Everything went silent. My heart, speech, pulse and brain all stopped. My mind is struggling to comprehend and believe what truth my eyes projects into my mind. The image is being etched into my memory making it permanent and more difficult for me to forget what unbelievable horror lies before me. Augustus. My Augustus. Dead.
We were at the petrol station when he was trying to get some more cigarettes. Why Augustus? Stop with the metaphorical lies and think about your life for a second. Please. He was in so much pain. He was blinded by it like he was looking at the sun through binoculars. I held his beautiful head between both of my hands and stared into his eyes hoping that I would be able to relieve the pain, even just for a second. That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.
His watch was mocking me. The steady tick-tock of the watches heart, never fatling, always there, easy to fix. If only human hearts were like clocks. I would go to the furthest reaches of the universe to find the pieces needed to fix Augustus clock. To make him better.
I called the ambulance about a minute ago to tell them about the situation. My time is now being counted with him. The paramedics won't understand that I need to be with him to survive myself. When they take him away my meaning for life would be gone and I would soon wither away into nothingness.
I lean into him resting my head on his shoulder and pretend that my heart beat is both of ours in perfect sync. I breathe in his smell and make it linger in my nose. Will I ever get to do this again?
I start to make a list of all the last times. The last time I will hold him. The last time I will smell him. The last time I will see him. The last time I will kiss him...
As I remove my trembling lips from his I savour the feel and taste of my last kiss. I will never kiss another boy on the lips again because I know for a fact that Augustus is the only one for me. Augustus' life is the last piece of my jigsaw puzzle heart and it is disintegrating leaving an incomplete picture, recognizable yet not the same.
My name is Hazel Grace Lancaster and I have changed. Augustus changed me. Now that he is gone I should change back, but he changed me too much. I will carry on living until the day when I get to meet him again when my life end in mid sentence.
Augustus I love you. I loved you, I love you, I will always love you. For until we meet again, goodbye.