How Can I Not Love You?, a charmed fanfic

bbb How Can I Not Love You?
~*Phoebe and Cole: They makes sense*~

Summary: I was in the mood for some Cole fics so I wrote one... in Cole's POV. Cole thinks.

"I'm no angel…"

Yep that's true, I'm no angel… I'm a traitor. I am something to be frowned upon in the netherworld; demons talk about me… "Bathlazar fell in love with that witch". Before I let Phoebe Halliwell get under my skin I used to be Bathlazar. I was one of the most feared demons in the netherworld; the mention of my name sent the others demon running, they quivered with fear… no one dared to stand up to me. That's why the Triad called upon me, they knew if Bathlazar couldn't kill the Charmed Ones then no one could. I of course agreed happily; If I, Bathlazar, killed the Charmed Ones, something all the demons before me couldn't do, I would be famous… a legend in the netherworld; my name would never be forgotten, I would be a hero to the demons.

I certainly couldn't just go up to the Charmed Ones as Bathlazar and attack them; I couldn't be like the rest of those stupid fools… so I created Cole Turner. Cole Turner was a district attorney, he was smart, dressed good and had devilishly good looks, and he had everything that could make Phoebe Halliwell swoon. Cole Turner was my human side; a side that I never brought out, but to destroy the Charmed Ones I had to bring out that human side of me, I had to make Phoebe fall for Cole, I had to make her trust Cole, I had to make her so in love with Cole that she could never believe that he would hurt her…. Once I did that, I had them, I had all of them, I had everything that all the demons before me fought so hard for and failed at.

I was so close too. I was 'this' close to being able to destroy the Charmed Ones; they were in my reach and one more step forward I would have been a legend. All the others demons would laugh and applaud and cheer, the Triad would congratulate me, I would be bigger and badder then any demon alive. One more step forward I would be famous but I took one step backwards. I reconciled Phoebe and her sisters, I killed the Triad and I fell for Phoebe.

Damn her… Damn her to hell! I was supposed to be the one that made her fall in love with me, not the other way around. How could she have so easily turned the tables on me and not even knowing she did it? How could things have been so clear one day and then foggy the next? Soon the real reason I was here became unclear… I didn't know what I was brought here to do.

"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into"
"Neither do you…"

She's right about that. I thought I had everything in control, everything was planned out, but then my human emotions got in the way of the plan. Human emotions I didn't even knew existed before… until she became a part of my life. A part of my life that I wanted to push away but couldn't find the strength to.

"Evil can't love"

Then how is it that I love her? Does that mean that I'm not evil? I'm a demon! Of course I'm evil! Or am I? Maybe the humanity in me is stronger then the demon in me… maybe love does conquer all. Maybe it's Phoebe… maybe her love for me is stronger then the evil and hate in me, maybe she is my light. Enough with this maybe crap… maybe this, maybe that… I have a human side, a side that has been screaming to get out, the screams of humanity rung in my ears until the screaming got so loud I closed my eyes hoping it would stop. The screaming of all the innocent people I killed and watch get killed suddenly started leaving this horrible feeling in my stomach, I would close my eyes but the images, the blood, the horror, the look on their faces before they died were branded into my memory. I couldn't escape it, I couldn't escape the murders but then she would enter my mind and things didn't seem so bad. There were so many times I was ready to tell her everything, ready to reveal that I was Bathlazar and that I was sent by the Triad to destroy Charmed Ones but I never did. They would kill me but then I didn't have a choice.

She let me go… she finally found out I was evil and she still let me go; she still let me live. She lied to her sisters for me, she covered up for me. And then she tried to walk away; she tried to end it not just for her sisters but also for her, for both of us. I watched the pain in her eyes as she said she couldn't trust me, that there would always be a part of me that was evil… I watched her try to walk away and then the next words just rolled off my tongue.

"I'm not giving up on you!"

And that was the truth, damnit that was the goddamn truth, I wasn't going to give up on her… on us… she thought I would kill her, all of them did. They thought that one day my evil side would come out, that I would get angry and wouldn't be able to control my evil side from hurting them… before I met Phoebe, yes that could have easily happened but now that I know how it is to have her in my life I could never hurt her. I just want to be with her. Slowly I'm changing for her, I can't achieve goodness over night it's going to take a long time, but there is no way in hell I am going back to who I was.

"And you have me mistaken for Phoebe"
"Hmm not a chance…"

No Prue I could never have you mistaken for Phoebe. To truly be with Phoebe I have to convince her sisters that I love her, that I love her down to the core… Piper and Leo were the easiest to convince but Vince and Prue are going to be the harder ones. They hate me with all the strength in their hearts; I know that Prue hates me, either it be because I'm a demon or because she is being overprotective of her baby sister… she hates me.

"Like I said… once a demon always a demon"

Oh shit. How could I have been so stupid to let her see me kill that gunman… what does she care anyways? That was a bad guy! She did the same thing to another gunman but when I do it… it's a crime. So she didn't exactly set him on fire and laugh about it but hey who said that change happens overnight? You know Rome wasn't built in a day. Prue can go ahead and hate me with all the strength she can muster but the harsh reality is that she will have to vanquish me because that is the only way she can keep me away from Phoebe. She can torture me, she can call me names, she can throw me dirty looks, she can make snide remarks about me but in the end I will still be here. After all is said and done I will still love Phoebe Halliwell, I think Piper and Leo already understand that. They understand what forbidden love is like, they're not exactly the couple 'cupid' himself would put together but yet they love each other and won't let go of each other no matter what everybody tells them to do… I think that is why Piper and Leo are so understanding of how we can love each other.

"My love sprung from my only hate"

I know your pain Juliet. I know the pain of loving the one person you are supposedly supposed to hate. Demons hate the Charmed Ones and I fall in love with one… my luck just gets better and better by the day. I know I should walk away from Phoebe, but believe me it's easier then it sounds; walking away from Phoebe means that I'm ready to give up on her and that is something that I'm not ready to do. I'm not ready to go back to that place I was at before I met her; I will be good… I will change and I will show her that I am nowhere beginning to give up on her.

"You're not going anywhere"
"But I don't want to cause any trouble"
"You're staying and that's that"

Yes Phoebe I am going to stay.

Cannot touch, Cannot hold, Cannot be together
Cannot love, Cannot kiss, Cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

Chorus:
How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone?

Cannot dream, Cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, Must pretend it's over
Must be brave and we must go on, Must not say
What we've known all along

How can I not love you?

Bridge:
Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along

How can I not love you?
When you are gone

-Joy Enriquez "How Can I Not Love You?"