My life wasn't complete without this. I know, I know, people don't know much about p2 but fuck it, Tatsuya goddamn Suou, the original pimp deserves this moment. The usual warning of suggestive themes up ahead.
"Hey, did you hear the rumor?"
"What?"
"Tatsuya Suou is sleeping with that blue haired chick, Chika,"
"I thought he was sleeping with…. Uh, who was the last girl?"
"Let me pull the list and flip through the pages, might take a while…."
…
Tatsuya Goddamn Suou woke up and shouted at the top of his lungs. "Holy hell!" he immediately got aware of his surroundings and while this was the norm for him, he still never got comfortable with the nightly phenomena.
Latched onto his frame was….. Hell, he didn't know but he did know her intentions. "Get off me!" he said, pushing himself away from the girl who tried to grab a hold of him again but Tatsuya slipped and fell to the floor.
Tatsuya stood up and ran for the window. He opened it up and looked back to see the girl, Chika, shouting at him to come back to bed.
"Oh crap,"
"Who the hell is there!?"
"Oh shit!" Tatsuya made a mad dash to get out of there but unfortunately, the window was a little too small for his muscular frame that so many girls dreamed of. As he tried to get out through the window, Chika lunged and grabbed a hold of his head, trying to pull him back or at the very least, get a few strands of his hair.
As the two struggled against the window, Chika's dad ran up with the shotgun, widening the eyes of the brunette. "Holy Philemon…"
"I am going to kill you!" her dad swore, aiming the barrel for Tatsuya who pushed the female away and dove out of the window.
"BANG!"
"For Apollo's sake!" Tatsuya cried out in pain and ran away from their house like a bat out of hell.
Chika sniffed her hand and collapsed to the ground with a dreamy look on her face. "Tatsuya-sama…"
…
Tatsuya arrived to the house and kicked the door open, panting hard. He couldn't sleep for a single second ever since he awakened to his persona because goddamn rumors.
"Tatsuya!" said brunette calmed down at the voice. He was safe…. For now…
"What side of whose bed did you wake up on this time?" Eikcihi asked.
"We need to find a new rumor monger…" Tatsuya replied and then looked back. "He got me this time too…"
"You should be glad,"
"He shot me on the ass!" Tatsuya hissed. "Again!"
"Hey, it could be a lot worse," Eikichi said. "Just imagine if the chick's mom came up instead of her dad…"
"…"
"The bed would collapse and you'd die from exhaustion," Eikichi rubbed his chin. "Hmmmm, that works for the both of us. You get release…" Tatsuya cringed at the word. "And I get the attention."
Tatsuya tried not to pay attention to his words. Eikichi made it clear that he was jealous but he was pretty much the only one on the team who could talk to him normally. "Just… Leave me alone."
Tatsuya took a seat on a nearby chair and breathed out. "Why do they always get me on the same place?"
"It's fine bro," Eikichi said. "Girls dig scars, they find it hot."
Tatsuya sighed.
"I hate you," the brunette cursed. "But if I kill you… I'd kill myself a few seconds later."
"Rumors work in strange ways," Eikichi said. "I spend all my weekly allowance on spreading the rumor that Eikichi the great is a world famous singer!" he held out his hand and cheered at nobody in particular. He quickly lowered his hand and gave a bitter sigh. "And yet, you get the nod and nothing happens for me."
"You're telling me, ouch," Tatsuya winced. "I spread the same rumor every day: I suffer from a severe case of erectile dysfunction syndrome… but THEY get the nod and I get abused."
"Those rumors are empowered by the wet dreams of thousands of virgins all yearning for you-"
"Shut up!" Tatsuya spat. "Just shut up dammit!"
"Hey, I don't like it either," the blunet responded. "I was the lady-killer in the city but then you came along with you unfair advantage of stupid, bullshit rumors!"
"Advantage?" Tatsuya made a strangling gesture. "I shower with my damn eyes closed, enough said!"
"Oh right," Eikcihi said. "Your diseases…"
The other strong rumor going around the city was that Tatsuya was a filthy man-whore with a number of sexually transmitted diseases and like the other rumor, this was fueled by the hated of damn near every single male of Sumaru city, including Eikichi himself.
"All twenty of them, Herpes, Warts, HIV, Aids," Tatsuya counted on his fingers. "I'm a walking marvel of science and everything wrong with it!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot, doc sent a new letter," Eikichi recalled. "There is a new disease that makes you feel like you're getting an endless barrage of nutshots…"
Tatsuya widened his eyes and slipped to the ground in pain.
"No science in the world can explain how and why so," Eikichi continued. "They named it Tatsuya syndrome, congrats on getting your name there, bro!"
"Fuck…" Tatsuya gave up and collapsed on the ground, head down and ass up.
