Hey guys! I know I usually write Starkid fanfics but if you remember my username, you must know I'm a huge gleek too. So this is the real story (it isn't a fic) of how I discovered Glee and became a part of the Montourage. It's about the tragedy that happened on July 13 2013 (Cory Monteith's death, if you didn't know) and what I felt at the moment. I won't write another part or anything and this is very personal so please don't hate on me ...:$

It all started on a rainy day in October 2011. My best friend called me saying she wanted me to come over. Since she lives on the other side of the street, I asked her if I needed to bring some things. She said no and told me that we were just going to watch Glee. My reaction was: Um, Glee…. Isn't it this TV show where kids sing and dance every 5 minutes? Well, maybe I should give it a chance…

So, I went to her house that day and we watched the first episode. The second I saw that tall awkward guy, all I could think about was how beautiful he was. It's true tho. Cory isn't the hottest man, or the sexiest one, he just beautiful. He was the most beautiful guy I had ever seen. My best friend and me tried to find out what was his name (in the show) because we couldn't understand if it was Flynn or Finn or Vinn or anything else. We figured it out like 15 minutes later and continued to watch the first episode. We then started the second episode. I thought that I liked the show, but now I realize that I was first watching it for Cory, and that it was after that I became emotionally attached to those characters & people. So we started the second episode and at one point, my best friend said what I was thinking since I saw him for the first time. ''That guy is beautiful…'' I couldn't help but asked myself how she didn't realize it before. Then came the first Finchel kiss, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I didn't tell it to my bf because she isn't the kind of girl to feel things over a guy. We watched the third episode and stopped there. She didn't have the other episodes on her computer. At this point we were watching the episodes in French because neither of us understood English well enough to watch things in English. We decided to rewatch the second episode because I was saying it was the best but really all I wanted was watching Cory and Lea kiss because I couldn't help but asked myself how it would feel to be kissed by a guy like him. It was about 10 o'clock so I went to sleep about 30 minutes after I came back home.

That night, I couldn't sleep. That guy, Finn, was on my mind. I replayed the kiss between Finn & Rachel a thousand times and the scene where he was singing in the shower until I fell asleep. The next day, we had school and we couldn't saw each other because I had a hockey practice. Still, all I could think about was Glee and Cory. I fangirled in front of my parent (it was before I knew how it was called and that you can't fangirl in front of your family) and they smiled. I never had passion for something before. I didn't have any posters in my room and all I did on Internet was going on Facebook. I didn't see my best friend for like two weeks and was really mad at her because she had not waited for me to watch the episode. But I didn't really care about the story at this point, all I wanted was Finn. I watched the Justin Bieber Experience without understanding anything but I was happy. I finally got to see Finn again. That night, when I came home, I searched for his name on the Internet. Cory Monteith. I learned how to spell it and everything I needed to know about him (where he was born, his favorite color…) I waited almost another week to watch another episode of Glee but I didn't really care because now that I knew his name, I could watch YouTube videos of him. I also watched groups interview and that when I really fell in love with Glee. I learned all the other actor's names and date of birth. It continued like that a while.. Once a week I was watching an episode of Glee with my best friend without understanding anything but I was happy because I got to watch Cory. Then, I learned that the Glee Cast was on twitter.. Finally, a way to communicate with the people who became my idols in 2 months! (That's what I thought at the moment…aha-.-) I created a Twitter account, but it was more like a personal than a fangirl one. I then read something saying there was a "hot scene" in The Power of Madonna (I didn't watch this episode at the time) and I wanted to see it... I was tweeting things about how in love I was with Cory, but I felt ashamed because, you know, when you're young, having a crush on someone isn't a serious thing. It was something people could joke about and I didn't want that so I deleted my Twitter account, but I was still talking about how cool Glee was at school or at home. (Never about how beautiful Cory was…it was a thing I reserved for myself and Twitter) I was kind of missing Twitter so I created another Twitter account, which is still the one I use now… At this point, I was so in love with Cory that I had a little paper with his name on it and little hearts everywhere. I kept it in my pocket, and I took it out it every time I needed something to cheer me up. (Hiding it from my friends, of course…)

