Title: Love is a Battlefield
Summary: Bellarke – An alternate version of events after "Wanheda Part 2". Bellamy goes to Polis in search of Clarke.
Disclaimer: The characters of "The 100" are not mine in any way, I am just borrowing them for a bit.
A story of "what if's". I could not understand how Clarke could forgive Lexa so quickly. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against their relationship or Lexa herself. I just couldn't get past how quickly Clarke seemed to forgive her. I know that love can transcend a lot, but I found it difficult to swallow with all that had happened between those two women. I am also a Bellarke fan and haven't been impressed with the direction in which they took both Clarke and Bellamys characters this season.
So, this is my attempt at a different version of events after Wanheda Part 2. I'm also pretending that the AI threat isn't there. In this world, the Nuclear war which killed most of humanity was nations against one another, not an AI. Largely this is because it's not the story I'm interested in telling.
Chapter 1
Clarke sat on a stool by a window high up in the tallest building in Polis. She gazed down upon the city below, her journal in her lap, a makeshift brush in her hand. Clarke had been painting moments ago, trying to capture the vision before her. Clarke had woken to her sketch book, a makeshift brush and a pot of black paint on the table by the window. She was surprised that Lexa had remembered her love of painting or sketching. Clarke had almost been touched by the thought, then she began to question it. What was Lexa's intention? Butter her up? For what purpose. Lexa clearly wanted something from her, other than her death.
Thoughts she didn't want to address had begun swirling in her mind, as they often did. Painting, sketching, often helped Clarke to deal with life, emotions, while simultaneously taking her away from everything. She had taken up the art again after the events that had led her to leave Camp Jaha. Events that…
Clarke shook her head. Trying to push painful memories away. So many emotions were mixing within her mind. The usual self-hatred, for leaving Camp Jaha and Bellamy, for…Mt. Weather…Finn. And now, joining in the mix was confusion.
She was conflicted. Angry at being kidnapped by someone under Lexa's command, at being in Polis, so close to a person she had begun to care for, who had then taken her feelings and ripped them to shreds. Scared because she had overhead a guard mention that representatives from "skaikru" were coming to Polis, tired of running from her past, haunted by her actions, missing her friends, hating herself. Wondering if they hated her for leaving, wondering if Bellamy hated her, missing him….
Clarke pulled angrily at the chain attached to her wrist. Tears forming in her eyes from the pain of the metal biting into her flesh, but mostly from inner pain. Clarke relished the physical sensation, pulling harder, feeling the rough metal break skin. It helped her push past the pain in her heart and, if she were honest with herself, she felt that she deserved the pain, the punishment for what she had done.
The sound of a door opening brought Clarkes attention into focus.
A guard stepped into the room, scanned it and then stepped aside to allow someone to pass. It was Lexa. She wasn't in her usual leathers, instead where a long sleeved cotton shirt and a long skirt with slits up both sides. Her hair wasn't in the usual braids either, only one big braid gathering most of her hair. Clarke had to be admit that Lexa looked beautiful, but that thought was angrily pushed aside once she met Lexa's gaze. No matter what she might have once begun to feel for the commander, the commander betrayed her, resulting in an impossible decision that would end with the deaths of hundreds of innocent people. Clarkes resolve strengthened. She knew that Lexa was dressed differently purposefully. Nothing Lexa did was without intent. Clarke pulled herself straighter.
Clarke watched as Lexa looked at the chain on her right wrist, she thought she might have seen sadness, but decided she no longer cared.
"You are hurt", Lexa motioned to her wrist.
"I'm fine", Clark replied, trying to keep her voice even.
When Lexa went to step closer, Clarke stood and backed away, "Don't touch me".
Lexa stopped, her mouth pressing together in a thin line, "Please allow me to help you, Clarke. You are a guest here, not a prisoner."
Clarke laughed, the first time in she couldn't recount how long, hollow sounding though it was. "Could have fooled me" as she rattled the chain attached to her wrist for emphasis.
Lexa seemed to steel herself. "That is for your protection, Clarke. You tried to leave Polis and it is not safe for you outside of these walls."
Clarke grit her teeth, "That's none of your concern"
Clarke heard Lexa take a breath, "It is my concern when the Queen of the Ice Nation would take your blood and solidify her power, starting a war with my people."
Clarke shook her head, always a larger purpose with Lexa, "Of course. That's why I'm here… I'm a threat to your power".
Lexa grit her teeth, frustration evident in her words, her face otherwise a mask."You put yourself at risk with your reckless behaviour, Clarke. I cannot allow you to roam the woods, drowning in self-pity, putting your life at risk. Putting my coalition at risk"
"What do you care about my life." Clarke turned back to the window.
Lexa took a step closer, "More than I should. Clarke, please."
Clarke whirled on Lexa, "Don't you dare act like you care. I may have believed that lie once, but not after you left me and my people to DIE at that Mountain. Not after you betrayed me."
Lexa remained stoic, her face a mask of control, "I did what I had to do to protect my people. I will not apologize for that, no matter what it may have cost me."
Clarke couldn't believe her ears, "Cost you? I killed 500 people! Women and children…I…I hate myself for what I did, what I had to do because you betrayed us and left us there to die. I hate you with every ounce of my being."
Lexa's features softened briefly, " You hate yourself…even though you made the best decision for your people. Hate me if you feel you must, but what was done was done because we are leaders, our people depend on us".
Clarke shook her head. She didn't want sympathy from Lexa, if softened her resolve to hate her, to blame her for everything that had happened at that god-forsaken mountain. "You betrayed our alliance, our trust…my trust. I would kill you if I could."
