Yohji: Close to death, closer to love…
Disclaimers: Umm like Weiss is not owned by me…though I cosplay Yohji I'm not him, sadly.
Rating: PG15
Spoilers: Well…kinda…I can't say what though of course…
Pairings: Ken and Omi…Yohji and ?????
This fic is filled with angst…it's also kind of a death fic…bear with me. My friend said Yohji needed sedatives though…after you read this let me know if you agree…well bye! ^_^
Key: //text// Denotes thought. "text" Is people talking.
Yohji looked down at the body.
//Why did this have to happen?// he kept asking himself. //Why?//
Everything went black…
Yohji looked down at the body.
//Why did this have to happen?// he kept asking himself. //Why?//
He knelt and pulled a few loose strands of hair out of the face and tucked them gently behind the ear.
Everything went black…
Yohji looked down at the body.
//Why did this have to happen?// he kept asking himself. //Why?//
He knelt and pulled a few loose strands of hair out of the face and tucked them gently behind the ear.
//Why couldn't you remember? Didn't you know me?// He knelt further to stare into the eyes. Those eyes…
Yohji bolted upright in the bed. Sweat covered his face and chest. "Why" is the only uttered word as he brings a hand up to run it through his pillow- matted hair. Tears mingle with sweat as he silently shakes, his shoulders quivering. "Why?" comes another muffled cry.
He got out of the bed slowly, his feet settled into the soft red carpet. He looks down and shudders, realizing for the thousandth time that it was the same color as blood. Yohji rose slowly to his feet as he grabbed at the bedside table for his cigarettes. He made his way to the window and opened it. The chill night air made his sweat-soaked body cringe, but he didn't pay it any mind, instead he just leaned part way out the window onto the window sill.
He stared at the crescent moon in the velvet blanket of the night sky. Comfort sought from the one thing he knew wouldn't look at what he really was and turn away.
He smoked away the night and watched the sunrise. //Beauty really does still exist…// he thought to himself, or thought he had thought it tom himself. Surprised, he let the cloud of breath disappear into the morning chill.
"Yohji? Breakfast is ready…" came a soft call through his door, followed by soft footsteps running down the stairs. He ignored both the words and the footsteps.
//Why did you?//
Yohji looked down at his pack of cigarettes, he noticed that they were all gone. He thought he had heard somebody say they had needed groceries a while back. Maybe not, but he didn't hear the usual hustle and bustle.
What was that? Wait….there it was again…a soft knock at his door. He looked at his clock it was only 11:30 in the morning. He didn't answer and the knocking stopped. He walked to the bed and sat down, face in his hands. Tear falls from between cupped hands and hits the carpet.
//Why?//
He throws his head back and lets out a harsh scream before drifting into consciousness.
*********
"What are we going to do Ken-kun?" the cute, typically excited, yet exhausted, voice of the youngest Weiss member chirped.
"I don't really know know Omi…he hasn't come out of his room since the incident two nights ago."
"He needs to eat…"
"I know, but we can't force him. He's hurt, he's done something that nobody should be forced to do…"
"But Ken-kun…"
"No. We just wait. Period." Ken's voice went flat as he said the last bit of this. He placed an arm around Omi and guided him to the door. "Now let's get groceries like we planned…two and a half hours ago."
*********
Yohji awoke to pitch black. He stood and turned in a complete circle. It was all the same…all dark…
//Wait…where's my bed?// he thought as he circled around again. He stopped and looked into the distance…a small form all in black except for…
"Omi! My God…Omi!" Yohji ran towards him but didn't seem to get any closer than he already was. //But he's not even moving!// he thought.
"Why Balinese? Why did you do it? You're nothing more than a murderer!" With that, Omi was gone.
"No…NO! I'm not a murderer…I didn't want to…I loved…" Yohji dropped to his knees.
"That's right…you're a murderer Balinese!" Ken walked up bouncing a soccer ball in his hands. "I didn't think you were capable of doing such a thing…killing somebody who meant so much to you…"
"Ken…I didn't mean…"
"Yeah, right, I believe you…about as much as I believe I'm getting back into J-League…" Ken faded away too.
Yohji wept silently. "No more…please…no more…"
"Why Yohji?"
