Hey all, this is my first ever fanfic. Hope you enjoy it :)
The title is a suggestion from my friend, in reference to the saying 'You don't know what you've got until it's gone'
Arthur may sound a little OOC in this but I think it's because it's his thoughts so other people won't hear them. He tries to hide his emotions from others (execpt from Merlin, since Merlin's just that good at reading Arthur it wouldn't matter if he tried to hide them anyway) but he doesn't need to hide them from himself.
Contains: Merthur (Merlin/Arthur)
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin :( Otherwise Merthur would be real
It had been 2 weeks since the ban on magic had been lifted. 2 long weeks. The people were happy, many believing that magic wasn't completely evil but had been too scared to speak up for fear of execution. There were the odd one or two people who still thought magic is evil, that disagreed with the choice, but that was guaranteed. They hopefully would come around once they see the benefits of having magic helping.
I should have been happy, my people were at peace, those with magic were steadily coming to Camelot to trade and live, and everyone said I was a good King, one who treated them fairly. But I wasn't happy. There was still something -someone- missing. Why had he not returned? Did he still think he wasn't allowed back? He was one of the main reasons I lifted the ban on magic for god's sake.
What if he wasn't ok? What if he was injured? What if he's just lying there, wounded, dying for all I know. It would be all my fault. My fault since I banished him, threw him out of Camelot for something that he has used for nothing but my own and Camelot's protection. Something that he has had since birth, something that he couldn't help. It wasn't like he asked for it. With what Gaius has said about his magic he was perfectly capable of destroying Camelot if he wanted, but instead he had used it to help, for good. And I thanked him by throwing him out.
What kind of a man am I? I ignored everything I knew about this kind, caring, loyal man, my best friend (though I never admitted that), the man I had- and still do- love with all my heart (again, never mentioned that either), and listened to my father's teachings. I ignored his words, his pleas for me to listen, about how he would never hurt me, about how he was loyal to me and only me, and I called him a liar, a traitor, a backstabbing evil sorcerer. His face when I hurled these words at him still haunts me in my nightmares even now, a year later. The pure fear, pain and sadness in his eyes. I never want to see that on his face again, never want to be the one that does that to him.
I step away from the window I have been staring out of as the knights' return from a search. He's not with them. I feel the tear slide down my cheek.