HONK! HOOONK!

"WAKE UP, KENNY!"

"Now, Eric, it's not polite to use the- -"

HOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

"...horn."

Cartman and his mother were outside the McCormick hovel, in the latter's car with the former going to town on the horn. The new Terrance & Phillip Bust Russia game for Wii U was finally out, and Cartman wanted to be the first to have a copy. His mother had only been willing to give him so much money, and he'd already stolen all he could from Butters, so he'd had to convince Kenny to pool his money with him so that they could get the game before everyone else. With enough prodding, begging and Playboy magazines, Kenny had promised Cartman he would steal some money from his dad and deal with it later.

What he hadn't promised was that Cartman could come honking in front of his house at three in the morning.

Eventually, Kenny opened the front door. He was wearing nothing but his little briefs, a blanket around his shoulders and a livid expression. Also, he was carrying a big rifle in his hands. He relaxed a bit when he saw that it was just Cartman.

"Dude, what the hell?!"

"Kenny! Get your scrawny white ass in this car! All the the other kids are gonna get Terrance & Phillip Bust Russia before us!"

"You never said you'd be here at three in the morning! Hell, you're lucky my family are such heavy sleepers, or they'd kill me AND you!"

"Quit your bitching and get dressed!"

Kenny sighed heavily. "Okay, just wait for me out here."

Cartman rolled his eyes, but his mom just waved happily. "Of course we'll wait for you, dear!"

Kenny narrowed his eyes. "Liane." He shut the door.

"Asshole..." muttered Cartman.

His mother wagged her finger at him. "Eric, you shouldn't talk about your friend like that!"

"Well, he's an asshole, mom."

"Please, Eric, try to be nicer to your friends. One day, you might wake up, and you won't have them anymore."

"So? Then I'll just make new, cooler friends. Shouldn't be too hard."

"Oooh..." Ms. Cartman glanced aside.

"What?...Mom?" Cartman sat up. "Do you think I have a hard time making friends?"

"No, poopsiekins, you're fine, it's just that..."

"What?"

"Well, someone with a...'strong' personality like yours wouldn't, uh..."

"You think I'm an asshole?!" accused Cartman. "Me?! Your own son?! Oh, that's real nice! Why don't you just put that on a t-shirt and flaunt it?! 'My son is an asshole, everybody'!"

Ms. Cartman sighed. "That's not what I mean, honey. Just value the friends you've got, okay?"

"Hmph," Cartman glared out the window just as Kenny climbed into the back seat. He was wearing his signature orange outfit.

"Why are we going to the mall so early?" said Kenny, buckling up.

"I told you, we have to be first in line or I swear to God, they'll sell out," Cartman explained.

"Whatever you say."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once the trio reached the mall, Cartman told Kenny and his mother to wait in the car while he somehow coerced a security guard to let them inside. It took quite a while, but he got the job done. Then, after a few other formalities, they all made their way to the game store and waited for it to open. And all the while, Cartman complained.

"Mooom, my feet are tired. Carry me."

"*sigh* Okay, dear. Hup!"

"That's better," Cartman sipped his soda. "Won't be long now until I have Terrance & Phillip Bust Russia."

"WE have Terrance & Phillip Bust Russia," Kenny muffled angrily. "This is fucking stupid. The mall isn't even open and we've been here for an hour."

Cartman shifted in his mother's arms. "Of course it's open, how else would we have gotten in here?"

"Maybe you drugged that security guard," Kenny crossed his arms. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"Kenny! If you don't stop with the interrogation, I will cut your balls off and feed them to Mr. Kitty!"

Liane furrowed her brow. "Eric!"

"Okay, okay, I won't feed them to Mr. Kitty. He'd get sick anyway."

Kenny groaned. "If we end up not getting the game, I'll have stolen from my dad for nothing. He's gonna turn my ass inside out."

"Oh, boo-hoo, your dad's a dick."

"Shut up, Cartman."

