Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day
SEASON 3
EPISODE 8
Airdate: November 30, 2014
Title: Imperfect Friends
Segway Segment: The Big Television Debate (RK and Wade debate the Who's the Boss? episode "Boozin' Buddies")
Special Guest Stars: Wesley Mann as Mr. Lawler, Kira Kosarin as Lynne
Satire/Social Commentary: None
Written by Michael Anderson, animated by Kaz, storyboarded by Dr. Nihilistic, directed by Hector Preston
SCENE 1
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(Jaylynn stares directly into the camera.)
JAYLYNN: I hope you guys know that tonight's episode of Thank You, Heavenly is going to be a little different. It isn't exactly having anything to do with what happens, but who it happens to. Now, I have been involved in some really stupid crap ever since I moved here. But to waste days upon days upon days trying to help people who can't help themselves is probably at the top of that list. I know you don't know what I'm talking about. You think, "Ooh, Jaylynn's gone crazy." WELL, I HAVEN'T! (sighs) Let's...let's just start.
SCENE 2
Northgate Community Center
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
(Ashley and Sanna are about to walk inside.)
ASHLEY: I just realized something.
SANNA: You slur your words sometimes?
ASHLEY: No, not that. And I don't slur my words.
SANNA: Of course you do, I noticed.
ASHLEY: Sigh. No, I mean, like, we never really do anything together.
SANNA: What are you talking about? We do tons of cool stuff together.
ASHLEY: No, we don't. When was the last time we had fun doing an after-school activity with each other?
SANNA: I really don't know. Hey, wait a second! Last week, remember? We learned all about the police station.
ASHLEY: Sanna, we were taken in for questioning because somebody put a gun in Mona's backpack. And it was DURING school.
SANNA: Yeah, but we were still doing something together. You can't beat quality time.
ASHLEY: I'm serious, Sanna. I want us to do something fun together after school for once. You're such a lazy bum sometimes.
SANNA: No, I'm not. There's a reason I don't do stuff after school. I have my own way of doing things. School is school, home is home, and everything is the way it should be. I like playing it safe.
ASHLEY: Well, I like taking a chance every now and then. Because you know what they say. I guess...(waves arm around while a brief instrumental from Oswald plays in the background)...you never know.
SANNA: The hell was that?
ASHLEY: You never watched Oswald when you were little?
SANNA: No. I always thought Nick Jr. was crap.
ASHLEY: Oh, you were missing out. That octopus was so cute.
(Sanna just gives Ashley a blank stare, and everything is awkward for a few seconds)
ASHLEY: OK, let's go inside now.
(The two walk down the hall towards Jaylynn's poetry class)
SANNA: Are you sure class is out by now?
ASHLEY: Of course. It ends at 4:30 every day, and it's...(stares down at her watch) 4:30 in 18 seconds.
SANNA: (chuckles) That's kinda geeky.
ASHLEY: It's not, I like to be punctual.
(The door opens and the class starts filing out)
SANNA: Ashley, I think you have the wrong class. All I see are adults.
ASHLEY: No, Jaylynn and Anja are just the only kids who take it. There they are.
JAYLYNN: Hey guys. Why did you bring HER?
ASHLEY: Jaylynn, it's just Sanna, my best friend?
JAYLYNN: Oh yeah. I'm sorry, I thought you were Halley.
ASHLEY: If you hate Halley so much, why do you hang out with her?
JAYLYNN: I don't hate her, per se, we're just frenemies.
ANJA: Hey guys.
SANNA: Hi Anja. Can I talk to you over there?
ANJA: Sure.
(The two start laughing right off the bat)
ASHLEY: Sigh.
JAYLYNN: You don't need to do that every time, just sigh.
ASHLEY: You're way too mean to me. I remember when Sanna and I were like that. I just feel like ever since she transferred back to our school, it hasn't been the same.
JAYLYNN: Dude, people change sometimes, realize they have different sexuality. Sanna's just finding new people to talk to, but she doesn't love you any less.
ASHLEY: Yeah, you're right. I just wish we could spend some time together after school. Like, a real live activity just like old times.
JAYLYNN: Well, the community center has a whole bunch of activities on this bulletin board here. I don't do any of them since I think all of them are crap, but you might find something cool.
(sarcastically) ASHLEY: Thanks. Let's take a looksie here. (Ashley traces her finger across the board until she's intrigued by the poster in the center) Help Northgate create a brand-new mural to commemorate those who died in texting while driving accidents. That sounds awesome! Maybe Sanna could join me for that.
JAYLYNN: Are you sure you're up to it? I mean, I don't know her like you do, but Sanna looks pretty stubborn.
ASHLEY: She can be like that sometimes, but I can get through to her. I just need to sell her on the idea.
JAYLYNN: Sell. Hey, maybe if this doesn't work, you and Sanna could be real estate agents.
ASHLEY: I don't think they allow kids to do that.
JAYLYNN: They do, all you need is a winning smile and the ability to wear colors that clash.
ASHLEY: You're making this up, aren't you?
JAYLYNN: Kinda.
SCENE 3
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(Sparky whistles "Mr. Telephone Man" by New Edition as he gets ready for dinner with TV. "My Time is Now" by John Cena plays on Sparky's phone. He picks it up.)
SPARKY: What's going down, Buster?
BUSTER: It's time.
SPARKY: Are you sure? I mean, I don't know, I'm about to eat.
BUSTER: What's more important? The grand unveiling or dinner?
SPARKY: You're right. Food can wait. I'll be there faster than James "Cool Papa" Bell when he's banging.
(Sparky hangs up and runs out the front door, leaving it open. Bitch Clock walks down the stairs at that moment.)
BITCH CLOCK: Ugh, kids these days. Anybody can just walk in off the street. (Bitch Clock closes the door) Good thing I'm always the responsible one.
(standing on the stairs) JOLENE: Baby, I'm still waiting.
BITCH CLOCK: I'm an alarm clock, why are you so eager for Round 2, Jolene?
SCENE 4
The Saltalamacchia Household
Interior Basement
Seattle, Washington
(Sparky, Buster, RK, and KG are all seated in Wade's basement. There is a podium and behind it is a large object covered in a big gray tarp.)
("The Final Countdown" by Europe playing in the background. The room is darkened, then hit with strobe lighting and green smoke)
(doing a voiceover) WADE: Are you r-r-ready?!
(The four boys all yell and howl in anticipation)
WADE: Well, it's time for THE MAIN EVENT-AH!
