Listen to the song, 'If I Lose Myself' by OneRepublic, at some point. This whole fic is built around the pain and angst that song makes me feel, especially with this concept in mind.

This has major SPOILERS for those who don't read the Fairy Tail manga, or haven't already read/found spoilers. You have been warned!

Enjoy :)

ONE

"I stared up at the sun, thought of all of the people, places and things I've loved. I stared up just to see with all of the faces, you were the one next to me."
– If I lose Myself, OneRepublic

The silence settled like snow on the grass, cold and unforgiving as three words hung in the air around them.

Etherious Natsu Dragneel.

E.N.D.

As all heads turned towards Natsu, no one noticed Gray turn and run from the group.

Gray's heart thudded painfully in his chest.

Etherious Natsu Dragneel.

E.N.D.

Natsu.

Gray only made it to where the piles of brick and debris met the barren open landscape where the Cube had crashed before collapsing to his knees. The scream that was trying to claw its way out of his throat never made it to the surface. The silence was deafening.

I can't kill Natsu.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

That was when the scream finally managed to break loose. Twisting and thrashing it shattered the silence, burning up his throat right down to his gut. It settled there, dead weight he couldn't rid himself of.

"WHY HIM!?"

Gray's breaths came in ragged pants, sharp, burning.

I promised.

"BUT NOT HIM. ANYONE BUT HIM!"

-o-o-o-

Natsu hadn't meant to say it that loudly, but somehow the whole guild had heard and he could feel all eyes on him. His gaze found Lucy; she was just a couple of feet from him, her hands clasped over her mouth, eyes wide, tears brimming.

Lucy choked out a sob, "…but that means," she scanned the group, looking for that familiar mess of dark hair, "Gray…"

Natsu swallowed thickly as he connected the dots. Gray. Ice-Mage. Rival. Friend. Ice Devil-Slayer. Friend. Ice Devil-Slayer. Friend. "Where is he?"

"I can't see him…" Lucy frowned.

"He was here before." Erza spoke up, "when you… when you told us what Zeref told you…"

"He must have run." Lucy whispered.

All heads whipped around as the sound of a distant scream reached their ears.

"That has to be Gray." Erza muttered.

Natsu nodded, "I'll go find him."

"No, one of us should probably go." Lucy put a hand on Natsu's shoulder.

"I'm not E.N.D. yet, Gray won't kill me."

"That's not what we mea–" Erza began but a pink tinged blur rushed past her, cutting her off.

It didn't take long for Natsu to find Gray, the Ice-Mage was kneeling at the edge of the crumbling remains of the Cube, Natsu could see he was shaking. "Pull it together Snowflake." Natsu tried to keep his voice steady but failed dismally, unable to keep his voice steady, "I'm the one who could turn Demon at any second…" He chuckled darkly.

Startled, Gray jumped up, "Natsu I–" he stopped, "you shouldn't be here."

"No, Gray, I should." Natsu took a step forward, "this can be fixed…"

"Stop with the optimism Natsu! There is no way this can be fixed." Gray spat the words out angrily.

"There is always a way." Natsu responded calmly.

"Your brother is the Dark Wizard Zeref, he revived you as his most powerful Demon after you died as a child and he now expects you to kill him." Gray recited, "Which would be fine, but I made a promise."

"A promise?"

"I inherited Ice Devil Slayer Magic from my father under the promise to destroy E.N.D."

Natsu stayed silent.

"I can't break my promise, but I can't kill you either." Gray looked down, his hands trembled as he placed them flat on the dirt ground. "I can't kill you Natsu."

"I'm not E.N.D."

"Not yet anyway."

"I don't want to be. Imight not come back if I do change." Natsu voiced the fear which had been digging its way forward from the back of his mind since Zeref had told him the truth. "Becoming E.N.D may take away who I am, I could hurt people, I could hurt my friends. The people I care about!" I could hurt you.

"You wouldn't Natsu, I know y–"

"I could kill you!" Natsu cut him off, "in that form I could kill you!"

"You wouldn't." Gray looked up, "I know you wouldn't."

"You don't know E.N.D.! No one does! So I need you to promise me something."

"Natsu…" Gray said, a warning in his tone, I know what you will ask. I couldn't do that!

"No. Please Gray." Natsu pleaded, "if I do turn, please, you need to kill me before it's too late. Wait for me to destroy Zeref, and then carry out your promise to your father."

"Natsu I can't." Gray couldn't stop the tears brimming in his eyes.

"I don't want to hurt anyone. Please Gray. You're the only one who can stop me."

Finally, Gray nodded, and as he did, the tears began to fall. Thick and fast, they stung hot on his cheeks, before slowly soaking into his shirt.

"Thank you, Gray."