"Seriously, guys, can we wrap this up quickly? No pun intended. I just really need to get on with the Christmas preparations."
On the horizon, the remote island of New Ilium came into sight. An idyllic scene of verdant hills, golden sands and blue lagoons, overshadowed by the volcanic Mt. Jove.
"Flash, it's only just December," Superman replied.
"Just? Do you know how long Christmas preparation takes? Even as the fastest man alive, I still only just about get everything done in time. Decorations, presents, food, more presents. And it always takes forever to find the perfect gift for Iris. Last year, she didn't get her gift until the New Year," Barry explained. "March of the New Year."
"Why don't you get her a horse?" Wonder Woman asked.
Alongside her, Superman and Martain Manhunter exchanged glances. Even to the aliens, a horse seemed like a strange suggestion.
"What?" she said defensively. "A purebred stallion is considered a most worthy gift in Themiscyra."
"And what about Batman? What do you get the guy who has everything?" Flash continued.
Presently, the group arrived at the shores of Ilium. For all its beauty, the isle was renowned for its deadly reputation. Vicious beasts, venomous insects and vile plant life all called the island home. But it was not nature's doing that made this slice of paradise so foreboding.
New Ilium had long been the centre of international crime. Smugglers of every sort would anchor here, and the mountain had served as the base for many operations. Mad scientists, murderous cults and even supervillain teams had made this area ground zero.
It was the latter that threatened the island on this occasion.
"This island is somehow protected against my X-ray vision."
"Similarly, my telepathic senses are futile here."
"My super-hearing is no good. There's some kind of high-pitch frequency running interference. I can't tune it out," said Superman. "We'll have to split up and search the island for-"
"No need," Flash interrupted. "They found us."
Emerging from the lush green woods, the villainous crew leered with harmful intent. Captain Cold and Cheetah stepped calmly onto the sandy beach, while Bizarro, Sinestro and the Human Flame hovered above.
"Welcome to New Ilium," rasped Captain Cold. "Your final resting place!"
The attack began with the Human Flame, utilizing his new jetpack propulsion system to launch himself at the Martian Manhunter. The iconic spouts on his chest now covered his entire body, and as he neared the alien hero, flame roared from every nozzle, encompassing the villain. Now, living up to his name, the Human Flame latched on to J'onn and sent them both hurtling toward the ground.
Meanwhile, Bizarro and Sinestro launched like missiles towards their targets. A gigantic yellow fist encompassed the evil spaceman as he hurtled into the chest of the Man of Steel. Winded, but unhurt, Superman responded with a series of blows into the stomach and ribs of the former Lantern.
"Bizarro hates to hit a lady," the Superman-double exclaimed in his bizarre backward speech, even as he delivered a left jab at Wonder Woman's face.
Even with his immense speed, Flash wasn't quick enough to help. Wonder Woman blocked the attack, but in the next moment they were airborne, clashing in the clouds with a sound like thunder. Superman and Sinestro too, Flash noted had disappeared somewhere above the isle.
Flash definitely couldn't help them now. He couldn't fly, and besides…he had his own problems.
With mesmerizing grace, Cheetah somersaulted towards the scarlet speedster, claws shining bright in the island sun. In the blink of an eye, Barry Allen stood behind her, then to her left, now her right. Jabbing constantly, he wore her down, watching her leap from place to place, growling in anger. Until Captain Cold intervened.
The ice beam shot past Barry's right ear, but it would only be seconds before the aim was corrected. Dodging a desperate swipe from Cheetah, Flash made his move. Faster and faster he ran, pumping his legs and arms with every ounce of energy he could muster. From the corner of his eye, he could see Cheetah attempting to follow. She didn't stand a chance.
Captain Cold fired again and again, leaving patches of ice all over the beach, already melting in the island heat. With each shot, Captain Cold got a little closer, and then he'd use the continuous beam. Flash had to think of something, and fast.
Heading for the treeline, Flash stopped between Cheetah and Captain Cold, just a fraction of a nanosecond, staying well out of reach of Cheetah's ferocious onslaught. In the moment that he sped away, another ray of ice surged across the beach.
Cheetah froze in place.
Ducking behind the nearest trees, Flash took a breath. Firs, pines and other evergreens surrounded him, filling his nostrils with their fragrance. It was a pleasant scent, but there was a hint of something else too. Fire.
"Hey, J'onn," Flash called, coming to his team-mate's rescue. "There's some great trees here. Think anyone would mind if I took one."
Flash ran circles around the Human Flame – literally – funnelling off the oxygen. As the fires died away, the Flame found himself thrown into the ocean, dousing his pyronetics for good.
"I am unsure this is the time or place," the Martian replied, wincing from the burns.
"Oh come on! Christmas trees at retail prices cost an arm and a leg!"
