Disclaimer: I only own the vampire fruit of doom, not Twilight.
A/N: Okay, so lots of people have been asking about the vampire fruit from my story Hallelujah. So, in answer to their questions, this is a one-shot about the fruit.
Emmett did WHAT?
EmPOVI'm bored. Rose, Alice, Bella, and Esme are hunting; Carlisle is working; Jasper is busy reading his civil war books for the thousandth time; and Edward is playing the piano. I'll just go for a ride.
I ran to the garage and started up Jimbo, my jeep. I began to just wander, not really going anywhere. Then, I had the perfect idea.
I drove past the grocery store and they were advertising a sale on produce, including fruit. I know what I could do! I'd change fruit into vampires and then train them to wreak havoc on my evil family who refuses to play Halo with me!
I ran human speed into the store and stuffed a cart full of bananas, peaches, apples, pears, and oranges. When I checked out, the cashier looked at me oddly; whether it was because my fruit-dominated purchase or my dashing good looks, I didn't know. I think it was the good looks. I mean really, I'm freaking gorgeous!
I took my many bags of delicious fruit and drove home, carefully blocking my thoughts by singing "When I Grow Up" in Russian.
The second I walked in the door, I saw Edward and Jasper with questioning looks on their faces.
"Emmett," Edward started warily, "why are you blocking your thoughts?"
"Yeah," Jasper agreed, "and why do you have a bunch of bags of fruit?"
"No reason," I replied with a shrug. They glared, but then went back to their pointless employment.
"Emmett!" Edward bellowed. "Our employment is not pointless! Your insisting on playing video games every hour of the day is!" Moron. "I heard that!" Grrr…
I knew that I couldn't activate my awesome plan while there was a mind reader near me, so I ran deep into the forest. When I arrived, I dumped my fruit onto the dirty ground. Then, one by one, I bit into them. I had no idea how long it would take for fruit to transform, or frankly, whether or not it would work, so I sat down next to the quivering fruit and watched diligently.
Yes, my minions. TRANSFORM!
EPOV
Emmett is acting really weird. First he bought bags upon bags of fruit, then he blocked his thoughts, and then he ran off into the forest! I shook my head to clear it and walked up to Carlisle's study where he was working on some research paper.
Ah, Edward. To what to I owe the pleasure of this visit? He thought.
"Do you have any idea what Emmett's up to?" I asked. "He's blocking his thoughts so I don't know what, if anything, he's planning."
Well, Edward, I wouldn't put much stock into it. Emmett is simply Emmett. He'll be secretive until he unleashes his probably infantile plans. Jasper heard me talking and walked in with us.
"Yeah, he came in with a bunch of fruit and hasn't been seen since," Jasper added. "Knowing Emmett, it's probably something totally stupid, but even so, all his schemes end with him screwing something up." Carlisle nodded.
"Don't pay attention to it. He'll come back any time giggling as if nothing happened." Jasper and I nodded and resumed our previous employment.
What could he possibly be planning…?
JPOVEven though Carlisle told me to ignore Emmett, that's kind of hard to do. The last time he was this secretive he ended up burning all my war books. It took me quite a while to replenish my library.
Eh, he probably did something dumb like giving liquor to the mountain lions so Edward would get wasted.
Actually, that's not a bad idea…
"Don't even think about it!" Edward warned.
Dang.
CPOVNo matter how hard I tried, I couldn't concentrate on my paper now that I new Emmett was planning something. Emmett planning is very bad. Many schemes of his have gone bad. He has painted my office hot pink, ripped the sleeves off of Rosalie's and Alice's clothing, spray painted Bella's Audi, dismembered Edward's piano, burned Jasper's rare war books, and blown the roof off of Esme's precious house.
NOW what trouble can he cause…?
EmPOVMy minions were complete!
It didn't take that long seeing as they're so small, but they seemed to be in a lot of pain. Poor fruit of doom…
All in all they were beyond awesome. They glowed a bright ruby red and had a hole in the side of them for feeding. They seemed to enjoy massacring bugs instead of humans. That's good. I didn't want Carlisle yelling at me for creating an army of people-slaying fruit. I would be grounded for SO long…
"All right my awesome, perfect, beyond superb minions!" I called. "We are now embarking on mission annoy everyone in my family! First up, JASPER!" They hummed in agreement. Sweet…they talk… "Now here's the plan: I'll distract everyone and keep them downstairs while you all ransack Jasper's library. Make sure to destroy his civil war books first. They're his favorite." They once again grunted. "I'll signal you to come in with a small whistle. When I do that, you strike!"
I led them back to the house and gestured for them to hind behind Esme's prized rose bush until I needed them.
I walked into the house and called everyone down. They were drawn to me by their curiosity about what I was planning. Awesome.
"Hello everybody," I said, trying to sound professional. "I have a question; that question is: 'Why do we drink from animals?'"
As I expected, Carlisle went headfirst into a rant about our diet with Edward and Jasper putting in comments about how horrible it is to drink from humans. While they were babbling, I whistled low, but loud enough for my fruit to hear.
I listened to Carlisle for a little while longer than interrupted him. "Thanks Carli, I get it now." He scowled at my use of his nickname and just stalked off. I smiled at my brothers and plugged in my Wii.
A few minutes later, I heard it.
"EMMETT!" Jasper screamed. "YOU CHANGED FRUIT INTO VAMPIRES AND THEN TRAINED THEM TO RIP MY LIBRARY TO SHREDS?" I snickered. However, I didn't expect the next event. My fruit went ballistic. They trashed everything, including my video game consoles and all our cars. They even ripped Edward's beloved piano to shreds while he was still playing it.
"EMMETT!" they all bellowed.
"Minions, please!" I begged. "Stop now!" They weren't listening at all. Crap.
"Great job Emmett!" Edward said, sarcasm dripping from his tone.
"Look, we'll just try to control them till Bella gets home," Carlisle reassured us, "she'll fix this."
For the next five hours we watched Esme's beloved home get destroyed by insane vampire fruit. When the girls finally came home, they were speechless. Esme was close to tears, Alice was giggling, Rosalie was glaring at me, and Bella was shaking her head. She knew she'd need to fix this.
With one quick flick of her wrists, Bella froze the vampire fruit mid-rampage. We all collected them and threw them in a blue cooler. When we were done, Esme finally started screaming.
"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN! YOU ARE CLEANING THIS MESS UP IMMEDIATELY!"
"Yes, mom," I muttered.
"But first, you will burn these pieces of…whatever they are." She handed me the cooler and a lighter.
I ran very deep into the woods and set the cooler down. But, you know what? I was not in any way ready to dispose of these bad boys. No, I would keep them for later revenge. They just needed more training. I smiled and headed back to the house, filling my mind with images of burning fruit. That should fool Edward.
Oh yes, these will totally come in handy some day…
The EndYay! That's Emmett and his vampire fruit of doom. Will he get revenge? Only I know.
Review plz!!