Come Home

by faith-chan11

There were only two outcomes Haru could see here. Either he would stay with Makoto and hold him back from what he really wants or Makoto would eventually leave him. Although the second one was extremely unlikely, he hated both. So he decided neither would happen. He had to do what was best for Makoto.

There was one thing that followed Haru around like a constantly looming dark cloud.

It was subtle, but at the same time, a giant slap in the face.

Everywhere he and Makoto went, he caught Makoto staring at happy families.

He would often catch Makoto smiling at little kids clinging to their parents, singing cheerful little songs, and playing happily. But even Haru had a hard time identifying this smile. It was almost like a mix of happy, loving, and sad, but it wasn't exactly sad, but neither happy.

It gave him the most sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach and his heart jumped into his throat.

Of course it made sense, though. Anyone who thought Makoto didn't want kids was blind. It was obvious considering his traits; He was so kind, selfless, playful, strong- He would make the perfect father. It was in Makoto's nature to want to take care of people and shower them with love.

And Haru would give Makoto anything he wanted.

But children was not something he could give to Makoto.

"Haru?"

Haru snapped back into reality. "Hm?"

Makoto's expression was full of concern. "Are you okay?"

"Oh. Yeah." He said half-heartedly.

"You sure? Are you not feeling well?" Makoto felt Haru's forehead and examined his face, confirming his perfect parenting skills.

Haru felt his heart drop painfully. He was holding Makoto back so much. Makoto should be able to have kids of his own, kids he could take care of like how he took care of Haru.

"I guess you could say that." He couldn't lie and say he was fine, Makoto had already detected that something was wrong, so there was no going back at this point.

"Let's go home and I'll run you a bath, okay?" Makoto smiled so sweetly, the way only he could.

Haru nodded slowly, not quite processing the question.

Makoto took his hand lovingly and led him out of the mall.

When they got home, Makoto did as he promised and ran Haru a warm bath, gave him a kiss on the head, and let him have his privacy.

Haru sank into the warm water and finally came to terms with reality.

He was holding Makoto back.

Makoto wanted a normal family.

Makoto wanted kids of his own, kids he could say had his eyes or his hair or his smile.

Makoto wanted to read books to his unborn child and kiss the bulge where his child was and anticipate the day when he would rush to the hospital and finally meet the child he had a part in making.

Makoto wanted a good mother to help him take care of his children someday, someone who was patient and kind and cheerful, everything Haru knew he wasn't

And Haru would give Makoto anything he wanted. And to give Makoto what he wanted would mean that their time together was winding down.

Haru felt tears roll down his cheeks. He had to bite his tongue to keep from sobbing out loud and making Makoto run in immediately to check on him.

There were only two outcomes Haru could see here. Either he would stay with Makoto and hold him back from what he really wants or Makoto would eventually leave him. Although the second one was extremely unlikely, he hated both.

So he decided neither would happen.

He had to do what was best for Makoto.

"Are you feeling better Haru?"

"Yeah." Haru lied through his teeth. He was actually feeling a thousand times worse at his recent decision.

Makoto frowned, obviously not buying it. "Maybe we should go to sleep early."

Haru nodded as his stomach tensed. It was almost time.

Makoto cupped Haru's cheeks and kissed him softly on the lips. Haru kissed him back, a lot longer than usual. He wanted to savor this moment. Makoto blushed and chuckled softly, then wrapped his arms around Haru's waist, holding the smaller boy to his chest.

Haru listened to Makoto's steady heartbeat. He wanted to remember it, how it felt to be held in his arms, his tender smile, how his eyes lit up-

No. Haru couldn't allow himself to think about that or he wouldn't go through with it.

After about an hour, he was sure Makoto was asleep. Haru slowly untangled himself from Makoto's arms and swiftly got out of the bed, giving him one final kiss on the cheek.

Haru grabbed a backpack and a duffel bag and threw his clothes, a few belongings, and his wallet into them. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen.

'Dear Makoto,

I'm so sorry.

This whole time I've been too selfish to see what you really want; I've been holding you back, I've wasted your time.

I'm doing this because I love you and I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone who can give you everything you deserve and give you a normal life and a normal family.

You could never be happy with me; and I don't blame you at all.

I'm nothing special, and believe me, you can find a nice girl to replace me in a heartbeat.

Don't worry about me or try to find me. I'll be fine. And so will you.

I love you, Makoto. I love you so much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore.

So this is goodbye.

-Haru'

He wiped the tears from his eyes and left the note on the coffee table.

