A/N: Warning- This fic contains swearing and Justin Bieber bashing. If you are a fan of Justin Bieber, fuck off. Seriously, you're not wanted here.
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FACT: Nations are never responsible for politics. If a country has a shitty government, it's not the Nation's fault. It's NEVER the Nation's fault. To even SUGGEST that maybe the Nation could possibly do something about it is tabooed, prohibited, and anyone who breaks the taboo spends the rest of their life in Busby's Chair. HOWEVER, a Nation is ALWAYS responsible for media representatives, and can always be blamed
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Canada rushed down the corridor breathlessly, willing himself not to be late for the world conference again. He thanked every God the could remember as he burst through the heavy oak doors, hitting his head and stubbing his toe in the process, with about 2.4 seconds to go until he can be officially classed as late. Several pairs of eyes stared at him.
"Sorry I'm late!" He panted, "I got held up at the train and..." he trailed off. What was the point anyway, it wasn't as if anyone had remembered him anyway.
"Oh that's quite alright, we waited for you," England said. Canada's eyes lit up and he smiled. Maybe they do remember me! "By God do we have a bone to pick with you!" But probably not.
"What? Oh, no, no, I think you're mistaken! I'm not America! I'm Canada!" Because Canada has never done anything wrong, right?
"Of course you're not me, bro!" America said brightly, walking out of an adjacent room with a stack of... cd's? (Yeah, I know, not hamburgers) "I mean, I don't know how anyone could possibly confuse the two of us, but whatever. This is all you, dude!"
"What have I done?" He asked, confused. In response, America dumped the stack of cd's on the World Conference table. Canada glanced at the covers and felt as though he was about to throw up. Unfortunately, the figure on the cover was all too familiar. "Oh." He said, barely able to breathe.
"Yeah, oh." The awkward silence was crushing, you could here a pin dropped. Coincidently, Russia bent down to retrieve a dropped pin.
"Are you even going to attempt to explain yourself?" France asked after some time, obviously impatient. Canada rubbed his head sheepishly.
"Um... Sorry?"
"You do realise, Canada, that we have been lenient toward your musicians in the past?" said Germany in his I'm-trying-really-hard-not-to-kill-you-or-at-the-very-least-yell-at-you-for-a-few-hours voice, "We forgave you for Celine Dion-"
"-'Cause she sang that wickedly awesome sweet-ass song for my man James Cameron-"
"But this... this Justin Bieber. It's unforgivable. What the hell were you thinking, letting him live!"
"W-well, I-I didn't think he'd even make it out of YouTube!" Canada stuttered, "I didn't think he'd turn out to be a problem or ever get noticed, I swear!"
"He got noticed all right," England sighed, "And that's partially America's fault, for whatever that rapper's name was."
"Dude, that's hitting below the belt!" America complained.
"Oh quit your whining you burger-inhaling bastard," growled Romano, "The only thing that matters right now is figuring out how to dispose of this Canadian Fucktard who's trying to kill us slowly with ear torture!" Ah, Romano. Always known to say what everyone else is thinking.
"Well, what would you want me to do to... get rid of him?" Now, Canada would never admit to this, but he really didn't want to see Justin Bieber die, at least by the Nation's own hand. It's not that he was a fan or anything, of course not! It was more the fact that Justin Bieber was Canadian. And Canada, who felt all the deaths of his people, would certainly feel this one. He may be an untalented, vomit inducing idiot, but he was a Canadian untalented, vomit inducing idiot. To kill Bieber would be like killing a part of himself. A very tiny, ultra feminine and annoying part of himself that belonged better with Poland, but a part none the less. Russia, who apparently understands emotions, figured as much, so he said, "Perhaps you could frame him for a crime against the country and have him locked up."
"That sounds like a good idea, actually," Canada said, surprised,
"Yes, and then you can send him to a slave labour camp in Russia!" Insert creepy purple aura here.
"Oh, no WAY." Lithuania knew exactly what slave labour would entail.
"Terrorists!" cried America gleefully (I DARE you to find another medium in which a patriotic American is gleeful about terrorists).
"Eh?"
"Have terrorists bomb his house or something!" Stares all around. Canada shook his head.
"That will probably kill innocent neighbours too."
"Well, what'd we do last time a musician sucked this bad?" America asked.
