TITLE: Regrets
AUTHOR: MSCSIFANGSR aka Chauncey10
FANDOM/SHIP: Justified Raylan/Ava angst
RATING: M for language
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I just play with them.
NOTES: Short anecdote on Raylan's thoughts that night after "The Hammer"
SPOILERS: All episodes up to "The Hammer" 1x10.

That night laying on his bed with one arm slung over his eyes, the comforter haphazardly scrunched in a pile on the floor, as he pretended to be trying to sleep, Raylan couldn't help but relive the conversation he and Ava had shared earlier that day.

He was pretty sure he'd hurt her. In fact, he knew it. He was also sure she thought she was 'in love' with him. When she walked out of his hotel room, he felt a pang of something bordering on anguish, but did he love her?

No, his mind screamed, but he did feel something for the young woman. I just don't know what.

Ava even knew their relationship was nothing more than physical by what she'd said earlier after she'd relayed her fantasy of the two of them, "If I drink enough, I start to believe it, too."

Ava had seen enough troubles in her life and he only wanted to protect her from the dark forces affecting her life.

So, why did she have to be so damned pigheaded and not see that her life was in danger? Maybe she did know she was in danger and didn't care?

Raylan knew she had a big 'X' mark on her forehead and someone associated with the Crowder family would eventually connect with the target. He liked Ava, he liked having sex with her, and if he was honest, he really enjoyed spending time with her, but with the complications in his own life, it just wasn't a feasible long-term relationship.

And their sexual relationship had caused more problems than either of them could have foreseen: Boyd Crowder was on the streets now, instead of languishing in the State Penitentiary. Boyd had blown up a meth lab where an undercover DEA informant was killed. And it was his, Raylan's, own fault.

If he hadn't screwed Ava, then Boyd would still be in prison.

'Regrets are like assholes, everybody's got one.' was one of his daddy's favorite sayings and it fit with the current situation. Unfortanately, Raylan had more than one regret in his life, but it was no use dwelling over them.

He curled onto his side and just as he was drifting off to sleep, the voice of the Reverend Fandi floated through Raylan's head:

"How you gonna get him?"

Damn, if I know, but I'm gonna do whatever it takes.

THE END

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