Have you ever played the game of "What if..."? Cosima has, many times. Sometimes alone in bed, when the nights' insisting on not bringing a restful sleep or with a body she became familiar with in the last few months (or hours) wrapped around her. She played that game, imagining scenarios that would never come to fruition. However, in the many nights she spent awake, she never considered this possibility.
Cosima woke up early, the sun barely peeking its top over the horizon, the sky still mostly dark, only with a light shade of fiery red and orange where it touched the Pacific Ocean.
She had spent the last three weeks of the most hectic summer in her life, visiting her parents and sleeping in the large bed of her teenaged years. It had been nice, her family was always the big stabilizer in her life. It was to her mother she ran to when she got her heart broken, which happened too often, considering her predisposition to give herself entirely. And, although that no longer happened, she has grown out of fooling herself too easily, it was still good to know her mother was there to listen. Her father, on the other hand, was the lighthouse of her scientific mind, guiding her to a safe harbor every time she got lost in the entangled theories in her head.
So to be back home was nice, but it was also mostly over. One stop in LA for the weekend, then back up to get her things and (hopefully) finish her PhD, back in Minnesota.
She opened the bedroom window and was greeted with a pleasantly fresh summer breeze. She looked back at her bedside table, where the plane ticket had spent the night under her phone, to make sure she wouldn't forget it in the early morning.
One hour above the clouds and she would reach her destination. The DYAD Institute had made sure Cosima had everything she needed or wanted, for that matter. She only had to ask. It had been weird the last six months, it was like she was some kind of rock star, really. Except no one was particularly interested in knowing if she had any talent or what was Cosima's favorite color, or food, her taste in music, movies. No, they were only interested on her because of who - no, what she is. A clone.
One of many, she was many, all the same, except not. She had met some of her sisters - as Dr. Leekie, the head of the project for some thirty years or so, had called them - they were all different. So different, in fact, that apart from the obvious physical similarities, they had nothing in common. Born from science and the selfish egos of a group of men who thought they could play God - the Virgin Conception - and then thrown to the world, dispersed around the globe and secretly monitored all their lives.
Some had called it the biggest scientific experience ever made. Some had condemned the lack of morality of the whole procedure, not taking into consideration that it was the creation of a different breed. Some had called it an abomination. It often enters Cosima's mind that no one had called them human beings.
Yet, she was. Or at least she felt as human as her adoptive parents, whose only fault reside in the matter of not be able to conceive by natural means and decided to embrace and love as their own a child who had no biological ties to them.
These thoughts always caused a rage inside her. She got the phone, stuffing it in her coat's pocket and ripped the plane ticket, leaving it in two pieces on her bed. Grabbed her bag, which was filed with a few changes of clothes and made her way down the stares. Taking the car keys, leaving a note in its place, informing her parents she decided to drive to LA.
Cosima wanted, needed to believe some of the decisions in her life were still up to her. She was not due to be in LA until the next morning and drive alone for a day, along the 101 and enjoy the beautiful Californian coastline was suddenly very appealing to her.
The last half-year she hardly had time to be alone with her thoughts. She became self-aware in the worst period of her life, when her lungs were failing, drowned in blood and the doctors around her hospital bed looking like scared ants, pacing back and forth, in and out of her antiseptic room. Cosima was there for two months, the first of which surrounded by a plastic cover and people around her hidden from head to toe in sterilized garments. Even her parents, who visited every day and stayed for as long as the doctors would allow it. They were afraid it was a new disease or a new strain of an old one. When the reality is that they had no clue what was wrong with her, all the tests - and they were so many - came back negative. The only thing they knew is that every time they removed the masses that infested her lungs, in three days' time they would reappear, small but growing at an incredible pace. Unnatural, they'd called it.
That had been bad, so bad. She will always have the scars to remind her of those days. It was also then she found out she was infertile. She had never thought about kids until that day, hell most of the time she was not even able to take care of herself, let alone another human being. But it had been hard on her mother, who relieved the day she found out about herself. They've cried in each other's arms for what could never happen. But eventually faded.
"A part of me is happy I have this problem," Her mother had confessed in a whispered voice, still holding Cosima. "If it wasn't so, I wouldn't have you, sweetie." They had laughed then, softly and sadly, but they did. At least until Cosima's lungs started to burn and she had another bloody cough attack.
The doctors had lost all hope, even if they still gave her encouraging words, she could see it in their eyes, no longer covered in plastic shades, that sympathetic look people give when someone is only one step away from the grave. Cosima hated that look, but she couldn't tell them to stop with tubes in her mouth, in her nose. Until one day Dr. Leekie showed up, like a knight in a shining armor with a miraculous treatment, which would reverse her symptoms and restore her health.
Everyone was suspicious at his claims, but Cosima was so far gone that one more try wouldn't make a difference. When it had worked everyone was surprised and relieved. Cosima remembers seeing her mother, still from the hospital bed, recovering, holding the man tight in her arms and calling him a saint, a savior.
