Disclaimer: I don't own BSC or any of the characters.
We Are All Made of Stars.
Being 13 sucked.
When I was little, I thought that 13 was the year my life would change, that it'd be awesome and that it was the greatest thing being 13. Boy, was I wrong! I'm pretty sure it was the worst year of my life ever.
So far.
I'm the baby of my family. The baby of eight kids. Mallory, my eldest sister is nineteen. She's in her second year of college. Thank god. She's been a bitch since she turned thirteen. She spent the summer going on about how college is so great. So fabulous. I really want to know what's so fabulous about Wisconsin. Byron, Jordan and Adam are my eldest brothers and their triplets. They just left for college. Different colleges, all three of them, which is different. They've grown up together and they've just decided to all go to different colleges. Adam's down in Florida, Byron's at MIT and Jordan's at UCLA. Vanessa's a senior. Nicky's a junior. Margo's a sophomore and I'm a freshman. I'm still the baby. I'm the baby Pike at school. I've always been. I'm sick of it. Teachers expect me to be like Vanessa and be smart. Or to be like the triplets and be so good at sports. I'm sorry. My name is Claire Pike and I'm just super good at being me. Or I think I am.
"I hate how I have algebra first thing." Suzi Barrett said as she turned around to me. I've grown up with Suzi Barrett and she is the whiniest person I've met besides Jenny Prezzioso. Thank the heaven's, she's still stuck at SMS and I'm at SHS. "It makes me get a headache." She shakes her blonde head and pouts. "I wish your brothers still went here."
I stare at her. It's not the first time someone has said something to me about my brothers. "I'm sorry. They're half way across the country."
"Why couldn't they have gone to like, Yale or something closer?" Suzi asked as we began to walk down the hall. Suzi doesn't know that all three of them are on scholarships and that my parents can't exactly afford to send eight kids to college. It's not like all of us will go to college anyway. Nicky barely got through the tenth grade. Margo is in remedial English and maths. The teachers said to mom and dad to expect us to act out because of the divorce. That's right. My parents decided to get divorced over the summer. After everyone had finished school and we were all at home, mom and dad sat us down and told us. Dad moved out that afternoon. Mallory and mom had a huge fight. Nicky and Margo vanished for several hours. Vanessa's head didn't leave her journal. The triplets made me go for burgers with them. I think they were worried that I was going to breakdown and cry or something like that. Suzi began to go on about Myriah Perkins and Matthew Hobart and how they just started dating. Sometimes, I feel like Suzi is only my friend because nobody else will be friends with her. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but it's true. "It's so cute, don't you reckon? I can't wait till I find a boyfriend." We walk past Margo and Nicky and they're friends. Margo and Nicky think that I don't know that they smoke pot. I'm not stupid. I know what it smells like. Margo frowns at me and sticks the finger up. I roll my eyes and look away. "Hasn't your sister heard of shampoo?" Suzi asked me, twirling her own hair.
I shrug my shoulders. "Probably not."
/
My mom works as an receptionist for a dentist. She has since I was seven and I was settled down in school. Since my dad now lives in Stamford, closer to his work, she hasn't exactly looked after the house. It's far less crowded than it was a couple years ago. Nicky has the smallest bedroom because he's the only boy. Margo is by herself. And Vanessa's with me. I don't mind. Vanessa is quiet, neat and helps me with my homework. She obviously can tell when I need help with my English homework. Vanessa is the apple of both of my parent's eye. She's already been offered scholarships at four colleges. That's better than Mallory, but that's Mallory's own fault. I'm the only one at home after school. I look up at the stairs. Shoes are piled around the bottom. Clothes are on every step. I walk into the kitchen. There isn't any dishes in the sink, but I'm guessing the dishwasher is full. I look at the fridge. An extremely old picture I painted in kindergarten is on the fridge. Apparently when I was five, I thought Claire was spelled Klare. Wasn't I just a smart cookie ?There's a photo from three years ago, of all of us at Christmas. I wondered if mom and dad were happy back then. And a note to mom to call Margo's guidance counsellor at school. The last thing my mom needed was to have Margo already playing up. I drop my bag on the kitchen table and sit down. I have a little bit of homework but I'm not in the mood to do it.
"Anybody home?"
