Chapter 1
"I'll see you later." I can only watch as my son let go of my hand and willingly went to embrace his blonde mother and out the door with the rest of the idiots in this town. I wanted to hold him longer. I wanted to embrace him once more but I know that if I do that he'll just turn away from me again. And so I just watched him leave.
"Congratulations, you just reunited mother and son." I turned to look at the imp, the only other person in the room now. "Maybe one day, they'll even invite you to dinner."
I couldn't help my tears anymore. Normally I wouldn't show any sign of weakness in front of other people, especially Gold but my tears just kept on falling. Maybe I just didn't care anymore and so I let them fall. The imp walked out leaving me alone in this room and as I looked around I couldn't help but feel the sadness taking over me.
I helped bring them back. I absorbed the curse in the well just so Ms. Swan and her mother can come back and for my son to see I really am trying to be good. But I guess no matter what I do they would still see me as the Evil Queen, including my son. I wasn't expecting a thank you; our history is much too complicated for that, but at least an acknowledgement would have been enough.
Well Henry did give you a hug. That lasted for about five seconds until Ms. Swan invited everyone to dinner and then her son forgot about her all over again.
I felt a sob made its way out of my mouth as I let my tears continue to fall. I couldn't stand in this room alone anymore. I need to get out. But where would I go? The mansion feels so big and empty now ever since Henry moved away and it would just be a reminder that I lost my son. No I can't go there, not now.
In a cloud of purple smoke Regina vanished and reappeared inside the Mills mausoleum where her father resides. She knelt in front of her fathers' tomb and let herself cry out, much like what she does when she was but a child and mother would be cruel to her. She would run to her fathers' side and embrace him until she falls asleep. Right now she would give anything to have her fathers' arms hold her tight again and make her feel safe for even a while.
She cried that night for what seemed like an eternity until she couldn't anymore and feel asleep on the cold floor. She knows that tomorrow she would have to put up her mask again; to be the stoic mayor, the Evil Queen as they all call her but for now she is just Regina, a girl longing for love and acceptance, a girl who still runs to daddy when she can no longer take the pain in her heart. A mother who just wants her son to love her again. Regina fell in a dreamless sleep that night with only her fathers' tomb to witness her breakdown.
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I walked away from the diner after my outburst on Ms. Swan. I didn't know why I apologized at her for wanting to spend some time with my son but I figured it was for the best since Henry is living with her right now; even though I am still his legal guardian. I can feel my heart breaking once more. I don't understand why it's me who is begging to spend time with Henry when I'm his mother. The worst part is being denied of that privilege. I miss my son so much and all I wanna do is to be able to spend more than a couple of minutes with him. Is that too much to ask?
Henry didn't seem bothered by it though considering he didn't even sit with me at the table, instead he preferred to stay with the two idiots. He only came at my side to say he was happy that I came tonight. At least it's something but it didn't ease the feeling of being rejected, replaced.
It hurts too much. I don't know how much longer I can take this constant pain in my chest. I stopped walking and put my hands in my chest; just above where I can feel my heart beating. Maybe if I remove my heart it wouldn't hurt so much anymore? I shake my head at my thoughts, dropped my hand to my sides and continued the lonely way to 108 Mifflin St.
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It's a couple of days after that incident that I found out about the idiots plan on going back using the magic beans. I don't know how they got a hold of them but they did anyway and they were growing them. They were going to leave me behind. They were going to take my son away from me and leave me behind.
I tried talking to Henry, to make him understand this but he just brushed it off like it was nothing. Like I'm the one who got it wrong and that his precious heroes would take me with them back to the Enchanted Forest. He called me evil again. I know I've been called that one too many times before but it hurt a lot more when it came from him. The boy whom I took care of for eleven years, the boy whom I gave all my love, my heart; accused me of being nothing but a villain in his story books.
That's how I found myself back in my fathers' side. After I watched my son walked away from me once again I made my way to daddy hoping that he can stop the pain but it doesn't. The pain doesn't go away this time; not like it did the other times that I've been here but at least here I felt like I had someone. I'm tired of feeling this, tired of crying every night, coming home to an empty house, walking around with everyone glaring at me, tired of my son pushing me away.
I wiped my tears away with my sleeves and got up. I pushed daddy's tomb and went down the staircase leading to my vault. I can smell the potions, the magic lingering in the air and I'm reminded of what my son thinks of me. I pushed those feelings aside and made my way over to the table in the room. I grab all of the ingredients I needed and put them all on the table, along with a vial small enough to store a potion and hide in my pocket.