"NO! Anybody else…please!"
"Afraid of something Yohji?"
"Aya…I didn't mean it…" Yohji fell to a laying position and huddled in on himself.
"Nooo…of course not Yohji…things like this are always accidents. At least for you, hmm?" Aya's eyes appeared above Yohji, menacing and angry. "Kudou Yohji…everything is an accident with you…"
Yohji shifted in an attempt to avoid those eyes, but it seemed they were everywhere. Finally he just closed his eyes, hoping they would go away.
"It's not that easy Yohji…" Aya's voice was in his head and…those eyes…those eyes were on the insides of his eyelids glaring at him.
"Leave me alone…just please…leave…me…ALONE!!"
Yohji sat upright. "Damn it! I didn't mean to do it!" He yelled in frustration and anger. After the scream had died, he rose and walked to the window, it was night once again. //Three days…// His stomach growled. He ignored it. Food wasn't important…after all, he had made it so one more person would never again be forced to worry about being hungry ever again…
*********
"Omi, now I'm worried. He hasn't eaten for three days, and that scream sounded like he dropped from a second story window." Ken smiled a little bit at the image but quickly went back to being serious.
"Ken-kun! Don't say that! We have to go make him eat." Omi grabbed some food and hurtled towards the door of the kitchen.
"Omi stop!" Ken's hand gripped his shoulder for a moment then dropped. "We can't…no matter how much we want to. He has to do it himself. He has to want to live for what he has…" He stepped away from Omi and turned around. "…If he chooses to hide away and kill himself by lack of food, we can't stop him."
Omi's eyes shone with unshed tears. "B-but Ken-kun…" he turned to face Ken's back. "…We can't just let him die…he has to eat!" Omi started to wards the door again.
"No!" Ken moved and stepped in front of him. "I'm sorry Omi, but we can't force him to live, not now, it's already too late." A single tear slid down Omi's face before he collapsed into Ken's chest. Ken stood there motionless a moment before he wrapped his arms around Omi's shoulders. "It's alright Omi…he'll be alright…he's Weiss…he'll make it…"
*********
Yohji cracked the door to his room. Four mornings after the incident and he still hadn't eaten a thing. He had to get out of here, his dreams were invading his head while he was awake. He crept downstairs and went to the door. Something urged him to turn and look at the couch. He smiled as his eyes came across Omi and Ken. Omi was rolled, face into Ken's chest, while Ken had his arms wrapped around him.
//Sleeping like babies, not a care in the world. They have something I won't ever have again…// With that thought he stepped outside and silently closed the door. //Sleep well guys…// He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked off through the morning rain.
*********
"Ken! Yohji's gone! Ken-kun tell me why! Why?" Omi slumped to his knees. Ken sat up on the couch, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"W-what? Gone?" he let out a monsterous yawn. //Kuso! Tell me that scream we heard last night really wasn't him throwing himself from a second story window.// Ken stood with a number of his bones cracking in protest. "Omi stay here a minute…" He opened the door and stepped out. He looked over to where Yohji would be lying if he had jumped out of the window. //Thank God…// he thought upon not seeing Yohji.
"He's alive…"
"Omi! God don't DO that…"
"We have to find him…"
"We'll stay here and wait for a little…just in case he comes back."
"Okay Ken-kun." Omi turned to go back into the Koneko as Ken heaved a sigh of relief, //Good no argument…// Omi looked up at the sky before entering. "Be safe Yohji…"
*********
Yohji wandered the sidewalks of downtown Tokyo for hours. "God what time is it?" he asked himself aloud, not totally carig. His sunglasses slipped a little and he pushed them back up with a finger. //No money…four days of no eating, actually longer considering I don't eat the day before missions…// he stumbled. //The hell? I'm weak, I'm doing what deserves to be done to a murderer…// he stumbled again and caught himself on a building. He used the building for support an rounded a corner into an alley. //It's time Yohji…just give it up…let it go.// He dropped to a kneeling position. //It's been too long…NO! I won't…but you must. What is it? After being an assassin you still fear death? Give in…it's your time.// Yohji dropped face first into a puddle unconscious. His last thought… //Yes…it is my turn…nothing…to live…for.//
"My God, it's a dead man!" A woman's voice shattered the noisy bustle of the Tokyo street.
