Hello my fellow readers, I've officially decided to give this story another go. It was once My Secret Life As The Doctors Husband ,but do to some difficulties, I decided I can do better. I will make it better. Hopefully this doesn't have as much spelling errors as my other one did. I just decided to rewrite it because I didn't have the heart to delete my first try. I mean, it was one of my first stories ever on this site so, it's dear to me. I mean, this story is gonna have the same flow, but I'm gonna be adding more detail, more insight. Basically things I didn't add in my first one, that I put in my other three fics. This story was my first work of art and since I'm doing so good on For The Love Of My Pain, I decided to go back to it. I basically have not updated any of my stories in the past sixteen days. That's a shame, for me anyway. I haven't dropped dead but I was determined to finally get this chapter out of the way. It's been bugging the hell out of me, so I couldn't bring myself to post anything until I got it out of the way. I hopefully will try to update my others in the next week or so. Don't panic, it's just been kinda crazy. I guess that's what I get for posting three stories around the same time, hah. Funny, huh. Anyway, I hope this isn't as bad. I mean, this story will be some re-posts until I can fully catch up to where I originally was, so it won't be actually good until the later chapters. I hope you enjoy it, though. I tried my best. Follow, Favorite, and Review. Enjoy!?
Disclaimer: I do not own BTR, but I wish I did
Chapter 1 – Prologue
(Kendall's P. O. V)
Once again, I found myself in fetal position, sobbing into my pillow. Tears trickling down my reddened cheeks like rain cascading down a glass heart clenching in my chest ever so often, in complete utter sync with each stifling sob that poured out of my mouth. My mind on overload, as each memory and each thought of my once beloved husband Logan filled my malfunctioning mind. Every night I empty my heart, but by morning it's full again, slowly trying to forget, wanting to forget the worst mistake I ever made.
My days that were once filled with happiness and love, were now filled with pain- inflicted sorrow. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was a ghost of my former self, suffering in an endless pit of darkness, blood, and death. Life was now the most confusing thing. It felt as if I had lost the will to live, slowly sinking in a pit of despair and agony each passing day I wake up to the same nightmare. Passion turned into insincerity, utter truths into bitter lies, pleasure that is now horrid pain. This was my life. Trapped and bound by the very strings I created. Days turning into lonely nights with no remorse for my bleeding soul.
A soul that burned with an intense agony so bad that with each thought that filled my mind, I died a little bit more inside, striving for the need of existence. A soul slowly wavering so ferociously as I remembered each touch, each smile, each laugh. It hurt so bad. The many cracks and hole in my heart slowly becoming bigger with each passing hour I was away from him. Slow droplets of him seep in through the night's soft caress. At dawn, I overflow with thoughts of what we had, and aching pleasure that gives me no respite. Love cannot be contained. The neat packaging of desire splits asunder. Spilling crimson through my days, long languishing days that are now bruised tender with yearning for the brunette.
Slowly spent searching for a single fingerprint, a scent, a breath you left behind deep inside my aching heart. I found myself sobbing harder into the cotton pillow, my throat burning as I continued to cry. I clutched the black satin sheets painfully as I tried to seek refuge in my soft surroundings, letting them comfort me in their tender-like essences. My protruding belly rubbed against the thick sheets, along with the many bruises that aligned my once porcelain skin, drowning it in the deep colours of yellow and purple, feeling the small life inside of me move ever so slightly, reminding me of the choice I've made.
This is why I stayed. The little life that needed tender, love, and care. A little reminder of the many nights I spent with Beau, being in someone-else s arms instead of my husbands. The reason I had to forgive him no matter how many bruises that laid across my soft, porcelain skin, constantly lingering like tattoos, no matter how many nights I cry myself to sleep thinking of what happened just hours prior. Every bruise had a memory, a past that led up to my inevitable ending. Each bruise reminding me of the happy life I once had, how I tarnished the one thing that made me want to get up in the morning and the one reason I slept at night. Logan. It was another reason I could never go back to the man I loved. A painful truth that was burned into the deep depths of my withering heart, knowing I can never undo the forsaking betrayal, making my heart cry out in blood and tears.
I missed him. Hell, I still loved him and it would be a lie if I said I didn't. No words could ever begin to describe how true that phrase was. I truly hated myself to the very core for hurting the only man I've truly ever loved, for walking away from the best thing that gave my life meaning other than the new life I was gonna produce, and for making the one mistake that made my heart quiver in unquenchable sorrow. I mean, I always thought cheating was for people who thought they didn't have worthy enough partners. Little did I know, the moment I met Beau Harris, I would become one of those people. That the day I met him, I would officially feel like I signed my soul over to a demon, creating a life that has now binded me to him forever, and ended my own life as I once knew it.
All I could think of was, How could I let this happen? I had a wonderful life and I destroyed the one person in the world who had ever made me happy. How could I betray the one I loved? I sank deeper into the bed as the sobs continued to wrack my body, my heart wrenching as the familiar feeling washed over me, driving me to despair as the many emotions began to fill my withered heart. Anguish, desperation, melancholy. All of them slowly pulling me down into the dark abyss of my tethered soul, slowly sinking into the depressing thoughts of my beloved Logan, wishing that I was in the arms of my beloved husband instead of the demon that now held my soul prisoner.
Well, that was all. I hope y'all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I really hope it wasn't as bad as my first try. Anyway, I have to get to my other stories. I ain't on my grind. Sorry y'all. Anyway, thank you for reading. It's already 7 am and I've been up since 3 am so, I'm going back to sleep. Anyway, I hope I get good followers and favorite-rs behind this. Follow, Favorite, Review.