Jan 1 2000 12:01 AM
She had just saved his life again, god he didn't deserve her, this perfect specimen of human kindness. He loved her so much, more than words or actions could possibly say. And he knew that she loved him to, but not the way he wanted her to. How could she? He was a broken man and everybody knew it. For months no one even paid him any mind out at the bars and clubs. Even Diana hadn't wanted him… not really, to be fair he hadn't really wanted her either. But he needed to know if he could actually feel something for someone. This existence with Scully had become too much to bare, always so close but still so far. All Diana had done was shine a light on how much he wanted Scully, and sometimes….. It was like she wanted him too. She was certainly not shy at showing her jealousy for Diana, but maybe that was nothing more than Scully seeing him in a bad situation and wanting to help. It was obvious that she cared, even to others. That Padgett guy had told him that Scully was already in love, could it be true?
As he watched her standing next to him eyes peering up at the television hanging on the wall, he could feel the heat and electricity of having her so close to him. The countdown was over and as his eyes turned to the picture in front of him, happy couples kissing like there was nothing else in the world left to do. He turned back to Scully and before even consciously deciding to do so, he was leaning in.
Scully felt rather than saw Mulder lean towards her, and before she could stop herself she turned to face him a slight smile playing on her lips. He kissed her sweetly and Scully felt her eyes close enjoying how soft his lips were and the smell of his aftershave. It wasn't a long kiss and as they broke apart they stared into each other's eyes. Mulder smiled hopefully at Scully and she returned an encouraging smile. He shrugged slightly and joked. "The world didn't end."
"No it didn't." She replied as the smile fell away from her face. His face dropped as she broke their eye contact. "Happy New Year Scully." He said and she laughed to herself. "Happy New Year Mulder." He reached out his hand and placed it on her shoulders as they walked out of the hospital.
They didn't say a word to each other their minds were far too busy racing, and they both tried to make sense of the kiss. For a moment Scully had been truly happy, but as they walked through the corridors towards the parking lot a realisation dawned on her. "The world didn't end." He had joked to her. It kept playing over and over in her mind. Of course he made a joke, he had meant the kiss to be a joke, it was just something you do on New Year's, she rationalized.
She snuck a glance up at the man that she loved completely. She couldn't remember when she first realised that she loved him. It was such a gradual thing, every day she woke up and loved him more than she did the day before. But he didn't think of her like that. Why would he? She had been a thorn in his side from the moment she had been assigned to work with him. There were times when she had thought to hope that he did care for her, the way he would reach out and touch the small of her back when they were walking, or he would catch her eyes and hold them. The speech in the hallway outside his place, where she was sure he was going to kiss her. But he didn't, and things had gone back to the way they always were. And then there was Diana…. Scully hated how happy she felt when she found out that Diana had been murdered. It made her sick, how horrible a person you have to be to take joy in another person's death. No wonder he didn't love her. She sighed and reached into her purse to find her keys. "Mulder I'm driving you home."
"I'm fine Scully, I can drive" He replied. But as he turned to look at her he thought, better not to argue. "Alright Scully." He said and walked to the passenger side of the car. Scully unlocked the car and they got in.
He felt like the world's biggest fool. In a moment of weakness he had given in to his feelings and now she couldn't even look at him. Why did he have to kiss her? He had ruined everything! Idiot! On Monday he was going to ask Skinner for some time off so that she wouldn't have to look at his sorry face.
She looked at him sitting in the passenger seat of her car, he looked utterly defeated. She couldn't understand his mood, she knew if she just caught his eyes she would be able to figure out why he looked so sad but she dared not look because then he would see how she felt. The kiss hadn't so much damaged, as obliterated her carefully constructed Armor. She knew that everything she was feeling would show up right there on her face if he looked, thankfully he did not.
They sat there in silence for the rest of the drive, each one wrestling with an emotional burden as they tried to rationalise away what the kiss meant to the other. Finally Scully pulled up out front of Mulder's apartment. "Ok Scully I will see you Monday I guess." Mulder said as he exited the car. "Yeah, Bye Mulder." She replied, he walked up to the front door and turned in time to see Scully pulling away from the curb. He shook his head and sighed as he opened the door to the building.
He had just entered his apartment and thrown himself down on the couch when he heard a knocking on his door. He got up and went over to the door to look through the peep hole. He was surprised to see Scully standing on the other side. He opened the door "Scully I-"
"Can I come in?" She asked cutting him off.
"Sure…..yeah." He replied before moving out of the way to let her in.
She looked frightened and nervous, it scared him to see her like this. "Scully are you-"
"I have to ask you something…..it's important." She said.
"Of course, you can ask me anything." He replied taking her hand and leading her over to the couch. "Here sit down."
They sat down together, Scully wouldn't look at him. She sat there in silence for so long that Mulder thought, she might never speak again. Until finally she looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes and whispered. "Mulder…. Why did you kiss me?"
Mulder sat back, shocked. "Um, I don't know Scully." He said trying to get his thoughts in order, should he tell her the truth? "It was New Year's and that's what you do and- and I wanted to." He finished and saw the look of surprise on her face. "I have wanted to kiss you from the moment I met you. And so I just did it! I'm so sorry." He slumped down and put his face in his hands. This was it, no turning back now, he had truly ruined their friendship.
Scully reached out and took his hands in hers and pulled them from his face. "Don't be" she said quietly. He looked up at her, hope in his eyes. "Don't ever be sorry for kissing me." She said and held his face caressing his cheek. He met her gaze and finally he saw it, all the love that she was offering him was right there in her eyes. She leaned in and kissed him gently. God she smelled so good. He grabbed the back of her head with his good hand and caressed her as he deepened the kiss.