Visiting day. The day I have feared for so long. I'm not sure what I'm more scared about: whether my parents show up, or don't. If they show up, it will just show me
how much I miss them, and I will feel guilty. I'll have to start over again, get over their presence. On the other hand, if my parents don't show up, I will be
disappointed. It will mean that my parents had a choice to see me and they declined. I would feel worthless. So, really it affects me either way. You see why I'm
dreading it? I walk over to the chasm, Christina falling behind, flirting with Will. They've been really touchy lately. I've been trying hard not to be a "Stiff" about it, but
I do get a little uncomfortable. I mean do they really need to display it, in public? I push my negative thoughts away and put a smile on my face. I like to hide my
emotions, just because I don't like the attention. I head to the Chasm, and thoroughly look for my parents. The less area there is to look, the more my heart sinks. I guess they decided not to show.
fine. Why, do I look like I'm sad or something?" I say, feeling insecure suddenly. Four does that to me. He makes me feel like my hair is messed up or something is
wrong with what I'm wearing. He tends to have that effect on me.
"No, you just look a little dazed. Did your parents come?" he asks slowly, as if I'm glass and he doesn't want to break me.
"I guess not. I think I'm just going to go back to the dorm." I say as walking away. Just as I'm about to do that, a lady touches my arm.
She is short. "Have you seen my son, Albert?" I glance around, surprised he's not around.
"Oh, no. He's probably in the dorms. I'm headed back there right now if you want me to tell him you are here."
"That would be great. Thank you." She says.
"Tris wait up. I've got to tell you something." I turn around I realize Four is talking to me.
"Four, I'm really tired and-"
"Just hear me out. I know your parents aren't here, but you can't let that distract you." He leans in closer.
"I know Tris. I know. You need to be careful." I look up at him, mouth open and eyes wide. He looks at me with a worried look. Eyebrows dropped down, eyes big and
blue. He clenches his defined jaw, a very attractive characteristic of his.
"I, uh, I got to go." I studder. I quickly back away and head to the dorm. So many things are on my mind right now. All these emotions running through my body. I'm
done with it. I'm done with it all. I walk into the dorm to find Al on his bunk. I sit next to him and sigh.
"Your parents are looking for you." I say, not looking at him. He sighs louder than my sigh, dramatically.
"I don't really wanna seem them. I just stopped thinking about home and the comfort. I don't want to start again." I know exactly how he feels. That's what I felt. It's
funny, we are always so similar in so many ways, but different as well.
"I know it's hard, and I'm not going to force you, but I really think they wanna see you." I turn towards him. His eyes are glassy. Oh no, I don't know how to comfort
people.
"Can we just not talk about it?" he asks. I nod and put my head on his shoulder. I just want to sleep. Suddenly, he puts his hand
around my hips and pulls me to face him. Our feet our dangling off his bed, so it's just our faces facing each other. His brown eyes are filled with electricity. He seems
scared but determined. Before I can process it, he leans in and kisses me. All these emotions… I kiss him back. Are messing with my head… I know this isn't the right
thing to do. I don't even like him. Or do I? I don't know anymore. He pulls me closer, just as I'm pulling away. He big hands are softer than I imagined, and are
drifting up under my shirt. I pull my face away from his.
"No…" is all I get to say before his lips find mine again. He's too strong for me to pull away from. He takes my shirt off.
"No!" I say louder, trying to push him with all my strength. I feel pain in my cheek. He slapped me.
"Stop. Al stop please!" I beg, feeling completely violated. "Come on, we're just having a little fun. Plus, you can't stop me." He whispers in my ear. I shudder,
completely disgusted. My mouth tastes sour and Al can't keep his hands off of me. His hands lower to my pants, I scream and kick, hoping someone will hear. He
continues, ignoring my screams. Tears stream down my cheeks. I'm weak. I can't protect myself. I let this happen. Finally he stops. He wipes his lips and I dress
quickly. I have lost my virginity to someone I now hate. I have just been raped. The word makes me shiver. I run out of the dorm, stifling the sobs with my hand. I
am running now, just wanting to get out. I feel dirty. I go to the Chasm. And sit with my hands and feet dangling give the railing. The mist will clean me off, I think to
myself. My breaths are just as shaky as my body. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. I flinch, scared it's Al. I look behind to see Four. He's got that worried look
on his face. I have to look up to him because I'm sitting down. His Adam's apple is huge from this angle, and he jawline is more square shaped. I look down again,
ashamed of what I've just done.
"Tris, seriously. What's wrong." He asks. He's never this sincere. He's always strict and, well, rude. The sincerity makes me cry. I don't know why, but it just makes
me fall apart. He sits down next to me and gathers me in his arms. I shove him away, traumatized.
"Don't touch me!" I snap. I don't mean to, but all I know is that when a boy touches me, they don't mean well.
"I wasn't going to hurt you." He said, looking away.
"Four… I…" I can't go on. It's too hard. Too embarrassing. I'm a coward. I let someone like Al do that to me. I just realized, Al did that. Not Peter, my enemy, but my
so called friend. Al, who I got knives thrown in my direction for, sexually assaulted me. Changed me. I shake my head in shame. "You can tell me you know. I'm not
going to tell anyone else. You have my word." Four tells me. I nod, and wipe tears.
"Al. He… he… let's just say he touched me without my permission." I can't go on. It's too shameful. His eyes go narrow. Suddenly they aren't bright blue, they are like
a dark stormy sky.
"He did what?" I look up at him quickly, eyes wide. I can't let him confront Al. I just need the situation to be left alone, so I can forget about it.
"Four please don't do anything. I have your word, remember. I think he was just really emotional, but, he, really disgusted me. Al took away a big part of my
innocence." I cringe just as I said that. I didn't mean to tell him the whole story, but it just all came out like word vomit. He pulled me in for a hug. But this time not
just a big hug, but a brother hug. He made me feel safe. Like nothing had happened. His chin rests on the top of my head, and my face snuggles into his chest.
"I won't report it, but I will do something Tris."