The ice beam swept across, as Manhunter phased into the beach itself and Flash began running again. Now the deadly weapon was on continuous discharge, leaving a trail of ice zigzagging in the speedster's wake.
"Manhunter!"
"I have him," the Martian declared, appearing from below.
Regaining tangibility, the alien crime fighter seized the freeze-ray and threw the weapon aside. In a flash, Barry stood where the weapon had fallen and flicked the ray up into his hands. Smiling, he froze Captain Cold.
"Wow, this is a great gift. It's just what I've always wanted!" Barry exclaimed cheerily. "Come to think of it, you are getting me something for Christmas, right J'onn?"
"Gift-giving is not a custom observed on Mars." Seeing the Flash's disappointed expression, Manhunter reconsidered. "But then again, this is not Mars."
Flash grinned.
"It seems our assistance is required."
Flash followed J'onn's gaze, and watched as Wonder Woman and Superman tumbled from the sky and crashed into the ground. Above, a yellow energy construct of a pile-driver faded away and Sinestro and Bizarro emerge appeared amidst the clouds.
"Hey, Supes, Wonder Woman! You're getting me gifts, right?" Flash called. "Now I didn't get you a horse, Diana, but I'm sure you will love your present."
"That's great, Flash," the warrior princess muttered, rubbing her head. "But this isn't the time."
"Bizarro help Wonder Woman!" the brute bellowed, plummeting towards the dazed Amazonian.
Trees and sand streaked past in a blur as Flash raced forward. Jumping into the air, he grabbed hold of the super-powered oaf, clinging to his off-red cape. Unlike the real deal, Bizarro wore a cape of rough wool, scratchy and flea-bitten.
Flash grimaced, wishing he could wash his hands, as he swung twice around the villain's body, pulling the cape with him in an aerial stunt Batman would have been proud of – not that the sourpuss would say so.
With his eyes covered, Bizarro crashed into the beach a whole 10 feet from Wonder Woman, and continued to flail uselessly. He pounded the ground, creating huge sprays of sand and giant holes in the beach. Throughout, he wailed and bawled.
"Bizarro are blind! Bizarro can see!"
Jumping away, Flash raced to the sea where the Human Flame was toying fruitlessly with his equipment. Barry dipped his hands in the cool, blue waters and watching the slime and dirt from Bizarro's cape wash off in a black stream.
"Eww."
The Human Flame, giving up on his broken equipment, lunged at Flash. It was far from a stealthy attack. Wading through knee-high water, he'd splashed and grunted the entire distance, so that when he finally jumped, Flash had already returned to dry land. The Human Flame flopped like a fish and sank like a stone.
"This is totally the time, Wonder Woman," Flash insisted as he sped towards the still flailing Bizarro. "There's only 20 more sleeps 'til Christmas!"
"How old are you?" Sinestro growled, forgetting about Superman for the moment.
Hovering in mid-air, Sinestro used his power ring to project a spike strip ahead of Flash. The razor-sharp points were varied in size, some able to pierce his foot while others would skewer his entire body. The spikes jutted forwards too, like the spears of a Roman Legion. Sinestro laughed with malice.
Flash turned just in time to avoid the spikes, but it wasn't going to be that easy. The spike strip extended, its new length racing ahead of Flash and turning, trying to cut him off. Like a giant game of Snake in reverse, the Flash struggled to stay out of reach of the deadly barbs.
"Scared, little boy? Frightened?" Sinestro mocked.
"Of a grown man dressed in yellow? I don't think so."
Despite his bravado, fatigue was setting in, and nobody could help. Wonder Woman remained dazed from her collision with Bizarro, Superman was inexplicably out of commission, and Manhunter had yet to recover from the Human Flame's attack.
"You see the humor in this don't you, Flash? My tire shredder? When you tire, you'll be shredded."
"You know a joke isn't funny if you have to explain it, right?"
"I don't need you to laugh," Sinestro sneered. "Just expire."
At that moment, two jets silently broke from the clouds. One, jet black with the wings of a bat. The other, a bright green energy construct. Green Lantern and the Batman had arrived.
"Sorry, we're late," said Hal Jordan. "Trouble over Tokyo. Teen Titans can handle it."
Tow rockets launched from the Batwing, locked onto Bizarro. They exploded on either side of him, just as the cape had fallen from his face. Yellow solar energy pulsed around the clone, dazzling his eyes, and bathing him in fire. Just as the yellow sun makes Superman stronger, it weakened Bizarro, enough for the recovering Wonder Woman to take him out of the fight.
"Bizzaro are blind, again!"
Storming through the sea of yellow light, Wonder Woman delivered a punch to the supervillain that sent him sprawling out in the sand. Settling, she dusted off her hands.
"Lights out, doppelganger."
