I was in fourth year when Hailsham closed its doors. I was moved to Aberdeen with Penelope, Emma D., Rachel, Greg S. and Harry, who was a year older than the rest of us and let Emma D. use his handkerchief when she was crying on the train. We never found out how life turned out for everyone else, but we all stuck together through our years in Scotland.
Miss Emily told us that we would all be missed dearly at our final assembly, but Bethany P., a sour girl that everyone often avoided who has chosen to sit next to me that day, whispered in my ear that we wouldn't be missed, we were going to be treated like cows out in the paddock and sleep in the same bed and we would all have to walk around without shoes on. Penelope told her to shut her mouth and called her a rude name that made me blush and giggle.
"You won't think she's so funny when you're fighting her for the last drops of gruel, Whilemina," Bethany P. snarled, and she flounced off as the assembly came to a close.
"Ignore her, Whil," Penelope took my hand and led me up the stairs to our dormitory. It was quiet as the door swung open, apart from the sound of Emma D.'s sniffles.
"Bethany P. says we're all going somewhere different and we'll never see each other again," Teresa immediately ran up to Penelope with a stricken look on her face, "and I can't get Emma D. to shut up."
Penelope immediately released my hand and went to hug Emma D.
"Now you just stop this nonsense," she scolded lightly. "Bethany P. is a silly cow, and I'm sure wherever we're all going shall be just as nice as Hailsham, and even if we are apart, we will make new friends that we'll love just as much as we love each other."
I don't think she believed that herself, but I always admired her relentless optimism. Even after the most awful days at Aberdeen, I could always count on Penelope to make me smile.
Emma D. was still crying the next day, because Rachel had reminded her that she might not be going to the same place as her boyfriend Nicholas. Emma D. was the first and only girl in our year to have a boyfriend, and she didn't much like the idea of having to give up that title, although when Harry put his arm around her shoulders as we were going through Edinburgh she didn't seem to mind so much.
Not long after that, she fell asleep, as did the others, until Harry and I were the only ones who were awake. Too restless to close my eyes, I pulled out my satchel from under my seat and opened it.
Harry peered at me curiously as I pulled out a shabby old book and began to read. I could feel his eyes on me, and shifted uncomfortably in my set for a few minutes before looking up.
"What?" I demanded.
"Did you get that book at a Sale?" he asked, head cocked slightly to the side.
"Of course," I lied.
I hadn't really gotten it at a Sale. One day when I was looking for oddly-shaped rocks on the path behind the main house, I hadn't noticed one of my shoelaces became untied, and I tripped over it. I slammed my hand against the brick wall to steady myself, but the slab crumbled under my hand and I fell flat on my face. Forcing back tears, I looked at what had caused my fall. Where the brick had come away was a small hollow in the wall. Upon closer inspection, I saw that it contained a beaded necklace, a book with a mouldy cover, a spinning top, and a cassette tape with a cracked case. Most of the inside cover had rotted away, but I could still see parts of the picture; cigarette smoke, the word 'song', a hand with red nail varnish. I knew if I took these things back up to the dormitory, Penelope would ask me where I got them, and for some reason, I wanted the secret hideaway to remain a secret. So I replaced the brick and walked away.
I hadn't gone back until the night before I left Hailsham. Miss Emily had told us in the assembly that we would all be leaving the next morning, and I couldn't bear the thought of those abandoned items never being discovered because I had refused to share my secret. So after Emma D. had cried herself to sleep and Penelope had stopped tossing and turning, I slipped over to Teresa's bed and borrowed her flashlight from her shelf. She had showed us how you needed to smack it three times before it turned on properly, and so once I was in the corridor I hit it against the palm of my hand and it flickered to life.
I was nearly seen twice as I tiptoed around the halls of Hailsham. The first time was in the entrance hall, when two seniors emerged from the darkness right in front of me. I froze, my heart pounding with panic as I switched off the light. But they didn't notice me; they were attached at the lips, and they collapsed into the broom closet next to the doors of the main entrance. I waited until I heard soft moans before I dared rattle my torch back to life and made my way outside.
I coiled the necklace around my wrist, put the cassette and top in my pocket, and clutched the book to my chest as I snuck back to my bed. As I made my way up the stairs, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I shrunk back into the shadows on the landing, praying whoever it was remained on the second floor. A door opened and a voice echoed out from the room, 'yes, the bus should take a right at the red letterbox'. The door clicked shut and the voice was muted. I hurried up the rest of the stairs and stuffed my new treasures into my satchel I had packed for the next day's departure. Then I extinguished Teresa's torch and put it back on her shelf.