RK: YES, I LOVE THE MAIN EVENT-AH!
(Wade rides in on a bicycle towards the podium wearing a fedora and sunglasses. He gets off the bike, cuts off the music, and marches towards the podium)
WADE: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time.
KG: There are only boys here.
WADE: You know what I mean. It's time to introduce the world to the most revolutionary machine this side of the PlayStation Vita.
BUSTER: That reminds me, I really need to get myself a freaking Vita.
(Wade pulls off the tarp, revealing two large pods of identical size and cylindrical shape)
WADE: Welcome to...THE BODY SWAP!
SPARKY: The Body Swap? What's it do?
WADE: Oh, it allows you to switch bodies with someone else.
(All four boys murmur amongst themselves)
BUSTER: Professor Frink would be proud.
KG: Hey, what are we waiting for? Let's give it a go!
RK: Yeah!
(The boys run towards the Body Swap but Wade stops them)
WADE: Hold your horses, fellas. This machine isn't ready yet for anyone to use it. I still need to make some modifications.
(long pause; Sparky, Buster, and KG have worried, open-mouthed expressions while RK looks ready to punch Wade in the face)
RK: You dirty son of a bitch.
WADE: What?
RK: We paid our hard-earned money to see the show of a lifetime and you deny us that opportunity? You're a punk, that's what you are. What if I just...ripped off your shirt sleeve? Huh? How about that, CM Punk? You couldn't take the heat and chickened out, ah? (RK tries to tear off Wade's sleeve but he's not strong enough) Damn, what the hell did the Canadians use for this?
(Wade grabs RK's hand)
WADE: No. No. Anyway, I never said the Body Swap was ready when I first told you about it. I was just going to show you what it looked like and talk about how far I've gotten with its development. Maybe crack a joke, have some crackers and pudding.
BUSTER: Wade, I need this machine ASAP. There's a big math test in three days and if I switch bodies with you, I'll know all the answers and ace it!
WADE: Buster, it doesn't work like that. You're switching bodies, not brains.
BUSTER: In the words of Michelle Tanner, duh. You'll take the test as me and cop me a cool 100.
WADE: And what happens when you take the test as me and inevitably fail me, causing my math grade to plummet?
BUSTER: Hey, you gotta crack a few skulls in order to kill the drug lord.
WADE: Look, guys, I know you're really excited about the Body Swap, but be patient. It'll be ready before you know it.
KG: How so? It's been a month and you still haven't finished it!
WADE: KG, I only revealed the machine a few minutes ago.
KG: Well, if I convince myself that it's been a month, maybe that will help speed up the process. But it HASN'T and now I'm disappointed in myself.
SCENE 5
The Qureshi Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(Ashley is doing homework and Sanna is buried in her smartphone. Ashley sighs and closes her notebook.)
ASHLEY: Hey, I have something really fun to tell you about.
SANNA: Oh, really? Shoot.
ASHLEY: Well, see for yourself.
(Ashley takes out a copy of the poster she saw from her notebook and gives it to Sanna. She has a big smile on her face.)
SANNA: You want us to paint a mural together?
ASHLEY: Yeah. We would be working with other people in the community to paint something really nice and raise awareness for texting while driving.
SANNA: I don't think you need to raise awareness for something like that.
ASHLEY: Believe me, you do. We could start on Friday if you're interested.
SANNA: I don't know. I was going to go have dinner with Emily and Mona that day.
ASHLEY: Why didn't you tell me?
SANNA: You said you didn't want to go because you would be busy with something else.
ASHLEY: Yeah, the mural. Which I thought we could do together. (in her mind) I'm losing her. I hope she says yes.
SANNA: You really want us to do this together?
ASHLEY: Of course, like real best friends do.
SANNA: Well, in that case...(in her mind) I'm not really a painter, but Ashley will be there so it's cool. Emily and Mona can wait. (aloud) I'll be there on Friday.
(hugs Sanna) ASHLEY: Yay! This is going to be great. We'll be a better team than...than...
SANNA: Are you trying to...
ASHLEY: Yes, but I can't think of anything. (groans) OK, we'll be a better team than Babe Ruth and his bat?
(A video clip is shown of the Nostalgia Critic smacking his camera repeatedly while saying "It's not funny, it's not funny, it's not funny, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S NOT FUNNY!")
SCENE 6
The MacDougal Household
Interior Sparky's Bedroom
Seattle, Washington
(Sparky is trying to sleep, but he can't.)
SPARKY: Must not think about it. Can't resist urge. GAH!
BITCH CLOCK: Hey, that scream of terror only comes from my women. You OK, man?
SPARKY: I guess so. But I can't stop thinking about Wade's new project. I want to use it so bad.
BITCH CLOCK: Man, do I know how you feel. I remember when MLB 12: The Show first came out and I was so stoked about playing it on my PS3. Then I found out about the cross-platform thing with the Vita, but I didn't have enough money to buy it. I was so pissed off because I wanted to play the game on the road.
SPARKY: So what did you do?
BITCH CLOCK: I kicked some guy's ass and stole his Vita. Then I got arrested for assault and I spent a month in prison.
(long pause)
SPARKY: So did you ever buy the Vita?
BITCH CLOCK: Nah. Eventually, I just forgot about it. Life's too short to worry about things like that. But now I want to murder the guy who snitched on me. Ooh yeah, stabbity stabbity.
SPARKY: This conversation took a very dark turn.
(Sparky hears knocking on the door)
SPARKY: Come in.
(Buster is at the door with his teddy bear and a disappointed look on his face)
SPARKY: Buster, what's wrong?
BUSTER: I can't do it, Sparky. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about Wade's new Body Swap. What if I end up failing that math test? I'll never live it down.
BITCH CLOCK: You mean, compared to that ten-test failing streak where you never scored above a 65 and didn't care once?
BUSTER: Who the hell are you to talk, drunkie?
(Bitch Clock looks down on the floor in disappointment)
BITCH CLOCK: I'm not a drunkie.
SPARKY: Ah, come sleep with me, buddy.
BUSTER: Us? Sleep together? Doesn't that totally violate Guy Code?
SPARKY: Eh, I don't know what that is, I don't watch VH1 anymore.
BUSTER: Alright then. Can Mr. Plushie sleep there too?
SPARKY: Of course he can.
BITCH CLOCK: I feel like gagging.
BUSTER: Then do it, no one's stopping you!