"I don't think you would Clarke, that is not who you are. And you forget, you have also betrayed the trust of those you counted as friends, your allies in the mountain."
Clarke blinked, angrily pushing away the tears. She knew that she had betrayed people in mount weather. One specifically came to mind.
Maya.
She saw Lexa move towards her out of the corner of her eye.
Clarke's eyes narrowed, "Come any closer and you will find out exactly what kind of person I am."
Lexa stopped moving, "I am sorry that you feel this way Clarke, but it is for your protection. We need each other. Ice Nation are strong and growing stronger, they threaten my coalition. You would strengthen it. Wanheda bowing to me…"
Clarke lunged toward Lexa, face red with anger, eyes spitting fire, only the metal in her wrist holding her back. "I will NEVER bow to you."
Lexa stood her ground. "Skaikru are weak. Ice Nation know that and will come for your people. They will slaughter them all. I can offer protection…IF you join my coalition and become the 13th clan."
Clarke laughed hollowly, shaking her head. "You can't be serious."
Lexa lifted her chin, holding herself higher. "I am, it is what is best for both of our peoples. If you could look past your hate, you would see that. "
With that Lexa turned to leave, the door closing behind her just as a jar of dark paint smashed against it.
Abby and Kane were overseeing the packing of the vehicle that would lead them to Polis.
Bellamy approached them, a determined expression on his face. "I'm coming with you"
Kane sighed, "Bellamy, we already discussed this. You are on probation for disobeying my direct order to go after Clarke. Besides, you are in no condition to come with your leg wound."
Bellamy shook his head, "My leg is fine. Look, I can't apologize for going after Clarke, but I know I messed up. Please. I need to see if the grounders know anything more about where Clarke might have been taken."
Kane put a hand on the younger mans shoulder, understanding and sympathy in his gaze, "I know you want to find Clarke, we all do. Abby and I will find out all we can, but this is a diplomatic mission, Bellamy. We have to be careful right now. Our peace with the Commander is fragile at best and with Ice Nation at our borders…"
Bellamy interrupted at this point "The commander broke our alliance and left us at that mountain to die, we can't trust them."
"This is exactly why you are not coming"
Bellamy turned away, took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. Frustration, desperation, fear coming off of him in waves. Abby felt for Bellamy, he was clearly desperate to find Clarke. Kane had told her about his actions and then reactions to finding Clarke and then losing her. Abby was just as desperate to find her daughter, she was just more experienced at hiding her emotions then he was. She couldn't decide which was better at that point.
"Please, Sir. I will control myself. I will let you do the talking, I'll be a good little guard dog, but I need to come with you. I can't just sit here, waiting around to hear something, anything, about Clarke. I can't do nothing when she is still out there, in danger."
Kane went to speak, but Abby interrupted him, "Kane." and held up her hand. Then she turned to the younger man, her gaze soft, "Give us a moment, Bellamy".
Bellamy nodded and walked a few feet away, to the other side of the vehicle. He hated being so out of control. The relatively short time that he and Clarke had been the leaders of their group had given him a taste of the freedom to determine his own future and he found himself struggling with his new "role" in Arkadia. He needed to find Clarke. He had her, she was right in front of him. Scared, wide eyed, wild blonde hair with streaks of red….beautiful. Bellamy shook himself. Clarke was his other half. For months she had consumed his thoughts. Bellamy hated himself for allowing her to leave. No matter that he had gone out to search for her a few hours after she had left, having regretted his decision to let her walk away. It did hurt him to think that she would turn her back on her people. But Bellamy knew that it was more than that, that she was in so much pain from recent events that she couldn't bare to face returning to any semblance of normalcy.
Knowing didn't make the pain less, however. Bellamy was hurting too. Many nights he had woken from a dream, drenched in sweat, shaking from memories that would forever haunt him. Clarke hadn't been the only one to pull that lever. He had tried to drown his pain by working tirelessly as a guard, taking extra patrol shifts in a desperate effort to find some evidence of Clarke. And he had, once, not long after she had left. A group had volunteered to go to Mt Weather and bury the dead. Most of the volunteers had been from the 100, Kane and Abby had gone as well. When they had arrived at the main entrance, they had been shocked. There were graves, freshly dug. At least 90-100. Bellamy had known immediately who had buried them. Clarke. He remembered taking off at a run, calling her name. Desperately hoping to find her he had searched the entire compound. Nothing. They had found a campsite not far from the compound, recent, but abandoned. Blood had been on the ground. Bellamy remembered feeling a cold settle into his stomach. Terrified of what had happened to Clarke, why had she stopped burying the dead suddenly. He had nearly wept knowing that she had taken it upon herself to bury the people of Mt Weather by herself, alone. Bellamy wished she would have stayed and shared the burden with him, as it should be. He wished he had found her at the campsite, resting after a gut wrenching day of burying the dead.
He needed her.
He heard a voice calling, "Blake" and returned to Kane and Abby.
Abby smiled as Bellamy came close, his hair appeared tousled, he'd obviously been pulling at it restlessly, a habit Abby had observed over the last few months.
Abby spoke first, "You can come with us, Bellamy. With the understanding that this is a diplomatic mission. No visible firearms. No starting fights. No talking period. Let us do the talking and ask the questions. You are there to observe and guard only, is that understood?"
Bellamy railed a little against the command, but nodded. "Yes, Ma'am." Because this was the only lead he had to Clarke and he couldn't let that pass, no matter how much he didn't trust the grounders or their Commander.
Kane nodded, "Good, then let's get going."
Hopefully you guys like the story so far. I was nervous about posting it as the story is still developing in my head.