This takes place directly after 'No Funny Business' so read that one-shot first for a better understanding.
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Renkotsu sat up in the tree he had been stuck in for hours as Jakotsu circled the area, still believing what Hiten said in the pointless meeting.
"I'm gunna find you baldy." Jakotsu warned. "Take that bandana off and I'll find the beaming light off your head!" He smirked and Renkotsu growled.
"Hey!" He snapped but quickly shut his mouth.
"Hah!" Jakotsu looked up as Renkotsu groaned and covered his face. "Now come down or you're as much of a monkey as Naraku." He put his hands on his hips and waited, impatiently tapping his foot.
"Fuck no!" Renkotsu glared.
"Aw, is Renny-kins afwaid of my blade?" He teased.
"N….Renny…kins?" He stared.
"Ooh and I just came up with it! That's so cute!" Jakotsu chimed and Renkotsu rolled his eyes.
"Kami can strike me with…" Renkotsu was cut off when a bolt of lightening shot and he ducked, it hitting where his face once was, and the whole tree catching on fire as he jumped down.
"Hah! He got you!" Jakotsu pointed and laughed while Renkotsu held up his bandana that had a giant hole in it, where the fire just touched.
"Shut the fuck up!"
"Oh shit, you asked for that!" Jakotsu hunched over.
"Oh, that was intelligent!" Renkotsu looked over and saw Abi yelling.
"Not my fault you moved….surprised I missed you though…" Hiten muttered the last statement.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Abi snarled.
"Your boobs….hard targets to miss." He sighed and her glare hardened.
"You!" Renkotsu glared at Hiten.
"…oops." The thunder demon blinked. He came to the ground and grunted when he got tackled. "It was a fucking joke!" He growled, thinking Renkotsu tackled him.
"Huh?" Bankotsu blinked, having stumbled on him.
"What are you…?"
"Kagura almost killed me so yeah…hey, I found you guys!" He grinned.
"Oh fuck me…" Renkotsu sighed.
"Add 'Kami' in front and see if it happens." Jakotsu winked and he glared.
"So….what now?" Bankotsu blinked.
"You get off me, that's what!" Hiten roughly pushed him off and got to his feet.
"Can I get a new dress?" Jakotsu pouted.
"Jakotsu, my life's in danger right now, kimonos should be your last concern." Bankotsu warned.
"Where the fuck is that waste of metal you carry around?" Hiten glanced around for any sign of the weapon.
"Excuse you, Banryu is a highly capable sword!" Bankotsu snarled.
"Highly capable to be a waste pf perfectly good metal." Hiten scoffed.
"Tch, coming from your metal that hangs on the end of a stick." Bankotsu rolled his eyes.
"Hey!"
"Tch, fuck this, I'm going robbing." Jakotsu waved his hand and walked off as the two continued to bicker.
"Ooh, look at me, I'm a big-tiny mercenary with a huuuge sword, fear me!" Hiten mocked as he waggled his fingers.
"Big-tiny doesn't even make sense!" Bankotsu protested.
"Well neither does your face!" Hiten snarled.
"Whoa…" Bankotsu blinked.
"Huh?" Hiten's expression calmed.
"Where the fuck did they all go?" He glanced around for the group that once stood around them.
"Uh…Abi!" Hiten called and started walked around in hopes of getting a glimpse of one of them.
"Jakotsu!" Bankotsu called.
"What, the other one's not important?" Hiten rolled his eyes.
"Yo…I was just trying to handle one situation at a time."
"That makes no sense…" Hiten stared.
"Neither does your face." Bankotsu mimicked in a high pitched tone with his hands. Hiten pulled back his fist but stopped at the sound of a feminine voice.
"Yo." Kagura walked up casually, biting into her apple.
"Kagura!" Bankotsu gaped.
"Huh?" She arched her brow.
"You know where the others went?" Hiten asked and she shrugged.
"Thought they'd be with you guys."
"They lost us." Bankotsu sighed.
"Lucky bastards…" Kagura muttered under her breath.
"Huh?" Hiten and Bankotsu asked in unison.
"Nothing." She cleared her throat.
"What do we do?" Bankotsu asked.
"Tch, do whatever you losers want but I'm taking Naraku's day off with gratitude." She sat at the base of the large tree and leaned back under the shade.
"Sounds like a good idea." Bankotsu nodded and sat beside her. She felt her eyebrow twitch.
"Go find some friends." She scoffed.
"Its weird they'd just up and leave us like that…" Hiten scratched his head.
"I'd say it's normal but who am I to judge?" Kagura shrugged and Hiten sighed.
"Imma go look for 'em." Hiten started to walk off.
"Okay!" Bankotsu waved and Kagura groaned when he didn't follow.
-
"This one or this one?" Jakotsu held up two kimonos.
"I don't care to speak to you." Sesshomaru shook his head and continued walking.
"Aw, c'mon, it'll make my day." Jakotsu pouted as he walked alongside the assassin with the two dresses still in his hands.
"Fine, that one." Sesshomaru randomly pointed while still keeping his gaze forward.
"You didn't even look!" Jakotsu whined and stomped his foot in a tantrum.
"Oh well." Sesshomaru continued.