(Bitch Clock is once again humbled. Buster and Mr. Plushie crawl in the bed with Sparky and they start sleeping.)
SPARKY: You know who I always wanted to switch bodies with?
BUSTER: Who?
SPARKY: Anja.
(Buster and Bitch Clock give Sparky wide-eyed expressions)
SPARKY: What? She walks like a model. I want that walk.
SCENE 7
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
(Ashley is talking to Jaylynn by Jaylynn's locker.)
ASHLEY: So today, Sanna and I are going to sign up to help paint the mural.
JAYLYNN: Wait a minute. Your best friend Sanna is going to spend her free time doing THAT?
ASHLEY: Yeah, of course. Why?
JAYLYNN: Call me crazy, but I don't think she really wants to do this. She just wants to make you happy.
ASHLEY: That's just some weird theory you have. Sanna's not like that. There have been times where she didn't want to do something and she ended up having fun, so I don't think you're on to something here.
JAYLYNN: Well, I guess I AM crazy. Someone get this bitch a straitjacket for her theory 'cuz she done lost her mind.
ASHLEY: Sanna and I are going to have fun doing this too. Just like we always do.
JAYLYNN: That's what I love about you, Ashley. You're just so positive about everything. You're not like the guys who have to face reality every week, you just keep on chugging along trying to look on the bright side. I like that.
ASHLEY: Are you being sarcastic or sincere?
JAYLYNN: I'm going to be honest, I have no idea.
(Ashley looks to the side, confused beyond belief)
JAYLYNN: Hey, don't think I'm not seeing that (bleep)ing glance. I'm just saying, keep it in perspective. Sanna probably just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
(Jaylynn walks away on her way to class)
ASHLEY: You watch too much TV, Jaylynn! It's not like that!
RK: Ashley, why are you shouting? Jaylynn is just a few feet away.
ASHLEY: I know, but...hey, don't spy on me.
SCENE 8
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
(Sparky and Buster both look lobotomized as they eat their food.)
BUSTER: Hey Sparky, check it out.
SPARKY: What?
BUSTER: I made my sweet potato fries and my cheeseburgers switch places on my tray. Sick, huh? Ha ha huh?
SPARKY: Really sick. Check this out. My water bottle has ginger ale in it. At home, my ginger ale bottle now has water in it.
BUSTER: My God, that is diabolical.
SPARKY: I know, right?
RK: What goes on, guys? You know, I couldn't concentrate in math class. I kept thinking about that boss-ass Body Swap Wade showed us. Then again, it's not like I ever concentrate in math class so who cares?
SPARKY: I like switching things, don't you?
BUSTER: Sparklers are FUN. Tee hee hee.
RK: The (bleep) is wrong with you guys? You smoke weed with KG too?!
SPARKY: Our lives are poisoned by the thought of that frigid machine.
BUSTER: Precious. Wants the precious Body Swaps.
RK: OK, I've had enough of this bull.
(RK slaps Sparky and Buster in the face, and they go back to normal)
SPARKY: Oh, hey RK. What are they serving at lunch today?
RK: Sparky, we're in the cafeteria and you have lunch on your tray right now.
SPARKY: Funny, I don't remember that.
BUSTER: Yeah, me either.
RK: Well, with you, I'm not surprised. Half the time, you can't even remember what you had for dinner the night before.
BUSTER: That's not true. I can't remember half the time what I had for BREAKFAST. So screw you.
SPARKY: God, I hate OOC. You guys, we have to do something about this. You know how Wade is. He'll probably spend the rest of the year working on the Body Swap. Do you really think I'm going to wait until after holiday break to use that machine? (Sparky starts shaking RK) I WANT MY MODEL WALK!
RK: Oh baby, you're making me nervous. Don't worry, guys. I know how to beat Wade and get to use that machine.
BUSTER: But how can we? It's not done yet.
RK: Yeah, which is why we do everything without permission and completely forget about what he said. Duh!
BUSTER: I know that, dude. I mean that when something's not done yet, Wade makes sure he keeps it locked up someplace. That Body Swap is going to be locked tighter than Lifetime's ability to tell a decent story.
RK: Oh. Well, can I take back my duh?
(Sparky looks at the camera confused)
RK: Anyway, we don't need to worry about any of that. Bending the rules is why kids and teens were put on this Earth. We do what the man doesn't want us to do. We're going to find a way to unlock Wade's vault and use that Body Swap. I mean, how harmful can it be?
SPARKY: Well, there was that time I was part of a frog vocal cord experiment and Wade forgot to tell me about the side effects.
RK: Yeah, but they wore off in a week.
SPARKY: So? I hated that week. For those entire seven days, I sounded like Kermit the Frog on crack.
(Buster chuckles, and Sparky angrily stares at him)
BUSTER: What? You funny, that's why I mess with you.
SPARKY: And anyway, I really don't think it's a good idea to go against Wade's orders. I think we should be good little boys and wait until it's done.
RK: Sparky, Wade always does this. He teases us with something cool and we have to wait and wait until we no longer care about it. Well, we're not the PlayStation 4 and he's not 2K Games. This time, we'll get the jump on HIM. Think of it like we're pre-ordering the Body Swap.
SPARKY: Yeah, but I hate pre-ordering games. They never...
RK: Look, Sparky, are you going to keep shooting down my plan or are we (bleep)ing doing this shit?
SPARKY: I don't know, are we?
(RK angrily stares at Sparky with his mouth slightly open)
SCENE 9
Northgate Community Center
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
(Ashley and Sanna are at the sign-up sheet for the mural. A funny-looking man walks out of one of the room and towards them.)
MR. LAWLER: Ah, signing up for the mural, I see. Are you PEOPLE PREPARED to help PAINT a PERFECT mural for our PRIZED community center PATRONAGE?
(Any time Mr. Lawler says a word starting with the letter p, he over-enunciates it and spits all over the place. The camera does a close-up on him repeatedly spitting on Ashley and Sanna any time this happens.)
SANNA: Ashley, I want to go home now.
ASHLEY: Yes, we're signing up for the mural painting. We can't wait to help out.
MR. LAWLER: Ah, raising awareness for texting while driving is what us PEOPLE need to PERFORM to PICK UP the PACE of society. So PLEASE, PAINT, PAINT, PAINT! PINK and PURPLE, green and blue, PREPARE for the PEOPLE who will PAINT with you!
SANNA: Sir, no disrespect, but are you just being an asshole when you do that?