"Ah, now that didn't work out too well," England sighed, "There were law suits and a lot of people were scared shitless," he surreptitiously glanced over at Switzerland, "someone didn't do their job properly."
"I did everything right, you just didn't specify what to do with the message once I'd finished it!"
"But it didn't even work!"
"So? It was your idea!" With that, Switzerland and England began a super massive argument, causing a few others to start arguments for the sake of fitting in. Hungary had a brilliant idea of having a ventriloquist trick him into thinking he had gone through super puberty, but no one paid attention, so she pulled out a frying pan and started hitting people at random (mainly, Prussia). Canada sat down in his usual chair, put his head in his hands and sighed.
"Oh, this is enough!" Japan said angrily. He stood up, slamming his fists as he did so (remind you of anyone?). IGNORED. He left the room, slamming the door so hard that plaster fell from the ceiling, and STILL was ignored (by everyone except Canada, who was fucking scared).
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Japan soon returned with a (assumingly) Japanese man wearing all black, including some sort of mask thing. Once again, he attempted to gain the world's attention, and once again, was IGNORED.
"What are you trying to do?" asked Canada with extreme caution. Not many had seen the wrath of a pissed off ninja, lucky for them, and Canada sure as hell didn't want to.
"I believe I have the solution to your dilemma. As soon as I can get their attention." Which we know won't be happening any time soon. Canada made an attempt, but he was a naturally quiet person, and obviously, he too was IGNORED.
They did eventually manage to get America to listen, while he was backing away from a fight between Russia and Belarus (well, Belarus was fighting, Russia was trying not to die or be raped or be raped while dead) and tripped over Canada.
"Oh, you've got an idea, Japan? Hang on, I'll make everyone shut up and listen!" He stood up on the conference table and began stomping around and shouting in his 'total hero voice' "Pay attention, dudes! Japan has an idea!" Along with successfully writing his own funeral (standing on Austria's hands was NOT a good idea (but it's ok, he can still play. What kind of world would this be if Austria couldn't play?)) he managed to get everyone to sit down and shut up. It was quite surprising. He jumped off the table and clapped a hand on Japan's shoulder. "All yours, bro!" He took his seat and waited.
"Well, we've known all along that there really is only one way to remove this person from existence. My people have the best secret service in the world. I will fly someone in in secret to kidnap Bieber and kill him."
"Woah, dude, Justin Bieber is going to be killed by ninjas? That's just really sweet ass! Everyone here agree? To bad if you don't because this is just too cool and your opinion will be discounted." Of course everyone agreed. What could be a cooler way to dispose of someone than to have them killed by ninjas?
"Canada, you totally agree, right bro?"
"Uh, yeah. So long as he isn't tortured too much, it should be fine." A better option than, say, a Russian slave labour camp.
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Justin Bieber was being very normal, watching a game of baseball. The sound was turned way up to the max, and his head was often buried in a bowl of microwave popcorn, this explained why he never noticed the shadows that were slightly bigger than situation should allow. His family wasn't home, and so no one was able to warn him of the mysterious silhouette that had dropped from the ceiling and was now making its way toward the teen. In fact, he was completely oblivious until he woke up several hours later, about 20 000 kilometres away in a dungeon.
BREAKING NEWS - JUSTIN BIEBER MISSING!
A/N: And that is this chapter. Notes.
1- the incident involving Switzerland was 'Girls [Scream] Aloud'. The Nations were responsible for that. They were drunk. It is also because of this that I'm worried about publishing this because I killed real life people. I DON'T WANT A LAW SUIT! DX. But, this isn't graphic like G[S]A, and technically, JB didn't actually die. But, you know, please don't try get me sued, I have no money!
2- I have one more chapter idea for this fic, and then I'm lost. This is where YOU come in. After the next chapter (involving America), I'll take requests as to what media reps you'll have me kill! Try not make it anyone from Canada or America, because they'll have received enough pain by this time. Also, tell me how they can die! *is probably going to hell for this*
3- Random question for fun: One of the Nation's liked Justin Bieber, until an event occurred. Who is this Nation, and what event was it? There are no right or wrong answers, but whoever has the most creative will get a special mention, as will anyone who guessed close to my own answer.
Anyway, that's it for now. I shall go pretend I'm working on Doctor Nobody! *facepalm*
~OurLordDisco