Hey! My name's Lolalicious.
So, this story is complete crack, but I'd like to think that it's completely awesome at the same time. Supposed to be funny. So if for some reason you want to be offended, don't.
I'll probably update this pretty often. And about the length...This is about the shortest that a chapter will be. They probably won't get too long, but they won't get much shorter than this. Just so you know.
Whatever, I'm talking too much. :D Just read the freaking story.
Normally, a story with an OC starts with the character mysteriously passing through the gate from Earth to Amestris. That's how this one is going to start too.
Once upon a time there was a girl named…Susan. Yeah, Susan is a good name. Susan…Periwinkle.
Yes, Susan's last name is a color. Deal with it.
So Susan was just sitting around in her room, texting her soon-to-be boyfriend when the Truth plucked her from Earth and brought her to the blank/white space that is The Gate.
"Ohmygosh. Where is my phone?" Susan Periwinkle stared at the Truth and put her hands on her hips. "Give me my phone, asshole," she demanded, lifting her left hand and holding it out expectantly.
"Nonliving objects cannot enter The Gate."
"Liar. My clothes are nonliving, and they are clearly with me in this gate place," Susan scoffed, reaching in her back pocket for her handy-dandy pepper spray that she liked to carry around. She held it up to show the Truth and shrugged her shoulders, "And I have this. Which isn't living. Now give me my phone before I use it on you. Damien was just about to ask me out, and he's soooo dreamy…" The sparkles that lit up her eyes put Armstrong to shame. "Besides, he'll be pissed if I don't answer."
The Truth narrowed his nonexistent eyes and wondered how this rather dull girl had found a way to see past his lie. It sat up a bit straighter and stared at the small cylinder in the girl's hand. "What's that?"
"Pepper spray, moron," Susan laughed, rolling her eyes, "Do you live under a rock or something?" She looked around at the empty white space, "Oh, right."
The Truth was a bit hurt by her comment. "I do not need to argue with a foolish human," he said, crossing his nonexistent arms, "I am the Truth, I am the Universe, the World—"
"Yeah, you're definitely a guy."
The Truth raised its nonexistent eyebrow in confusion, "Excuse me?"
Susan motioned at the empty white space around her, "Definitely a bachelor pad. You have nothing to decorate this place. At all. Couldn't you at least get a welcome mat or something? I mean, really."
The Truth decided to ignore Susan's rather strange declaration. "As I was saying," he continued, picking up where he left off, "I am the World, I am All, I am One—"
"And what is up with this door. It's ancient. Besides, the whole 'antique gothic' style thing hasn't been cool since, like, the nineties. It's got to go."
The Truth scowled with his nonexistent mouth and personally shoved Susan Periwinkle through the Gate.
The Truth then found it necessary to swear for the first time in all existence. This upset the balance of life and caused an earthquake that swallowed the entire state of Hawaii.