Meanwhile, above them, Hal Jordan's craft zipped past the airborn Sinestro, the tip of the fighter-jet's wings just millimetres from the former Lantern's nose. Distracted, the villain let the spike strip fade, and Flash was finally able to rest.
While the batwing landed, Green Lantern fired a barrage of missiles at his arch nemesis, shooting him out of the sky. With so much energy expended in fighting the Man of Steel, Thaal's power ring was drained. The battle was short.
"Superman," Batman's gravelly voice intoned as he came to kneel beside the fallen hero.
"I…don't know. Something…is weakening me."
"Like what? Kryptonite?" Flash queried.
"No. We would have detected its presence," Manhunter mumbled. His suit was blackened from the Human Flame's touch, and he had reverted to his Martian form to conserve energy.
"There's only one other thing that could do this to him," Batman stated.
"Magic."
"I'm not in the mood for witchcraft." The Dark Knight peered into the treeline. "Flash, you're the only one who can get to the sorcerer before they can react. Go."
With a nod, the speedster disappeared. He scouted the treeline, and within seconds had found his target, cowering in the undergrowth while he chanted his evil incantations. In the blink of an eye, Flash had knocked him unconscious and carried him back to the rest of the JLA.
"Felix Faust."
Batman loomed over the unconscious magician, and squinted. As difficult as it was for him, Flash stayed quiet. They all knew that expression – even though it only mildly disparate to his usual impassive glower. This was his thinking face. His 'something's not right' face.
"Something's not right."
"You're wondering who led them," Martian Manhunter intuited.
"Right. Sinestro has the intelligence to lead."
"But nobody would follow. None of these, anyway."
"Exactly. The same goes for Snart," Batman explained. "There's one more, somewhere on the island."
"Luthor, or Grodd?" Superman asks, wearily.
"Neither!" The booming voice seemed to come from the clouds themselves. "You always were too smart for your own good, Batman. You could have left, believing you had been victorious. Alas, now, I must strike you down."
White clouds turned grey above the island, and the pale blue sky blackened. A might wind ripped through the treetops, whipping the ocean into a frenzy. The white surf thrashed against the shore and lightning split the sky.
Then came Maxie Zeus.
Thunder roared as he floated casually down, fully suited in armour and a red cape. He wore a golden helm, complete with classical mask. Electrical orbs encircled his hands, crackling with energy. His cape billowed in the sudden storm.
"I know what you're doing Zeus. It won't work."
Zeus laughed, a thunderous sound that echoed across the entire island. His eyes glowed with a brilliant yellow light. Lifting the mask from his face, he gazed at the assembled heroes with obvious contempt. His white hair and beard stirred in the wind.
"That's where you are mistaken, Detective. The Island of New Ilium is home to one of the Gates of Tartarus, and I have the Key," Zeus announced, showing the night-black artefact. "There is nothing you can do to stop me from unleashing the Titans."
"Erm…I was never good at history. What's going on?" Flash asked.
"The Titans were the forefathers of the Gods," Diana explained. "Zeus and his brothers overthrew them, and banished them to the infernal plane, Tartarus."
"And I shall watch your cities burn, until you crawl on your knees, begging for my help."
"One problem." Batman said. "Flash just stole your key."
Zeus blinked and stared into his hand. For a long moment, he stared as if the key could be hiding in the crease of his palm. Flash stood to the side, grinning like a fool. At length, Maxie Zeus regained his composure. Incensed, he howled to the heavens.
Thunderbolts rained down on the group, stabbing with forks of lights, blasting the sand. Icy winds cut through them, as another tongue of electricity whipped at their feet. Wonder Woman deflected a bolt with her bracelets, Superman took one in the chest unphased. The rest, Hal caught on Green umbrella construct.
"Nice weather, huh?" he joked.
"Can we get out of here already?" Flash whined. "The lack of snow here is really bumming me out."
"There's no snow in Central City either," Manhunter pointed out.
"No, but if we have to go on missions in December, it should be to cold places. Not tropical islands with freak thunderstorms. It's so un-merry. At least at home, I can deck the halls."
"Fine," Superman said. "You go. It doesn't need all of us. Wonder Woman and I will take care of Zeus. Hal, you're needed elsewhere. Manhunter?"
"I shall accompany him."
The group split up, speeding off in their respective directions, leaving Batman and Flash alone on the shoreline. Batman fished for something in his utility belt, and drew out a small box wrapped in red with a yellow bow. It was the last thing Flash ever expected to come out of the Bat's belt. He'd assumed everything the Detective owned was in black. Especially wrapping paper.
He wouldn't have even guessed Batman owned ribbons.
"Flash. Merry Christmas," Batman said, handing the present over. "And…don't buy me a horse. A donation to the Wayne Foundation will suffice."