"Ah, Jun, Tatsuya is free!" Eikichi hollered.
Upon hearing that, Tatsuya bolted out the door, leading to Eikcihi laughing like a hyena. "I love frustrating the guy…." he wiped a stray tear and got up to follow the brunette.
…
At first it was Lisa, then Eikichi, then Maya, then Yukino, then Elly, then Maki, then….
Tatsuya looked back and saw a blonde girl with twin tails cheering him on as he battled against the demon. "Who is that…?" he quickly deflected the charge of the demon and cut through him with his sword, leading to a simultaneous cheer that rattled his senses, momentarily rendering him and the others deaf and dumb at the same time.
"How did you get in here?" Tatsuya yelled at the new girl, Ayase of the previous generation.
"Ask her first!" she pointed at Maki.
"Her!" Maki pointed at Elly.
Tatsuya stared at the females and sighed. He turned his back and started walking forward, trying his best to ignore the whispers from behind him. He also tried his best to ignore that Jun was among the girls….
"Oh the things I would do to him…" it didn't help that he had a feminine voice. Tatsuya had no idea who said that but most likely, it was Jun, his childhood friend slash secret admirer.
"He saw me naked first!" Lisa yelled, making Tatsuya slap his forehead. He was just walking through the door but Nyarlathotep's magic happened and he ended up seeing Lisa because…. He didn't know.
His life was a complete nightmare ever since he came to know of rumors. The girls wanted him so badly but the guys wanted to stay far away from the walking germ. "Just my life, thanks Philemon…"
Tatsuya and his group kept walking and unfortunately, he ran into another demon, a female demon who purred at him seductively, leading to Tatsuya smacking himself on the face. "Really…?"
"You are purrfect," Nekomata purred. "Make me meow."
"Hey! I'm warning you!" Lisa yelled from behind.
Tatsuya gulped. "How about we negotiate? I need some cards…"
"Oh, have them!" Nekomata replied, reaching into her pocket for the tarot cards.
"Oh boy," Eikichi simply watched from the side, his stare on the male among the females. "Ah crap, he's crying again…"
Jun was sobbing due to the heart-ache but he was still determined to bring Tatsuya back. "Tatsuya…. I will save you…"
"Oh, now you're getting angry, huh?" Eikichi said with a groan. Tatsuya was always miles away from the guy which was understandable since the Joker had tried to force himself on Tatsuya more than once.
Nekomata tossed the cards at Tatsuya and his fan-club behind stepped closer.
"Everyone, grab's Tatsuya's ass and run!" Maya ordered.
Tatsuya bent down to pick up the cards but the next few words from the demon mortified him.
"Summon ten of me and cover yourself in my fur," she purred and reached out to touch his pants with her hand, hand with claws and upon seeing that, the girls behind Tatsuya lost it.
"Forget it. Kill it with fire!" Maya ordered.
Tatsuya sidestepped the charge of his fan-club but ended up suffering the loss of his hair follicles anyway. He ripped the hands away from his head and turned his eyes away from the slaughter of the lone demon.
Jun sauntered towards Tatsuya and looked him in the eye. "Let me show you my heartfelt-"
"I've had enough!" the brunette snapped and socked the other boy on the face, dropping him on his ass. "You sick fuck! Stay the hell away from me!"
With that, Tatsuya ran out of the factory.
"Prayer…." Jun's voice cracked.
Eikichi frowned. "And he's crying again…." he looked up and saw the girls covered in the blood of the poor demon. There were some great legs on display but… "Eh, screw it." he spat and walked off to eat some sushi.
"Time to spread the rumors," Maya said. "He'll come to us, no worries. Think positive!"
Somewhere up there, Nyarlathotep sighed. "Why do I do things?"
…
Tatsuya ended up on the outside and looked around. "Goddamn Xibalba and that crawling dick!" he couldn't even run out of the city because they were in space, still breathing despite no oxygen.
He pulled on his hoodie and started walking slowly, trying to cool down. He still had to save the world from Nyarwhateverhisnamewas. He still had a family….. and they had disowned him for being a walking germ…
Still had a brother… and he was madly in love with Maya and in turn, at odds against him…
Still had his friends….. and they were no doubt the guys behind the rumors….
Still had his honor….. Psh, yeah right….
"Just keep walking…." Tatsuya said. At the very least, he'd get revenge on the guy who made his life a living hell because of the rumors.
"Oh my God, did you read the new article at Coolest?"
"I know right? Maya has my blessing; I got to know so much more about Tatsuya-sama…"
"Oh no," Tatsuya shook his head.
"Those close up of his nice ass are all over the internet!" the females squealed. "I just love scars!"
