A/N: Written for SanNami Week 2016, Day 7 - Give and Receive.
(Okay, I really am rather nervous about this one for some reason... I just don't want to inadvertently make Sanji look stupid. I hope I didn't! If it does, I'm going to have to remove this story. I don't need to add to existing derision for my favourite character. :/ )
"Curly-brow, I want some ice for my beer."
Sanji looked up from his task – cutting up some fruit – and glared at Zoro. "Would it kill you to be polite?"
"What if it did?"
The glare turned into a sugary smile. "Then all the more do I want you to be polite."
"One day, you stupid cook, I'm really going to kill you."
"Go ahead and try." Sanji opened the fridge, taking care to obscure Zoro's view of the lock on the fridge door.
Zoro scowled and said, "You don't have to hide the password from me. I'm not going to steal food from there. What do you take me for?"
Sanji turned around with ice cubes in a mug. He gave Zoro a withering look. "The password is only for me, Nami-san and Robin-chan. Not the rest of you twits. Here." He set the mug on the counter and pushed it towards the other man.
Zoro caught the mug as it slid down the smooth surface. He tipped the remaining contents of his beer bottle into the mug. Sanji continued to peel and slice the fruits before him. Zoro noted that most of the fruits were oranges, though there were some others in the mix.
"I don't understand you two," Zoro said.
"When do you ever understand anything except training, sleeping, and alcohol?" retorted Sanji. "And what are you talking about?"
"You two." Zoro gestured with the mug towards Sanji and the oranges on the counter top. "You and Nami."
Sanji shot him a look. "Me and Nami?"
"You've got a weird relationship going on there."
"We don't have a relationship. Not one of the sort I'm sure you mean. "
Zoro snorted disbelievingly. "Yeah, right. You're all but her slave sometimes, ero-cook."
"I have a knife in my hand right now. Don't go testing my principle of not using knives to fight, marimo-brain."
"You'd never do it," said Zoro, gulping down more beer.
"Get to the point," snarled Sanji. He picked up the sliced oranges and dropped them into a bowl along with apple slices. He then took up some cut strawberries and arranged them carefully on top of the oranges.
"You." Zoro pointed at him. "And her." He pointed at the fruit in the bowl. "You two have a really weird relationship."
Sanji took a step back from the bowl and looked at it as though pleased with his arrangement of the fruits. He said, "You already said that. And I told you we don't have a relationship. Are you deaf as well as devoid of brains?"
"I have eyes."
"You had eyes. Now you have just one."
Zoro ignored him. "Your thing with Nami is so one-sided."
"What?"
"You do everything for her and what does she do for you? Nothing. Or at least nothing that I know about…" Zoro trailed off and gave Sanji a sidelong look.
"Are you implying what I think you're implying?" said Sanji, a dangerous edge coming into his voice.
Zoro shrugged. Then found himself backed up against the wall, a shiny black shoe pressed up against his arms, which he had flung up to protect his face. The mug of beer had fallen to the floor and the remaining beer was trickling out onto the floor.
"Do not say things like that about Nami-san. She's not that sort of woman."
"Get real, ero-cook," Zoro said. "All anyone can see is that you fawn all over her but it's not like she does anything for you. You give, and she takes. What does she give back? If that's not one-sided then I don't know what is." He felt the pressure of Sanji's foot waver just a tiny bit. He shoved hard and pushed Sanji's foot away from him.
They stood staring at one another for a few moments, Sanji angry and Zoro irritated. Finally, Sanji looked away to light a cigarette.
"You've got something wrong, you shitty swordsman."
"And what is that?"
"You assume that I do things for Nami-san and expect something in return."
Zoro rolled his eyes. "Oh. You do it out of the goodness of your little curly heart?"
"I do things for her because I want to."
"Do you expect me to believe that you don't want anything in return? You don't want her to fall for you and all that sappy stuff?" He let out a derisive laugh.
Something snapped in Sanji and it seemed to Zoro that now he was even angrier than before.
"What do you want me to say? That I want Nami-san to like me? Yes, YES, I DO. There. Happy now?" Without allowing him to respond, Sanji went on: "But see here, dimwit, I don't expect her to like me. I do things for her because I want to do them. I'm not expecting anything in return.
"Nami-san deserves an actual prince on a white horse, and I'm not it. You say that I give and she takes. To me, I'm giving, and she's receiving. I'm just happy that she smiles and thanks me at all. The fact that Nami-san is willing to accept small gestures from me – that's already something."
Sanji turned, picked up the bowl of fruit, and walked out of the kitchen without another word to Zoro.
The words "Ugh, such a lovesick idiot" were on the tip of Zoro's tongue, but for once he refrained from speaking them aloud. He did think Sanji was rather stupid about women and particularly stupid about Nami, but… It could be said that there really was something gallant about the curly-brow's way of thinking about Nami.
He noticed the now-empty mug on the floor. Darn it. He needed to get another bottle of beer now. And more ice.
.