He May Never Know
RangikuXGin. Sorta AU-ish.
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He left before I could tell him.
Sometimes, I wish I could just leave this place behind. Forget all the precious and bittersweet memories that I've gathered here. The sore temptation to leave it all in the dust and start anew was always there and has been there for a while.
All because he left without me.
He had meant everything to me. He still does. I had cared about him more than life itself. I held him so dear that if he was missing for even a second, my heart pounded with anxiety, worried to death, wondering, was he still here, with me.
And now he's gone.
When I was told, I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it. My head had been dizzy with shock and disbelief. He couldn't have left without me. We had promised to always be there for each other.
But I wasn't.
I was informed that he had been killed in an accident. The kind that injures and kills many people every year. And yet, I keep thinking, why him? Why did it have to be him, the one who's life I valued more than anything else in the world.
I hadn't been able to tell him.
We had been the best of friends. Between all the romances we had been through, the broken hearts, break ups, we had always had each other. A shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic soul. But I had never told him that to me, he was more than just a friend. I had never gotten the chance or the courage to tell him how much he meant to me.
Now, I never will be able to.
He was gone forever now. All I had was the memory of his face, his touch, his smell, his voice. Burned and engraved in my memory for as long as I live. I wish I could just go back and tell him. Just see his reaction, find out whether he felt the same. I wish I knew his last thoughts. Who he was thinking of.
All I can do is wonder. Wonder what could have been.
I want to turn my back on this place. Just reject all the horrible things that have happened and begin another chapter in my life. But something in my mind tells me I will never forget this tragedy. That I will always be reminded of him, the one who changed my life, wherever I turn.
All one can do is live.
The most I can ever do is treasure his memory. Allow a wistful smile as I relive the precious days that I spent with him. All I can do is live my life, and move on, though never forgetting. That is all one can do.
Because he will never know. And that hurts the most.
"Gin..."
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A/N: Never tried romance-y angst. Tell me what you think! Review!
Seth