This one-shot is for my darling friend Iphi. You're amazing and a great co-shipper. ;)
Thank you Helga for proof-reading this monster. You're wonderful.
Enjoy!
She woke up crying.
For a second Clarke didn't know where she was or what was going on but after a few moments it hit her. It was summer and she was at her lake house with her friends. There was a big storm raging outside, one of those crazy summer storms where it rained like cats and dogs, and branches hit the windows every now and then violently.
Clarke used to love storms; she sat up all night by her bedroom window watching nature do its dance. But not anymore. Ever since her father had that terrible car accident three years ago that took his life, she couldn't stand storms, ever since a year after his death her best friend's life had been taken in a robbery gone wrong during a storm, ever since she has shown up at Finn's a few months after his death, in the middle of another freaking storm, crying and broken, and had caught him with another girl, who had turned out to be his girlfriend. All that happened years ago, yet she still had issues with storms. They just didn't bring her calm anymore; they brought her pain and misery and have already taken so much from her. She didn't want to give them anything else.
She lay on her back, trying to catch her breath and calm down. Things have been good lately and she tried to focus on that. Like every summer for the past four years, they were at her lake house, her friends and her. Summers were supposed to be careless and free and she usually stayed there at least a month and her friends came and went, however they pleased.
There were currently quite a few of them there. Octavia and Lincoln were in the guestroom downstairs with Jasper across from them in the den, Raven and Wick on the first floor and the rest of them were scattered on the top floor because nobody wanted to share the floor with Wick and Raven. Clarke was situated in her old room on the top floor, with Bellamy in his room down the hall and Miller and Monty in theirs, opposite Bellamy's. Her friends were her lifeline and she couldn't imagine life without them.
Clarke tried to take deep breaths and calm herself but she couldn't. It just hurt so damn much. She had dreamt about her father's last moments, about all the blood on the street, about the light leaving his eyes and she couldn't get the fucking images out of her head. The blonde closed her eyes and let the tears fall. She missed him so much, his warm hugs, his support and his presence in her life. It had been too early to lose him, it had been so cruel and unfair and sometimes she just wanted to kneel and scream.
Another branch hit her window and Clarke almost cried out. Make it stop, she pleaded silently. The pain was too much, she felt herself drowning and she couldn't breathe. She threw off her moist covers and stood up, shaking. Leaving her room, she quietly padded down the hall and stopped in front of a door. The tiles on the floor were cold and she was barefoot but all she could think about was help.
She hesitated for a few moments, but then grabbed the handle silently. If the circumstances weren't what they were, she'd probably never end up there. But since that wasn't the case, she was there and if she wanted some peace and quiet, some of her sanity left intact, she would need to enter them room.
She opened the door and spotted Bellamy sprawled across the king sized bed immediately. Her eyes were already used to the dark since she hasn't turned on any lights. The covers were pooled around his waist and he slept shirtless. Clarke couldn't make out his curls clearly but she could picture them all messy and ruffled.
Clarke half expected him to wake up immediately but he didn't. She closed the door behind her as she stepped into the room. She jumped when another lightning struck and she hurried to the edge of his bed, fresh tears in her eyes. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and even though it didn't make sense, she needed to feel safe. And even though she didn't like to think about the why, she knew Bellamy was one of the only people who made her feel like that.
Their relationship hadn't started off on the best of terms. She still remembered the day they had met clearly. She had just begun her first year at college and had been all excited when she ran into him – literally – and he spilt coffee all over her. Instead of apologizing, he had been annoyed with her as if she had ruined his day. She only found out later that he had been having one of those days where everything went wrong and he took his anger out on her.
They somehow ended in the same group of friends and after a rocky start they tentatively became friends. Whether it was out of necessity or not, Clarke still wasn't sure, but she was glad they did anyway. She couldn't have survived the death and all that followed without him by her side. She couldn't have done life without him. Or maybe couldn't was the wrong word, she didn't want to. She knew she was strong and could take a lot, but she needed him anyway.
And through Bellamy she met Octavia who also became one of her closest friends, and Miller. However, Raven became one of the group thanks to Finn, funnily enough, that cheating asshole.
Bellamy rolled onto his back and that prompted Clarke into action. She pulled the covers on her end back and slowly snuck into his bed. She was so cold and shaking from walking over there and with the remnants of her nightmare still on her mind, so she buried herself under the covers as close to Bellamy as she dared.
Bellamy stirred then and opened his eyes. Clarke wasn't sure if he realized what was happening at first, but then his eyes widened slightly and she knew he caught up. He must have noticed the tears on her cheeks, because he brought up his hand and wiped them away.
Clarke shuddered and let out a silent cry, when Bellamy pulled her closer. He didn't ask her questions, didn't ask what was wrong or why she was there, he just kept looking at her and embraced her. Clarke buried her face in the crook of his neck and cried. He ran his hand up and down her back gently, kissing the crown on her head.
He let out a gasp when her legs tangled with his, "Your feet are cold as ice," he whispered and Clarke was thankful for it.
"You walk over the house in the middle of the night barefoot," she answered him and draped her arm around his waist. He smelt like safe haven and Clarke felt herself slowly relax, breath by breath.
Bellamy's hand went under her hair, to her neck, where he rubbed small circles into her skin and she sighed in response. They didn't talk after that, Clarke just focused on the feeling of his skin on hers, on the warmth he provided and the feeling of being safe and protected he offered.
In the morning, Bellamy woke up first, not that he had slept much after Clarke had woken him in the middle of the night. She was nestled into him, all their limbs entangled and her hair fanned out over his pillows. He looked over at the window and saw a beautiful day was forming. Everything was still wet yet the sun was shining brightly already. He turned his head to the clock and saw it was 6:30 am.
He had a feeling he knew why Clarke couldn't sleep and was crying the previous night. Over time he had noticed a pattern. Whereas she was carefree and strong most of the time, when there was a storm, she crumbled. Usually though, she hid herself from the world when it happened. He was glad she didn't this time. Bellamy was however surprised she found him to help her through it.