This was not a rash decision, he had thought about it for months, this is just the first time he'd actually worked up the self control to actually do it. He took a deep breath in attempt to repress the sob that threatened to wrack his body.

Haru gave their cute little apartment one last look through teary eyes before walking through the door.

Makoto fluttered his eyelids open, expecting to see his beautiful boyfriend entwined in his arms, but was disappointed that he was not. He supposed Haru was taking a bath. He got out of bed and knocked on the bathroom door, only to be greeted with silence. Makoto thought that maybe he had already started breakfast. He started down the hallway and called out, "Haru-chan!" But again, got no reply. Makoto looked around worriedly. Where was Haru?! He suddenly spotted a letter on the coffee table and picked it up.

He read it with growing horror and disgust, shouting profanities that would put a sailor to shame.

How could Haru think those horrible things about himself?

Had Makoto not shown him enough love and admiration?

What did he mean by a normal life and normal family?

He paid no attention to the part telling him to not look for him.

Like hell he was going to let Haru believe those lies.

Makoto called Haru's cell phone with tears streaming down his face. He prayed desperately he would just pick up and come home so that Makoto could tell him how much he needed him, to hold him in his arms and make him feel so loved.

Makoto realized with dread that he heard Haru's ringtone coming from their bedroom.

Haru laid curled up in a hotel bed. He'd barely gotten any sleep last night at all and he doubted he would for a long time. He'd grown so accustomed to Makoto's warmth surrounding him, his strong arms encircling him, just knowing he would be there when he woke up. It would be even harder tonight. Makoto wouldn't tell him he loved him or give him a goodnight kiss tonight. Or the night after that, or the night after that. No more loving emerald eyes or caring smiles or messy olive welled in Haru's eyes yet again, just when he thought he was incapable of crying anymore. The loss of Makoto's presence was worse than a shard of glass in his heart.

Meanwhile, Makoto was having something between a mental breakdown and an emotional panic attack. He frantically called the police, only to find that they couldn't do anything about it since Haru was a legal adult and had left on his own terms. He called all their friends and his parents, finding that they had not heard from Haru either. He finally resorted to running around town searching every person's face and calling out Haru's name like a lunatic and asking random strangers if they had seen a young man resembling his description of Haru. Once again, he had no luck, even though he was quite sure he would have found Haru at the pool. Was Haru really gone forever? No. He would keep looking even if he had to search for a thousand forevers. To hell with "finding someone else" and "having a normal life."

Haru reluctantly got out of the bathtub when the water eventually got cold. He realized this was his last towel and cursed. Sure bathed more than the average person, but they still hadn't given him enough. He dried himself and put on some clothes to go to the lobby. What a bother. He probably looked like a total bum but he didn't care in the slightest. He went up to the front desk and got more towels, then quickly started back to his room.

Not quick enough though.

"Haru!"

He froze dead in his tracks.

He knew that voice... But that couldn't be possible. He prayed it wasn't.

He slowly turned around to see a shark-toothed grin with blood red eyes and matching maroon hair.

It was.

Haru cursed for the millionth time today. Out of all the millions of people in Tokyo and the thousands of hotels, why did Rin have to be at this one?! Why today?!

"I thought you were in Australia." Haru said grimly, he was taken aback at his voice; It didn't sound like himself, so broken and small.

"Jeez, don't get so excited, it's not like we haven't seen each other in months." Rin snapped sarcastically. "Anyways, the swimming season is over in Australia so I thought I'd come here for my break. Sousuke's here too and I thought we could meet up with you and Makoto."

Haru's heart pounded in his eardrums. Makoto. Makoto. Makoto. Why did he have to say that name?

"Haru? You okay?" Rin raised an eyebrow.

"W-We can't. We're really busy." Haru choked out.

Of course Rin knew exactly why Haru was acting like this. Makoto had called him this morning telling him the situation and that Haru left him; It was just pure luck that he ended up finding him on accident. He decided to play dumb so Haru would stay here and he could tell Makoto where to find him.

"It's summer. Why are you so busy? And why are you at a hotel?"

Dammit. Why was Rin so damn meddlesome? Haru needed to think of something fast.

"We have jobs. And the air conditioner is broken at our apartment."

"Oh. I see." Rin pretended to buy it. "Maybe we can hang out later then. See you, Haru."

Haru sighed. He would need to find a different place to stay soon. He walked back to his room, the weight on his chest a thousand times heavier.

Rin watched Haru walk into a room and memorized the number. He immediately pulled out his phone and dialed Makoto's number.

"Makoto. Guess what?"