MR. LAWLER: Doing what? I'm not aware of any PROBLEM. I am always a PROFESSIONAL, never PERSONAL.
ASHLEY: Do we start tomorrow?
MR. LAWLER: Yes. I suggest you come early, PEOPLE will PURLOIN all the good PAINT.
SANNA: What's your (bleep) name?
MR. LAWLER: Mr. Percival Lawler. You may refer to my PERSON as Mr. Lawler or PERCY, if you will.
ASHLEY: Thank you, sir.
MR. LAWLER: You're welcome. Oh dear, you girls should towel off. You're drenched in saliva, I believe. The craziest thing.
(Mr. Lawler walks away at that moment, unaware that he spit on Ashley and Sanna repeatedly)
SANNA: Ashley, why is my life this way?
ASHLEY: Look, I know things haven't been going so well but that will all change tomorrow.
SANNA: I hope so. I'm not going to all THIS trouble. Hey, there's still enough time to meet up with Emily and Mona again. If I hurry, I might be able to steal the nice forks. Trust me, they want you to take them.
(Sanna walks away at that very moment and Ashley just has a visibly disappointed look on her face)
ASHLEY: Now I'm sad and covered in spit.
SCENE 10
The Saltalamacchia Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(Sparky, Buster, and RK are all in Wade's living room with black knitcaps and eye black on)
RK: OK, so are we all good on the plan?
SPARKY: I still don't think we should do this. Wade's going to find out and beat the holy hell out of us for breaking into his secret room.
RK: Sparky, you watch way too much TV.
SPARKY: No, you do. Which is why you of all people should know that this idea is stupid!
BUSTER: Ah, Sparko doth the wind not fade on ideas of more temperate minds.
(long pause; Sparky and RK barely understand what Buster just said)
BUSTER: You like that? I've been reading Shakespeare lately and I made that up...on the spot. That guy was a sociopath. You ever read Hamlet? Murder, betrayal, incest, and suicide in one book? It's what 80s sitcoms wished they could be.
RK: Alright, enough with the jibber-jabber, let's just do this. It's like Set It Off, in and out, bada-bing, bada-boom, clickety-clack like clockwork...
SPARKY: I get it. Hey, where's KG? I thought he wanted to use the Body Swap too.
(KG walks in on cue)
KG: You rang?
RK: Bro, how long were you standing outside?
KG: Five minutes. I wanted someone to mention me so I could make a grand entrance.
BUSTER: Why?
KG: Because I'm a bad mother(bleep)er, that's why. Your daddy wishes I was in his nutsack that night.
BUSTER: I don't think you know how my daddy operates.
SPARKY: CAN WE JUST DO THIS BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPENS?!
(The four run into the basement and look around at all of Wade's inventions and projects)
BUSTER: Here it is. Wade's basement.
RK: You sound like you haven't been down here enough.
BUSTER: I haven't. I was only down here the other day and a year ago. He threw me down the stairs, that child porn star.
RK: Why?
BUSTER: I don't know. Maybe it's because I ate his sandwich and said "Na na na na na, I ate your sandwich."
SPARKY: Check it out, the Body Swap's right there in the tarp still!
RK: Wow. I guess he hasn't got to put it away!
(imitating Steve Urkel) KG: Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
BUSTER: Yeah, but a lucky break for us. Let's go!
(Buster and RK pull off the tarp of the Body Swap and start admiring it. KG sees that Sparky looks bothered by something.)
KG: What's wrong with you? I thought you were used to my brother's shenanigans by now, it's been two years.
SPARKY: I know, but this time, I just can't do it. I don't want us to ruin the machine and then Wade bitches us out about the whole thing. Plus, being here kinda creeps me out with all of his weird inventions. Look at this. The WWII helmet. Pretend you're back in the days when America sucked worse than it does now.
KG: Hey, that thing is cool. Except some U.S. soldiers shot at me when I tested it.
SPARKY: Why?
KG: They thought I was Japanese.
RK: OK, so who goes inside first?
BUSTER: Well, I'm the youngest and cutest so I think I should go inside.
RK: Aren't we the same age?
BUSTER: Yeah, but you're three months older than me. So back of the line, you potato-eating Irishman.
KG: I'm the oldest and wisest, so you kiddies need to step back.
RK: Hey, it was my idea to do this. I'm the architect here. I'm the Seth Rollins of this Shield.
BUSTER: You wish you could be Seth Rollins, you're Roman Reigns.
RK: I know you did NOT just call me Roman Reigns.
KG: I guess that makes me Ambrose.
BUSTER: To hell with that, I'm Ambrose!
SPARKY: GUYS! Why don't we all just go inside together? Buster, you go with me. RK and KG, you guys go. Then we can all try it at once.
RK: Makes sense to me.
BUSTER: Alright, let's do it.
(Sparky and Buster go into the first pod and RK and KG go into the second pod)
SPARKY: Guys, this is only temporary. We have our fun and switch back immediately.
RK: Sure thing, as long as we get to use it.
BUSTER: What button do you press to switch?
SPARKY: Maybe it's this big green one.
BUSTER: You know what, let's go for broke and press the red one.
SPARKY: Buster, I don't think that's...
(Buster punches the big red button and all four boys scream as smoke fills the air along with lightning bolts and thunder clapping. When the machine is done with its work, all four boys step out dazed.)
SPARKY: Are you guys OK? Wait a minute. Buster, why am I wearing your clothes?
BUSTER: Because you switched bodies with me, man. A doy.
KG: No, he didn't. I'm in Sparky's body. Holy crap, my sexy pubes are gone. And this was the day I was going to brush and style them.
RK: Oh, so that's what that's for. Hell yeah, now I can go on the big boy rides! I can watch PG-13 movies by myself! (Bleep) parental guidance!
KG: And I guess I can go back and remember what it was like to be ten. (KG just has a blank look on his face for a few seconds) Nope, hated it, had this crush on Kristinia DeBarge for months, don't want to relive the trauma of never meeting her.
BUSTER: Yeah, I feel like I've gained weight. RK, geez, get on the treadmill.
RK: I'm not even fat, I weigh almost as much as you!
BUSTER: Yeah, why not?
SPARKY: Let's just get back inside.
BUSTER, RK, AND KG: Yeah.
(The four get back inside and do the exact same thing as before, but when they come out...)
KG: My genitalia is still of a nine-year-old boy.
RK: Yeah, I'm still KG.
SPARKY: Crap, I'm still Buster.
