night. Flashes of familiar faces appeared in his mind. There's Jou-chan, the brat…the Akebekko, and Kenshin! That's right I was at the Akebekko with the gang…then……darkness……Sanosuke began to massage his temples (desperately ignoring what they had been on only 5 minutes ago) in an attempt to try and bring back anything that could help figure out why he was in such a mess.

Saitou badly needed a cigarette, or two, or twenty. He looked back at the rooster-head. He hadn't run off as far as he thought, and he was sitting down back against the tree with the strangest look on his face. Was he actually –thinking-? The older man almost thought it wasn't possible for the rooster. The cop turned away from the other man to think about his own dilemma as a line of ants marched hastily across his path. Being the person that he was, he would have burnt every single one to a tiny crisp out of anger with the fiery tip of his cigarette (His eye twitched as he reminded himself that he had not a single one.) He settled with smashing the insignificant bugs with his thumb.

He couldn't remember anything. All that knew was that he woke up, went to work then…nothing. He was pretty sure he hadn't run into the stupid rooster all day. Or did they run into each other? Did they fight? Or did they…His eye twitched again in irritation as he felt the world twist around him and his vision become blurry.

"Hey, psycho cop!" Saitou ceased his ant genocide and turned back to the rooster-head who was standing right next to him. "Just what are you doing?" Apparently, he'd been standing there long enough for him to see the ant killings.

The cop got up form the ground and towered over Sanosuke, "What?"

The shorter man was about to say something when his attention was turned to the tree behind him. For a moment Saitou thought that it was just his attention span doing its work until the brunette pointed up at the tree branches and shouted, "MY CLOTHES!" Sanosuke ran up and began to climb the branches of the sorry excuse for a tree. There were no leafs, and it looked to be rotting from the inside out. Sure enough, though, both of the men's clothes were hanging high in its branches.

Saitou mentally sighed. This was going to be a long day.

Sanosuke climbed the dying tree as fast as he could. He passed by Saitou's pants and jacket,and glanced down and for a split second he could see the anger in the cop's eyes. "Get your own damn shit!" Sanosuke yelled to the man below. He turned his attention to his white pants that were only an arms length from him. A bone chilling breeze went past him as he grabbed his pants and draped them over his shoulder.

"Don't get too excited up there." Saitou said mockingly, the freezing air going through him just as harsh, but not ever showing it.

"S-Shut up, bastard!"

He started to make his way to his jacket when there was a resounding Crrraack! The tree branch had snapped into pieces from Sanosukes' weight and gravity began to take its course. To save himself from broken bones, he grabbed onto Saitous' blue jacket.

Saitou could only watch helplessly (well, maybe he could of warned Sanosuke about the unstable branch, but one man could only do so much when nicotine withdrawal begins to set in.) as the garment of clothing was ripped to shreds by the sharp tree branches and fell to it demise. Except for Sanosuke, who, in another attempt at saving his (literally bare) skin, grabbed on to Saitous' pants that were hanging not far off. Though, in doing so, he had sealed the fate of his own clothes as his pants fell to a heap on the soggy earth below.

Small shreds of blue fabric swayed gently in the wind past Saitous' face as all of this settled into the officers nicotine deprived brain. He watched Sanosuke struggle high in the air; one had hanging on for dear life on a slowly cracking tree branch, the other waving around in a desperate attempt to get some leverage. Saitou casually walked over to the tree and picked up the article of clothing that had just fallen from the dangling naked mans grasp.

Sanosukes' eyes met with the other mans down below, and there was a terrible silence that followed, almost as bad as the one before. At that very moment, Sanosuke couldn't help but think about everything that was happening. He'd woken up in the arms of the man he (supposedly) hated the most without the faintest clue why, naked. What had really happened between them? What is Saitou thinking...Sanosuke suddenly felt uncomfortable (and a wee bit self conscious) under the older mans gaze and quickly pulled himself up onto a thicker tree branch in an attempt to focus on the fact that he was many, many feet in the air with no clothes on whatsoever.

This was getting a little –too- weird.

As the awkward stare down ceased Saitou picked up the dirtied white pants from the ground, and he looked back up at the stupid monkey hanging above him, back to looking at the pants, up to the monkey (Saitou was starting to like the rooster's new name), then back to the ugly pants.

He smirked.

Sanosuke panicked.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DA—!"

RIP.

"—RE!"

CRACK.

"AAAUUGH!"

