Summary: Rory reacts badly when she hears that Jess is gone. Will her new reckless behaviour force him to come back to pick up the pieces he left behind?

Disclaimer: Nope. If I did Jess would at least get mentioned more. Scratch that, he would be back on the show. The main character. Okay I'm done wishing now, enjoy!

Chapter One

Time did pass, despite her wishes for it to stop and swallow her up into a black abyss of numbness. But pass it did, slowly, painfully, and in blur of seconds, minutes and hours. She found herself standing dazedly in her new dorm room, and like so many times in the last few months, couldn't quite remember getting there.

She trod slowly to her bedroom, almost zombie-like, stopping once she reached the mirror that sat on top of her dresser. The loss of will to do anything over the months that had passed had left her looking skinnier than ever, her complexion dull and her eyes lifeless. Her hair was darker from lack of sunlight and the jeans draping low on her hips were the smallest she owned; the only pair of pants she had that fit her apart from the pair of cargos she had when she was fifteen. She studied her faded dark green jacket that seemed to hang loosely from her; she would prefer black, but considering she had never owned an item of black clothing and couldn't muster up enough motivation to make a trip to the department store, this would have to do. And besides, it was his favorite color.

She was on her bed now, and she didn't even remember lying down. But she was so tired, and feeling glad to escape, she let her eyes droop; darkness engulfing her as the cheerful (did such an emotion still exist?) voices from the room over drifted further and further away.

"Sweetie, Jess is gone."

She couldn't remember when exactly it started, but the pain was crushing in on her from all sides. It hurt! It hurt so badly! And she was so scared because it wasn't getting better. She needed air, because she was feeling so dizzy, but she couldn't remember how to breathe. She felt like she would explode, and she wanted to cry, to sob, to curl up in a ball and never breathe another breath.

"Oh." She said, struggling to hold herself together.

"Do you wanna go home?"

She nodded because she couldn't speak.

She was curled up in a ball on her bed in her own bedroom. The last thing she remembered was being in the car. She couldn't remember how she got to her room or where her mom was. But right now all she could think of was the pain. She thought she would get home and tears would fall and never stop, but not a single one had escaped her. She wished it would because she felt that maybe it would feel like some of the pain was leaking out of her. She had this image of emotion filling her up like water, and bursting because it could find a way out. Cry damn it!

She was about to stand up. She felt like she needed to throw something through her window, but she couldn't because she was standing on their bridge. She felt a sudden wave of tranquility flow through her as she looked over the motionless water that perfectly reflected the bright starry night sky. She felt something tug on her hand, and it comforted her. She looked down to see that he was there pulling her to sit down beside him. She was suddenly sitting next to him, and wanting so desperately to feel the warmth of his body, leant into him. But he wasn't there. She looked up confusedly only to see he was now sitting on the other side of the bridge. She stood up and sat beside him again. She smiled up at him wanting to lighten the mood, but it seemed he didn't even notice her. He seemed to be in deep thought, his eyes focusing on some reflection in the water. She laughed because this was all so strange, and she found that she couldn't stop. He turned his head towards her and the laughter stiffened suddenly, something about his look terrified her. She tried to smile at him again to sway his mood but he was staring at the water again. She tried to say his name, but found she couldn't speak. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. She wanted to grab it, to trace her fingers gently along the creases, because he only ever ran his hand through his hair when he was nervous or frustrated, but it seemed her arms were weighed down heavily and she couldn't move them.

"Rory," He started, still not looking at her, "I should probably tell you that I never loved you."

She felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. She wanted to cry for him to please not leave, but somehow he was already gone. And suddenly she was drowning in the water, without remembering falling in. She burst with raucous laughter again, and her sides were convulsing so dramatically that she felt her ribs were going to shatter. She felt the ice cold water fill her lungs, and she was choking.

Her eyes shot open as she gasped for breath. Her chest was moving rapidly as her body revived itself with air, and glancing out the window she realized it must be around midnight.

"Rory?"

She heard Paris' voice from the doorway.

"What, Paris?" She said grumpily, getting up and throwing her shoes on, deciding she would go for a walk.

"You sounded like you were having a fit and - where are you going?"

Rory shrugged. "Don't worry I'll be out of your way. I know, you have to get up early in the morning. Sorry for waking you."

She looked back at Paris for a moment before leaving out the door with her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

AN: Okay, so I know, not that interesting yet, right? Please drop me a review though to tell me what you think. I have already written to chapter three, so the more reviews, obviously the quicker the chapters will come.

Next chapter preview: It killed her that he would have to go away. All over again. So she buried her face in his chest, clinging onto him and vowing to never let go.