*********
"Mister Hidaka, Mister Tsukiyono, he's alive…barely…" a doctor told them as they sat in the emergency room lobby. "…His life-signs are fading fast and his body fights off anything we put in it….I'm afraid the best thing for you to do is prepare his funeral service."
"Hai…I understand. Arigato Doctor."
"Ken…that's two funerals we have to attend…" Omi muttered under his breath.
"Doctor may we see him?" Ken asked as he looked sadly at Omi his eyes reflecting the look of Omi's own.
"Sure…right this way." Ken and Omi stood and followed the doctor to the room Yohji was in. The beep of many machines was the only noise there. The only motion was that of themselves and the rhythmical beep of a heart monitor, a slow beep.
*Doctor Tsubanya to operations, Doctor Tsubanya to operations.*
"I'm sorry I have to go. When you two are finished just press that button and a nurse will escort you out."
"Arigato again Doctor…"
"My pleasure Mister Hidaka." Doctor Tsubanya said as she left.
"Why Ken-kun?" Omi cried through his hands. "One by on we're falling apart…who's next? Me? You?…"
"Or me?" Ken and Omi both jumped up and turned towards the door. There in the doorway stood…
"Aya-kun? Is it really…Aya-kun!" Omi stood up, his eyes glittering with tears. "We thought you were…were…"
"Dead? I know. I was away paying a visit…to somebody close. Would you two go back to the Koneko after saying what you need to say? Persia has a mission…"
"H-hai…" they said in unison. Aya stepped outside the door and down the all to wait.
"Playboy or whatever…you were a friend Yohji…" came Omi's choked words followed by muffled sobs.
"Yohji…we rarely got along, but it was a friendly rivalry…you'll be missed…" Ken and Omi appeared a few minutes later, Ken guiding and consoling a crying Omi. He looked about not seeing Aya, who had moved around a corner. "Come on Omi…let's go home…"
Aya watched them leave from around the corner. After they had walked out of sight he walked into Yohji room and locked the door. He sat down and didn't make a noise for many minutes. He raised his head and wiped away tears. "Yohji…I already had one loved one in the hospital, unable to do anything…near the brink of death…" he wiped away more tears. "I don't need another…so you had better get your ass out of this bed soon and come back to me…I know how you felt…no feel, about me. I was indifferent to care, but now I know Kudou Yohji…I…love you. Come back to me…" The brainwave monitor beeped. Again. Again and again…Aya looked up… "Yohji?" The heart monitor rose, beeps coming from both machines now. "Yohji?" Yohji's hand twitched inside of Aya's…when had he grabbed Yohji's hand? "Come on Yohji…please…" Yohji's eyes opened.
"Aya…I heard every word…thank you…I have a reason to live…now get me…outta here…and some food iside of me." Yohji grinned weakly as Aya smiled.
"Sure thing…Yohji."
"Don't forget Aya…we have a funeral to attend…"
"I know Yohji…I'm sorry it had to happen like that."
"It's okay…I can get through it by your side…"
"Hai…let's go Yohji."
"Yes, I think it's time…" Yohji got up with Aya's help and then got dressed, also with Aya's help.
*********
Yohji, Aya, Ken, and Omi all stood side by side at the right of the open grave. They turned and Omi grabbed he shovel shoveling a shovel full of dirt onto the coffin, Ken and Aya did the same. Aya held the shovel a moment though…
"It's time to forget your past…" Omi smiled a reassuring smile at him.
"It's time to bury the memories…" Ken smiled the same smile.
"We'll, I'll, be there for you…" Aya smiled, kissed him, and put the shovel gently in Yohji's palm. He took it and turned to the dirt pile.
One shovel full. "Goodbye Asuka…I'll love you always…but it's time to bury you mentally…" two shovel fulls. "…emotionally…" three shovel fulls. "…as well as to bury you physically." Yohji handed the shovel to the perso behind him and started to walk towards their van. "Goodbye………Asuka."
~Ende~
Authors note: Questions? Comments? Criticisms? E-mail them to me at:
yoji_kudou_aka_balinese@yahoo.com
Thanks for reading!