BUSTER: Oh, I'm sorry it's such a chore to be your best friend.
SPARKY: Buster, you know I would never say anything like that.
BUSTER: I don't really know for sure, pal.
RK: Breaking news here. We're trapped in each other's bodies!
KG: Wait a minute, this begs the question: Maybe the bodies are trapped in US.
RK: I think you're on to something there. Maybe these bodies are just stupid costumes and this is all a joke. OK, Sparky, I get it, it's funny, but the joke's over.
SPARKY: RK, I didn't do anything.
RK: Look, you don't need to be ashamed of yourself. Not every joke is going to go over, you just need to take it in stride and move on.
BUSTER: RK, I think he means it.
(long pause; RK looks ready to cry and grabs Buster)
RK: HE CAN'T MEAN IT! I CAN'T BE TRAPPED IN MY BROTHER'S BODY! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY A PERSON WOULD WEAR THIS CRAP ON THEIR ARMPITS, IT'S STUPID! Ha, maybe I have put on a few pounds.
SPARKY: You see what I'm talking about here, guys? This was a bad idea from the start and now we're paying the ultimate price for it.
KG: Well, what can we do now? Wade is the only one who can fix this.
SPARKY: We just wait for him to come home, explain what happened, and hopefully he won't kill us.
(The four boys hear Wade's car pull up)
SPARKY: Or we could run like little bitches and try covering this up for as long as possible!
BUSTER, RK, AND KG: Good idea!
(The four run out of the basement in a frenzy, into Wade's room, and they all jump out the window at the same time, knocking them back inside)
SPARKY: One at a time, guys!
RK: I'M FIRST!
(RK jumps out of the window)
RK: OW, DAMMIT!
(Buster jumps out next and it is assumed he landed on RK)
RK: YOU BASTARD, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!
BUSTER: I was doing a suicide dive, you had to catch me.
RK: I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN THAT!
SPARKY: Keep your voices down...and break my fall!
(Sparky does a senton bomb and lands on Buster and RK)
BUSTER AND RK: Ow.
SPARKY: Thank you, children.
(Wade comes into his room and sees Sparky, who he doesn't know is really KG)
WADE: Sparky, what are you doing in my room?
(KG panics and grabs an air freshener to spray Wade in the eyes with. He then hits him with a Brogue Kick which knocks him out cold, and then runs out of the house through the front door)
KG: GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH, RUUUUUUUUNNNNN!
(The four boys run down the street screaming in terror)
SCENE 11
Northgate Community Center
Exterior Back Lot
Seattle, Washington
Everybody is dressed in street clothes and overalls. An adult black male with an impressive build is in the center with a large white sheet.
DAVE: Hello everybody, my name is David Prescott but you can call me Dave. So today, we are going to start working on the mural for the community center to help end the fight against texting while driving. Many of you helped contribute to the final model of what the mural will look like and all of your suggestions are appreciated. And for you kids helping us out, we want to thank you for skipping your Saturday morning cartoons just for today.
SANNA: They still make Saturday morning cartoons?
ASHLEY: I didn't even know they used to have those.
DAVE: Alright, everybody, let's all pitch in, have lots of fun, get loose. You know the deal.
(Later on, Sanna is dipping her roller in a can of green paint and starts painting around the wall)
ASHLEY: Sanna, I think you're using too much green paint.
SANNA: No, I'm just following what the model looks like.
ASHLEY: You're only supposed to use green for the grass, not paint it around. Sigh. Now we're going to have to find a way to get rid of it.
SANNA: I don't think so. Someone will just cover it up. You know, like a smart person.
(Sanna starts using pink paint with the same roller)
ASHLEY: Why are you using pink paint on the green paint?
SANNA: To cover it up like you said. (under her breath) Pain in the ass.
ASHLEY: But Sanna, we're not using pink paint on this side of the mural.
(imitating Lou Smith) SANNA: YOU GET OFF MY BACK! YOU THINK I WANT THIS?! IT JUST HAPPENED!
ASHLEY: What?
SANNA: I don't know, it sounded funny.
ASHLEY: Sanna, I don't think you care much about painting this mural.
SANNA: I do, but you're not letting me do things my way and it's pissing me off. Instead of criticizing me over and over, why don't you pick up a paintbrush and get busy?
ASHLEY: I was working on the left side for almost 15 minutes with Dave and two other adults. Half the time, you've been on your stupid phone. Figures. That's the only time you're ever productive.
SANNA: Wow, you have to go there. You know what, Ashley? Maybe you should stop being a bitch and leave me alone!
ASHLEY: If I'm such a bitch, maybe we shouldn't be friends!
SANNA: Then I don't need to be here anymore!
(Sanna drops her roller in the red paint can and walks away, much to the confusion of the other volunteers)
ASHLEY: Where the hell are you going?
SANNA: Home, so I don't have to deal with you whine and moan all the time.
DAVE: Hey, Sanna, you can't just leave!
SANNA: Whatever!
(The Big Time Rush theme song plays in the background as the camera zooms in on Ashley, seething with rage)
SEGWAY SEGMENT
THE BIG TELEVISION DEBATE
(The opening Marva Whitney-sampling instrumental to "F*** Tha Police" by N.W.A. playing in the background; The camera just shows Wade's empty living room with a wooden table covered in a black cloth replacing the coffee table. There are chairs at both ends of the table)
SPARKY: Hello, everybody. This is the Big Television Debate. We look at episodes of TV shows and decide whether they are good or bad. Two of us argue about the episode from different angles and we find out for sure if the episode is a decent piece of work or just crap.
BUSTER: Today's subject: Season 5, episode 17 of Who's the Boss? entitled "Boozin' Buddies," which is a very special episode about alcohol. RK is the defendant of the episode, claiming that it is the episode that made him a fan of the show, while Wade argues against the episode, claiming that it is one of the weaker episodes of the fifth season. The court is now in session. Jaylynn, take it away.
(RK and Wade are now shown staring each other down from across the table while Jaylynn is in the middle. Both RK and Wade are dressed in suits and ties.)
JAYLYNN: RK, you may state your claim.
RK: I want you to know, Wade, that underneath my button down shirt is a T-shirt. Don't see that every day, do ya?
WADE: Stop stalling and let's set it off.