"I am!" I called back. Vanessa was home. She walked into the kitchen, her arm loaded with books.
"I grabbed you a book I thought you might like." Vanessa does weekly runs to the library and she always gets me a book she thinks I'll like. I think she's worried that I'm more Margo and Nicky and going to be a little shithead. She placed To Kill a Mockingbird in front of me. "I was your age when I first read this." Vanessa sounds like a mother.
"Oh, cool. Thanks." I pick up the book. "I'll read it on the weekend, or something." I stand up. "I'm going to do my homework."
"Okay. I'll be down here if you need anything."
"Okay." I pick my bag back up and start walking towards the stairs. I kick my shoes off and traipse upstairs. Upstairs is worse than downstairs. There are clothes everywhere. There's a stack of boxes that contain stuff the triplets didn't want to take away to college. As I walk past Margo's room, I stare at the family portrait from about eight years ago. Were we happy? Everyone's smiling. But I guess that doesn't mean they were.
/
Suzi Barrett is standing at my locker when I rock up to school the next day. She stills wear her hair in these ridiculous pigtails that she's worn since she was four years old. Suzi's favourite colour is pink and she wears a lot of it. It annoys me how perky and preppy she can be. Suzi's goal is to be on the cheerleader team by the time freshman year finishes, despite them never allowing anyone under junior year to join. "Claire!" She called. "Claire, Claire! I have something to tell you!"
"What is it?" I asked, as I spun the dial on my locker.
"Marilyn Arnold hit a home run with Jake Kuhn!" Suzi whispered in my ear. She pulled away, looking for my reaction. "Isn't that just super juicy? She just broke up with Shea!"
"That is just super great, Suzi."
"I know! I overheard Sarah Hill in the bathroom yesterday afternoon. Apparently she saw them going upstairs at Newton's party last weekend."
I close my locker. "Great news, Suzi. I'm going to the art classrooms. I'll see you later." I walked off, down the hallway, not towards the art classrooms, leaving Suzi alone. Suzi's annoyed me enough for one day.
/
"Claire Pike, can you please report to the main office?" How embarrassing to be called out during the middle of second period. I leave English and head towards the main office. I push open the door and see Margo, Nicky and Vanessa already sitting in chairs.
"What's wrong?" I asked, as I sat down next to Vanessa.
Vanessa shrugged. "I don't know."
"I bet it's something stupid. Remember how we used get to pulled out 'group therapy'?" Nicky said, leaning forward. He's so much more different than he used to be. He doesn't look like some wimpy kid that he used to be. "This is so stupid."
"You only think this is stupid because your not 'chillin' with your friends on football field, lighting up." Vanessa told Nicky.
Nicky gave her a look. "Who told you that?"
"Nobody you know."
"Fucking little rat." Nicky said underneath his breath.
The office door opened again and Dad walked through. He looked like a truck had hit him in the face. He was white and his eyes were red-rimmed. "There you all are." He said.
"Dad, what's wrong?" Vanessa asked. Her voice was quiet. "Where's Mom?"
As soon as Vanessa asked where Mom was, I knew something was wrong. "Dad?" I asked. "Where's Mom?"
"There was an accident, when your mom was on her way to work."
"Is she okay?" Margo asked. The first words since I walked into the office.
"No, honey, she's not... She didn't make it..."
"She didn't make it?" Vanessa repeated. "What do you mean 'she didn't make it'?"
"She's dead. She died on the way to the hospital."
Dad just said Mom died.
Dad just said Mom died.
Mom. Died. Mom. Died.
Mom is dead.
Mom is DEAD.
I wiped my eyes. Tears had fallen without me knowing. I heard Vanessa sniff and breaking into sobs. She grabbed my hand. "Claire?" She asked. "Claire, darling?"
"Nessa?" I asked. "Dad did say that Mom died, right? I'm not imagining it?"
I felt Vanessa squeeze my hand. "Yes, Claire. Mom died." My heart sunk. I saw Mom this morning. She was rushing around trying to make sure everyone had had breakfast, that the laundry was on and that she had everything for work. How could she died if I only saw her not even three hours ago?