"Goddamn Eikichi!" Tatsuya cried. Unable to hear anymore, he ran away from the area, trying his best to ignore the gossiping of the hottest article on the coolest magazine, published by Maya and Yukino. Why was Yukino even with the team anymore!? She gave no shits about her boyfriend dying or about Ann throwing herself off the cliff. Tatsuya knew the shots were taken by her.
"Attention everyone!" he stopped beside an old tv shop and widened his eyes at the female reporter giggling like mad. "In today's hot news, Lisa Silverman has joined MUSES again!"
"What…?" Tatsuya took a step closer.
"The hottest band in the city has reunited once more!" the reporter announced. "And by some miracle, we can hear still the other two girls along with Lisa. We can't see em but we can hear them for this very special single!"
Tatsuya took a step back. He was blessed enough to see the two shadow girls dancing along with Lisa, singing a trashy, beyond horrifying song for him, dedicated to his….. Cheeks.
"Oh my God, that's him!"
Tatsuya tapped himself on the head and noticed that his hood was off. He swiftly turned around and sidestepped the lunge of the raging fangirl, well one of them. He was about to make a run for it but Lisa's scream of Tatsuya from the music video buckled his knees and sent him crashing to the ground.
"Grab him!" the horde of fan-girls jumped on top of him, kissing, grabbing and violating the brunette who, as powerful as he was, couldn't power his way out.
"Oh God no," Tatsuya cried out. "Not fair, I refuse to die like this!"
"Take off his pants!"
Tatsuya reached in deep and called out his persona. "I need you now!" he yelled, evoking Apollo from his soul. The summoning pushed away the girls and allowed Tatsuya to stand up, with his persona hovering above him.
Apollo hovered above, burning like the sun. He was serious as usual, ready to follow the orders of his master-
Tatsuya chucked a rock for his face which cracked the mask, revealing his face which was exactly like Tatsuya.
Another loud cheer from the girls deafened Tatsuya who pulled back.
"What the hell man?" Apollo cried.
"Take care of them!" Tatsuya said.
"Tatsuya in red, special offer!" the brunette called and ran off, leaving his persona alone with the girls who soon crowded him, not paying attention to the burns that they were suffering.
Tatsuya left the scene and ran as fast he could. A number of lipstick marks spawned over his face but he kept running, knowing he had lost Apollo for good. He had vanished from his psyche completely but he couldn't pay attention to that. He had to save his life.
With that thought in mind, Tatsuya opened the door to the nearest shop and stepped inside.
Bullshit magic happened.
Maya's Apartment.
"Tatsuya!" the reporter cheered, sitting on her bed.
Tatsuya froze. How the hell did this happen?
"Philemon just contacted me with something important," the female giggled. "He mentioned a new idea of forming bonds. I dunno but he called it a social link."
"That sounds terrible," Tatsuya said, with his back against the door.
"It is still a work in progress, a beta, if you know what I mean," Maya said. "He told us to perfect it so he can use it the next time he selects a persona user."
"So…. Just shut up and take off your pants!" Maya yelled.
Tatsuya ran into the door, shattered the thing and ran out of the apartment.
Tatsuya ran all the way to the factory and opened the door, rushing in.
Bullshit magic happened.
Lisa's room.
"Seriously, what the hell?" Tatsuya cried. "Why is this happening? This isn't even fair anymore!"
"Chinyan!" Lisa cheered. "I made a million dollar from the music video!"
"We're Japanese, dammit!" Tatsuya yelled.
Lisa heard enough and lunged for Tatsuya who slipped out the door and brushed past Lisa's father like a blur.
"Wait!"
Tatsuya came back, paid no attention to Lisa and punched Steven Silverman on the face.
"Oh boy, that felt good," Tatsuya spat, kicking the seagull into the nearby wall. "Get your ass back to Hollywood and those crappy straight to DVD movies."
With that, the brunette ran out of the house and because of the girls outside, said his prayers and ran into the cave behind the shrine, hoping for the best.
….
"Tatsuya…. Light me on fire," Jun said softly, covered in crimson roses.
"Nope, fuck this!" Tatsuya said no and bulldozed his way through the house. He ran all the way to the school, took the portal, swam across the sea, went down the waterfall and ended up in Xibalba
"Okay, time to finish this!"
"Tatsuya!" he heard the yells behind him and ran into the spaceship. The one man army bulldozed through the naked golden versions of his female admirers and finally, he ended up at end of the spaceship, the heart of Xibalba and came face to face with Nyarlathotep. There was no Hitler, no crawling chaos, no great father, just Nyarlathotep, hands on his knees, panting and struggling after all the power he has used up.
"Hey Tatsuya," Nyarlathotep greeted him, exhausted and just about done with his current gimmick. "We finally-" he coughed out violently. "Meet…"
"Who are you?" Tatsuya asked.