He propped himself on his arm, laying his head onto the palm of his hand and just kept looking at her. He gently brushed a lock of her hair from her face and even though he tried not to wake her, Clarke slowly opened her eyes and froze for a second when she noticed she wasn't alone in bed and probably figured it wasn't even her bed, but then relaxed when she realized where exactly she was. And that brought a smile to Bellamy's face.
She looked up at him, a smile stretching over her features in response, "Good morning," she yawned.
"Morning," Bellamy said but didn't let go of her. He was unsure and didn't know if he should get up, get as far away from her as he possibly could, or lean over her and trap her between the mattress and himself. He often found himself at war with his feelings and one of these days he'd go crazy.
He was still debating it, when she reached up to him and brushed the curls from his forehead, "Thank you."
"Whatever you need, princess," came his automatic response.
She didn't say anything at first, but he saw the pain in her eyes. "It's just difficult every now and then," she tried to explain, "Whenever there is a big storm, I usually get these nightmares about him dying and I can't get control of myself. I just spiral down this hole and I don't know how to get out."
"I know," said Bellamy in a sad tone. He wished he could pull her out, help her but he didn't know how.
Clarke looked up at him, an emotion crossing her face he couldn't name and said, "You do, don't you." Bellamy never talked about it, but he and O lost their mother too and she knew those memories still haunted him as well.
They kept looking at each other for a few more moments and Bellamy was about to break when Clarke pulled away and sat on the edge of his bed, her back to him. She looked over her shoulder and smiled timidly at him, and then disappeared from the room.
Bellamy buried his face in the pillow and groaned.
Clarke padded back to her room, took a quick shower and pulled on some shorts and a flowing top. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail and went downstairs to get the coffee going. She craved coffee in the morning and couldn't go without it.
The house was still quiet and she didn't expect anyone to be up for at least an hour. She opened the terrace windows and let the fresh air in. It was a clear day and she was happy to realize her head was clear too.
Bellamy was usually a ladies man but she was happy that he never decided to bring anyone with him to the house. His one night stands didn't usually bother her much, but somehow she didn't want them to happen there. And he seemed to respect her wishes, without her ever voicing them.
Clarke was standing next to the coffee machine, when she felt him enter the kitchen. His hand gently squeezed her shoulder when he passed her and went straight to the fridge and she hummed her greeting in return.
"Eggs or pancakes," he asked.
The blonde thought about it for a few moments. She usually preferred salty to sweet but she felt like sugar this morning, "Pancakes."
"You got it." Bellamy took out the mix and started working on them. They moved around the kitchen effortlessly, her pouring him a cup of hot coffee and handing it to him and him making breakfast. She sat down on a chair at the bar and turned on her tablet, checking the news while enjoying her hot beverage. Watching Bellamy cook wasn't that bad either.
After they had polished off their breakfast, Miller dragged himself into the kitchen.
"You two are up early, don't you know we're on vacation," he said, still half asleep.
"Hmm," murmured Clarke, "make yourself useful and pour me another cup of coffee," she handed him the cup.
The kitchen filled up soon after and there was chatter and laughter all over the room. Clarke looked at the people in it, and smiled at her family.
The guys stayed at the house while the girls went on a trip into town. Octavia insisted on some pampering and Raven and Clarke reluctantly went with her. It's not that they didn't want to spend time with Octavia, they did, but neither could understand why they couldn't do it on the back lawn.
First thing on the agenda was shopping and Clarke admitted she could use a new pair of swimsuits. Raven tagged along as Clarke bought the first pair she liked but they had to wait for Octavia who had to try a dozen before settling on the first pair she had tried on.
Second thing was a manicure followed by a pedicure. They settled into comfortable chairs and let the manicurists do their magic, while sipping cold drinks and enjoying the peace. It was a quiet place and Clarke relaxed into her chair, letting Octavia and Raven talk about everything and anything.
Clarke looked at O. Most people would think Octavia was the most girly girl there was but that was so not the case. She was strong and resilient and she had been through so much. After losing her mother and never knowing her father, Bellamy had to raise her. At first she sought attention everywhere and found affirmation in boys but that phase didn't last long. She was fiercely loyal and both Blakes were known to be rebellious and opinionated yet protective and devoted. O had been dating Lincoln for over two years by then and the couple was strong, not that private and very much in love.
Her gaze switched to the mechanic. Raven on the other hand was all sass and snark. Clarke met her in the middle of the Finn fiasco, and she never could have imagined gaining a new friend from the catastrophe. But she had. She wasn't the only one Finn hurt thought and Raven needed a long time to get over him, and to be friends with him again, because they were family. But she managed and about a year ago she started dating Wick, who was an engineer and drove her crazy. One could see sparks flying and it had always been only a matter of time before they gave in. They fought like crazy but when it came to it, they were it.
And Clarke was happy for their friends, but sometimes she wished she had something like that too. She wasn't jealous but she did envy them. She was content and her life was good, but there was something missing. There wasn't anything wrong with being alone, but she missed having a significant other, having a person, loving that person and being loved in return. She missed lazy mornings in bed, and late evenings having all kinds of fun.
"I can hear you thinking from here," said Octavia.
"She needs to get laid," commented Raven.
"Raven," Clarke sighed annoyed.
"Well, it's true. How long has it been, Clarke," she prodded.
"Too long, obviously," commented Octavia, smirking.
"You two are the worst," answered them Clarke without actually answering the question. "If I keep ignoring you, will you go away?"
"Fat chance," laughed Raven.
"It was worth a try," admitted Clarke.
"Don't you miss it," asked Raven, "a good bang, some heavy sweating?"
She did. And if you asked her, she'd deny it, but in that moment when she thought about naked times between the sheets, Bellamy popped up in her head. She pictured his tanned skin, strong arms gripping her hips, kissing her neck while thrusting into her. She sat up straighter and banished the thoughts from her mind. Stupid, stupid thoughts.