However Dr. Leekie was anything but. Other people started to look into his miraculous treatment, some of the most brilliant scientific minds, and eventually found out why he was the only one who could provide a cure: he was the only one who had all the information required.
Then all hell broke loose. Cosima was somewhat aware of what was going on, but her health was still too fragile and she spent most of her days in bed, with her mother never leaving her side, until Cosima insisted she was fine and she could go back to work. Some times Cosima would surf the net, looking for answers she wasn't sure she was prepared to know. But often she would give up when her eyes laid on words like unnatural or aberration. The world had evolved tremendously, but was definitely not ready for human clones. There was, of course, the precious image of Dr. Leekie cuffed, arms behind his back, being escorted by the cops, from the hospital door to a police cruiser. However, it had all been a show; three days and he was out, awaiting trial, but free to go wherever he wanted, as long as he doesn't leave the country and remains in contact all the time.
Cosima knew one of the bodyguards who shadowed him everywhere was a Federal Agent. Beth, one of the other clones and who was a detective in Toronto, had told her. "Look at him! Dark blue suit, impeccable white shirt, Ray Ban's. Please, I can smell them a mile away!"
In all this mess, it was the only good thing Cosima could see. She felt a connection with the other girls. She was not sure if it was biology, maybe that was it, but she wouldn't know - all her life, biology was never a factor. Now that she thinks about it, maybe it was the reason why she decided to make that her work field, to understand something she never had. But there was definitely something between her and the other clones, perhaps it was the simple, yet weird realization that they were all in the same boat, like fish in a barrel.
Yes, she felt that connection with all her sisters - even the rogue Helena, who when was caught was screaming like a wild animal (if the rumors were to be believed), but it was with Sarah that the connection was stronger. Cosima could easily see herself end up like her if she had not been adopted by a loving family and, instead, had been tossed around from bad to worst foster family, like Sarah was. Sarah, on the other hand, could have easily taken her place, she was smart, even if she tried to hide it or directed her intellect to more... legally questionable activities. So it was with a natural ease Cosima and Sarah ended up being the closest of the group, with Sarah's flamboyant foster brother, Felix, always right behind.
The thought brought a smile to her face. In the middle of all this crap at least Cosima would have the opportunity to spend the entire weekend with them. They could share jokes and weird moments with the intimacy of talking face to face and not through the cracking sound of the video conference.
She had been driving for the better part of the morning, only stopping once for some coffee a few hours ago. In a leisure speed, always under the legal limit, enjoying the morning of the summer's end. But Cosima figured it was time to make another stop, for lunch. The famous route's filled with good places to eat, contrary to most highways, in this one you can pick a diner by chance and not be afraid to end up in a shady place.
She stopped at a place merely for the simple reason that the parking lot was about half filled, so it must be good. Cosima walked in and the little bell over the door announced her arrival. Seating on a booth next to the window, where she could keep an eye on her car, she grabbed the menu and started to scan it for a nice meal.
"What can I get you, dear?" A middle age woman approached her when she was waiting for not even two minutes, even though the place had several costumers. Cosima raised her head to tell the woman she wasn't ready to order yet. And there it was, the recognition. With her face (or another exactly like hers) opening up every news cast it was hard to keep a low profile.
"I don't know... What do you recommend?" She tried to sound at ease with the new fond celebrity, but it was not easy, some part of her knew she would never get used to it.
"Well, our crab cakes are very appreciated by our regulars!" The waitress offered. She was nice enough to try to hide her surprised expression.
"I'll have one of that then... err... Dolly." Cosima said with a awkward smile, reading the name tag on the other woman's uniform. Fucking coincidences. "And a lemon ice tea."
The waitress left and Cosima got the phone out of her pocket and started to type the answer to her father, who was worried about her decision to make such a long drive. It was also a good excuse to keep her head down and make sure other people in the restaurant didn't notice her. It was a nice little trick she had to learn when Cosima was healthy enough to leave the house.
It had been a shock at first. She could not go anywhere unnoticed anymore, she was no longer another anonymous stranger walking down the street or going to a bar. Most people just looked and commented with however they were with, some more rude pointed discreetly a finger. The bravest asked her weird questions, which she usually dismissed with a joke of some sort. "How come you're the only with glasses?"; "Shouldn't your voices sound all the same?"; one of the boldest girls Cosima has ever met, even asked her, one of the first time she was out at night: "Is it me or you have bigger boobs than all the others?". Cosima's answer to the last one was to spend the night with her. That was fun though.
Cosima was always sort of popular among girls, but never like this. She didn't fool herself, was too aware of the intentions behind so many solicitations. Actually, these last few months have probably been the less... active, since she was seventeen. She only hoped things would slow down and this story would fall into forgetfulness, however it was not looking promising.
