WB LOGO with Bugs Bunny
FADE IN
The Dynamic Duo is running with swirling colors around them.
Batman types on the Bat-computer.
A piece of paper pops out.
The Dynamic Duo reads the Bat-computer screen:
"FROM THE SECRET FILES OF THE BAT-COMPUTER
BATMAN'S GREATEST CASES
Featuring GOLDEN GARB BATMAN (IN COLOR)
Dogs are running wild and pigeons are flying.
The pigeons steal a statue of Gotham's first mayor.
"Halt you pilfering pigeons!" Batman says.
"You cannot stop my precious birds, Dynamic Dipsticks!" a female voice yells.
"Holy Cow!" Robin exclaims, "It's Pigeon Woman!"
"That's Pigeon Person, Boy Wonder!" she yells, "you fools will never stop me!"
"We'll see about that, you fowl feathered-fiend!" Batman says.
Later…
Pigeon Person arrives at her hideout, where tons of dogs are barking.
"Leave my birds alone, you filthy mutts!" she screams.
"It's the perfect plan, Pigeon Person!" a voice says, "with my ultrasonic dog whistle controlling these pedigreed pooches, their owners will pay a handsome price for their return! Combined with your theft of Gotham's greatest statues, we'll net a fortune!"
He steps into the light. It is a guy in a dog costume!
The pigeons fly near a statue of Batman, but they won't touch it.
"What's the matter with you, you stupid birds!" Pigeon Person snaps, "swipe the statue!"
"They can't do it," Batman says, wearing a golden outfit, "we've coated that statue with pigeon-repellent bat-spray."
"Why are you wearing a golden outfit?" Pigeon Person asks.
"To stop you," Batman says.
"You'll never stop us Batman!" the crook in the dog suit yells, "so long as I, K-9, have my special ultrasonic dog whistle!"
He blows the whistle.
"Attack, you mutts!" he commands.
"Good thing we brought along a little treat, for just such an occasion," the Caped Crusader says, as he takes something out of his utility belt.
"No!" Pigeon Person shouts, eyeing the item, "Not the sweet, delicious taste of Hostess® brand cupcakes and twinkies! My birds can't resist! "
Robin grabs some more sweets from the Batmobile and throws them at the oncoming animals.
"Even I can't resist that light, golden sponge cake with luscious cream-filling!" K-9 says, throwing away his dog whistle, and going over to munch on the goodies.
The Dynamic Duo cuffs the pilfering pair.
"Now I understand why your outfit is golden," Pigeon Person says, "to match with the color of Hostess® brand twinkies!"
"Looks like your feathers have been plucked Pigeon Person," Robin says, "and K-9 has been put on a leash!"
"Thanks to the sweet, savoring taste of Hostess®brand goods, you get a big delight in every bite!" Batman says, holding up the Hostess® goodies, "Hostess®, now that's the stuff!"
The Dynamic Duo munches on the goodies.
OPENING TITLES
"SING A SONG FOR ZUR-EN-ARRH!"
Written by: TouchedbyaMunster
At the Gotham City opera house, Bruce Wayne and his girlfriend, Vesper Fairchild, watch a performance of Palliachi.
The sad clown sings his song.
"Isn't this great, Bruce?" Vesper says, latching onto his arm, "Thanks for taking me!"
"Of course, Vesper," Bruce says, "The opera offers fine culture to everyone."
"Thank you, thank you," the sad clown says, as he takes his bow.
"And now I'd like to dedicate this next piece to everyone's favorite Caped Crusader. Batman." he says, as he pulls his costume off. He is really the Music Meister in disguise.
"Music Meister!" Bruce gasps, "Excuse me, Vesper, I seem to have misplaced my ticket, I think I left in the lobby."
Bruce changes into Batman and puts bat-ear plugs in his ears.
The Meister sings,
Batman!
He's the Caped Crusader
Always pounding criminals
With his hammers of justice!
He's a thorn in my side
That must be rubbed out
So people of Gotham
Do the deed!
Batman swoops down.
"This ominous orchestra has ended, Music Meister!" Batman says, "As a dually-deputized agent of the law, I order you to surrender!"