"You do," chimed Octavia. "Just look at you all flushed."
"I do, of course I do," said Clarke, "but it's not that easy."
"So make it easy," suggested Raven. "Don't overthink it."
"I'll work on it, okay," relented Clarke. It was the only way to get them to back off. And she really needed them to back off.
When they returned home later, the boys were playing poker on the deck. Octavia ran upstairs to put away her new stuff while Raven and Clarke joined the guys. Raven plopped down next to Wick and snagged his beer.
"Hey," Wick protested.
Clarke leaned over Bellamy to take a look at his cards, "Need any help," she asked.
"Nah," answered her Bellamy, looking up at her with a cheeky smile she couldn't help but return, "I'm cleaning them out."
Miller and Jasper collectively groaned while Wick just rolled his eyes. Monty was already out and Lincoln clearly never even took part, walking up from the lake, returning from a swim.
Bellamy's hand reached to one of hers on his shoulder and gripped it, "Royal flush, bitches."
Clarke squeezed his hand and ruffled his hair before heading inside to grab a beer. When she came back out a while later – she got distracted by Octavia who in turn got distracted by a dripping Lincoln and Clarke couldn't get out of the house fast enough – Bellamy had won and he wasn't being shy about it. She sat down next to him and wiggled her eyebrows, "Wanna play?"
Before Bellamy could answer, several voices protested loudly, "No."
They weren't allowed to play each other because they both got so competitive and their games usually ended up in a fight. And nobody wanted to see that – again.
"I can't help it if she's a sore loser," said Bellamy.
"Oh you wish. You're the one who's always moping in the end," Clarke baited him.
"The last time you lost, you didn't talk to me for two days," insisted Bellamy.
"The last time you lost, you were a cry baby about it," Clarke raised her eyebrows.
"You're the one who can't let it go," he rolled his eyes annoyed.
"I'm not the one who went on for days about how I must have cheated when you lost," the blonde snickered.
"I'm hungry." Jasper stood up suddenly before this could turn into a shouting match. "What's for dinner?"
Clarke and Bellamy just continued to stare at each other, neither willing to give in. In the end, it was Raven who's had enough, "You both suck at losing, you five year old morons."
Clarke tossed and turned the whole night. When she was alone with her thoughts, she revisited what had happened in town. And it drove her crazy. She couldn't get the picture of being wrapped in Bellamy out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. It's not like she hadn't thought of it before, she was only human and he was sinfully attractive. But that's all it ever was, attraction.
They were friends, for Christ's sake. And even though she sometimes and only sometimes fantasized about him, about his hard body and strong arms, about his hands and his mouth, she didn't really think it meant anything. She'd seen him shirtless plenty of times and it was only natural for that to have an effect on her.
Right?
She trusted him with her life and she loved him dearly, but was it more than that? Did she feel something else for him? Not wanting to admit it but needing to face her inner musings, she knew she had been thinking more and more about his the last few months and not in a friendly manner. Clarke thought back on the previous night, sleeping in his bed, being close and how good it felt. She thought about how they always gravitated to one another, how they were each other's person. He gave her something no one else ever has before and that puzzled her.
Clarke furrowed her brows when she remembered all the times her heart fluttered when he touched her and she stubbornly ignored it, all the times he looked at her as if she was the sun and she pretended it didn't mean anything, all time times she caught him looking at her strangely, a bit sad even, and she turned away so she wouldn't have to acknowledge it. She remembered every single fucking moment.
What finally, after hours of mulling things over and running different scenarios in her head, made her realize her feeling were in fact a bit more than simple friendship, was the thought of Bellamy with another girl, not a one night stand, although those weren't ideal either, but happy, in a relationship. Her blood boiled because he was hers.
She sat up suddenly, her heart hammering in her chest. "Oh no," she whispered. She was fucked.
Clarke lay back down breathing heavily. In a way she had known for a long time.
The next day Clarke wanted to test the waters a little. They planned on going hiking, all of them with the exception of Wick and Raven, who have decided to stay back since Raven still had problems with her left leg.
When she arrived downstairs, in her hiking shoes, shorts, shirt and sunglasses, Bellamy was already in the kitchen and handed her a cup of steaming hot coffee and a backpack wordlessly. He was leaning on the counter, in shorts and that snug blue T-shirt she liked, with sunglasses covering his eyes. His face was sporting a stubble and Clarke almost groaned out loud. Not fucking fair.
Points for knowing her so well and for looking hot as fuck first thing in the morning. How hadn't she noticed it before?
You have, a silent voice inside her head told her.
"Ready," Bellamy asked her and Clarke finished her coffee.
"Remind me why we're doing this again," she complained.
"Oh, come on, you love it and you know it," chuckled Bellamy to which she just rolled her eyes. Maybe she loved it a little bit.
They exited the house and met the others outside and started walking in the direction left of the house. Monty, Miller and Jasper kept chatting and pushing each other around while Lincoln and Octavia were walking at the back, lost in their own little world. Clarke and Bellamy, as usual were at the front.
"I'm starting to sweat already," said Clarke annoyed after twenty minutes.
"A little sweat won't hurt you," said Bellamy and raked his eyes over her flushed skin.
Said the guy, who makes sweating look good, while she looked like a tomato, thought Clarke. "Yeah, yeah."
He offered her his hand when they had to step over a big root and she took it. His grip was warm and strong and he pulled her over effortlessly. Too soon he let go and Clarke was angry at herself because she missed the contact immediately.
Stop it, she told herself. Instead she started talking about her last year of college and asked Bellamy about his work at the precinct and they continued chatting all the way to the top.
When they finally reached it, Clarke lay down on the ground exhausted and Bellamy just stood above her, watching her, grinning.