"Oh, boo-hoo, I'm Kenny," Cartman continued to fake cry. "My dad beats me up for buying cool games because he's a huge dick!"

"Hey! Maybe my dad is a dick, but at least I have one!"

"..."

"...sorry."

"YOU KNOW WHAT, KENNY?! YOU CAN JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF!" Cartman hopped out of his mom's arms and threw his soda to the ground.

Ms. Cartman put a hand to her mouth. "Eric!"

"Everyone just fucking leave me alone!"

Kenny frowned as Cartman stomped away. He looked at Ms. Cartman.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"It's okay," she assured him. "We should give him a little time to cool down. In the meantime, we can get him some food so he won't be too upset when we catch up with him."

"Okay."

So, Kenny and Ms. Cartman stopped at a Panda Express in the mall, and sat at the stools out front, eating some rice and orange chicken.

"Thanks for the food," murmured Kenny.

Ms. Cartman didn't look up from her meal. "...do you know why Eric is so sensitive about his father?"

"Because he got him killed, then ground him into chili?"

"No."

"Because he was a ginger?"

Ms. Cartman sighed. "No. Because he blames me...what I did, for him being the way he is."

"What do you mean?" asked Kenny. "Cartman thinks he's the greatest person ever!"

"But...he's not happy. He's angry, and lower middle class, and...fat. He thinks that if he just had a man in his life, or a father figure of some sort, then things wouldn't be the way they are. They'd be better, and he'd have a better life. The life he deserves."

"Oh..."

Now Kenny felt like kind of an asshole for saying what he did to Cartman. Then again, Cartman was being an asshole first!

"Oh, dear," gasped Ms. Cartman, snapping Kenny out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"Look." She showed Kenny the weather forecast on her phone. "Honey, I'm afraid we've got a big storm coming. A blizzard!"

"Oh, no!"

The two stood from the counter, with Ms. Cartman hoisting her purse and Kenny getting the leftovers in a bag for Cartman.

"Hurry, find Eric! I'll bring the car around!"

"Be careful!"

Kenny wore a worried expression as he watched Ms. Cartman run to the east exit of the mall. He turned began searching the empty mall for Cartman.

"Eric! Eric!"

Eventually, Kenny found Cartman sitting alone at a Chipotle. He hurried over to him.

"Come on!" he called. "Forget the game, there's a blizzard coming, dude!"

But Cartman didn't turn around. "Fuck off, Kenny. You just want me to leave so you can have the game to yourself. Then you'll have another thing that I don't."

Kenny sighed, really starting to regret what he'd said. "Dude, get over it! We're both gonna die if you don't move, so get up!" When Cartman didn't respond, he tried pulling on his arm. "Come on!"

"Noooo," Cartman whined.

Kenny fell on his butt. "Ugh. Are you really gonna make me go out there and tell your mom you DIED because you were too stubborn to move when a blizzard was coming?"

"...what? You just let my mom go out in the storm? Alone?! Dude, she has the game money in her frickin' purse!"

"Let's go, then!"

Kenny held the leftovers out to Cartman, but he was ignored. Cartman dashed right out into the snow, which was constantly falling harder, and began calling for his mom.

"MEEEEAM! MEEEEEEAM!"

"She's here, hurry!" came Kenny's panicked reply. He was struggling to hold Ms. Cartman's limp body up.

Cartman trudged over and helped Kenny carry her back inside the mall.

"Ms. Cartman? Ms. Cartman!"

She was unconscious. Kenny shook her by the shoulders in an attempt to reawaken her.

Meanwhile, Cartman had been checking her purse to make sure all the money was still there. Luckily, it was. Cartman sighed in relief, uttering a quick "thank you, Lord Almighty", then put the purse back at his mother's side.

"Mom, wake up!" barked Cartman, lightly smacking her cheek.

After a couple more smacks, Kenny pulled Cartman's hand away. "Stop it, dude!"

"Kenny, it's MY mom!" Cartman yanked his hand back. "And I'm not a thief like you! I have to wake her up and get her to buy me that game, so I can slap her as many times as I want!"