The service here was efficient though and the same waitress was already placing her order in front of Cosima. That was good; the faster she could get out of here the better. She was starting to feel self-conscious with some of the costumers turning their heads to look at her. Cosima always hated to be the center of attention, she let herself believe that discretion was part of her charm.
One of the patrons looked at her more often and not discreetly at all, since she had to turn her head all the way around, being on the bench by the counter. A blonde, fair skin, curly hair, neatly dressed in a suite. No doubt someone traveling between the two big Californian metropolis on business. Why the woman didn't take the plane for a much faster journey Cosima didn't know and didn't care. At least she had something nice to look at while she ate her meal.
All thoughts of munching down as fast as she could flew off her head and she decided to take her time, at least until the lean blonde finished. But it looked like the stranger was not in a hurry, because after she finished eating she took off her phone and was there for a really long time, typing away, even if she threw a few glances at Cosima. In the past, this kind of attention would be something Cosima found encouraging, but not anymore. Just because a hot woman was constantly staring at her it didn't mean she was interested, it probably just meant that Cosima's more than familiar face drove people to stare.
Cosima finished eating and was all out of excuses to stay. She even ordered the apple pie (Dolly guaranteed it was their best desert) and figured it was better to be on her way, if she was to arrive in LA before midnight. So with that in mind she got up and walked to the counter.
"Excuse me, I would like to pay." She said to the woman who served her lunch.
"Oh, you could have just asked for the check, dear." Dolly said, but was already placing the bill in front of the dreadlocked girl.
"It's fine, any excuse to stretch my legs before getting back on the road." Cosima replied, taking her wallet from her pocket.
"Hmm… Excuse me." A voice with a French inflection came from behind her.
Cosima turned to face the woman who had been staring at her during lunch and waited for an explanation for the interruption. But none came and she was starting to get upset, no matter how gorgeous the woman was, there was no excuse to get near her and then provide no reason. Especially when Cosima was really willing to accept anything at all, she just wanted to hear the goddess looking French speak again. "Yes, I'm one of them. You can stop staring so much…"
"Non… That's not what…" The blonde started, but Cosima stopped her with a movement of her hands.
"Tell you what… What if we take a selfie, yeah? It will last longer and at least we both get keep a souvenir out of this." Cosima said with a toothy grin. This was actually a very good idea and she was already looking for her phone in her pocket. "I'll take with mine and then send it to you, how does that sound?" No too creepy she hoped.
The other woman laughed a little. "I think you'll need this, then!" She raised her hand where she was holding Cosima's phone. "It dropped from your pocket when you took out your wallet. I just wanted to give it to you." She explained.
"Oh, shit!" It was only then Cosima realized she was staring at the taller woman's face the entire time and never noticed she was actually holding the phone, waiting for the clone to take it. "Yeah, just like me losing stuff…" She said awkwardly, her smile changing into something much less self-assured.
"It's okay, I bet you have plenty of women asking for a photo." There was a smile on the strangers face and Cosima was not sure if she was being honest or just joking a little.
"Yep… Can't keep them away…" Cosima decided to take it lightly. And kept looking at the blonde, who was raising her hand again to show the phone she was still holding. "Oh, right…" Cosima took the phone and turned her attention to the waitress, who was watching the whole thing with a gentle smile on her face.
Cosima was trying to be smooth, she really was. Damn, she was so good at this! Did she lose it in the months she was trapped in a bed? No, that couldn't be it, she had been out after that and everything went fine. But not now, with what was possibly one of the hottest women she ever met right behind her, Cosima was making a fool of herself, with the pretentious comments and…dropping all the change she had on her wallet. Really?!
The stranger chuckled a little, but was fast to lower herself to help Cosima, who was picking the coins off the floor. "No, it's really fine…really…you don't have to!"
"You aren't very good at this coordination thing, are you?" The other woman was handing her the few coins she was able to get.
"That's not very nice… What if I really had a problem?" Cosima was not going to let this impossible gorgeous woman make her the butt of the joke, so she decided to tease back.
"But you don't… Which makes that the weakest comeback ever recorded in history…" And she winked her doe-eye.
Cosima was having a hard time thinking straight, she was not sure, but it seemed like the French woman was flirting back and there was no way she was gonna leave it like that. She thought of the best answer and was about to say it out loud, but before she could say the first word the other woman's phone rang and she excused herself and was out the door with the phone attached to her right ear.
"You know what Dolly?" Cosima said to the waitress and finally paying her bill. "I hate this damn things! They always ring in the most inappropriate of the moments." And stuffed her phone in her pocket.
Cosima left the diner and walked to her car. The French beauty was next to a car, Cosima considered safe to assume it was hers, a big black probably German thing, still talking on the phone, pacing back and forth, with a cigarette between her fingers. Cosima entered her car and starting it with a deep sigh. One her way out of the parking lot she passed by the blonde and waved, she waved back, with what seemed like to Cosima, a surprised yet pleased smile.