"Come on, it wasn't so bad," he said when the others reached them. Clarke's response was lost on her when he pulled off his T-shirt and took a fresh one out of his backpack. Before putting it on, he handed her a bottle of water and Clarke drank it greedily.
Good thing her cheeks have already been flushed because otherwise everyone would see something was going on with her. Ever since she admitted to herself she felt something for Bellamy the previous night, she couldn't stop thinking about it, about him, them.
Clarke put the almost empty bottle into her backpack and handed him hers in return. She brushed her fingers over his on purpose, just to see if he would react. He froze for a second but then shook himself of it and if you weren't paying attention you wouldn't have noticed it. She smiled when he turned around to say something to Octavia.
"Let's go for a swim," yelled Jasper excited.
"But the water up here is so cold," protested Clarke while already pulling her top off and removing her shorts. It wouldn't do her any good to complain, but she had to at least try.
The others just laughed at her and followed suit. They walked up to the edge of the small lake and Jasper jumped in first. Miller followed suit as did Octavia and Lincoln. Monty stayed with Clarke at the edge, looking at it apprehensively. At least someone had some common sense.
Before she realized what was going on, Bellamy swept her up in his arms and stepped on the edge.
"Bellamy Blake, don't you dare," Clarke grabbed on his shoulders, his bare shoulders.
"Live a little, princess," he chuckled and jumped in with her in his arms while she screamed.
The cold water hit her and when they reached the surface, they were still holding on to each other.
"I'm gonna kill you," said Clarke angrily, but couldn't help the smile forming on her face when she looked at him, dripping wet but so happy with himself. His smile always disarmed her. She let him go but grazed his skin with her nails and watched him miss a breath. And even though he should have expected it, he was distracted, so she splashed him.
"War," yelled Jasper and everyone started splashing each other. Laughter followed and their lungs filled with water. Coughing, laughing, yelling, Clarke hadn't felt more alive in ages.
After a while they got out of the water and changed into dry clothes. Some sat looking at the valley, while other lay on the grass and chatted. Feeling hungry because someone had forgotten to pack lunch – everybody glared at Miller, who had only brought snacks – they decided to go back to the house.
Bellamy wrapped an arm around Clarke when they started walking and grinned, "This wasn't so bad, was it?"
She sneaked her arm around his waist and squeezed his hip in return, "No, it wasn't."
After gulping down an enormous amount of food – someone was going to need to go grocery shopping soon – they each disappeared to shower and wash off the sweat and lake water.
Clarke was the last one left in the kitchen, putting the remaining dishes in the dishwasher, when people started arriving back in the kitchen. She quickly ran upstairs, craving the shower and maybe a short nap when she passed Bellamy's room and heard the water running.
She didn't know why, but she stopped in her tracks, leaning against the wall with her forehead. She never should have opened that can of worms, because now she couldn't hold herself back anymore. Inappropriate images kept popping up in her brain and this wasn't good for her mental health. She pictured him in the shower, the water running over his naked body and she rubbed her legs together subconsciously. She had never seen him completely naked although she had caught a flash of his backside ones when he was changing. Sue her for staring but he had a fine ass.
Taking control of herself, mustering all the strength she had, she pulled herself off the wall and almost ran to her bedroom, locking the door behind her. She had paid attention to things that day like how his gaze always lingered on her a few seconds longer, how he touched when he didn't have to and how he was always near her, and it made her heart hammer in her chest. She took one very cold shower and decided to take a break.
After waking up, feeling refreshed and in control again, Clarke heard music coming from downstairs. She got dressed in some white shorts and quickly pulled a purple top on before she headed down.
When she arrived, she felt like she stepped into a frat house. Music was blasting and there was some dancing and a game of twister going on. Bellamy was lounging on the couch, a beer in his hands, reading a book.
Clarke sat down next to him and pulled her feet underneath her. "How can you read in this noise?"
"Look who finally woke up. Princess had a good nap," he enquired with a smile on his stupid face. "I can read anywhere in any circumstances."
Before they could continue their conversation, Octavia ran up to her, "Shots."
Clarke took one and gulped it down quickly. Before she could process the burning sensation down her throat, Raven already put another one in her hand. This time Bellamy joined her.
She knew he wouldn't get shitfaced because someone needed to look after them and that was so Bellamy. Or her but that day it had to be him, because Clarke needed the alcohol. After two more shots, she was already starting to feel the effects; Octavia and Raven pulled her up and dragged her to an impromptu dance floor.
They laughed, drank, danced and jumped around, and Clarke just let loose. Wick, Bellamy and Lincoln played some darts before Octavia dragged Lincoln outside for some alone time. Bellamy groaned and protested she didn't need to throw it into his face, and Clarke just laughed.
"You think this is amusing, don't you," he said when he walked up to her and spun her around. A catchy song was playing and Clarke was having so much fun.
She rested her hands on his shoulder when he pulled her to him, "I am. I can't help myself. You look like someone killed a puppy every time the intimacy between your sister and Lincoln comes up."
Bellamy groaned and leaned his head onto her shoulder and Clarke just giggled, running her hand over his locks, "They've been together forever, you should've gotten used to it by now."
"No," said Bellamy. "I'll never get used to it."
They moved together and this was a new experience for Clarke because Bellamy Blake did not dance, ever. He must have had more to drink than she thought. She knew she was drunk but somehow his eyes seemed clear.
His hands felt wonderful on her though and they were both laughing. The songs were all catchy and happy and after another spin, she lost her balance and Bellamy had to catch her. He was holding her by her hips and she was leaned back, staring into his eyes, "Easy there," he said in a low voice, all laughter gone from it.
"You caught me," she whispered.
"I'll always catch you," Bellamy said but quickly furrowed his brows and Clarke had a feeling he didn't mean to.
She forgot how to breathe and just kept staring at him, while holding on to his strong arms. They were both completely still in this awkward yet most perfect stance and neither was willing to move. It wasn't enough though, Clarke needed him closer.