"Kids, we have to go. I have to go back to the hospital but Ms Spencer will be here soon." Ms Spencer is Stacey McGill's Mom. She lives behind us and she is, was, really good friends with Mom. Vanessa dragged me up with her, making me follow her. Thank god everyone was still in class and nobody would see me. I felt numb. Vanessa dragged me out the front of the school and pushed me into the back of Ms Spencer's car. I look up and I catch Ms Spencer's face in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes are red-rimmed, her face is blotchy and she looks like she's just seen a ghost. She takes off quickly and heads back towards home.
"I'm sorry." She said, her voice cracking at 'sorry'. "Your Mom...She loved you all. I hope you know that."
"Thank you." Vanessa said. She's sitting up the front in the passenger seat. I'm squished between Margo and Nicky. Nicky is staring at his hands and Margo's gaze hasn't left the window. The familiar surroundings of Slate street, make realise how close the school is to home. A light green Prius is in our driveway. I don't know anyone who drives that kind of car. I hop out of the car and head towards the front door.
Mom will never walk from her car to the front door ever again.
The front door opens and Stacey McGill is standing there. She's tall, thin and very pretty with blonde hair that sits perfect. She goes to Yale, which might explain why she's already here. She pulls me into a hug. Stacey baby-sat my siblings and I countless of times when she was 12 and 13. I loved Stacey back then. She was my idol. I wanted to be like Stacey McGill when I turned 13. Stacey pulls away and grabs Vanessa. Vanessa is almost as tall as Stacey. If Vanessa didn't have brown hair, she'd look almost exactly like Stacey. Stacey lets go of Vanessa and let's us past. She doesn't move to pull Margo or Nicky into hugs. They sulk past and head towards the stairs.
"Don't." Vanessa said, standing in the entrance of the lounge room. "If your planning on hiding in your bedroom, then you have another thing coming."
"What's making you in charge?" Margo asked Vanessa, taking a step forward. I notice for the first time that Margo has two lip piercings, a nose piercing and an eyebrow piercing. I wonder if Mom knew that.
"None, But right now, I'm the eldest family member here until Dad gets back. And I say, we're all sitting in the living room."
"Well, I'm going upstairs. And your not going to stop me!" Margo turned around.
Vanessa flew towards Margo, grabbing the back of her hair and dragging her backwards. "No your not!" She screamed at her.
"Girls!" Ms Spencer yelled as she entered the house. "Margo! Vanessa!"
Vanessa dropped Margo's hair. "No! She disrespected Mom like this, she's not going to do it to me, too!"
"Your not my mother!" Margo screamed in Vanessa's face. "You can't tell me what to do!"
"Stop!" Ms Spencer yelled. Everyone turned to her. "Everybody, get into that living room, right now!" Her face was blotchy, her cheeks were bright pink. Margo thrusted her nose up in the air and stalked into the living room. Vanessa sniffed really loudly and followed her. Nicky looked at me, his face confused. "Nicky, move it!" Nicky hurried into the living room. The living room was dark. All the curtains were still drawn. It smelt musty. I didn't remember the last time I spent time in the living room with anyone. I sat down next Vanessa on the three-seater. "Now, we're going to talk like normal adults. I know that...what has happened today has greatly affected you all...us all..."
"It doesn't mean I have to sit down here." Margo said. "Nobody has control over me except dad."
"Doesn't mean you can't show respect." Vanessa snapped at Margo. "It doesn't mean you have to act like a bitch to everyone. Your not the only person whose going through this."
"You want me to share my feelings?" Margo asked. "I can't remember the last time you and I had a proper conversation without it ending with you showing off to me how great you are at life than me. I'm sorry I'm not Miss-My-Name-Is-Vanessa-Pike-And-I'm-Perfect!"
"I'm not perfect!"
"You are, according to yourself. I get reminded everyday, oh Vanessa's on her way for being valedictorian! Vanessa's got scholarship offers already for college! Vanessa's report card is all A's and B's."
"Sorry for trying at something, Margo! Maybe I'll just be like you and get stoned and forget that I actually have to work towards my future! Do you think that you can keep going the way you're going? Getting stoned with your friends and doing stupid stuff, do you think that's going to get into college because I sure know it won't." Vanessa said, her face was red and blotchy. "Do you think that it's going to make you someone someday? Other than a dropkick stoner?"