RK: Alright, if you want to play your cards that way. If you guys know me well enough, you should know that I've been one of the biggest critics of Who's the Boss? I always felt like the humor was trying too hard to be edgy and it seemed like they were milking the whole Tony/Angela thing way past its expiration date. It just looked like a show with little value and it had no place next to 80s classics like The Cosby Show and Cheers and Miami Vice. But this was the episode that made me think twice about what I said before. Not only is this the best Who's the Boss? episode I've seen so far, but it's the best very special episode I've ever seen from any show. "Boozin' Buddies" was the answer to a problem that these types of episodes always had: They came off as preachy, over-dramatic, and tried way too hard to force the moral down your throat. Nobody is right here. Both Tony and Sam have to confront what they did and realize that peer pressure doesn't mean you have to drink. But at the end of the day, if you do drink, do it responsibly and make sure it's your choice. The episode makes it clear that they're not telling you to drink or telling you that you shouldn't. The viewer is left with the choice for themselves. And that is how you do a very special episode. They never emphasize the moral here, they know the audience is smart enough to do the right thing on their own. It's just refreshing to watch a very special episode that actually educates you without being preachy and is still really entertaining. By that logic, this is clearly a good episode.
WADE: Hold it! I'm afraid your argument is hopelessly invalid. The fifth season of Who's the Boss? is one of my favorite seasons from any sitcom, but having seen this episode more than once, nothing separates it from any other very special episode I've seen. They're clearly implying that you shouldn't drink but they didn't want to come off as being too preachy. Let's not forget that Sam is only 16. She shouldn't be drinking anyway, so the message already has holes in it. Tony has barely ever been shown drinking in the past, so it's almost as if the writers put it in because they needed some conflict. And lastly, this has nothing to do with it being your choice. Sam was hardly even pressured to drink. Nancy and Bonnie never told her to even take a sip. In fact, no one did. She chose to drink the whole bottle because of a desperate attempt to look cool. If they had played it straight and gone with Sam learning that underage drinking is dangerous like Boy Meets World, then maybe I would've enjoyed it more. Here, it just falls into the same trap that a very special episode always falls in. It's just an excuse for Tony and Sam to learn something that they will never bring up again.
RK: I get your point, but very few shows have ever brought up events from very special episodes again, even those that were great at it like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. This plot could've gone the predictable route and just told you that drinking is bad and adults are always right. But after Tony is called out on his hypocrisy, it just makes it sweeter for him to admit to Sam that he lost control the same way she did. Very few times in these episodes are both sides wiser for the experience. The drug/alcohol plot is one of the most sterile and stupid VSE plots you could go for, and many shows have taken a one-week hit for it. I mean, can you really say that "Boozin' Buddies" is any worse than "Just Say No Way" from Full House? You know, that groan-inducing garbage about Jesse thinking D.J. was drinking and absolutely refusing to listen to her?
WADE: Hmmmm, I guess you're on to something there. Come to think of it, D.J. drinking did make sense with what was going on with the plot's theme but was sloppy and shoehorned in. And since we know she didn't drink, there was no real lesson. It just seemed like they wanted to send an important message but had no idea how to execute it.
RK: And as good as Boy Meets World was, "If You Can't Be With the One You Love" is just another example of how stupid very special episodes can be. It's not the worst example of drugs and alcohol in sitcoms, but it was completely unrealistic. The episode was supposed to be about Cory spiraling down after Topanga broke up with him and turning to alcohol to solve his problems. They had gold right there, but once Shawn started drinking and Cory's problems were resolved before they could really start, the episode had no direction after that. There was no need to turn it into a Shawn drama story. He couldn't have possibly become an alcoholic after a week. It's laughable and a shining example of wasted potential.
WADE: If you want to look at it that way, but...with "Boozin' Buddies," it DOES seem out of left field for a show like Who's the Boss? to do.
RK: Elaborate.
WADE: Let's be honest: Who's the Boss? doesn't have the best track record with very special episodes. "A Farewell to Nick" was excellent and one of the best episodes showcasing the death of a family member. Especially because it gave Alyssa Milano a chance to display her versatility as an actress. On the other hand, "Another Single Parent" was pointless and dark for no reason. Whenever Who's the Boss? went for topics like these, they never worked out because we don't look at characters like Tony and Angela and Mona as average sitcom characters with messages. We're interested in their wacky adventures and character-based relationships, and...
(Wade falls on the table, unconscious)
RK: Is he OK?
JAYLYNN: I think he's lost his argument.
(A lightbulb appears above Wade's head)
WADE: A-ha! I have the one argument I need to get you on the ropes.
RK: What is it?
WADE: You seem to be overrating this episode without realizing that other shows have done this plot naturally and with more believability.
RK: Like who?
WADE: Family Ties featured Tom Hanks playing the alcoholic Uncle Ned. Not only was Uncle Ned given a pre-existing drinking problem, he was portrayed as a man who used to have everything and then lost it all because of poor decisions. We watch through the other characters' eyes as we see someone slowly descend into madness further and further because of a drinking problem he can't control. Growing Pains went the extra mile and actually had the characters suffer from the introduction of alcohol. Carol's boyfriend Sandy was drunk driving and ended up in a serious accident. And you know what happened? He died from his injuries. Carol expected Sandy to get a second chance and learn from this experience, but he never does. This episode teaches us that the decisions we make in life aren't jokes. If we don't take things seriously and act on impulse, we may never get a second chance to learn from it, which is exactly what happened to Sandy. It was too late to change anything.
RK: Well, those are pretty good examples, I can't lie. And maybe "Boozin' Buddies" isn't the best very special episode I've ever seen but it's still in my top five. Take away the satisfying lesson and you still have an episode loaded with great jokes, of course almost completely because of Mona. Even Sam, who normally wasn't that funny, got some good lines like the mint argument with Bonnie and being walksick.
WADE: Yes, you do have a point there. The jokes were still in season five form so they were nothing short of hilarious. Be that as it may, I'm still calling "Boozin' Buddies" a weak very special episode.
RK: And I still believe this episode was on point. Thanks for tuning into the Big Television Debate, guys.
WADE: Now back to our show.
SCENE 12
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(Ashley is sitting next to Jaylynn, looking disappointed)
ASHLEY: And then she just walked off. It was terrible. I can't even remember the last time we fought like that.
JAYLYNN: Damn. I mean, I knew something was up, but I didn't think that would happen.
ASHLEY: I don't even know why I tried. This always happens with Sanna. Everything has to be her way or nothing matters.
JAYLYNN: Ashley, look, I know you're feeling bad now, but I guarantee you, it will only get worse.
ASHLEY: That doesn't make me feel better.