"Surrender?" Music Meister laughs, "I don't think so Batman. For you see…"
I'm the king of crime
I can't be stopped
My melodic, hypnotic symphony
Puts everyone under my spell
To do what pleases me
And right now it would be nice
If the people of Gotham could put you on ice!
Batman sees everyone in the theater, including Vesper, rushing at him.
He throws a smoke to escape amidst the confusion.
"You can't away from me that easily, Batman!" Music Meister says, as he zaps him with his staff.
Batman tosses a batarang, and grabs the melodic miscreant.
Suddenly, a Zeta Beam comes out of nowhere and transports them away.
They end up in a strangely familiar part of space…
The Music Meister breaks out into song:
Where am I?
I feel so…strange.
I feel like I could fly
(He starts levitating)
What's happening?
How could this be?
I've got new powers, but why?
Who cares? I'll use them to my advantage
I'll rob this planet blind
Cause I'm the Music Meister
And I'm a really fly guy!
Oh no, Batman thinks, Not only does Music Meister have the power to induce song, but also has gained superhuman abilities. That must mean…
His train of thought is interrupted by the arrival of a flying bat-like vehicle.
Adam Strange and another Batman get out.
"Batman, welcome back to Zurr-en-arrh," the purple-cowled Batman says.
"Nice to see you again, Tlano," Batman says, "But Adam, what are you doing here?"
"I was travelling through space, when I got caught in a meteor shower." Adam says, "I landed on this planet,"
"I took the precaution of spraying your friend with the polymer compound," Zurr-en-arr Batman says, "wouldn't want him to become too overconfident, after all."
"Good," Batman says, "but unfortunately, one of my criminals is on the loose here. A mad, musical genius named…"
Music Meister!
Gothtropolis citizens start singing.
"C'mon," Batman says, "before we all start singing like Broadway musical stars."
In the Zurr-en-arrh Batcave…
"These bat-ear plugs will shield you from Music Meister's harmonic hypnotism!" Batman says.
"If what you say about Music Meister is true, Zurr-en-arrh Batman says, "then the powers he gets from Rhodan, coupled with his own power to instigate song, could make him a rather formidable opponent."
"That's why we need to stop him," Batman says, "if we can get close enough to spray him with the polymer compound, then that will leave him weak enough for us to subdue him."
"The question is, how do we spray him with the polymer?" Adam Strange asks.
"Sorry to interrupt, Sir," Alpha-Red says, "But you have a call from Chancellor Gor-Zonn."
"Put him on, Alpha-Red," Zurr-en-arrh Batman says.
A video-feed of the Chancellor appears on the bat-computer screen.
"Go ahead, Chancellor," Zurr-en-arrh Batman says.
The Chancellor breaks into song:
Batman, you've got to get down here right away
Rohtul's on the loose, and he's causing panic, hey, hey, hey!
But that's not all!
Something strange has been a'happenin'
To Gothtropolis
Everyone, including me, is breaking out in song
And there's musical man wearing purple
Doing lots of wrongs!
So Batman, I beg you, please stop him
I don't want to have to sing everything I say!
"We'll do our best, Chancellor," Zurr-en-arr Batman says, "Batman over and out!"
"We've got to get down there!" Adam Strange proclaims.
"If Rohtul's on the loose again, and he's joined forces with Music Meister, there's no telling what kind of panic could ensue!" Batman says.
Meanwhile, in downtown Gothtropolis…
"Soon the whole universe will be singing my praises!" Music Meister laughs, "Isn't that right, Rohtul?"
"Yes, with this ingenious device I've constructed, you'll be able to project your musical might throughout the entire universe!" Rohtul says.
"Yes, and then all life forms will declare me the ruler of the cosmos!" Music Meister shouts.
"You madman!" Vilsi Valar shouts, "you'll never get away with this! Batman will stop you!"
"Batman?" Music Meister asks, "Batman, you say? I'm counting on it, my dear!"
He starts singing:
No one can stop my master plan
Not even super-powered man
I am the ruler!
I am the king!
I've got the best of everything!
'Cause I'm the Music Meister, yeah!
(Vilsi and Rohtul start singing)
(You're the Music Meister!)