Margo's lips seemed to disappeared as her face went from red to purple. "I fucking hate you." She said, before turning on her heel and stalking away. You could hear her stomp all the way up the stairs and into her bedroom. She slammed the door shut, shaking the entire house.
Everyone was quite. Ms Spencer kept looking at us. Stacey stared at the last family portrait that we had taken. Nicky picked at the edge of the couch. Vanessa's fist clenched. "When will dad be home?" She asked.
"I don't know. I guess when everything is taken care for at the hospital." Ms Spencer said. She moved closer to Vanessa. "Vanessa, honey..."
Vanessa jerked away from her. "Don't, touch me." Vanessa said. "I'll be in my room." Vanessa left.
Ms Spencer sighed. "Are you hungry?" She asked Nicky and I.
I shook my head. "No, thank you."
"I'll get myself a drink, thanks." Nicky said, standing up. Ms Spencer grabbed Nicky's arm and pulled him into a hug. Nicky didn't pull away.
Stacey sat down next to me. "Claire."
"Why do people die?" I asked. I looked over at her.
Stacey's eyebrows were creased together in thought. "I don't know."
/
I tossed and turned all night. I woke up and it was 4:30 in the morning. Vanessa wasn't in her bed, but her journal wasn't sitting on her desk either. I guess she couldn't sleep either. Dad didn't come home until late. Mom's funeral was on Monday. All I could think about was what would I wear? Isn't it funny that Mom's dead and all I can think about is what I'm going to wear to her funeral? My closet is open, half full of Vanessa's clothes and half full of mine. I don't own many dresses. I pull out a black dress that my mom helped me pick out for a school dance last year. She said I looked beautiful in it when we were in the shop. Tears formed again. I hung the dress back up and closed the door. I decided that I was going to wear the dress. I heard sobs through the wall. Margo's room was the only room next to mine. I quietly tip-toed out of my room and down the hall to Margo's room. I knocked on the door softly. "Margo?" I whispered, hoping it was loud enough to hear me. I heard movement and the door swung open.
"Why are you awake?" She asked. Her lamp was on, showing how messy Margo's room was.
"I can't sleep." I said.
"Either can I." She said, biting her lip. "Do you wanna come in?" She held the door open.
"Yeah." I went into Margo's room, trying not to stand on anything. She had everything everywhere. "What were you doing?"
Margo walked over to her desk, expertly walking around the mess and picked up a algebra textbook. "My maths homework." I looked at Margo. "Vanessa's wrong. She has no idea about anything."
"About what? Your homework?" I sat down on Margo's bed. This room had changed so much from when we were kids.
"Yeah. She has no idea, she just assumes. I stay up late every night, doing my homework, studying for tests, doing my assignments, extra credit reports. She hasn't seen my report cards. At school, I just put up an appearance. I like my friends, but they are the ones who don't do their homework and shit like that. Sure, I do some stuff that isn't good, but for a while, I wasn't doing any of my school work. I got pulled into my guidance counsellor's office and it scared me. I thought about mom and dad and making them proud by getting into a good college on a scholarship, and that's what I work towards."
"You hide the fact that you do homework and assignments from your friends?" I asked. It seemed kind of stupid, but lots of people hide a lot of things.
"Yeah, you would think that I shouldn't hang out with them if they don't like that, but the truth is that I've got two years to go until I graduate. Then I don't have to know those people anymore." I nodded, Margo had it right there. High school is nothing to college or the real world. I didn't expect to be friends with whoever I was now in ten years. "If I keep getting the grades I'm getting now, or even better I'll graduate being valedictorian, and a chance to go to an Ivy League college." She smirked. "That's better than what Vanessa's been offered. She's still waiting on Yale and Princeton to reply."
"Margo, you should be more proud of yourself. Proud enough to tell your friends."
"I am proud. I just don't want people knowing, it makes everything more complicated."
"All the calls that mom makes to your guidance counsellor?"
"Progress reports, and extra credit assignments. My guidance counsellor is proud of me, I guess. She loves calling mom and telling her about the hard work that I put in."
"I thought that it was because you were getting in trouble all the time. Sorry."
"It's okay."
"Margo?"
"Yeah?"
"How will we cope?" I asked. "Without mom?"
Margo sniffed a little. "I don't know the answer. I can't answer it for you."