Makoto was there in less than 2 hours, which is impressive considering this hotel was a good distance away from their apartment. He wasted no time getting to the room Rin told him and anxiously knocked on the door.

Haru groaned. Who could it possibly be this late at night? He contemplated not answering, but the knocking continued. If this was one of Rin's tricks he was going to kill that punk.

He yanked the door open and was about to tell the person to buzz off, but almost fell back at who he saw. He didn't even have time to react before the olive haired boy captured him in a tight hug, and sobbed into his neck.

"Haruka!" He held onto the smaller boy like his life depended on it.

Haru tensed up. He wanted nothing more than to fall into Makoto's arms and just let all his troubles go. But Makoto's happiness went first. And Makoto would not be happy with him. But... This is probably the most worked up he'd ever seen Makoto... More than when he'd almost drowned, more than when his goldfish died, more than when he could've sworn he'd seen a ghost. It was like Makoto had almost lost the most precious thing in the entire universe.

Haru tried to stop him, but a part of him knew it was a lost cause at this point.

"M-Mako- please d-don't do this..." He tried to control himself.

Makoto leaned down to put his head against Haru's chest. "Haruka. I need you so much. Please, don't leave me." His voice was so broken and pained as he begged. " I love you more than anyone or anything. P-Please I'll do anything. Don't leave me." His emerald eyes sparkled with tears.

Hearing that, tears clouded Haru's vision. "S-Stop! You could never really be happy with me! I can't give you kids, Makoto! We could never have a normal family! I would be a horrible parent anyways and I'm not the person you deserve!"

Makoto only clung to Haru tighter. "That's not true! Haru makes me happier than anything in the entire world! I don't want to be normal or have kids if it means losing you! I need you more than any of that!"

"Don't lie, Makoto! I see the way you look at families. You want to be normal and I don't blame you."

"I stare at them that way because that could be us someday!" Makoto cupped Haru's cheeks to look into his eyes to show he was telling the truth. They stared at each other in a long silence.

"B-But we would have to adopt... They wouldn't really be... yours..." Haru choked on the words.

"Of course they would. They would be ours, okay? We don't even have to have any kids if you don't want them." Makoto stroked Haru's hair. "But Haru doesn't need to worry either way because I know he would be a perfect parent if he decides he does want kids."

"B-But..."

Makoto pressed a finger to his lips and lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "Haru. I've thought about this all before. I love you more than anything, so if you don't want kids, then I don't either." Makoto held Haru's face in his hands. "Please, Haruka... Come home."

Those were the words that finally broke Haru's will power. He immediately fell into Makoto's arms and began to let out the sobs he'd been holding back ever since he left. "I love you Makoto!"

Makoto took Haru's face into his hands and their lips clashed together in a passionate heat. Haru wrapped his arms around Makoto's neck and rested his head on his shoulder when they finally broke apart. "I was so scared... I thought I lost you forever... I couldn't live with myself..." Makoto whispered into Haru's neck.

"I'm sorry Makoto." Haru said shamefully, feeling guilty for putting Makoto under all this stress.

"No, no... I should have told you how much you mean to me more often. I'm so sorry."

That was ridiculous. He told Haru multiple times a day. If he told him he loved him any more often, he would have to tell him every minute.

"No, I just wanted Makoto to be happy. I'm sorry."

Makoto smiled softly and kissed Haru's forehead. "Just please don't leave me again and I'll always be happy."

"I promise I won't."

"And I won't either." Makoto agreed. "Let's go home, ne?"

Haru nodded too eagerly.

He had only been gone for a few days, but Haru was so relieved to be home. He breathed in the calming citrus/chlorine smell in their little apartment. Makoto took his bags and sat them down in the bedroom.

"Are you tired, sweetheart?" Makoto asked lovingly and took Haru into his arms. Haru blushed furiously. Sweetheart.

In reply, Haru yawned conspicuously.

Makoto chuckled warmly. "I'll take that as a yes."

Haru put on his favorite shirt of Makoto's and climbed into bed, appreciating the familiarity. Makoto climbed in beside him and gave him a long, sweet goodnight kiss. "I love you, Haruka. I missed you so much."

Haru blushed. "I love you, Makoto. I missed you more."

"Not possible."

"Mhm."

"Nope."

"Let's not argue, ne? I'm tired." Haru said.

Makoto laughed gently. "Okay, okay. Goodnight Haru." He held Haru safely to his chest and rubbed his back soothingly. Haru felt so relieved he was almost brought to tears. He thought he would never be in Makoto's arms again.

But in the end, this whole time, a tiny part of him knew Makoto would find him and take him home.

And from the start, he'd wanted him to.