Just listen to my story
Then you'll see
How great it to be me
I once was weak boy
Bullied and teased
Then one day I discovered
Something to put my troubles at ease
I developed a power to control people's minds
Through the power of music
I've made people mine!
Batman and Adam Strange fly toward Music Meister, while Zurr-en-arrh Batman trails behind them in the Batplane.
"I see we have guests," Music Meister says, "well, a charming gentleman like me is never rude. Let's say we entertain you!"
He zaps them with his staff.
He flies in the air and punches Batman of earth, sending him crashing to the ground.
"Batman!" Adam Strange shouts, "you'll pay for that, you fiend!"
Adam punches him, and zaps him with his ray gun. However, Music Meister uses his newfound power to freeze Strange's gun with his eyes.
Music Meister punches Adam Strange, knocking him out.
"You forgot about me!" Batman of Zurr-en-arrh shouts, leaping into the fray, he grabs Music Meister, but the vocal villain sends him flying.
"You cannot defeat me!" Music Meister says, "Feel the wrath of my musical might!"
"Who's says I'm trying to defeat you?" the Dark Knight of Zurr-en-arrh says, "I'm only trying to distract you."
"Distract me?" the Meister asks, "From what?"
"This," he says, pulling out the Bat-Radia from his utility belt, sending out sonic pulse waves to interfere with Music Meister's control.
"Very clever, Dark Knight." Music Meister says, "but you haven't won yet!"
"Oh no you don't!" Rohtul yells, "Batman is my enemy! I should be the one to destroy him!"
"You bald buffoon!" Music Meister retorts, "any Batman is the Music Meister's prey."
"Musical moron!" Rohtul shouts, "you think you have a knowledge of advanced weapons systems, but you're wrong! I am a genius!"
"C'mon, Vilsi," Zurr-en-arrh Batman says, as the two villains argue. Batman of Zurr-en-arrh and Vilsi slip away.
"Not so fast!" Rohtul says, as his giant robots corner the lovers.
"You have to stay for the finale," Music Meister says, as he zaps them with his cane.
The Batman of Zurr-en-arrh awakens to find that he, Vilsi, Batman of earth and Adam Strange have all been tied to a giant magno-bomb.
"That high-powered magno-bomb should take care of you meddlesome foursome." Rohtul says, "then we will rule Zurr-en-arrh, with no one to stop us!"
"You can have your precious Zurr-en-arrh, Rohtul," Music Meister says, "me, I'm going to be master of the universe!"
He starts singing:
You may have it said
The world is yours for the taking
Well, if all the world's a stage
Then I'm the star attraction
I want to be more, baby
I want to see my name in lights
Spread out across the starry skies
I'll be in command
You want the moon?
I'll lasso the moon for you, baby
(He serenades Vilsi)
You can have whatever you desire
When I am king of the universe!
I'll have it all!
The cosmos at my command
All planets will bow beneath my feet
The universe, oh won't it be grand?
When I am king!
Rohtul chimes in
(He'll be king!)
I'll have armies under my power
The Green Lantern Corps dances at MM's command.
Cosmic heroes under my control!
Space Ghost dances for Music Meister
Alien despots will seem like lambs
When I am in control!
Darkseid, Kanjar-Ro, Mongul, Despero, and the Creature King all turn from evil expressions to bright, cheery smiles, as they all hold hands and dance.
I won't be stopped
When the universe listens to my voice
When I am in control!
"We'll find a way to stop you!" Batman of Zurr-en-arrh growls.
"Don't count on it!" Music Meister says, as he presses a button triggering the bomb's timer.
"Adieu, heroes," Music Meister says, "Parting is such sweet sorrow! You were worthy adversaries, but all good things and people must come to an end!"
He and Rohtul leave.
"We have to get out of here," Batman of Zurr-en-arrh says, "Batman, can you break free?"
"Can't…budge," Batman says, "Quartz must be…draining my strength."
"And they took our utility belts and ray guns," Batman of Zurr-en-arrh says.
"Don't give up!" Adam Strange says, "there must be a way out of here!"
"I'm working on it," Batman of Zurr-en-arrh says, who is cutting his bonds with a buzz saw hidden in his glove.
They break free.
"Adam, get the Earth Batman!" Batman of Zurr-en-arrh says, "Quickly, there's no time to lose! Music Meister's probably already unleashing his lethal lyrics!"