She was already gone by the time we woke up.
"I heard they took all the blonde children to Wales, because they're the prettiest ones," Greg S. breathed scandalously to Rachel and me as we huddled together over out breakfast.
"Don't be stupid, Bethany P. fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, and they took her too," Rachel smirked half-heartedly, and we all forced a laugh, wondering who else would disappear without having a chance to say goodbye.
The overbearing silence of waiting became too much, so I dug around in my satchel and pulled out the mildewed book I had smuggled from its hiding place. I peeled back the cover and unstuck the first few pages. As I thumbed the leaves of paper, a chunk came unstuck from the spine, and the sheets fluttered to the ground. I bent over to pick them up as Penelope wandered over to me.
"What's that?" she pointed to the book in my lap as I quickly rammed the assorted pages in the back.
"Nothing," I shoved it back in my satchel and stood up abruptly. "When are we leaving?"
"The next bus is for children going to Aberdeen," she replied, staring at my satchel where the book had disappeared. "Miss Emily says we can get on it together, if you like."
A sense of relief washed over me with the knowledge that would not have to be separated from Penelope. I took her hand and we walked over to Miss Emily, standing rigidly in the entrance hall with a clipboard. Her gaze wandered over to us, and she scribbled something on the clipboard, and nodded towards the door.
"Goodbye Penelope, Whilemina," she sighed, her voice thick. "I wish you the best."
Although she appeared unmoved by the dwindling number of students remaining, I could see in her eyes the reflection of utter devastation. I took a step towards her, and wrapped my arms around her waist. She stiffened, and remained so even when I let go. She just stared at me, mouth agape, even as the bus pulled up to the steps and Penelope and I got on.
"Why did you hug Miss Emily, Whil?" Harry asked me from the seat in front of us.
"She seemed sad," I shrugged, staring at my hands and disliking the feeling that I had somehow violated an unspoken rule.
Greg S. got on after us, and went and sat by himself up the back. His best friend Peter had been put on the previous bus to Southampton. Finally, Rachel pulled Emma D. up the bus steps, where she immediately collapsed on the front seat and whined loudly about how much she missed Teresa. Rachel met my eyes and pulled a face, but sat down next to Emma D. anyway and patted her on the back. After another five minutes, the doors squeaked shut and the bus pulled away. Nobody spoke until we reached the train station. The bus driver gave us little orange pieces of paper, took us to the cart where we were to sit, and told us not to move until the train stopped and someone from the Aberdeen donor facility got on board to collect us.
"How will we know that they're from Aberdeen?" Rachel piped up.
"Because they'll bloody tell ya, won't they?" the bus driver growled as he disembarked the train.
While everyone else talked in small voices, my mind remained on the partially destroyed book in my satchel. I wondered if I would be able to fix it so all the pages would be in order and I wouldn't miss any of the story. So I decided when I opened it, I would read it and when there was a piece missing, I would search the loose pages in the back for the rest of it, as I didn't want to spoil the plot by reading the middle parts to try and find out where they belonged. So I had just started the first chapter when Harry interrupted me with his intense staring.
"What's it about?" he leaned forward eagerly, careful not to wake Emma D. who was dozing on his shoulder.
"I only just started. It's about a little boy who's orphaned, and he does a nice thing for a dangerous stranger," I reply loftily, looking back down at the book.
"Do you like it?" Harry continued, and I sighed in exasperation.
"Well, I'm not sure yet. I'm trying to read it, but it's hard when someone is talking to me at the same time," I frowned.
Harry's face fell and he sat back in his seat. "Sorry. I didn't mean to annoy you. I just like books, is all. I've never had one of my own."
"No, I'm sorry, Harry," my tone softened and I shut the book. "It's been a difficult day, and I'm very tired, but that's no excuse for rudeness."
He smiled at me sympathetically. "It's fine. You should read your book. You'll need the escape. Who knows what'll happen when we get to Aberdeen."
"You can read it after me, if you want," I offered.
He wouldn't read it after me. It was taken off me when I reached Aberdeen, and I was told children like me had no need for literature, because what good would it do us? I never finished the jumbled story, and searched for years to finish the book I had started but never had the opportunity to finish.