JAYLYNN: Yeah, I'm not good at talking to girls sometimes. Look, you guys get along great so whatever happens happens.
ASHLEY: Maybe you could try talking to her.
JAYLYNN: No, I don't want to get in the middle of this, I would rather watch Disney Channel.
ASHLEY: Yeah, but someone has to be a mediator.
JAYLYNN: Not me, especially when they're showing reruns of Sonny With a Chance!
ASHLEY: Jaylynn, come on. (Ashley starts poking a bored Jaylynn repeatedly and moaning) Jaylynn? Jaylynn? Jaylynn? Jaylynn? Jaylynn?
JAYLYNN: ALRIGHT, DAMMIT! I'll talk to Sanna for you.
ASHLEY: Yay!
JAYLYNN: Wait, just one question: Are you Muslim?
ASHLEY: No.
JAYLYNN: Are you lesbian?
ASHLEY: No.
JAYLYNN: Bi?
ASHLEY: No.
JAYLYNN: Shit.
SCENE 13
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Lunchroom
Seattle, Washington
(Sparky, Buster, and RK are all sitting down together still in their new bodies)
SPARKY: RK, do you really think it was a good idea to come to school today? You know, with your predicament?
RK: I wanted to go to KG's school so Wade doesn't suspect anything, but KG's avoiding him for some unknown reason so he wanted to go to his own school. I heard he was planning on wearing Omayra down or something like that.
Meanwhile, at Craig Bartlett Junior High School...
(KG walks up to Omayra and Neema)
KG: Hey ladies.
OMAYRA: Oh, hi Sparky. What are you doing here, are you lost?
KG: What? No, it's your boy, the mack daddy.
OMAYRA: Don't worry, we'll drive you back to your school. It's a free period anyway.
KG: Get away from me! No, wait, come closer to my lips.
(Back at iCarly, Buster sees Wade approaching the table)
BUSTER: Son of a bitch, it's Wade! If any of us talk, we're dead!
SPARKY: Don't worry. We just need to be calm, cool, and collected. Don't say a word, make sure he asks yes or no questions only, and we'll be A-OK.
RK: Too bad you boys don't know sign language like me.
BUSTER: RK, you don't know sign language.
RK: Oh yeah? That's what YOU think. (RK attempts some slapstick in the style of The Three Stooges but ends up poking himself in the eye) AY, PAPI!
BUSTER: We're dead.
WADE: Good day gents. So, how was that science test? Even I thought it was pretty challenging. You know, question five really stu...
(Wade realizes that Sparky is nowhere to be found and KG is sitting next to RK with a big smile)
WADE: Um, KG, why are you here?
(RK decides to write a note that says "Picking up my bro since he's feeling a little sick.")
WADE: Oh yeah? How sick?
(RK follows up the note with "AIDS, man. AIDS.")
WADE: (sighs) You guys used the Body Swap without my permission, didn't you?
BUSTER: Bro, you are like a frigging genius with that, man.
WADE: Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?
RK: Look, Wade, I'm sorry I kissed Mallory, OK? But come on, that ass was IMMACULATE.
WADE: RK, this is no time for a reference!
RK: There is ALWAYS time for a reference.
WADE: So who's Buster and RK?
SPARKY: I'm Buster.
BUSTER: And RK would be me.
WADE: OK, now I'm really creeped out. After school, we'll get KG and fix everything, don't worry about it.
SPARKY: Wait, so you're not mad?
RK: And you're not going to beat us into next Friday?
WADE: Of course not. Because if I tried putting my hands on you guys, my ass would be suspended.
(Everybody starts chuckling and Wade's face immediately becomes a death glare)
(whispering to Sparky) BUSTER: I think he's hiding his anger.
(Sparky gives Buster a bored expression)
SCENE 14
The Qureshi Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(In a scene similar to the events of "Duck Infection," Jaylynn and Sanna are in the living room drinking coffee.)
SANNA: So you want to know why I left the community center?
JAYLYNN: Yeah, because Ashley told me so.
SANNA: Well, Ashley is way too clingy and controlling. We always have to do what she wants to do. I didn't even want to paint that stupid mural, I was only thinking about her and how she would feel if we didn't. And I know she thinks I don't want to talk to her but it's not like that. Ever since I came back, it's her with all these new friends and she's hanging out with you and Halley and the boys. It's stupid. And to make it worse, I failed some of my classes last year so I have to retake them with the third graders this year.
JAYLYNN: That doesn't make any sense. Nobody has even moved up a grade yet.
SANNA: That's your problem, not mine. Anyway, I started talking to them and becoming friends and having a connection. And now she wants my attention? That's BS and I never even called her out on it because I'm a good friend.
JAYLYNN: Wow, you guys have a lot of problems.
SANNA: Honestly, it's just her. Go ahead and tell her.
SCENE 15
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
JAYLYNN: And that's what she said.
ASHLEY: She's acting like a little kid. Don't I try including her in things? It's not my fault she doesn't speak up about anything.
JAYLYNN: I don't know, I'm usually doing my Jaylynn stuff, I'm not interested in you guys' personal lives most of the time.
ASHLEY: Well, now you're going to be.
JAYLYNN: No, I'm not. You can't force yours truly to do something she doesn't want to do. That's like bringing a pen to a test.
CUTAWAY GAG
(Buster is about to take his test but only has a red pen in his bag)
BUSTER: Shit, NOW how am I going to write my name?
END OF CUTAWAY
ASHLEY: Look, Jaylynn, I think Sanna and I can work out our problems if we just have someone push us in the right direction.
JAYLYNN: You don't need a push. Ashley, you're one of the smartest kids I know and Sanna is your best friend. Just call the girl up, tell her you're wrong, problem solved.
ASHLEY: But I'm not the one who's wrong here. If she wants to talk, she can come find me but I'm not coming to her.
JAYLYNN: Well, I'm not doing your dirty work for you, Lou.
ASHLEY: If you act as the mediator, I'll pay you $15.
JAYLYNN: $20.
ASHLEY: $18.
JAYLYNN: You're lucky you're hot, deal.