"What are we going to do about it?" Vilsi asks.
"In situations like this," Batman of Zurr-en-arrh says, "I've learned you have to fight fire with fire. First, I'll spray Earth's Batman with the polymer, rendering his powers inert."
"But without my powers, how will I thwart off Music Meister?" Batman asks, as the other Batman sprays him.
"We'll improvise," Batman of Zurr-en-arrh says.
"Um guys?" Vilsi asks, "Aren't you forgetting something?"
"The bomb!" the Batmen shout in unison.
"Don't worry," Adam Strange says, "I deactivated it."
"Now, let's go put an end to their cosmic quartet." Batman says.
"Well, technically, it's a duet." Adam Strange says.
"I know; I just like alliteration," Batman says, "how about this then: 'Let's go put an end to their duet of destruction!"
"Better!" Adam Strange says.
Meanwhile, Rohtul and Music Meister are ready to activate the device needed for their master plan.
"It's all set," Routul says, "once the machine is activated, we'll become the new masters of the universe."
"What do you mean, 'we'?" Music Meister says, "I'm the star attraction!"
I'm the star attraction
I'm the king of the court
Given satisfaction
At my royal support
Soon I will be the star of the show
And then everyone will know
That I am the ringleader
Of life's flea circus
I command the ground cedar
With the shrill of my voice
The universe heeds my beck and call
I'm irresistible
You cannot turn away
I sing my song
And you follow along
When you're under my sway
My tunes and songs will be stuck in your heads
For many years to come
On my voice you do depend
While you're under my thumb
"The citizens of Gothtropolis may be under your thumb now, Music Meister," Batman says, "but you'll soon be under my hammers of justice!"
"Ah Batman," the villainous vocalist says, "lost your powers I see. Too bad we're not evenly matched."
"You may be now, Meister," Adam Strange says, taking quartz out of his pocket.
"No!" the Meister yells, "Feels…like my strength…is draining!"
"Yes, quartz interferes with the rhodan in the atmosphere that gives you your superpowers." Batman says.
"Oh…I still…have one superpower," Music Meister smirks, "attack them, my mesmerized minions!"
The citizens of Gothtropolis rush at the heroes.
"Wait," Batman of Zurr-en-arrh says, "before you attack, I want to sing a closing song."
Music Meister raises an eyebrow.
Zurr-en-arrh Batman starts singing:
Look at yourself, if you had a sense of humor Since you took it right on the chin Fools rush in, so here I am Unrequited love's a bore Like a straying baby lamb
You would laugh to beat the band
Look at yourself, do you still believe the rumor
That romance is simply grand?
You have lost that bright toothpaste grin
My mental state is all a-jumble
I sit around and sadly mumble
Very glad to be unhappy
I can't win, but here I am
More than glad to be unhappy
And I've got it pretty bad
But for someone you adore
It's a pleasure to be sad
With no mammy and no pappy
I'm so unhappy
But oh, so glad!
Vilsi is crying at Zurr-en-arrh Batman's singing voice.
Zurr-en-arrh Batman turns on the Bat-Radia again, and shatters the spell.
Batman of Earth punches Music Meister, as Adam Strange punches Rohtul.
Batman and Music Meister go back to Gotham City.
"Vesper," Bruce calls, after Music Meister has been taken to prison.
"Bruce Wayne!" she yells, "Where have you been? You missed all the excitement! Batman showed up and fought the Music Meister!"
"I'm sorry, but I just couldn't find the ticket!" Bruce says.
"Well now that the show's over, you're taking me out to dinner," Vesper says, "you're buying."
Bruce smiles as she walks on ahead.
THE END
The Music Meister goes to the planet Zur-En-Arrh!
Teaser: a spoof of the Batman Hostess ads from the '70s.
BTBATB universe.
Reference to episodes "Mayhem of the Music Meister!" and "The Super Batman of Planet X!"
All the songs in here are original, except for the last one. I'm not much of a songwriter, so feel free to make up your own tune. The last song is called, "Glad to be unhappy" composed by Richard Rogers with lyrics by Lorenz Hart, introduced in 1936 for the musical, "On your toes"