But when she pulled herself up, Raven pranced over, "Clarke, our song," and pulled her away.
Clarke looked over her shoulder, disappointed the moment had been broken, while Raven was dragging her away. She saw Bellamy just standing there with his eyes closed.
"What was that," asked Raven sharply and Clarke's head snapped to her.
"What was what," she pretended not knowing what she had been talking about.
"That," Raven repeated, motioning to Bellamy with her head.
"I don't know what you mean," insisted Clarke.
"Don't play dumb," Raven rolled her eyes. "It looked like you were about jump each other."
"It didn't," lied Clarke. "We're friends." It sounded more like a question than a statement.
"You're something alright, although sometimes I don't think even you two know what," said Raven, "but you're not and you're never gonna be friends."
When Clarke just looked at her, ready to protest, Raven continued, "We all see it. And fine, you're friends, but you're not just friends."
"Maybe," admitted Clarke and felt a rock rolling of her chest.
"What's going on, Clarke," they sat down at a table, and Clarke was thankful the music was still loud so they couldn't be overheard.
"I don't know," whispered Clarke. "I think," she started, "I think I might have feelings for him."
"Well, duh," smiled Raven, "I already know that. But how did you realize?"
Was she that transparent? "He helped me the other night with something that was troubling me," she didn't want to get into it at that moment, "and when we were talking about me needing to get laid, he just popped up in my head. And now I can't stop thinking about it."
"Oh, Clarke," Raven patted her arm.
"What am I supposed to do now, Raven," Clarke asked a little bit lost.
"Well, I'd tell you it was about time, but maybe you're not ready to hear it yet." When Clarke's eyes snapped up to hers, she added, "Or you are. It was about time, Clarke. You can't keep dancing around it forever. Do something. Bellamy is waiting for you, he always has been. He won't do anything because he doesn't think you feel the same and he probably has some shit to work through himself. But it's always been you two and I think it's high time you went and got your man."
Raven sounded awfully proud of herself and Clarke just smiled. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," nodded Raven.
"I'll think about it," promised her Clarke.
"Don't think about it too long, you'll only be wasting time," Raven winked at her.
Clarke left the party after that conversation, needing to have a clear head before doing something stupid like walking up to him and kissing him senseless.
Waking up at 4 am, she was parched. Clarke got out of her bed, thankful that the room didn't spin anymore, and went downstairs to get some water. Handling liquor like a pro came in handy every now and then.
As she was drinking water, staring out of the kitchen window, her mind returned to the conversation she had with Raven. Her head was clear now and yet not really surprising anymore she still felt the same. Ever since she had opened the dam, he has been all she could think about. And if Raven – and her own impressions – were to be believed, he felt something for her too. She just hoped it really was more than friendship and it wasn't just because he considered her family.
Would it be smart to risk what they had now for a relationship though? That was the more important question. Rejection was one thing but risking it all and ruining it, that was a whole different story. Because Clarke needed Bellamy in her life, he was too important to lose. But on the other hand, what could be was of equal importance. What they had was amazing but what they could have was blinding. She noticed in the reflection in the window that thinking about what they could become had brought a smile to her face.
On her way back to her bedroom she stopped outside his door once again. With her hand hovering over the door handle she almost ran away twice before taking a deep breath, saying fuck it and opening the door.
Because there was a full moon, Clarke could see the room more clearly. And just like two nights ago she walked to his bed slowly, pulled back the covers and climbed in. Clarke smiled when she heard him grumble and bury his face deeper into his pillow. She nestled closer to him and surprisingly he didn't wake up but his arm came around her and he pulled her close.
Well, that was unexpected. She kept lying there, waiting for him to wake up but he didn't, so she took matters into her own hands. She brushed her hand over his arm, gently and lightly – she had a thing for his arms, bite her – and burrowed her face into the place where his shoulder met his neck. He smelt wonderfully. She pressed a small kiss on his skin there and her heart almost jumped out of her ribcage.
That finally stirred him from his slumber. His grip on her tightened, and he asked, still half asleep, "Another nightmare?" His voice was deep and sleepy.
Clarke shook her head, "No," and then just waited.
Bellamy grew more alert by the second, "Is something wrong?"
"No," Clarke said once again and ran her hand up his bare back.
He shivered, clearly affected and whispered, looking at her, "Why are you here then?"
Clarke looked back at him, her eyes devoid of any barriers, "Cause I want to be."
They were both completely serious but then Bellamy's mouth broke out into a grin and his eyes were filled with unspoken emotion, "You do?"
"Mhmm," she nodded slightly, her heart beating wildly in her chest. "I really do."
He rolled her on her back, never breaking eye contact, and settled on top of her. Clarke spread her legs to accommodate him and ran one of them up his calf. His eyes still firmly on her, he whispers, "And now?"
"Still here," Clarke breathed out and brushed his cheek with her hand. He hadn't shaved and her skin prickled.
Bellamy breathed deeply while her hand continued to the back of his head to pull him closer and in the next second his mouth was covering hers. It started out as a careful slow kiss, testing the waters, and they continued kissing lazily. Bellamy licked her lower lip and she opened her mouth to let him in and ran her hand through his messy curls as the kiss grew more passionate. Clarke felt like all the puzzles suddenly fit and she knew she was exactly where she was supposed to be.
Bellamy pulled back and looked at her with his dark hooded eyes, "Now?"
"Now I might never leave," Clarke smiled and pulled him back to her, opening her mouth and kissing him deeply. When he bit her lip lightly she let out a moan and that seemed to send him into overdrive and suddenly he flipped them over, so she was on top. His hands slowly cradled her face to align it better so he could access her mouth at just the right angle and then they continued to her neck and slowly, oh so slowly, moved down her sides to the bottom of her top. They disappeared under it and her skin was on fire.
Every part of skin he touched burnt and they hadn't even done anything but kiss. Clarke sat back up, straddling him with her knees around his waist, and pulled her top over her head. She wasn't wearing a bra and Bellamy let out a groan and sat up, licking the valley between her breasts.