I started mixing them and the smell of it reached my nose. I had to do this. This is the only way for the hurt to stop. I couldn't take it anymore; Henry's rejection today was the final straw and if I keep this up I'm not sure if my heart can take it any longer. I stayed that night in my vault, finishing up my creation and tomorrow, tomorrow it would all stop.
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"What are you doing here? Does Emma know you're here?" Henry asked me as soon as he came over when he saw me across his school.
I felt that tug again; the same one I've been feeling ever since he ran away from me and into Ms. Swan's waiting arms. I schooled my features hoping he wouldn't notice how hurtful those words are. Who am I kidding? He never notices. Instead I put on a smile that is reserved only for him.
"I just wanted to see you."
He sat beside me at the same bench we sat yesterday but he kept his distance. Oh how I wanted to reach over and hug him but I know he'll just pull away and so kept my hands inside my pockets. I know I'm staring at him but I had too. I wanted to remember his face even for just a little longer.
"Do I have something in my face?" He asked. I guess I've been staring at him longer than I thought I was. I shake my head and smiled.
"No. I just… missed you."
If Henry heard my voice breaking a bit he didn't show it. He just gave me a nod and didn't say anything else. I was hoping he would say he missed me as well but I guess being with the uncharmings kept him entertained.
I grabbed the package I kept securely in my hands and hand it to him. He looked at me weirdly and at the stack of his comic books I'm now handing to him.
"Why are you giving me this?"
"They are yours and I thought you might want them. I know you haven't finished reading these yet so I took them to you."
"Thanks." He accepted the comics and looked at me. I don't know why he was looking at me like that but I brushed it off thinking he was suspicious about my intent but I didn't care.
"So… did you just come here to bring my comics?"
I nodded at him. I'm starting to feel the tears burning at the back of my eyes and I know that if I stay here longer he'll see them fall and that is the last thing I wanted him to see. And so I took a deep breath and readied myself.
"I should get going now. Your right. Ms. Swan doesn't know I'm here so…" I trailed off and stood up. He was still looking at me and I could see the confusion on his face on why I'm acting so weird now.
I reached out for him but stopped halfway not knowing if he would be ok with me touching him. I guess he noticed my hesitation and stepped closer to me and I finally touched his face. I cup his face with both my hands like I always did before; I looked into his eyes and tried burning his image in my head. I don't know how I managed to keep my tears at bay but I did.
"I love you so much Henry, don't forget that. My little prince." I kissed his forehead softly and went to my car, driving off leaving a confused Henry behind.
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I made my way over to daddy's tomb one last time and knelt in front of him.
"I brought you flowers daddy." I put the flowers down much like I did when I buried him all those years ago, "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness for what I did back then but I hope you know I love so much. I think this is the last time that I can come visit you. I'm leaving and I don't plan on coming back, after all there is nothing left for me to come back to. I just couldn't leave without saying goodbye to you first. I love you so much daddy."
And with that said I made my way out of the Mills mausoleum.
I stopped the car at the towns' border. I looked at the back seat and saw my luggage neatly piled; I didn't bring much with me, just clothes, money and some of my personal belongings. I didn't dare bring any pictures of Henry since it would defeat the purpose of me leaving and so I left it all in the house.
I took the vial with the potion out of my pocket and stared at it for a while. This is it. If I drink this I'll forget all of them. I won't remember any of the people in this town or my memories in the Enchanted Forest, even Henry. This is the only way I can stop hurting. Henry will be fine. He has his mother with him now, he doesn't need me anymore.
I can feel my tears roll down my face but I didn't wipe them away this time. This would be the last time I'll be crying over him and so I just let them fall. I keep seeing his face in my head now and my heart breaks even more at the thought of leaving him even though I know he chose Ms. Swan over me. This is the reason why I made the potion in the first place because I know that if remember him I wouldn't be able to leave.
I stilled myself and took the vial in my hands. I took the cap off, drank the potion, and drove out of town.
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A/N:
So what do you guys think? Regina left town and drank a potion which erased her memories of everyone in it, including Henry and Emma. What would be her son's reaction? What would be Emma's reaction? Where would Regina end up?
I just love writing hurt Regina so much and I don't even know why. I guess it's because she's just so strong in the show that I just want to see her vulnerable side more when it comes to Henry and her feelings (and not chasing some guy who smells like forest). Anyway , let me know what you think. Send me your reviews guys!