RIIIIP!

CRACK!

RIIIIP!

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

THUD!

"Have a nice fall? (You stupid ahou…)"

"……..I (REALLY) hate you."

RIP, RIP, RRIIIIP!

"I don't see what the big fucking deal is. It was just a stupid jacket!"

"……."

"ARGH! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!"

"……"

"Fine, be that way (you ugly big baby). But you can't speak in ellipses the whole story!"

Both men had been walking through the dense forest for about an hour. They were now fully clothed and dry, but with a few minor exceptions. Sanosukes' red bandanna was nowhere in sight, which made his (still wet) hair sag down a little, and the humidity wasn't helping much either. His pants looked like they had went through a paper shredder with how ripped up a dirty they were (Compliments of Saitou.) Sanosuke was also wearing his jacket (he had gone back up to get it and with a bit of Saitou's 'help' he'd ended up with a branch in a place where it most definitely did NOT belong.)

Saitou seemed to be better off, at least by Sanosukes' standards (Hey, his hair wasn't looking like he'd just stuck his sword in an electric socket). Saitou was only wearing the blue pants that were a part of his police uniform. His sword had gone M.I.A. (Er, at least that's what Saitou said. Sanosuke, on the other hand knew that the weapon was just plain missing, but thought it best to play stupid. For now.) His black shirt had been lying on the ground next to the tree the whole entire time, but was found too late. It had become a P.O.W. (once again, Saitou terms. Sanosuke was beginning to wonder when the last time the psycho cop had had a cigarette.) Vengeful ants had swarmed the dark fabric and made their base of operations right on top of it. (Saitou reeeeally need's to cut back on those cigarettes. Yep.)

Sanosuke began to think of a away to get the hell out of this dry, dying place. He could just turn around and walk in the opposite direction. It was as simple as that. Then Sanosuke began to remember about how many times he had gotten lost on the way to Kyoto, even with a map and a compass, (well, with what he had considered a navigation devise.) he had still lost his way a number of times. Nevertheless, he'd gotten to his destination in one piece.

Yeah…I can get back to Tokyo from here on my own just fine…But the question is…

A crow squawked from above, making Sanosuke jolt slightly. Saitou saw Sanosukes' slight paranoia and smirked, but Sanosuke was too lost in though to notice. The winged animal circled the two a few times before deciding that they weren't anything special, and flew off silently.

….Were IS here……?

"Hey, Ahou, you better keep up, or I'll walk away and never look back."

Sanosuke turned away form the sky to see the dark haired man meters ahead of him getting ready to disappear in to the trees.

"OI, WAIT FOR ME, YOU SCUMBAG!"

Saitou searched his pockets for a pack of cigs' (trying desperately not to look desperate) but came up with only 10 yen from his pockets and small box of wet, useless matches. Suddenly Saitou stopped dead in his tracks, letting Sano walk right into him.

"Oof! Hey, what the hell's your problem?"

"…….."

"ARGH! WHAT THE HELL'S WITH THE GODDAMN ELLIP—MMPH!"

Saitou slapped his hand over Sanosukes' mouth, "SHUT UP!" He ordered venomously, and the other man glared spitefully at him.

Silence……Saitou took his hand away form the others man's face before it could be bitten off.

"I thought I heard some—"

A terrifying scream echoed against the trees and across the forest, making the two on alert instantly. The cries were quickly cut off by the sound of gun fire, followed by a dull thud and a scream of agonizing pain.

Silence….

"The hell was that?" Sanosuke muttered, looking around to find the source if the noise, but each path led to darkness. "This place is so screwed up…." Sanosuke was about to just randomly choose a path and take it when Saitou put a hand on his shoulder and held on with an iron grip.

"Don't…move…." The taller man whisper slowly and deadly.

Sanosuke instantly stiffened at the touch and was on full alert. Another scream pierced the tranquility of the forest and suddenly five men dressed in dark purple cloaks appeared from the bushes and surrounded them.

The hooded figures looked at the two silently for a moment, an internal debate going on between them.

Then they spoke.

"It is decided then, we are to take the ex-shinsengumi and dispose of the street trash." One of them stated to the others. His voice was dry and cracked, as if shards of glass were permanently embedded in his throat and it pierced the ears of Saitou and Sanosuke terribly. The four other hooded men nodded in approval.

"I"LL SHOW YOU WHO'S FUCKIN' TRASH!"