"You're so beautiful," he rasped, his voice filled with need. He took one nipple, completely hardened by then, in his mouth and sucked on it. One of his hands caressed her stomach while he settled the other on her lower back to hold her in place. As if she could move.
He licked his way across her chest, bringing his hand up to fondle the breast he'd just pulled away from as he started sucking on the other. Clarke threw her head back, her golden locks covering her back and he gripped them with the hand on her back. His tongue flicked over her pulse on her neck while still holding her in place by her hair. He grazed her flushed skin with his teeth and heat pooled between her legs.
Clarke buried her hands in his hair and massaged his scalp with her fingers. Bellamy let out an appreciative moan and she snapped her head back up and attacked his mouth with hers, grinding over his hardened length. He returned her kiss passionately and lay back down, pulling him with her, never breaking the kiss.
She didn't know how he was able to do it but there wasn't anything frantic in his movements, he took his sweet time and she was about to explode. But the feeling was so good she really couldn't complain. With his hands running up and down her back, settling on her ass and squeezing, Clarke was about to spontaneously combust.
Bellamy rolled them over once more and started kissing his way down her neck, over her breasts to her stomach and bit the hem of her panties and pulled them off in an excruciatingly slow pace. He took them out of his mouth and threw them over his shoulder, taking her leg into his hands and then kissed her ankle. He licked his way to her knee and then to her thigh, prickling her skin with his stubble, leaving a burning trail, and finally, oh finally, settled between her legs.
He was cherishing her body and Clarke was overcome with emotion. But then he licked her swollen heat and she was a goner. He flicked his tongue over her clit once, then twice and then just started licking her. Clarke moaned and grabbed the sheets with her hands and pulled. Her thighs trapped him between her legs and Bellamy continued feasting on her, harder but still slow. He applied more pressure as he sucked her hungrily. Clarke lifted her head to look at him and when her eyes met his, she nearly came undone. Eyes still locked on hers he inserted two fingers in her, curled them, and fingered her slowly, stretching her. Clarke's eyes almost rolled into the back of her head and she was getting really close.
"Yes," she moaned. "Oh god, yes."
He flicked his thumb over her clit while fingering her and bit the skin on her thigh and Clarke arched her back. Just before she could come, he sat back on his knees and pulled down his black boxer briefs. He climbed back over her, kissing her deeply, so she could taste herself.
"I wanna be inside you when you come," he said darkly and oh dear god.
He reached for the nightstand, but Clarke stopped him, not wanting to feel anything else but him, "I'm on the pill." Bellamy just nodded.
She spread her legs as wide as she could and he settled between them. Breathing was almost impossible and she had to gasp for air when he entered her slowly, giving her time to accommodate him, all the while holding her gaze. She was completely wet so it wasn't hard, although he was big. But it felt wonderful and she grazed his back with her nails, when he started moving. Little drops of sweat started appearing on his forehead while he pushed in completely and then pulled almost completely out and back again. He fucked her at a tantalizing pace and Clarke was lost.
The need to go faster and harder disappeared and Clarke found herself enjoying the intimate slow pace. She locked her legs behind him, embraced him with her arms, and kissed him again. Kissing him while he was inside her was turning out to be Clarke's new favorite thing in the world.
Bellamy ran his hands down her sides to her hips and then found her arms and pinned them above her head, holding them in place. Clarke met every one of his slow thrusts halfway, enjoying the feel of his skin on hers. She spread her fingers and he entangled them with his own, his breathing growing heavy and shallower.
Clarke squeezed his sides with her knees and they rolled over. Their fingers still entwined, she rode him at a languid steady pace, leaning back and just kept looking at him. The desire in his eyes was evident and she bit her lip in response. He bucked his hips up harder and Clarke had to muster all strength to not cry out. He let go of her hands and began touching her body again, playing with her breasts and she was nearing her orgasm. He must have seen something in her eyes because suddenly he sat up, supporting himself with one hand behind his back and started fucking her harder and faster.
One of Clarke's hands gripped his shoulder, the other disappeared into his hair and she pulled his head to her breasts so he could take one in his mouth. The effect was immediate and Bellamy started slamming into her harder and harder, and her muscles clenched in response. Her moans got louder and Bellamy had to silence them with his mouth. As he continued to ram into her, over and over again, Clarke couldn't hold back anymore and shattered around him. After a few more deep hard thrusts, Bellamy followed her over the edge with her name on his lips.
Clarke buried her head in his neck and tried to catch her breath. Their bodies were covered in sweat and Bellamy pulled the covers over them while lying back down. She lifted herself up a little bit and he handed her a tissue so she could clean herself up. After doing so she threw it on the floor by the bed and settled next to Bellamy, resting her head in the crook of his arm and laying one hand over his hard stomach.
Their breathing was returning to normal as Bellamy ran his fingers up and down her arm. Clarke knew they needed to talk about this but she was tired and it was late – or early – so she closed her eyes and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
Once again, it was Bellamy who woke up first. Clarke was sleeping soundly sprawled over him and she was adorable. Her head was resting on his chest with one arm underneath her and the other around his waist. He closed his eyes as his chest tightened and his heart soared.
When he realized they were both still naked images from the previous night flashed in Bellamy's mind. To say he had been surprised when he found her in his arms was an understatement but at the same time it was like coming home from a long trip. At first he couldn't believe what was happening and he wanted to know what has changed but at the same time he was just happy that something gave. And it was real, and she hasn't disappeared. Yet.
He had loved Clarke for years and half of that time he had been in love with her. But something was always holding him back and he never made his move. Whether it was another person or just Clarke herself or him and his issues, he never crossed the line. Maybe he should have, maybe he shouldn't. What was done was done.