"Ok…fine….did I ever tell you have really nice eyes?" He smirked and followed. Sesshomaru stopped walking and felt his eyebrow twitch. "And that ass, hottt." He finished in a sing-song tone and Sesshomaru growled. "Oh…so…irresistible." He licked his upper lip.
"Fine, that one!" Sesshomaru groaned and pointed. "Now go away."
"But how can you know which one you like better if you don't even see how they look?" Jakotsu frowned and glanced back and forth between the gowns in his hands. Sesshomaru groaned and covered his face.
"You haven't left me alone for the last ten minutes just go the fuck away already." He practically pleaded.
"Ooh? How about this…" Jakotsu started.
"Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now…" Sesshomaru mumbled in a rant.
"If I try them both on and then you tell me which one you like better?" Jakotsu's eyes lit up.
"And then you'll just go away?"
"Uh-huh!" He bobbed his head up and down as Sesshomaru sighed.
"Fine, but quickly." He shook his hand and Jakotsu ran behind a tree to change. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes, thinking about leaving but he already ran off on this idiot three times and was found…somehow.
"Ta-da!" Jakotsu came out and posed. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes. "You like?" He winked.
"It's fine." Sesshomaru sighed.
"Make me look fuckable to you?" Jakotsu grinned.
"Excuse you?" Sesshomaru's eyes got wide.
"Would you fuck me in this dress?" Jakotsu stepped closer and Sesshomaru stepped back.
"No." He answered in a dry voice.
"How about…without….the dress?" His smirk widened and Sesshomaru growled.
"Yo Jakotsu!" Hiten flew up.
"Hiten!" Jakotsu smiled and Sesshomaru let out a sigh of relief.
"You seen Abi and the other one?" He asked as Sesshomaru took the opportunity to slip away unnoticed.
"Renkotsu you mean?" Jakotsu asked casually.
"Yeah, that one." Hiten nodded.
"Nooope, I went to get a new kimono and…hey…Sesshomaru!" He yelled and groaned. "Dammit I lost him again." He sighed.
"Oh…right….know where they might be?" Hiten asked as Jakotsu adjusted his new favorite kimono.
"Abi and Ren? Anywhere alcohol's available…or somewhere away from you idiots…so….anywhere you and Bankotsu pretty much aren't…" He brought his index finger to his chin as he thought and shrugged. "Oh well." He smiled and put his sword over his shoulder.
"Where you headed?"
"Back to spidey's place I guess…I'm gunna take a bath and do my hair….just a day to myself." He squealed and Hiten blinked. "Oh…tell anyone I did that and I'm raping you." He said in a dry voice and Hiten stared.
"You're sick."
"No…I just look for excuses sometimes." He sighed dramatically.
"Well…I'm gunna go…"
"Ooh, wait, what if Abi went to Naraku's!" Jakotsu clapped.
"Huh?"
"C'mon, quiet, Naraku just locks himself in his room." He nudged Hiten.
"Point…oh well…I think a day to myself does sound better."
"Ok, bye!" Jakotsu waved and Hiten waved back. "I love you!" Jakotus added with a snicker and Hiten flipped him off. "Aw, I wanna fuck you too babe!" He grinned and Hiten disappeared. Jakotsu stopped going in the direction of Naraku's when he saw a small army marching. "Hello men." He grinned and unsheathed his sword.
-
Abi snickered as she, Renkotsu, and Naraku sat at the small kitchen table.
"That asshole thought he was getting a day off! After sleeping under the table!" Naraku laughed and the other two joined him.
"How much did we drink?" Renkotsu blinked and started counting the bottles.
"One…two….thrfour….uh….a lot." Abi nodded.
"Sounds about right to me." Naraku nodded.
"But…" Renkostu started.
"Shut up, I'm the boss!" Naraku snapped.
"Oohkay, monkey man." Renkotsu held up his hands and Naraku snickered.
"Y'know…I don't give you guys enough credit." He slung one arm around Renkotsu's shoulder and the other around Abi's. "I mean…you're so fucking creative…Spiderman, monkey man, spidey…like…where do you come up with this shit?" He snickered as he finished.
"We're just genius!" Abi chimed.
"Fuck yes." Renkotsu agreed.
"I'm thirsty." Abi pouted.
"SUIKOTSU!" Naraku shouted and no less than a second later, did Suikotsu appear in the doorway. He wore one of Jakotsu's kimonos and held a tray that balanced many bottles of alcohol. All this for Naraku's drunken amusement. He twitched as the three snickered.
"What?" He asked through his teeth.
"We're thirsty." Naraku shrugged.
"You've all had like…eight bottles." He reasoned, being the only sober one in the castle left after Hakudoshi and Kanna disappeared.
"We're settin' records, man." Renkotsu explained. Suikotsu sighed and handed him a bottle.
"No, no, that's Abi's." Naraku pointed and Suikotsu groaned and handed the bird demon the bottle.
"Thanks!" She chimed and downed it.
"Whatever." He muttered.
"Hey now…" Naraku glared and Suikotsu bit back comments he knew would get him in trouble.
"I mean….your welcome…Abi…." He twitched as he spoke.
"Dismissed." Naraku shook his hand and Suikotsu silently left the room and slid the door shut behind him.
"Fuck days off." He scowled.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
Dedicated to Yuti-Chan!