Disclaimers: Umm like Weiss is not owned by me…though I cosplay Yohji I'm not him, sadly.
Rating: PG15
Spoilers: Well…kinda…I can't say what though of course…
Pairings: Ken and Omi…Yohji and ?????
This fic is filled with angst…it's also kind of a death fic…bear with me. My friend said Yohji needed sedatives though…after you read this let me know if you agree…well bye! ^_^
Key: //text// Denotes thought. "text" Is people talking.
Yohji looked down at the body.
//Why did this have to happen?// he kept asking himself. //Why?//
Everything went black…
Yohji looked down at the body.
//Why did this have to happen?// he kept asking himself. //Why?//
He knelt and pulled a few loose strands of hair out of the face and tucked them gently behind the ear.
Everything went black…
Yohji looked down at the body.
//Why did this have to happen?// he kept asking himself. //Why?//
He knelt and pulled a few loose strands of hair out of the face and tucked them gently behind the ear.
//Why couldn't you remember? Didn't you know me?// He knelt further to stare into the eyes. Those eyes…
Yohji bolted upright in the bed. Sweat covered his face and chest. "Why" is the only uttered word as he brings a hand up to run it through his pillow- matted hair. Tears mingle with sweat as he silently shakes, his shoulders quivering. "Why?" comes another muffled cry.
He got out of the bed slowly, his feet settled into the soft red carpet. He looks down and shudders, realizing for the thousandth time that it was the same color as blood. Yohji rose slowly to his feet as he grabbed at the bedside table for his cigarettes. He made his way to the window and opened it. The chill night air made his sweat-soaked body cringe, but he didn't pay it any mind, instead he just leaned part way out the window onto the window sill.
He stared at the crescent moon in the velvet blanket of the night sky. Comfort sought from the one thing he knew wouldn't look at what he really was and turn away.
He smoked away the night and watched the sunrise. //Beauty really does still exist…// he thought to himself, or thought he had thought it tom himself. Surprised, he let the cloud of breath disappear into the morning chill.
"Yohji? Breakfast is ready…" came a soft call through his door, followed by soft footsteps running down the stairs. He ignored both the words and the footsteps.
//Why did you?//
Yohji looked down at his pack of cigarettes, he noticed that they were all gone. He thought he had heard somebody say they had needed groceries a while back. Maybe not, but he didn't hear the usual hustle and bustle.
What was that? Wait….there it was again…a soft knock at his door. He looked at his clock it was only 11:30 in the morning. He didn't answer and the knocking stopped. He walked to the bed and sat down, face in his hands. Tear falls from between cupped hands and hits the carpet.
//Why?//
He throws his head back and lets out a harsh scream before drifting into consciousness.
*********
"What are we going to do Ken-kun?" the cute, typically excited, yet exhausted, voice of the youngest Weiss member chirped.
"I don't really know know Omi…he hasn't come out of his room since the incident two nights ago."
"He needs to eat…"
"I know, but we can't force him. He's hurt, he's done something that nobody should be forced to do…"
"But Ken-kun…"
"No. We just wait. Period." Ken's voice went flat as he said the last bit of this. He placed an arm around Omi and guided him to the door. "Now let's get groceries like we planned…two and a half hours ago."
*********
Yohji awoke to pitch black. He stood and turned in a complete circle. It was all the same…all dark…
//Wait…where's my bed?// he thought as he circled around again. He stopped and looked into the distance…a small form all in black except for…
"Omi! My God…Omi!" Yohji ran towards him but didn't seem to get any closer than he already was. //But he's not even moving!// he thought.
"Why Balinese? Why did you do it? You're nothing more than a murderer!" With that, Omi was gone.
"No…NO! I'm not a murderer…I didn't want to…I loved…" Yohji dropped to his knees.
"That's right…you're a murderer Balinese!" Ken walked up bouncing a soccer ball in his hands. "I didn't think you were capable of doing such a thing…killing somebody who meant so much to you…"
"Ken…I didn't mean…"
"Yeah, right, I believe you…about as much as I believe I'm getting back into J-League…" Ken faded away too.
Yohji wept silently. "No more…please…no more…"
"Why Yohji?"