Bellamy ran his hand over her back, needing her to wake up and face this. He wanted to know if this was a one-time thing, if it was just something she needed in that moment, or if it was the start of them. He frowned when he realized that if she didn't want him, he'd have to let her go because some Clarke was better than no Clarke. And if he had to give up his happiness for hers, he'd do it in a heartbeat. She was just that important to him and anyone who had something to say could go fuck themselves.
Clarke stirred and stretched her legs. Bellamy couldn't see her eyes so he didn't see her reaction but when she let out and urgh a second later, his heart sank. He let go of her back and probably stiffened. It was not going to go his way and something broke in him. He knew they both had hidden demons but he had been hopeful they'd slay them together.
But then Clarke looked up at his sheepishly, holding his waist just a little bit tighter, biting her lower lip and said, "I'm drooling all over you," and he just kept staring at her until she smiled and then he had to kiss her. He brought his hands up to her face and planted his lips on her. Clarke moaned and scooted higher to accommodate him better, opening her mouth and deepening the kiss.
She straddled him, pulling the thin sheets with her, over their heads and they just continued kissing for minutes to come. Bellamy held her close, not willing to let go anytime soon, while he explored her mouth.
Clarke pulled away, her eyes still covered with sleep, "Good morning."
"Morning," Bellamy couldn't stop touching her – her back, her neck, her cheeks. He brushed her nose with his and kissed her softly once more.
"You're still here," he said, not that afraid she was going to bolt any minute anymore.
"Do you want me to be," Clarke asked carefully.
"What do you think," Bellamy smiled and they started kissing again.
Pulling back from the kiss, she answered him, "I was hoping you'd say that. I wasn't completely sure."
"Are you sure now," Bellamy asked her , playing with one of her locks, and she nodded. He continued, "What changed though?"
"I don't even know," admitted Clarke and blushed, "I guess it was time."
"Good," was the only thing Bellamy said and Clarke leaned forward, kissing him deeply one more time before saying, "Now let's make this morning even better." Sliding down on all fours, she licked along the vein on his shaft slowly, before taking him into her mouth. This time it was Bellamy clawing at the sheets.
Clarke couldn't stop grinning and she was afraid that when she showed her face downstairs everybody would immediately know she has been thoroughly fucked. Twice.
But they have decided to keep it under wraps for a little time, just to get used to their new dynamic and figure things out. And it was kind of hot sneaking around. Like when she was heading downstairs after changing clothes in her room and taking a quick shower, and everybody was already gathered in the kitchen, Bellamy came downstairs behind her and she felt his hand on her lower back and he steered her into the pantry, closing the door behind them, pushing her against it, and kissing her senseless.
Her hands immediately grabbed his hair and he hoisted her up, pressing into her.
"I can't get enough," Bellamy said in a raspy voice before kissing her neck.
"I know the feeling," she pulled his head back up and attacked his mouth with hers once more.
"I swear I heard someone coming down," said Octavia from the kitchen and the moment was over too soon.
Clarke and Bellamy pulled back, trying to calm their breathing.
"We have to go into the kitchen," Clarke said, smoothing her hair. She closed her eyes so she could calm down and then grabbed something from the shelf.
She looked like she wanted to kiss him again and Bellamy groaned, "Stop looking at me like that."
"Sorry," Clarke smiled guiltily, "It's just …"
"I know," said Bellamy, "I know."
"Okay, let me go first and come after me in a minute or so," Clarke turned around, about to open the door.
"Yeah, I'm gonna need more than a minute," Bellamy leaned his head against a cupboard.
Clarke chuckled and disappeared from the room. Taking one deep breath, she entered the kitchen, "Morning," and went straight to the coffee machine. Nobody paid her any special attention and she sat down at the table, joining their conversation.
Only Raven was looking at her, smirking and Clarke did everything in her power not to meet her eyes.
In the morning things were easy and normal, they didn't do anything special, just played some cards and games. Clarke and Bellamy were able to keep their hands to themselves and behaved like they usually did.
Since it was Jasper and Monty's last day at the lake house – Monty had work and Jasper was picking up Maya from the airport the next day – they decided to spend the day by the lake, do some sunbathing and grill some lunch in the afternoon. Raven and Wick fixed up a surround system so they could play some music and it wasn't loud but it was nice.
About half an hour after settling in was when Clarke's resolve started to crack. They were down by the lake, lying on the sunbathing chairs, lazing around, when she realized Bellamy was in the chair opposite to hers, shirtless, with his sunglasses on, his short locks messy, and reading one of his history books. Nerd.
She was thankful for her own sunglasses, because that way she was able to keep checking him out, although that turned out to be a bad plan, because it was getting hotter and she suddenly didn't know what to do with her hands anymore.
Bellamy gave her no indication he knew she was watching him but she knew he knew when he shifted on his chair, fixing his swimming trunks discretely. Clarke smiled and Bellamy's lips curved, although he still wasn't looking at her.
He ran his thumb over his lower lip and licked it to turn the page and Clarke's gulped. He was doing it on purpose, that asshole. She sat up and leaned forward, grabbing her sunscreen and started applying it over her hands and above her breasts.
Bellamy hadn't turned a page in minutes.
They continued with their game – they were playing with fire and Clarke needed to cool down. She stood up, walked to the edge of the small pier and jumped in the water. It was refreshing and did wonders for her overheated body. She lay on her back, relaxing and trying not to think of Blake senior.
Wick was currently spread out on a towel on the grass and Clarke saw Raven swimming towards her. Oh, oh.
"Clarke," she said.
"Raven," Clarke answered.
"How about you two idiots stop eye-fucking each other and go up to a room and fuck for real," Raven suggested.
"Raven," Clarke hissed.
"Oh, come on, nobody heard me. But really. It's driving me crazy and I'm this close to drag Wick upstairs and jump his bones," Raven pointed with her fingers.
Clarke just rolled her eyes, but her red cheeks were telling a different story.
"Oh my God," Raven exclaimed, "Clarke Griffin, you totally did him already."
