Bread and Circuses
DISCLAIMER: I know I don't own Star Trek so please don't sue me, trust me I'm not making any money from this.
I watch Spock test the door to our prison once again, the fifteenth time in fact. I wonder if he is angry or frustrated about our current situation, I say as much. As I suspect he denies this, replying that such emotions are foreign to him and that he is merely testing the strength of the door, however I know this is not entirely true. I remind him that this is the fifteenth time he has tested the door, still as solid and strong as the previous fourteen tests have shown. Of course he ignores my interruption and continues his examination of the steel bars that held us both; stopping us from finding our Captain and friend Jim. I find myself thinking back to our previous missions and can't help but think that our current situation is not so bad, since there are no mysterious alien life forms attacking the ship and there is no strange deadly disease plaguing the crew. No, we have been in much more serious situations then this before but I can't help myself from worrying about Jim. I know the Captain too well, if there is any kind of trouble he will be in the heart of all of it, keeping his own safety well below that of his friends and crewmen, too stubborn for his own good. Oh I know that Jim can look after himself; I just hope that he is ok, there's no wonder what these blood thirsty Romans will do to him. Will they kill him? Will they torture him? It has been hours since we last saw him, anything could have happened to him during that time and with myself and Spock locked in this unyielding cell there is nothing we can do to help him.
No, I can not do anything for Jim. I accept that but I don't think Spock has just yet. I realize now that I have yet to thank him for saving my life. Do Vulcans even understand gratitude? Heck I never thought there would come a time when I would be thanking Spock for anything, never mind something significant as saving my life. I know that it's not going to be easy but I have to let Spock know that I am grateful, for if he hadn't intervened during the fight in the arena I would have certainly been killed. I continue to watch his failing attempts at pulling the bars loose and decide that this would be the perfect time when I could express my gratitude, hell there isn't anything else to do. I decide to give it a shot.
"Spock, uh..." That isn't much of a start, this is harder then I thought it would be. "I know we've had our disagreements." That's putting it very lightly I know. "Maybe they're jokes. I don't know. As Jim says," I can't help but shudder at speaking his name, I really hope that he is alright "we're not often sure ourselves sometimes, but what I'm trying to say is –
"Doctor, I am seeking a means of escape. Will you please be brief?" interrupted Spock, discarding his attempt of trying to loosen the bars and who is now inspecting the hinges of the door. Do my ears deceive me or did his voice actually portray annoyance? No I must have been mistaken as I have never known Spock to get annoyed about anything, much less portray it. Here I am trying to thank him and he tells me to make it brief, he of course doesn't know how hard this is for me, a physician, a medical officer having to thank someone for saving my life. It is normally my responsibility to save lives, regularly patching him and Jim up after countless insane missions that they have run head first into. I take a breath to calm myself as I decide to start over, getting straight to the point.
"Well, what I'm trying to say is you saved my life in the arena."
"Yes, that's quite true" Spock replied, his back still facing me.
"I'm trying to thank you, you pointed-eared hobgoblin!" I said giving way to my growing frustration of the Vulcan in front of me, hell even in only a few sentences he manages to get under my skin. Why is it that when ever I talk to him I always finding myself insulting him!?
"Oh, yes. You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. 'You're welcome', I believe, is the correct response. However, Doctor, you must remember I am entirely motivated by logic. The loss of our ship's surgeon, whatever I think of his skill, would mean a reduction in the efficiency of the Enterprise..." explained Spock.
Damn Vulcans and hell to their logic!
Here I am trying my best to express my gratitude when Jim could at this very moment be injured or dying and … suddenly Spock's behaviour became very clear to me. I bend down so my eyes are level with his and saw that my assumption is right. For once I truly saw the pure emotion, the feelings he was trying to hide clear as day.
"Do you know why you're not afraid to die, Spock? You're more afraid of living. Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip and let your human half peek out. That's it, isn't it? Insecurity." I know that I'm right and have hit a nerve as he turns his face away from me, refusing to meet my gaze. I continue. "Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling" I stop, expecting him, no daring him to try and deny it. He doesn't reply straight away, further proof that I am right. However when Spock does answer me it is not of acceptance or denial as I would have anticipated from him.
"Really, Doctor" replied Spock.
My anger at him rapidly melted away as he finally turned to face me. I saw his usual cold emotionless face with his sharp Vulcan features but when I look into his eyes …
His eyes …
Frustration
Worry
Sadness
They betrayed him. I always forget that he is not just a Vulcan but half human too. He is half human, he still has emotions but he has learnt not to show them. He still feels … and I now realize that I'm not the only one worried about Jim. I decide to voice what we were both feeling and in my own sort of way apologizing for my earlier outburst.
"I know. I'm worried about Jim too."
Jim …
Where ever you are I hope that you are alright.
For all our sakes.
AUTHOR NOTE: I couldn't get this scene out of my head. Although Kirk is my favourite character I also love McCoy. I love the fact that in this scene he first tries to thank Spock for saving his life but then that turns into another one of their banters and then they sort of make up in the end. So do you like it? Feel free to review.