"NO! Anybody else…please!"
"Afraid of something Yohji?"
"Aya…I didn't mean it…" Yohji fell to a laying position and huddled in on himself.
"Nooo…of course not Yohji…things like this are always accidents. At least for you, hmm?" Aya's eyes appeared above Yohji, menacing and angry. "Kudou Yohji…everything is an accident with you…"
Yohji shifted in an attempt to avoid those eyes, but it seemed they were everywhere. Finally he just closed his eyes, hoping they would go away.
"It's not that easy Yohji…" Aya's voice was in his head and…those eyes…those eyes were on the insides of his eyelids glaring at him.
"Leave me alone…just please…leave…me…ALONE!!"
Yohji sat upright. "Damn it! I didn't mean to do it!" He yelled in frustration and anger. After the scream had died, he rose and walked to the window, it was night once again. //Three days…// His stomach growled. He ignored it. Food wasn't important…after all, he had made it so one more person would never again be forced to worry about being hungry ever again…
*********
"Omi, now I'm worried. He hasn't eaten for three days, and that scream sounded like he dropped from a second story window." Ken smiled a little bit at the image but quickly went back to being serious.
"Ken-kun! Don't say that! We have to go make him eat." Omi grabbed some food and hurtled towards the door of the kitchen.
"Omi stop!" Ken's hand gripped his shoulder for a moment then dropped. "We can't…no matter how much we want to. He has to do it himself. He has to want to live for what he has…" He stepped away from Omi and turned around. "…If he chooses to hide away and kill himself by lack of food, we can't stop him."
Omi's eyes shone with unshed tears. "B-but Ken-kun…" he turned to face Ken's back. "…We can't just let him die…he has to eat!" Omi started to wards the door again.
"No!" Ken moved and stepped in front of him. "I'm sorry Omi, but we can't force him to live, not now, it's already too late." A single tear slid down Omi's face before he collapsed into Ken's chest. Ken stood there motionless a moment before he wrapped his arms around Omi's shoulders. "It's alright Omi…he'll be alright…he's Weiss…he'll make it…"
*********
Yohji cracked the door to his room. Four mornings after the incident and he still hadn't eaten a thing. He had to get out of here, his dreams were invading his head while he was awake. He crept downstairs and went to the door. Something urged him to turn and look at the couch. He smiled as his eyes came across Omi and Ken. Omi was rolled, face into Ken's chest, while Ken had his arms wrapped around him.
//Sleeping like babies, not a care in the world. They have something I won't ever have again…// With that thought he stepped outside and silently closed the door. //Sleep well guys…// He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked off through the morning rain.
*********
"Ken! Yohji's gone! Ken-kun tell me why! Why?" Omi slumped to his knees. Ken sat up on the couch, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"W-what? Gone?" he let out a monsterous yawn. //Kuso! Tell me that scream we heard last night really wasn't him throwing himself from a second story window.// Ken stood with a number of his bones cracking in protest. "Omi stay here a minute…" He opened the door and stepped out. He looked over to where Yohji would be lying if he had jumped out of the window. //Thank God…// he thought upon not seeing Yohji.
"He's alive…"
"Omi! God don't DO that…"
"We have to find him…"
"We'll stay here and wait for a little…just in case he comes back."
"Okay Ken-kun." Omi turned to go back into the Koneko as Ken heaved a sigh of relief, //Good no argument…// Omi looked up at the sky before entering. "Be safe Yohji…"
*********
Yohji wandered the sidewalks of downtown Tokyo for hours. "God what time is it?" he asked himself aloud, not totally carig. His sunglasses slipped a little and he pushed them back up with a finger. //No money…four days of no eating, actually longer considering I don't eat the day before missions…// he stumbled. //The hell? I'm weak, I'm doing what deserves to be done to a murderer…// he stumbled again and caught himself on a building. He used the building for support an rounded a corner into an alley. //It's time Yohji…just give it up…let it go.// He dropped to a kneeling position. //It's been too long…NO! I won't…but you must. What is it? After being an assassin you still fear death? Give in…it's your time.// Yohji dropped face first into a puddle unconscious. His last thought… //Yes…it is my turn…nothing…to live…for.//
"My God, it's a dead man!" A woman's voice shattered the noisy bustle of the Tokyo street.