"Shh," Clarke clamped her hand over her mouth and looked around. No one was paying them any attention.
"I knew it," Raven laughed, "the minute you stepped into the kitchen in the morning, I knew it."
Clarke couldn't help herself and grinned.
"Sneaky bitch," Raven continued, "so, how was it?"
"Ugh," Clarke groaned.
"That good, huh," Raven chuckled.
"It was amazing," Clarke said, "and I'm doing everything I can not to do him right here and now."
"Proud of you, Griffin," Raven was excited now. "So why don't you go out of the water, sway your hips a little and disappear into the house? I'm sure a certain someone will follow you."
"You're not helping with your suggestions," said Clarke.
"I'm not trying to. You should know me by now," winked Raven.
Clarke got out of the water and twisted her hair to drain it. She looked back at Raven and the brunette nodded encouragingly.
"Hey, Clarke," Raven yelled and Clarke froze, "Can you run up to the house and grab me my book. I left it on my nightstand."
Bellamy looked up from his book, but Clarke ignored him. "Sure," she said to Raven, who left her no choice, and went up to the house.
Clarke was standing at the kitchen window, drinking a cold glass of water, and looking at her people by the lake. It was a good vantage point to keep an eye on everybody.
She felt him the moment he stepped foot into the kitchen. The air just filled with tension and her skin prickled. Clarke didn't turn around but shivered when he stepped behind her and put his hands on her hips.
"Keep an eye on them," said Bellamy in his deep voice, laced with lust. He ran his hands down her sides and kissed her neck. Clarke leaned her head to the left to give him more access and closed her eyes. He bit her earlobe and then licked it better.
Clarke turned her head around, so he could kiss her. And kiss her he did. It was an urgent, sloppy, wet kiss and Clarke's hand went to his neck, holding him close.
"You're so fucking hot in this swimsuit," Bellamy groaned and cupped one of her breasts with his hand. He undid the clasp on her back with the other and her breasts spilled out of the top. He flicked a nipple with his finger, "Keep watch."
Clarke could barely focus on what was happening outside when he kissed down her back, pulling off her bottom part. He took a step back and she could hear his swim trunks drop to the floor. She expected him to touch her again but he didn't – at least not immediately. Instead he spit onto his hand and started pumping his cock.
"Eyes forward and spread your legs," Bellamy commanded when she was about to turn around. Clarke shivered but kept looking through the window.
At last his hand came around her waist, down her front as he touched her wet slit, and started rubbing circles over her clit.
"God, you're wet," her knees almost gave up and she let out a loud moan. Bellamy rubbed his cock over her ass, still pumping slowly.
"Lean forward, on your elbows," he instructed and she did.
He teased her cunt with his cock, one hand still rubbing her clit, but before she could take another breath, he slammed into her. Clarke let out a cry, enjoying the sensation that overtook her body. She gripped the edge of the sink tighter to hold steady. The first thrust was always the best one.
She pulled herself on her toes to give him better access and Bellamy started thrusting into her, quick and deep, holding onto her hips with both hands. He swore when her walls clenched around him, and picked up his pace. This was going to be rough, hard and fast, which was totally fine with Clarke.
"Harder," she spurred him on and Bellamy obeyed, doing things with his mouth to her neck that should be illegal.
"Fuck," he groaned as he continued to do exactly that.
"Touch yourself," he said and Clarke moved her hand to her swollen clit, getting herself off.
Bellamy continued driving into her and Clarke couldn't take it much longer. Even though the feeling was pure heaven, she was seeking release and their foreplay had been merciless. Bellamy pulled out and Clarke let out a sound of protest but he spun her around and hoisted her up, backing her into the fridge. "I want to see you," he said and entered her once again.
Clarke locked her ankles around his waist and kissed him. Ramming into her, their breathing hard and sweat pooling on their forehand, Clarke couldn't hold on anymore.
"Come for me," rasped Bellamy and Clarke's body responded. Her walls squeezed around him and she came undone and he quickly followed.
"You're going to be the death of me," breathed Bellamy into her neck, trying to catch his breath.
Clarke would have laughed if she was able but instead she just unlocked her legs and slid down to the floor, after he had pulled out.
"Are you okay," Bellamy asked. "Was this too much?"
It was sweet how concerned he was and Clarke shook her head, "It was perfect. You're perfect."
The grin that followed was one of the most beautiful things Clarke had ever seen and she returned his smile. His mouth captured hers then and they both smiled into the kiss.
"We should probably get dressed, before somebody walks in," Bellamy suggested.
"Good thinking," grinned Clarke, picking her swimsuits from the floor.
"I have my moments," Bellamy pulled his trunks back on and helped her fasten her top. He kissed her shoulder gently.
"Come on," said Clarke taking his hand, "Let's go for a swim."
She forgot Raven's book but the brunette only grinned at her and didn't mention it.
It had been a good day and in the evening when they decided to go to bed, Clarke didn't even go to her room. She went with Bellamy without them talking about it and she borrowed one of his T-shirts to sleep in. And by borrowed she meant borrowed forever – because it smelt like him and was nice and soft and she was definitely adding it to her collection.
"I like you in my clothes," admitted Bellamy while pulling her close to him and kissing her.
"I might or might not regularly sleep in one of your T-shirts," confessed Clarke, nuzzling into his neck. It was her favorite spot.
"You do," Bellamy asked her surprised.
"Mhmm," Clarke murmured. She had the shirt for over a year now and even though she kept telling herself he forgot it and she would return it one of those days, it was just convenient and comfortable, and she knew she never would. It was one of her most used sleeping attire for a reason.
Bellamy pulled her closer.
Clarke was happy and she knew this was only the beginning and while things were great at the moment, there might come a time when they wouldn't be, but she was okay with it and not scared anymore. They would get through it, whatever life threw at them, together.
She fell asleep smiling.
Thank you for reading. Hope you liked it. Maybe let me know?