SCENE 16
("Leave Me Alone" by Michael Jackson playing in the background)
Jaylynn is now the messenger girl in the fight between Ashley and Sanna. Both of them tell her to meet them personally and tell them what the other girl said. Jaylynn gets visibly frustrated each day, but Ashley keeps paying her and Sanna keeps giving her free refreshments. At one point, Jaylynn purposefully drives by Ashley's house in an attempt to avoid her, but Ashley sees her do this through the window. Ashley gets in her car and drives after Jaylynn, but gets apprehended for speeding. Jaylynn drives off triumphantly and returns home where she sees Ashley sitting on the couch, waiting for her. Jaylynn is visibly disturbed by this and the camera zooms in on her, now sleeping as Sanna repeatedly calls her. Jaylynn is annoyed beyond belief and throws her phone down the staircase. When she wakes up, her phone is by her side, her eyes are red, and the camera zooms in on her death glare.
SCENE 17
Space Needle Diner
Interior Dining Area
Seattle, Washington
(Jaylynn, Anja, and Lynne all have their own booth.)
JAYLYNN: THAT'S IT, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I QUIT!
ANJA: Jaylynn, what are you talking about?
JAYLYNN: I'm talking about Ashley and Sanna. I can't take it with those two (bleep)ers. They are so freaking stubborn, I want to poke my brain out with a pencil just to make the pain stop.
LYNNE: Wouldn't that just cause more pain?
JAYLYNN: Thank you, Inspector Gadget.
LYNNE: It's not my fault you're an idiot.
JAYLYNN: Don't make me slap you, I'm not in the mood.
ANJA: GUYS! Jaylynn, maybe it's time to just bring them together and have them fight their own battle.
JAYLYNN: I already tried that. Both of them are trying to run away from the other. It's Pacquiao and Mayweather all over again.
LYNNE: I have an idea.
JAYLYNN: Does this just involve you being an asshole?
LYNNE: No, it's the answer to something you were too stupid to solve on your own.
JAYLYNN: What is it?
LYNNE: Just tell them to meet you at your place but don't let them know the other person's coming.
JAYLYNN: Hmmmm, I like that. You know, Lynne, you're not always a total bitch like you look.
LYNNE: Thanks. Wait, what?!
SCENE 18
The Hernandez Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(Jaylynn and Ashley are on the couch.)
ASHLEY: Are we waiting for someone?
JAYLYNN: Yeah, the pizza guy. So, you're single, right?
(Jaylynn hears a knock on the door and goes to get it)
SANNA: Jaylynn, is that Ash...
JAYLYNN: Sanna's the pizza guy.
SANNA: I'm outta here.
ASHLEY: Me too.
JAYLYNN: Hold on, guys. We need to solve this NOW. Listen, I have had just about enough of your fighting. You two are best friends and you love each other and you sit here and ignore each other? Look, I can have an enormous ego and be the biggest jerk on the planet but I don't just sit there and treat my friends like that. I at least try to make things right because the world doesn't make sense when we fight. Neither of you are 100% right. Ashley, you're a cling and Sanna, you're a deadbeat.
ASHLEY AND SANNA: Hey!
JAYLYNN: I'm sorry, but you two need to hear this. Ashley, I know you want Sanna's attention but she doesn't belong to you. Things change. You meet new people and go through new experiences, and since you're nine, I know it's scary to lose your best friend but the world is a scary place. Sanna's still here and she still wants to be your best friend but it can't always be about your needs.
SANNA: Exactly.
JAYLYNN: Oh, you're not getting away safely. Sanna, stop ignoring Ashley. Always hanging around the third graders is what got you in trouble in the first place. All she wants is to spend time with you and you can't even give her that? Ashley has been riding with you since the first grade. She knows all your secrets and fears and she always looks out for you. I know the other kids are cool, but you can't forget about the people that want to be in your life 24/7. In six months, Emily and Mona might not even be there anymore. But Ashley will still be there because that's what love is.
(Ashley stares at a disappointed Sanna)
JAYLYNN: And as for both of you, you need to realize that in any friendship or relationship, you have to listen. You have to pay attention to each other, you have to understand them. You can't just do things for their benefit or think that what you want is what the other person wants. Communication goes a long way in any relationship. Look at CM Punk, I bet he doesn't even subscribe to the WWE Network because of what happened.
ASHLEY AND SANNA: But...
JAYLYNN: Save it, alright? You guys are my friends and I care about you, but if you guys love each other, you can handle this without me.
(Jaylynn walks upstairs)
SANNA: She has a point, you know? We should be able to handle this ourselves.
ASHLEY: Yeah. You know, Sanna, I'm really sorry for what happened at the community center and for being so annoying lately. I just wanted us to stay best friends. I didn't want to lose you.
SANNA: And I'm sorry for ignoring you lately. It's just when I came back to iCarly, I felt left out because you were always hanging out with other people and I got really upset about that third grade thing because there was nobody to talk to.
ASHLEY: Well, don't worry. You can always talk to me about anything.
SANNA: Thanks, bum.
ASHLEY: Right back at ya, bum. (giggles)
SANNA: But hey, let's make a pact. No matter who we meet, we don't let it get in the way of our friendship.
ASHLEY: Agreed.
(Ashley and Sanna hug each other)
JAYLYNN: I hope you guys are making up down there or else I'm getting the belt!
ASHLEY: Jaylynn's weird.
SANNA: Definitely.
SCENE 19
The MacDougal Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
(Testicular Sound Express is watching TV and everybody's back in their own bodies.)
JAYLYNN: So Sanna and Ashley are once again best friends.
SPARKY: Well, way to go, Jaylynn for bringing them back together.
JAYLYNN: Awwww, thanks Sparky.
RK: Yeah, that's nice and all, but why did they get so much attention?
JAYLYNN: Everybody deserves the spotlight sometimes.
RK: Yeah, but still though...
BUSTER: Hey Wade, once again, sorry for breaking into your lab and using the Body Swap. We should've known that thing was nothing but trouble.
WADE: It's OK, Buster, but don't worry. There was nothing wrong with the machine, it just needed some adjustments. But it should be fully functional and ready to go for the holidays.
SPARKY: Just in time for Christmas?!
WADE: You know it, pardner.
RK: Let's crotch chop in celebration!
("Break It Down" by The Chris Warren Band plays in the background as the room now has green lighting and is covered in green smoke. Testicular Sound Express pays tribute to D-Generation-X by crotch chopping repeatedly and throwing glowsticks in the air. It suddenly takes a dark turn as RK angrily pulls out a machine gun for no reason and starts firing shots at the ceiling, causing the kids to run away in fear.)
(black screen)
(in a Las Vegas casino) TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...
STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!
KIDS: Music Time!
STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.
("Higher Ground" by Stevie Wonder playing in the background)
©2014 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS