South Park's VULGAR OF THE APES

by morisu

Butters and his other four alleys end up on a planet dominated by apes, except their natures might be more reliable than the planet from where the human children's kind came from, and both race eventually learn a dark secret about each other's origins. Which Race will be the intelligent and which will be the ignorant? WARNING: Some episodes are a rehash of episodes from the past.

1. EPI CARTMAN CHECKS IN

South Park's VULGAR OF THE APES

By: Morisu

Episode I: CARTMAN CHECKS IN

On a bright sunny morning the kids of South Park Elementary School went on an average spring field trip to the zoo where the four boys Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny found really really boring due to the fact that all they did was browse around looking at the animals through dirty glass berriers while the animals themselves kept lying down sleeping all day with their backs turned doing nothing and the only ones that were a little active were just the aquatic fish and the penguins who didn't do anything except swim a few times and later stood still on the icy platform waiting for the keepers to feed them which just made this trip to be dull and pointless. Eventually, when it was time to go back on the bus, Stan and Kyle who were hand held partners took a short cut through the primate area to get to the bus on time with the other students before their heartless teacher Mr. Garisson leaves them behind. While passing the gorilla, orangutan, and chimpanzee habitats Kyle was very disappointed as to the other boys after hearing an interview online that both Terrance and Phillip were now thinking about retiring from stand up showbiz, according their interview the boys' craving comedy duo had finally announced that they were going to give up their career and start a new life with their wives and new born Canadian offsprings who were born two months ago. "Can you believe that Stan" surprised Kyle "Terrance and Phillip are now starting to call it quits for their franchise, man that sucks!" "...Well no offense dude but... you would have to admit they have been doing their show for so many years, it might probably be time for them to come to a conclusion or something, face it, it's always been same old gigs over and over and it's probably not all that funny anymore like it use to be. At least that's what I think..." Stan said otherwise. Kyle started to wonder why Stan agrees with this undesirable news considering he too is a huge fan of Terrance and Phillip and always kept watching their same comedic performances on television from time to time and never got old to him and the other boys, "Are you feeling alright Stan?" asked Kyle "I mean you don't seem too surprised that one of your favorite icons are not going to keep doing anymore comedy." Stan groaned at first but then responded "Kyle, did it ever occur to you that reality is comedy?" "...um... What's your point?" "Nothing, it's just that I can't help but wonder, somewhere there just has to be some other place out there better than man." "Like what in particular, more of them aliens we kept coming across?" "Probably, but something else, something... a little new. But that's just me." "Okay... why don't we continue playing Battlefield 1 at your house when we get back." Kyle reasoned. Stan didn't mind but he still seem to keep a straight face due to that one thought about the way humanity functions around their planet, since lord knows what he and the boys have to put up every year with the gullible, naive, childish, and misinterpret adults out there who basically have little knowledge.

On the bus, Butters was the only one to enjoy the zoo a whole lot replying, "Why I'm glad I went to the zoo, it's not everyday I go see my favorite animals giraffes, rhinos, hippos, and alligators up close, I manage to take lots of pictures even though most of them had their backs and bottoms turned facing the walls at times." which made Cartman thinking he could push him into one the lion enclosure and be fed upon if they were hand held partners again, luckily he was partnered with Kenny instead while Butters was partnered with Token during the trip, "Get a life Butters." rejected Cartman, "Yeah none of those animals did anything outside from just laying down sleeping and hiding." concurred Stan, "I agree" uttered Token "what's the point of watching animals out there when you can just watch online videos of them on youtube?" As for Cartman, he too was disappointed about the same news Kyle had heard about the Terrance and Phillip show coming to an end, "Oh well, I guess it's for the best, none of the newer episodes were good anyway." he shrugged, "Whmmf hm mmfff hmf mffmm buffmffm uhmn." muffled Kenny, "Reruns suck Kenny, you just keep watching the same episode over and over and it just keeps getting old and stale eveytime which just sucks even more!" replied Cartman, "...Actually it would suck even more if I had a Canadian like Kyle's adopted dildo brother living in my house, or even worst, a French person, because GOD knows French people are horrible!" "Whmf hmege hyu hefffe haermffes?" "...Wha, of coarse I hate hippies Kenny! Especially jews... but french people are just as bad as they are for five good reasons... One - they don't often bathe themselves, Two - their music are two dimensional and not so modern like today's music, Three - they always walk around holding baguettes and their french smelly ass cheese, they buy alot of them and eat alot of them, Four - they smoke too damn much whenever you're around any of them, it all gets into your lungs very quickly, and Five - ...they also enjoy eating snails and frog legs as well! Like I said, french people are just plain evil, let's hope to GOD one doesn't come to your neighborhood Kenny, if you even have any neighbors, you and your family are way too poor." "Ffhhugh uhhhf!"

Afterwards every kid got off and returned home and had a fine afternoon, except for Butters who's parents grounded him to his room for wasting all the photos from the camera after not taking any good pictures of the zoo animals in their out look, but nothing was even less fine to what Eric Cartman found in his house. Cartman jumped into an unexpected surprise as he sees his Mom in the living room chatting with some guy and not just any guy, he was a canadian judging by his appearance wearing a olive green turtleneck sweater! "Mom?" "Oh Eric there you are, I would like you to meet our new neighbor INN, ANnnn..." "Enzo madame, Enzo..." "Absolon, thank you, Enzo Absolon, he just moved into South Park two days ago, he's both french and canadian." "Bonjour eh." greeted the new visitor to Cartman who deeply fainted.

Cartman later wakes up in the hospital on a rainy day where his Mom was comforting him and relief that he's awaken from his two day blackout and told him she invited his friends over for some company, supposedly. Stan and Kyle were the only ones who showed up after Liane left the room where Cartman tells them the whole incident, "A guy came to my house yesterday." "Who, was it a robber or something?" "...Worst Stan, much much worst..." "You found your real father?" What, uh no Kyle, GOD, ... No, it was someone else, some stranger who is not from here, and it's not human... ...this person... was french!(random lightning flash)" Kyle and Stan were irritatingly silent when they heard Cartman's lousy actual excuse for blacking out nearly giving his mother a heart attack for hospitalizing him for two days for a few seconds, then Kyle replied "...Seriously Cartman, we're really doing this again?" "What's so horrible about french people?" "Wha, what's so horrible abou... everything Stan! I already explained this to Kenny back on the bus about how god-damn horrible they are! Oh and did I forget to mention that this guy is also part... canadian!(another random lightning flash)" "Canadian?" concerned Stan and Kyle, "Yeah, with his flapping head and biddy little eyes, the dude was also canadian you guys, I saw it with my own eyes!" But their little conversation is slightly interrupted when Cartman's new unfortunate rival showed up with a basket of treats, "Bonne après-midi boys.(more random lightning flash from outside once again)" Stan and Kyle were a little surprised to see some canadian stranger walk into a patient's room, "Oh shit!" struck Cartman with overreacting fear, it was Enzo Absolon who approached the uncomfortable Cartman with an innocent emotion, "Don't get any closer frenchman!" "Oh pardon me Eric I did not mean to intrude but with your mother's permission I thought I'd bring you this nice basket full of goodies while she's at work so you go hungry, just until she's comes back to pick you up at eight in the afternoon, cher moi you don't look so well eh." " Not with you in here!" "...I see, then might I just set this down somewhere in case you need it or let your friends hold on to it?" "Whatever I don't care now get the hell away from me!" "Huhh..." so he handed the basket to Stan before he left leaving him and Kyle to find that to be very disrespectful of Cartman to say to someone's generocity "yeah no shit", "Dude, what was all that about?" "Yeah all the guy did was just offer you a basket of snacks and goodies inside." "What you expect me to breath into his foul smoking breath when he was coming near me ? Also did it ever occur to you guys about not to take candy from strangers? Hhhmm... Doesn't any of that ring a bell?!" "... ...Okay I hate to admit it but he's kinda got us there Kyle." "Well at least someone has a brain, and GOD knows what is in that basket, beaguettes, or let me guess hot smelly cheese, cold red burgundy?" "All there is just nothing but a 6 1/2 inch jug of chocolate milk, two small bags of cheesy poofs and snacky cakes, one big chocolate chip cookie in a clean sealed plastic bag, a sealed plastic pack of little debbie frosted glazed donuts, and a pile of jellybeans scattered around the bottom." "See I told yy... wait what? Let me see that!" Cartman snatches the basket and finds nothing but what Stan pointed out, "Heh, It's a joke, in very poor taste." he blindly rejected after testing one of the jellybeans with two slight licks, "You sure Cartman because we can take it if you don't want it, I mean the guy did say your Mom made it." uttered Kyle. Cartman didn't care because he's still not taking any chances stupidly believing that well mannered french canadian poisoned it, so Stan and Kyle took the basket with them and said their thank yous before they left, "Well it's their funeral now, if they wanna suffer the french poison, then so be it..."

The next day after school, Cartman was a little upset because last night his Mom told him the treat basket was from her, and her new aquaintance was generous enough to deliver it to him, but after rethinking this, he's then relieved he didn't take the basket because in his belief his hated visitor might have poisoned it or something, though to him as inferior as that was things became even more inconvenient when he returned to the house and finds the same uncanny french canadian Enzo Absolon chatting with his Mom in the kitchen together, "Mother fucker! You again!" "Dear me, Eric you startled me for a second." "I startled you, Mom what the hell is he doing back here?!" "Now now Eric that's no way talk in front of our new guest." "Mom this guy is both canadian and worst of all, FRENCH!" "Eric! Oh pardon me Enzo, but my son does this all the time whenever he meets new people I bring over." "No, no, no! That's quite alright madame, some people around here may find it a little unusal seeing a canadian in their neighborhood, I might as well explain, last year ever since that whole canadian imagration occured, my mother who was pure french suggested I move out of canada and start a new life in the US before she passed away around October, there I began opening my own bussiness down town in Denver, a small bakery store. By the time all the canadian imagrants returned to Canada, however I stayed behind because I made a vow to my mother that my life would remain here in the United States of America considering she did had a tiny bit of american in her." "Oh you poor man well I say you're doing a wonderful thing for your deceased mother." "Yeah well I say he should his thing somewhere else." "Eric that's enough!" "What he's part french and part canadian Mom, and any french guy always has the pleasure of smoking all the time like what he's doing right now, open goddamn the windows before his smoking gets into my lungs!" "Ma chère garçon I am pure smoke free, never touch the stuff." "Oh yeah, then what's that in your mouth?" "What? ...Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh pardon me this be no cigar or cigarette, this just my half finished tutsi pop sucker." Enzo said after taking it out of his mouth proving Cartman's wrong theory, "Yeah I'm still not buying it." uttered Cartman which then causes his Mom to send him straight to his room due to his rude reponse to their new neighbor, "But Mom..." "No buts I had enough of your attitude today young man, now march!" "So this is it huh, you're really gonna let..." "NOW!" "Okay okay... ...auh weak." So Liane's hollering forced her son up to his room while she humbly apologizes to Enzo for her son's behavior, but Enzo once again shows some sympathy and understanding and asked her before left if they could just call each other tomorrow or the next day on the phone once in a while, only if they're not too busy, and she agreed.

Three weeks later, Cartman's been having trouble worrying about that fully grown male french canadian living around South Park over at a one floor apartment down town, but things get even more complicated when his Mom announced at home that she's going out with Enzo tomorrow spending a few nights over at a hotel. Cartman was outraged to hear his Mom go out with the same french guy he finds uncomfortable with, he persuades her not to go but his Mom already made her decision and her son will remain home until they get back, while Shelly Marsh babysits him like last time, "What!?" "Now Eric, Enzo is allowing me to go on a three day vacation with him in town, also if your good this time I might bring a little surprise for you when we get back." "Mom you seriously have to go threw with this? Why do I get the feeling this sounds like you're doing another one of your old fashion breeding routines like usual, I mean any french guy can fool women like that." "Don't be such a smartass Eric, I'm going out with Enzo and that's final!" The next day came around Friday in the afternoon but Liane forgot to pack a couple of her clothes including her "private ones" just in time before someone knocked on the door leading her to answer it after Eric was too stubborn to do so. It was Shelly Marsh who arrived to babysit Cartman, his Mom handed her the money for pizza and the list of things to keep Cartman occupied while she was away for the weekend. She then answers the next knocking from the door, this time it was her new date Enzo who brought a lovely bouquet of roses for her, she was simply charmed by his loyalty, "I thought perhaps rose would match the colors of your sweet lips mademoiselle." said Enzo flattering his (supposed) date... Cartman's Mom wanted to say goodbye to her son and tell him to call her if he needed anything, but all he could reply were nothing but "...Go away... ... ...Leave me alone Mom... ... ...I said leave me alone, I'm want to sleep Mom... ... ...No!..." from behind the shut door of his bedroom. So the two went off on their weekand date, leaving Eric Cartman home with Shelly Marsh babysitting him once again ...or so they think...

It took an hour and a half but Mss. Cartman and Mr. Absolon drove into town and found a nice decent place to relax and spend their two nights together at, a big wood paneled cabin like building with a large red neon HOTEL sign on top called the South Park Riverside Hand Inn Hotel where they had a gift shop inside, eleven rooms on each floor individually decorated with rustic country-style furniture, and a two story balcony high enough to get a fresh outdoor view of Colorado's beautiful mountains from beyond the cities and houses, all on Enzo's tab! Cartman's Mom didn't know what to say except she's glad to take a holiday away with a generous escort who's paying most of this trip for her. Later that night after they checked themselves in and moved to the top floor, Liane tries to unpack her two suitcases starting with the one that heavy for some good reason, but Enzo suggested they take a quick look outside on the balcony and see what it's like during night time. They both looked outside and Cartman's Mom was more charmed by all the dazzling stars in the sky, "How beautiful," she said "like diamonds in space." "May wee, so it is, more like shiny jewels, no?" Enzo replied, "Oh, um, I suppose, but what is that?" She asked pointed to what Enzo's holding in his arm which was just a book, "Oh pardon madame this is just an old novel I kept trying to finish three days ago, it's one of my favorites made outside of France, The Bridge over the River Kwai, a story centered around miserable British soldiers who are captivated and enslaved by the Japanese into building a railway bridge in Thailand, I'm only down to the last chapter in the book and by far I'd say it's one of Pierre Boulle's finest work ever beautifully written, need I say more eh." he said, "Oh Enzo, you are quite the french canadian flatterer." she chuckled. While they kept chatting out on the balcony something started shaking from inside one of Liane's two suitcases and it was the heavy one to be exact, a little hole between the two zippers had something or someone peaking from inside, one index finger poked out and unzipped the whole case revealing to be Eric Cartman who's determine to make sure his Mom doesn't mate with the manage to stowaway into one of his mother's suitcases and was the one that happen to carry some of her sex equipment in case she and Enzo try to hit it on with each other tonight, he burst right out to get some air while they weren't looking.

Meanwhile Shelly who was following parts of the list Liane made for her while she's away went up to Cartman's bedroom door banging on it a few times to get his attention, "Hey get out of bed turd, your Mom's rules were for you to have dinner by seven and brush your teeth afterwords!" "...Leave me alone Mom..." "Wha... your Mom isn't here you turd, she left three hours ago." "I said leave me alone, I want to sleep Mom..." "I'm not your Mom you fat stupid turd! You better unlock this door or..." "No!" That negative respond from the false Cartman voice angered Shelly so much she strongly broke the door down with one big kick like a car crashing through the front window of a house, only to find no one in the room except a dummy shaped Cartman decoy on the bed made of a pile of his pillows wrapped up in his blanket and sheets with a basketball for a head stacked on top wearing a winter hat that looked almost like his after Shelly turned the bedroom light on. "OOooohh... That fat turd is in so much trouble now!" cried Shelly in rage because Cartman snuck out.

Cartman quickly hides underneath the beds when he heard his Mom and Enzo coming back into their room where they both try to relax and see what's on TV until his Mom noticed her one personal suitcase was wide open, "...Oh dear I could've sworn I had this case perfectly zipped up..." she whispered while trying to zip it back up without Enzo seeing what she had inside it. Enzo decided release his pet birman cat out of his carrier kennel so that he too can relax since Enzo had no one to keep an eye on her and hated to leave her all alone at home while he's away which is why he brought her here. He let his cat named Abella out, but Enzo had no thought to what she was hissing at under one of the two beds... Cartman's Mom believed she probably needs some love with Enzo agreeing with her theory he picked Abella up and put her on the bed and gently pets her to calm her down, "...Bad kitty..." quietly whispered Cartman from under the bed. After putting on her nightgown in the bathroom, Liane's shoulders felt a little sore after carrying most of her luggage including the heavy one Cartman was inside, so Enzo wasn't in bed just yet rolled up his sleeves and decided to message her shoulders while she sat down on the sheet with him relaxing. Eric couldn't take it anymore, especially after a few moaning from those two, he tries to take a peak outside the long end of the same bed he's hiding under where they were sitting on above, but as he squeezed half if his round body out through the front side he then sees that same cat was on the bed too looking down upon him groaning and pounced on top of him before he could crawl back underneath, the kept on scratching and hissing at him which alerted both his Mom and Enzo when they heard a screeching "AH AH! BAD KITTY, B-BAD KITTY!" "Eric?!" surprised Liane finding her son here in the hotel fighting with Enzo's cat on the carpeting floor, "Oh fuck."

Meantime at the Marsh home Stan receives a call from his sister Shelly who angrily asked if he's hiding Cartman at their house, "No he's not, why?" "Because your fat turd friend snuck out of the house where Mrs. Cartman payed me to babysit him, I swear if one of you stupid turds is lying and if Mrs. Cartman fires me for this it's gonna be on both your heads!" "Shelly I swear I'm telling the truth he's not here!" "You best better pray he isn't when I find out turd." she then hangs up leaving Stan to quickly call Kyle who's given the same treatment from Shelly about Cartman's absence, "Just where could Cartman be?" wondered Kyle, "I think we might probably know where he could be, my sister did mentioned something about a date Cartman's Mom was going out on before she left to babysit him." replied Stan, "She's going out with the french canadian person isn't she." Kyle guessed, "Yeah I think so." "Oh good GOD what is it with Cartman ranting on so many people with different races, first jewish people, next there was the chinese, then there's black people, and now it's the french he's getting all worked up about, even though this guy's also canadian no less?" "You know that's kinda what I've been thinking Kyle, I mean doesn't it seem a little odd that outside from your brother Ike a canadian moves into South Park living in our neighborhood of americans while most canadians live up in Canada, I've been hearing this little theory from other people besides Cartman that Canadians don't often get along with americans that much." "I don't know who else told you that but I'm pretty sure we have some canadians or at least mix hyprids hanging around somewhere in the U.S. like normal society." "... ...Sure, normal society..." said Stan sarcastically to Kyle's opinion.

Cutting back to the hotel, Liane was very disappointed with her son Eric for sneaking out of the house and stowing away into one of her private travel bags now realizing why one was so much heavier to carry, so because of this, and after giving Shelly a call, it looks as if she'll have to cancel her date with Enzo, however Enzo disagreed with that stating they still have one more night tomorrow to finish the rest of their date which excruciated Cartman more since he's determine to not let his Mom be touched by a french or canadian due to his incomprehensible belief like with most of his racism nonsense, Enzo's even generous enough to check Cartman in, that way the manager won't find out they mistakenly snuck an extra person into their hotel otherwise they'll be kicked out. He also decided to rent another room next door with his cat allowing Cartman and his Mom to sleep in two separate beds even though she's still very upset with her son and warns him not to say another word for tonight or else!

The eventually turned 7am, Cartman's Mom was getting ready to come down stairs and join her escort for a nice morning breakfast while her disobedient son stays upstairs in her rented room until she returns after their date as a fair punishment or he'll be in more serious trouble if he tries to sneak out and ruin their time again. But Eric, (being the insubordinate imp that he is) isn't giving up just yet, punishment or no punishment he still couldn't let his Mom try and make love with this man which happens to be his worst fear to date when it comes down to this, so he disobeys his Mom rule anyway and tries to follow them by unlocking Enzo's vehicle with a car hacking remote he stole from some street robbers last year in case he needed to take something from out of his Mom's or Token's parents' car... ...for some important stuff... he sneaks in and hides in the back seat while they're not looking, and off they went to downtown Denver, they stopped at a baseball park to watch an MBL game with Cartman hiding in the bleachers under their seats, next they drove up to a national park where they went hiking up the rocky hilltops to take a couple photos of them and the park's wonderful landscapes with Cartman hiding behind the trees and a boulder while following them through the park, and finally as it got dark they both return to the city of South Park near a few blocks near the hotel where Liane and Enzo went into Red Lobster's to have dinner together.

They're both having magnificent day so far as they both enjoy eating together and talking together in peace, or again so they think when Cartman once again followed them in sitting in a different table twenty feet away without them seeing him using a bionic ear listening device peaking from behind a three folded menu book to hear what they're saying and what they're doing. "Oh Enzo," flattered Cartman's Mom "you have made this weekand very special to me." "Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh And you mademoiselle, have made this weekend very special to me as well." replied her french canadian escort which only grinded Cartman's gears while hearing that. Liane was deeply amused by all of Enzo's affections for her so much she didn't know what to expect though Enzo felt quite sorry for her son Eric as to wonder why he hates him by his race, she tells him her son's always been like this all the time and by her concern it might've had something to do with him never knowing his father, "...Oh-hoh-hoh, a lone boy, without a father," Enzo sympathized "I too never knew my father either when I was his age." "Oh dear I feel awfully sorry to hear that." uttered Liane "...It happens a lot my dear, when your closer to your mother you never know your father or when you are closer to your father you never know your mother, it seen happen in my country so many time, very tragic." Cartman listened very carefully and seem to stop thinking about what they were going to do for a second as his Mom unthinkably thought about proposing to Enzo Absolon, meaning she suggested they should both be wedded so that Eric Cartman will for once have a father and live happily after etcetera etcetera, however Enzo was looking at another woman who looked canadian with a little french appearance judging by her long curvy hair and her black and white striped shirt with a red scarf around her neck who happens to have spotted Enzo sitting with his date like she knows him, she then ignores him poundly turning her head away while sitting and talking with her date who happens to some plain white handsome american leaving Enzo feeling a little down as Liane questions "Enzo is there something wrong? Who's that woman you were looking at?" "...Liane Cartman, I have a bit of a confession to make, as far as I'm concerned we fine times together, but this might be the right time to tell you that... well let's just say I could see it in your eyes that you are asking me for a kiss, or possibly engagement even though we've only known each other for only three weeks and this be only one date." "...Yes." "Well I do not wish to break your heart but... the truth is I'm already married, my wife happens to be that canadian french woman you see over there sitting with another man who is an average dashing looking american in particular." Enzo Absolon explains to Liane Cartman the reason why set this whole date up was to make his wife feel jealous and get her to come back to him so they could start all over with their relationship after moving into the United States. Cartman's Mom feels a bit mislead after all the nice things he said about her and all the marvelous things they did together in one day it all comes down to this she should be heartbroken believing that he used her just to get back at his wife for cheating on him, and he didn't told her this to begin with, "Was everything you told me about you moving into South Park Colorado, owning your own bakery shop, and your Mother deceased all I lie?" she asked with a straight face "No no no! My mother's still dead, though I didn't exactly promised her to leave to America I'm only here because I followed my wife after hearing her leave with that man on the flight to this country ...but I still own bakery shop though, it's just up in Canada and not here, plus I have return a favor to my rich french canadian father after letting me barrow all this money from him to pay for all this including my flight ticket back to Canada. At least we had some fun time together haven't we?" he said otherwise, but right when Enzo sees his wife walk out the door with that other man, Liane Cartman didn't throw a fit but instead she quietly tells him that he should just leave right now, she will be packing all her things from the hotel and pick up her son, call a cab, and return home, in hopes that he will never see or call her again. Enzo Absolon excepts her decision and wanted to hand her money for a cab but she hands it back to him replying his money's no good to her, she will be paying her own money for that. So he quietly walks out of the restaurant leaving her in tears as Eric Cartman who after overhearing and watching all that starts to feel sorry for his poor mother for being mistreated that way and tries to come to her needs even if she gets pissed at him for disobeying her one strict rule not to leave the hotel until she came back since he was still grounded but he didn't care as usual, he walked up to her Mom gently asking why she looks so sad, "Oh Eric I... Eric! What on... I thought I told you..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah stay in the hotel room until you got back and keep answering the phone and all that, I know Mom I know, but the... the phones were out of order when I tried to call you, and the room was infested with cockroaches, spiders, and rats, I tried get help from the manager but he couldn't do thing about it he said the..." "Never mind Eric... let's just pack our things and leave, it's getting late and I have to go to work tomorrow, I will call ourselves a cab to drives us back home." gently moaned his Mom rubbing off her anger not bothering to scold him again after being hurt by someone she thought was more loyal and trustworthy to care for and believed that she should have taken her son's crazy advice after all, admitting she had been poisoned, by that man's cunning deceitful impression.

The next day on SNN the tv news had reported last nights terrible accident that happened down town, Enzo Absolon was killed in a horrible car crash while trying to drive back to his apartment! The brain-dead South Park police assumed it had to have been done by drunk driving, but was later examined by highly specialized inspectors it turned out that the break line was missing from the torn vehicle before the crash including the driver airbag midule that was disassembled from his steering wheel, and the driver's seatbelt was loosely cut twice, one web side for strapping the chest and the other web side for strapping the waist, both loosely cut by a carving knife causing the driver to fly out with the web belt breaking loose fatally wounding his head and body as the car crashed into the wall of a building at the middle of a T-intersection while the car kept driving straight all the way down passing red lights nearly causing traffic and he couldn't stop! Judging by these examinations it has been believed to be an assassination attempt but from whom they did not know of. Liane Cartman was shocked to hear what happened to poor old Enzo on the news even if he was a wily manipulative conman but she was at least glad that she didn't ended up in the same fate with her son and were very lucky last night to have made it back home safe and sound.

Later after school Cartman told all his friends on about his Mom's awful date and now he won't have to worry about that canadian french person coming into their lives again, "Gee dude is your Mom going to be alright, especially after hearing about his death that occurred last night?" asked Stan, "Yeah come to think of it, I kinda wonder how that happened? The news also reported that someone snuck into his car and dismantled a few important safety adjustments for an assassination attempt, and just who could've done that...?" pondered Kyle looking at Cartman with suspicion, "Well let's hope someone catches this killer, I mean who knows which victim's car he might sabotage and get the drivers to crash to their dooms!" (falsely) petrified Cartman which worried Butters and some of the other kids on the bus counting Kenny as Kyle couldn't keep arguing about who was responsible for that accident. "...Well at least I don't have to worry about the french canadian guy going near me, my Mom, my cat or my home anymore..." chuckled Eric Cartman with wicked joy revealing to be the one responsible for Enzo Absolon's death after pulling out a carving knife without any of his classmates on the bus looking.

Sadly just as Cartman got home relieved that there's no french person or canadian person living the neighborhood, walks in and finds his mother in a happier mood sitting in the living room chatting with another different male visitor who looks asian! "Oh there you are Eric, I want you to meet our new neighbor Li Hong." "Ni Hao Eric." "He's chinese american." Cartman was disturbed by this rehash so much he resonded, "NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!"