December 1

It was a grey morning on the first of December. A massive and undressed Yule tree in the Great Hall signaled the coming of the jolliest season of the year. Information about the Yule Disco on the 11th and the Nativity play on the 17th had been pinned on walls everywhere, the latter of which kept Remus lingering by the notice board at the entrance.

"Are you going to participate in the nativity play?" Peter asked him.

"It's not a 'play'. It's a farce" Remus replied and Peter followed him to the middle table where they pulled up chairs across from James and Sirius.

"Are you going to participate in the nativity farce?"

"Or are you 'too good' for it?" Sirius asked, stuffing a croissant in his mouth. Remus poured some hot water over a tea bag and whipped out his homework.

"It's the same thing every year"

"That's kind of the point" said James.

"He's just having one of those 'temperamental artist' moments, just ignore him" said Sirius.

"Do you know why artists are so temperamental?" Remus asked.

"Because of the lack of 'visions'?"

"Exactly"

Remus bit into a jar of vegan supplements and unscrewed the lid.

"Well" said Sirius and brushed some puff pastry flakes off him. "You complain about this every year and every year I tell you to do it better yourself, and you always try but you never finish anything. Where are you going?"

Remus washed down the supplements with the tea standing up and pushed his chair in.

"I'm going to write a musical" he said and left.

"A musical?" Sirius's eyes widened and he nearly dropped the marmalade knife. James reached for the milk and splashed it over his cereals.

"A musical, isn't that what they do every year?"

"No, I think you're confusing 'musical' with 'abomination'"

"What's the difference?"

Sirius backed his chair and bounced to his feet.

"You stick to your manly broomstick sport if you want. When you're ready to admit you cried at the end of Godspell, I'll be in the drama room"

"They just disappeared around a corner and I didn't want it to end!"

"I know"

Sirius finished his coffee and pinched a croissant for the road before leaving to interfere with the musical.

The door to McGonagall's classroom stood open and Remus knocked on the frame. Professor McGonagall put down her changeable 56 is the new 66 cup and The Daily Erised.

"Good morning" she said.

"Good morning Professor" said Remus. "I was just wondering if I could write the nativity play this year"

A collection of rods were close to rolling off the table so professor McGonagall moved them to the corner.

"It's December 1" she said. "You're a little late"

"I know. But I have this old draft"

"The drama club is doing the nativity play. They began their preparations months ago" McGonagall picked up a piece of chalk and scribbled the Latin incantation to the rod-to-serpent charm on the blackboard as well as the phonetic pronunciation. "Join them"

That was the precise thing Remus didn't want to do.

"But they're amateurs that lack vision. They just use it as an excuse to sing Don't go breaking my heart and other songs they like"

"It's just a school play, now" McGonagall looked at her pocket watch. "I think you better hurry so you're not late for Rules & Traditions class. I believe professor Sharma will be going over The Rule of Three with you today"

The classroom was slowly beginning to fill up. Remus followed the corridor to a narrow staircase and sat down to open a bag of M&M's. He was remarkably unhealthy for a skinny vegetarian; often forgetting meals in favour of reading and sometimes days passed without him eating anything except for a couple of Twixes. He tore at the bag with all his might, wondering why M&M bags were so tough to open these days, until all the M&M's fell out and cascaded down the stairs. He whipped out his wand and led the beads down his throat in a neat row.

"And nobody told us" he suddenly heard Sirius sing behind him. "'Cause nobody showed us! But now it's up to us babe, oh I think we can make it"

"Did you just coincidentally choose to sing that part?"

Sirius uncapped a bottle of nail polish and sat down to apply a fresh layer of colour to his flaky nails. "But it is up to us, babe"

"Don't call me 'babe'"

"Why not, babe?"

Remus whipped out Numeric traditions by Theresa Nuff.

"Whatever. McGonagall said no"

"Did she now?" Sirius stretched his legs across the step he had occupied. "You still think asking McGonagall for permission is a good idea"

"Well, yeah, she's deputy headmistress

"Oh dear, oh dear…" Sirius put his hands to his face in grave disappointment. "And who is her boss?"

"Dumbledore"

"Right!"

"Dumbledore is too busy for this"

"Uhm, no. But you know what he is?" Sirius tilted a hand in a swishy fashion.

"That's just stereotyping"

"So now that you've said that, can we go?"

And so the two left to ask Dumbledore really, really nicely if they could write a nativity musical

A disc with Christmas songs spun on a record player. Although Headmaster Dumbledore's office always was dominated by purple it seemed to become even purpler around Christmas because even the plastic Christmas tree on the desk was purple and purple tinsel sparkled on the curtain rod from which purple star patterned curtains hung. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk drawing with a ruler on a large piece of paper and waved for Sirius and Remus to come in and close the door behind them. He signaled for them to wait and they let him finish whatever it was he was doing. The portraits of former headmasters stuck their noses in the air disdainfully.

"I'll be just…" Dumbledore mumbled, his nose almost touching the paper as he moved the ruler and drew another quick line before putting it aside and straightening up in his chair. "The Hogsmead Bakery has a ginger bread house contest and Minerva dared me to participate. I told her, it's been…" Dumbledore began counting his fingers but gave up. "A really long time since I was in school and it was important to accept dares. But you know, she just called me a chicken...Anyway, so what brings me this pleasure?"

"We want to do a nativity musical" said Sirius

"A nativity musical?" Dumbledore clapped his hands joyfully and beamed as if Christmas had come early. "How exciting!"

"But the thing is, professor McGonagall says we can't"

"That bitch! Why not?"

"She says we're too late and that we have to write with the drama group" Remus explained.

"But they're amateurs!"

"I know!"

Dumbledore leaned back and braided his fingers pensively.

"The nativity story, it's so… heteronormative, you know? I've often wanted to write my own musical version, but alas, I lack both time and skill. But I know that if anybody has the balls to write an LGBT nativity musical it is the two of you. So, are you up for the challenge?"

"Sure" said Sirius.

"Where Mary and Joseph is a gay couple"

"Of course, no problem"

"Now wait a minute" said Remus. "I'm all for gay rights, but I think it's kind of essential to the plot that Mary is a woman. Do I really need to explain why?"

"You can if you want"

"Well I don't"

"You're so ignorant" said Sirius. "Surely God can knock up anybody he wants and doesn't let biological restrictions he invented stand in the way"

Dumbledore nodded in agreement.

"The story of the birth of the founder of modern transfiguration is full of magic and wonders. A bit of mpreg would hardly be the craziest part"

"Fair enough" said Remus. "But the thing is, mpreg is gross. There, I said it. It is disgusting"

"Well that is too bad that you find it so disgusting, but that is my demand. You can either take it or leave it"

"Just leave it to me, I'll make it happen" said Sirius and went for the door, his head already bubbling with brilliant ideas.