The five strangers attacked and were eating dirt in seconds. The two on Sanosukes' side suffered broken noses and black eyes with other various injuries. The other three (that tried—emphasis on tried—to jump Saitou)….let's just say that they won't wake up for a very, very long time.

Sano nudged one of the fallen men with his foot onto his back. The fallen foe groaned in pain, blood soaking his fine silk robes. "Who are these freaks? They're so pathertic, I almost fell sorry for 'em." Sanosuke kicked the stranger, and he groaned in response. "Almost." Sanosuke tried to get a glimpse of what was under the hood, but to no avail. It hadn't even flown off when he'd punched the guy and sent him flying.

"The question is…." Saitou lifted the bleeding man up off the ground and into the air, "…how do they know who I am?"

And why don't they know ME! Sanosuke mentally added; letting the earlier insult hit him just a little too hard. "Well, spit it out!"

"I will divulge nothing….I-I gladly chose death…." The man said. As if on cue, there was a grotesque sizzling and bubbling sound coming from the man's (or monstrosity's?) body and he began to evaporate like water into the air and soon there was nothing left of him but his cloak.

Thunder rumbled, and it began to rain. Lighting flashing far in the distance.

Sansuke looked around and saw the other men had already followed there (supposed) leader to their demise. "What the hell is going on…?" This was getting way out of hand. First, he woke up in the middle of nowhere with the one of (if not THE) biggest asshole on earth (his mind had already rewritten the parts about the nudity and the clothes hanging in the tree…), then he got attacked by the freaks in sheets. Then there werethe screams and gun fire, which undoubtedly were connected to the now deceased men. Could they even be considered such? To make things worse, it was raining again, right when his cloths were starting to dry!

"Ahou!"

What? Sanosuke snapped out of another of his hazes and looked around. Where the hell did psycho cop go? The fighter looked around, no sight of him, the billions of rain drops obscuring his sight. "Where the hell are you!"

"BAKA, OVER HERE, DAMMIT!"

Sanosuke grinded his teeth in anger, he definitely knew where Saitou's voice was coming form now. "WILL YOU CUT IT OUT WITH THE—!"

SNAP, SWISH! "FUCK!" THUD.

Saitou looked down at the man who had been stupid enough to trip over a gnarled tree root, tumble through a huge bush of thorns and stop head first into another tree. Sanosuke was now covered in thorns and mud from the earth. Most likely, if you had seen him from a good distance, he would actually sort of look like an odd hybrid of a rooster and monkey. Saitou snickered at the mental picture.

The mud covered Sanosuke rolled off the ground and wiped the mud caking around his eyes. A smart-ass remark was on the tip of his tongue when he noticed Saitou was staring at something with a look of awe across his features.

"Huh, what's got you sooo—" The awe struck swordsmen took Sanosukes' face and turned it in the direction he was currently looking.

"—Holy shit…."

It was just a normal everyday town in the Meji era of Japan town, with people going on with their everyday lives, as if there was no huge, giant thunder cloud circling the place. The rain was pouring on the two men's side and a sharp crack of thunder rang out in the air, but none of the town's people seemed to notice, as if the rain and thunder didn't even exist. Saitou looked up at the sky. The clouds were parted into a perfect circle around the area and sun light shone out brightly, protecting the town with its warmth. Saitou absent mindedly began to search his pockets for a pack of cigarettes….(twitch)

Sanosuke also looked up to see the gaping hole in the thick, black, gigantic cloud; the rain pounding on his face, freezing him to the bone. Sano looked back at town, the light of the sun only inches from where he was standing in the darkness. He took a step and stuck his arm out into the light. Rain didn't hound him and he could now actually see his mud ridden hand (I could really use a bath…) He kept moving until the right side of his body was under the sun, and the other still in the darkness.

The cryptic sight of Sanosuke, half in the light and half in the dark, stirred something inside the cop that made him uncomfortable. Saitou dealt with it in the only way he knew how, when Sano was walking into the sunlight, he stuck out his foot…

Thud. "TEME! What the hell was that—!"

"Ahou," Saitou began to say, but paused to look at the small crowd of people making there way towards them. They looked normal enough, set aside the chilling smiles plastered on each and every one of their faces. They seemed just a little –too- happy. Sanosuke saw this, too, and shivers went down his spine…Something's just not right…

"Ahou, I don't think we're in Tokyo anymore."

TBC...?

Review, pleasepleasepleaseplease! I'm starving for reviews!