*********
"Mister Hidaka, Mister Tsukiyono, he's alive…barely…" a doctor told them as they sat in the emergency room lobby. "…His life-signs are fading fast and his body fights off anything we put in it….I'm afraid the best thing for you to do is prepare his funeral service."
"Hai…I understand. Arigato Doctor."
"Ken…that's two funerals we have to attend…" Omi muttered under his breath.
"Doctor may we see him?" Ken asked as he looked sadly at Omi his eyes reflecting the look of Omi's own.
"Sure…right this way." Ken and Omi stood and followed the doctor to the room Yohji was in. The beep of many machines was the only noise there. The only motion was that of themselves and the rhythmical beep of a heart monitor, a slow beep.
*Doctor Tsubanya to operations, Doctor Tsubanya to operations.*
"I'm sorry I have to go. When you two are finished just press that button and a nurse will escort you out."
"Arigato again Doctor…"
"My pleasure Mister Hidaka." Doctor Tsubanya said as she left.
"Why Ken-kun?" Omi cried through his hands. "One by on we're falling apart…who's next? Me? You?…"
"Or me?" Ken and Omi both jumped up and turned towards the door. There in the doorway stood…
"Aya-kun? Is it really…Aya-kun!" Omi stood up, his eyes glittering with tears. "We thought you were…were…"
"Dead? I know. I was away paying a visit…to somebody close. Would you two go back to the Koneko after saying what you need to say? Persia has a mission…"
"H-hai…" they said in unison. Aya stepped outside the door and down the all to wait.
"Playboy or whatever…you were a friend Yohji…" came Omi's choked words followed by muffled sobs.
"Yohji…we rarely got along, but it was a friendly rivalry…you'll be missed…" Ken and Omi appeared a few minutes later, Ken guiding and consoling a crying Omi. He looked about not seeing Aya, who had moved around a corner. "Come on Omi…let's go home…"
Aya watched them leave from around the corner. After they had walked out of sight he walked into Yohji room and locked the door. He sat down and didn't make a noise for many minutes. He raised his head and wiped away tears. "Yohji…I already had one loved one in the hospital, unable to do anything…near the brink of death…" he wiped away more tears. "I don't need another…so you had better get your ass out of this bed soon and come back to me…I know how you felt…no feel, about me. I was indifferent to care, but now I know Kudou Yohji…I…love you. Come back to me…" The brainwave monitor beeped. Again. Again and again…Aya looked up… "Yohji?" The heart monitor rose, beeps coming from both machines now. "Yohji?" Yohji's hand twitched inside of Aya's…when had he grabbed Yohji's hand? "Come on Yohji…please…" Yohji's eyes opened.
"Aya…I heard every word…thank you…I have a reason to live…now get me…outta here…and some food iside of me." Yohji grinned weakly as Aya smiled.
"Sure thing…Yohji."
"Don't forget Aya…we have a funeral to attend…"
"I know Yohji…I'm sorry it had to happen like that."
"It's okay…I can get through it by your side…"
"Hai…let's go Yohji."
"Yes, I think it's time…" Yohji got up with Aya's help and then got dressed, also with Aya's help.
*********
Yohji, Aya, Ken, and Omi all stood side by side at the right of the open grave. They turned and Omi grabbed he shovel shoveling a shovel full of dirt onto the coffin, Ken and Aya did the same. Aya held the shovel a moment though…
"It's time to forget your past…" Omi smiled a reassuring smile at him.
"It's time to bury the memories…" Ken smiled the same smile.
"We'll, I'll, be there for you…" Aya smiled, kissed him, and put the shovel gently in Yohji's palm. He took it and turned to the dirt pile.
One shovel full. "Goodbye Asuka…I'll love you always…but it's time to bury you mentally…" two shovel fulls. "…emotionally…" three shovel fulls. "…as well as to bury you physically." Yohji handed the shovel to the perso behind him and started to walk towards their van. "Goodbye………Asuka."
~Ende~
Authors note: Questions? Comments? Criticisms? E-mail them to me at:
yoji_kudou_aka_balinese@yahoo.com
Thanks for reading!