One day, I decided to tell someone about him. I told one of my closest friends in school (she doesn't even talk to me anymore, bitch.) and she laughed at me. It was all I needed to keep the rest to myself. I never told anyone about Cory until July 13 2013 (we all know what happened then, no need to mention it). I kept hiding my love for him, but that love and my love for Glee were only growing deeper. I then started to watch Glee on the TV (we were now in May, just saying I stopped watching Glee for a long time but never stopped loving it) and fell in love with someone else. You can probably tell who it was since I usually write Starkid fanfics but I'm still going to mention it. Darren Criss. But it was something different from Cory. It was more like a crush than falling in love. Like I had thousands (literally) of pics of him but I wasn't hiding it because it's the kind of thing everyone once felt. It was crazy. I spent like two years obsessing over Darren, but I was still in love with Cory. The love I had for Cory was deeper than the one I had for Darren (don't know if I'm clear….) I kinda left Twitter, without deleting my account. Instead, I created an Instagram, which I found was full of Darrenatics compared to twitter (Twitter was more for Leanatics and Monchele and Cory and etc.). I was posting pictures of both Darren and Cory on instagram but I had like 25 pictures of Darren for 1 of Cory. I was even writing Imagines Darren (or whatever you call it). Then, Cory entered rehab and it kinda woke me up. I got back on Twitter a bit and posted more pics of him. But like two weeks after, I learned that I was going to see Darren on tour and the Darren fan in me came back… It continued like that until July 13th.

The day before, I went shopping with my best friend so I slept late that night. The next morning, I woke up a 8:12 am exactly, and I think it is because I knew something was going to happen. The second I woke up, I received a text message from my friend with a picture of Cory saying :That guy is dead?!. I thought it was a joke because in my head, Cory couldn't die. He was the guy who was going to live forever because that's the way you feel about your idol. I went on Twitter, because it was the best information source I had at the moment and read the top trending topics. He was really gone. I think I stared at my phone for 30 minutes without feeling anything. I was empty. It couldn't happen. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be. After the shock passed, I felt a tear streaming down my face. Just one. I shook my head and got out of my bed to do something but all I managed to do was staring at myself in the mirror. That day, I didn't cry more. I told my parents an actor from Glee was dead, and all they said was something like, how sad, at least it isn't that Darren guy we saw at a concert…(like there was any differences between Cory and Darren. They are both human being who lived their lives and had loved ones and family …) They still don't know how I really feel about Cory, they probably just think I was sad because he was from Glee. I called my best friend to told her the news, but she isn't a Gleek like me. She didn't believe it at first but when I convinced her all she said was, "Well, I guess we all die someday, even the strongest of us…." How comforting. I couldn't lay in bed all day, so I went to the grocery store with my best friend and my mom (my best friend practically lives with us in the summer) and we laughed at some random chick who really looked like a slut. (I mean really). I knew it wasn't right, but I wasn't myself at the moment. All I wanted to do was to forget that my hero was dead and I couldn't find any other way than laughing at random people. I came back home and did my Cory memorial, without feeling anything because it still didn't felt real. Then, the night came and I lighted a candle for him, and I think that's when it hit me. We were playing cards in the backyard when I lighted my candle but I just ran to my bedroom and curled up in a ball on my bed. I started playing Losing My Religion (At this time, I had never heard the song because I missed the episode where he sings it.) I was crying so hard that my mom joined me but she couldn't understand. I asked her if I could go outside and without waiting for her respond I got out of my house and took a walk around the neighborhood. When I came back, I laid on my trampoline in my backyard at looked at the sky. We could see every single start rom there, and I looked at the brightest star and talked to it. Stars are now for me the metaphor of death. When you die, you become a star and the brightest ones are the people who lived a good life.

It's simple, after all. You live, you love, you fight against your demons. Sometime you win, sometime you don't. Cory didn't. But he tried harder than a lot of people and lived a beautiful life. Today, I understand something I didn't before. Whoever or whatever you are, you'll end up dying. I knew that before, but some people just seemed to perfect to die. Now I realize that it doesn't matter how perfect you are. Death will come for you one day or another. So, live you're life how you want, but remember you won't have another one. Feel grateful for that gift you've got and live every single seconds of it.