The rain pounded down the window panes, mimicking the dark mood of the man inside. Everything had gotten so complicated. Emotions. Messy emotions. Things that didn't have a place in his grand scheme.
Erica. God she is beautiful. And cold. Kissing her hadn't set his blood to boiling but cooled everything instantly. Once a maneater, always a maneater.
Lisbon. Passionate. Fiery. Tough. Caring. Her jealousy did more to arouse him than any kiss. And her doubt of him had stung worse than the escape itself.
How had she gotten in that far?
Jane rose to his feet to get another cup of tea. His one constant that could be whatever he needed and could be what he made of it. Nothing messy about tea.
Jane strode through the CBI to the kitchenette to boil the kettle and get another "hug in a cup" when he was pulled up short by the sight of Lisbon sitting on his couch wrapped in his old blanket that was always thrown so casually over the back. She was curled with her knees drawn up under her chin and she just stared blankly ahead. The sadness rolled off of her as an almost palpable force. He had to stop himself from going to her and comforting her. His Lisbon.
Returning with his fresh cup to go back to his dank and morbid attic, Jane was stopped by one short question uttered from the worn leather couch, "Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why her? Why can't you talk to me? Why do you shut me out?"
Jane stood looking at her wide green eyes. Lisbon, Teresa, looked so small and forlorn all tucked up on one of his refuges in the CBI. He just contemplated the questions knowing that lying and making light of the situation wasn't going to do them any good. If she had the courage to ask he should have the courage to answer.
"She was safe. She would be going away again and my damage is enough on my own. I didn't want to shut you out but you already bear so much. I'm scared I just might break you one day."
"You already broke me."
Her eyes were swimming in unshed tears and Jane's jaw clenched with the unwanted emotion he felt for her. But he couldn't walk away again.
He walked toward her never breaking eye contact and set his cup down on the unused desk. He settled next to her and pulled her to him and tucked her into his side. Jane hoped Lisbon understood that it wasn't forever that he expected her to wait. He wouldn't expect her to wait at all but he knew she would and he hoped his damage didn't destroy her in the meantime.
They settled in and just listened to each other breathe and the rain on the window panes. Two damaged souls hoping they could survive to be able to heal each other.