"My GOD, you're an asshole! Do you have any idea how guilty your mom feels, dude? How much she blames herself for how you turned out when it was really your fault you're such a dick? And you still treat her like shit! Fuck you!"

"Kenny, shut the fuck up for once and let me do this!" Cartman was about to slam his hand into his mother's cheek, but stopped short when she began to stir.

"Mm..Eric...?" she moaned.

Kenny let out a silent sigh of relief.

Ms. Cartman sat up a bit and gave her son a hug. "I'm s-so glad you're okay."

"Get off me, Mom, you're cold as shit."

"S-Sorry. I don't know what to do now...i-it's snowing too hard out there for me to get to the car."

"Get to the car? Mom, we can't leave until we get the game!"

"Forget the stupid game, dude!" snapped Kenny. "Your mom is dying of hypothermia, and all you can think about is video games!"

"'Stupid'?! UH, how are you gonna judge a game you haven't even played, Kenny? You'll be lucky if I even let you have a turn now!"

"You know what? Fine! I don't care! Dude, you SUCK, and I'm not putting up with you anymore! Your mom needs help!" Kenny grabbed Cartman's mother around the waist and started dragging her away from her child.

"Now where are you going?!" Cartman snapped.

"Away from YOU!" Kenny replied coldly. "Your mom'll be safer that way!"

Cartman flinched a bit at that comment. He clenched his fists. Now Kenny thought he was one of those jerky kids who beat up their moms.

He began trailing after Kenny and his mother.

Kenny knew that Cartman was following him, but he didn't acknowledge his presence. He no longer believed there was anything he could say to him that would make things better.

He remained silent when Cartman got closer to him. Even when he came up behind him and held his mother around the waist. It sure made it easier for Kenny to transport her.

"...Kenny? I get why you don't wanna talk to me, okay? You're mad because I said you couldn't play the game."

Kenny let out a low growl.

"Right," sighed Cartman. "Sorry for blowing up at you, okay, dude? It's just...sometimes I get jealous of you..."

Kenny froze. "...wait, are you kidding? Don't even joke about that, dude."

"I'm seriously."

"Dude...Eric...why would you be jealous of me?" Kenny just couldn't comprehend it.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone about this..."

"I promise," Kenny nodded.

"Well, Kenny, you're all poor and stuff, and that sucks. But you've got your mom, your dad, and your siblings with you...and even with your crappy house and your crappy...everything else, you're still way more chill than me. I feel really empty and junk. My mom and Mr. Kitty just aren't enough. I hate living like this, Kenny."

Kenny couldn't conceal his surprise. "I'm sorry, Eric, but...it's all about appreciating what you've got. Sometimes I feel jealous of YOU because I wish I had a mom as loving as yours."

"Really?"

"Yeah, dude! All the stuff your mom does for you? My mom would kick my ass if I asked her to do half those things! And yours too, for giving me the idea!"

Cartman cracked a smile. "Just WATCH her try to kick MY ass!"

"Oh, you'd be surprised, dude!"

Cartman and Kenny laughed at that. At this point, the fat boy was holding his mother all on his own.

"E...Eric...I tried..." the woman mumbled in her unconscious state. "I really did..."

"..."

"...well, I guess we should just call for help and wait for them to come," said Kenny.

"Yeah."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hours later, the mall manager arrived at work. It was a real hassle getting in after the snow plows, but he eventually made it through. With the blizzard cleared, he whistled a merry little tune to himself as he unlocked the doors.

Behind them, he found two little boys and a familiar-looking woman curled up together, asleep on the floor. He decided not to question it.

"Huh," he remarked. "What a happy family."

(A/N: 'BOUT TIME! Ohhh this another one of those stories that took me forever to finish, and since I've had it sitting around so long...yeah, I kinda rushed it. But I hope you enjoyed it for what it was...! Whatever it was

Please review, fave, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more! Au revoir!)