"I am the dark lord of all dicks!" Nyarlathotep introduced himself. "We'll get along just fine…" he said, holding out his hand.
"I know where that hand has been," Tatsuya hissed. "You're the one who is behind this, right?"
"Well, yes…"
"Why!? What did I ever do to you!?" Tatsuya cried.
"You don't have to tell me," Nyarlathotep sighed. "I choose this gimmick, the whole rumor thing to send humanity towards destruction and give myself some laughs."
"But damn, you came in and ruined everything," the crawling chaos continued. "I used up all my power with all the rumors fueled by the wet dreams by virgin girls regarding you and well, you ended up crafting the next step of the evolution of humankind, you irresistible pimp man-god."
Nyarlathotep smacked his own forehead. "I did it for the oracle but-"
Tatsuya silenced him by grabbing the spear of destiny. He looked back and his fan-club had finally caught up to him. Everyone was there, every female persona user, and JUN!
Excluding Eikichi who stopped giving a shit long ago.
"No wait!" Philemon materialized and yelled at Tatsuya to stop but it was too late. The brunette stabbed himself with the spear, lost his spear, lost his aura and charm, lost everything and let out a happy sigh.
"Well, the oracle of the man-whore is fulfilled," Nyarlathotep said and then turned to Philemon. "Pay up, you butterfly bastard."
"Oracle of what?" Philemon blinked behind the mask. "Who made that? Wasn't it the oracle of Maia just like we agreed before?"
"He wrote the poem," Nyarlathotep said and pointed at Jun. "Everything went wrong after that. I'd read the poem out loud but we don't want this timeline to get deleted permanently."
"What?" Tatsuya said and coughed out blood. "Oracle of man-whore?"
"Well, you see, I gave the book to Jun and told him to empower me by spreading the rumors on the book," the crawling chaos said. Tatsuya turned to Jun who was blushing. "I wanted my own army, I wanted to revive Hitler, I wanted aliens but that fool ended up his wildest fantasies about you and everything went downhill from there…"
"He started the rumor of you being the pimp and well, the rumor started spreading…" Nyarlathotep said. "And well, more rumors happened, more sex happened, more diseases happened and now, this happened."
"Jun did all this?" Tatsuya growled, turning towards the only male in the group. "You stupid idiot!"
"Tatsuya, he told me to write with my heart-"
"You ended up writing with your dick," Tatsuya slammed his head down. "Ah well, I'm going to die anyway."
"Well, he did say the world would end if the pimp died so say goodbye to the rest of the world, Muahhahaha-" Nyarlathotep stopped laughing and started coughing violently. "Excuse me while I go to my throne room and party with a pair of sexy demon skanks." with that, he faded away, leaving the persona-users alone with Philemon.
Tatsuya didn't care about the tears that were raining on him. He was finally at peace, he was going to die and be at peace-
"Nope, I won't allow this," Philemon said, shaking his head. "All of you will meet in a new timeline we will start this all over again, in the new world, now brace yourself!"
"Why!?" Tatsuya demanded. The people around him started disappearing into the other world, leaving Tatsuya and Philemon alone. "Why are you doing this!?"
"Because…" Philemon leaned forward. "My bet…."
"You dirty little…"
"Do you have any final words?"
Tatsuya, with the last bit of energy, kicked Philemon between the legs. To his surprise, nothing happened and Philemon remained standing.
"What the?" Tatsuya narrowed his eyes and kicked him in the nuts again…. Nothing was there…. And nothing happened to Philemon.
"And that is why Nyx will never be with me," Philemon sighed. "Thanks for reminding me that. I was going keep you here but nope… Have fun with the memories and the diseases."
"No, wait!" Tatsuya cried out but it was too late, Philemon made him disappear and let out a sigh.
Philemon disappeared moments later with a chuckle. "I love frustrating that kid…"
…
Tatsuya woke up in the new world and ran out of the house, only to run into Maya who was waiting at his doorstep. The two collided into each other and groaned. They slowly stood up and looked at each other.
"Take it easy Tatsuya," the brunette said to himself. "She doesn't know you anymore. She's just here for my bro…"
"Yeah, I don't really know you…" Maya said and licked her lips. "So excuse me if I sound too forward but…"
Maya shoved Tatsuya back into the house, skipped inside before locking the door.
"Shit…"
"I need to raise my social link beta version so…"
Tatsuya crawled away in fear. "This eternal punishment…."
"Just shut up and take off your pants!"
And done. Tatsuya Goddamn Suou, ladies at gentleman. He set the precedent long ago. Hopefully you laughed at some parts. Cheers!
Also, for those who read pimpsona 3, tell me if I should rewrite that or is the crappyness a part of the charm? Do let me know. Laters!