Disclaimer: The last time I checked, I was not J.K. Rowling. And as far as I know, things haven't changed. Meaning I don't own Harry Potter.

Harry Potter and the Semi-Truck

A spoof of the upcoming conclusion to J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter Series

BYE BYE, DURSLEYS

Among all the other cars pulling out of King's Cross station, Uncle Vernon's was no more unusual than any other. Indeed, nothing about the return trip to number four Privet Drive suggested anything out of the ordinary. Even as Harry was led past the perfect lawn, down the clean walkway, and onto the white porch, he never suspected anything more than a few hours at the Dursley's before setting off to the Burrow for Bill and Fleur's wedding. Even if Harry had believed the Dursleys were up to something, instead of pondering the whereabouts of Lord Voldemort's remaining Horkruxes or plotting revenge on the Dursleys with his newfound freedom of wand use, nothing could have prepared him for what lay on the other side of the unassuming front door.

As Harry walked through the doorway, he stopped short in amazement. The front hall had been painted a silvery olive green colour, with matching spangled cloths draped over every oddly shaped piece of furniture and over every stained glass window. Tiny silver stars and crescent moons were hung from the ceiling with fine silver wire. A large dragon statue sat adjacent to the door, its horns adorned with several pointed hats. Harry could only gape until a velvet-clad Aunt Petunia bustled into the room.

"Harry dear, it's so good to see you", she crooned. Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Hasn't your Uncle told you?" she gasped, reading his expression. Harry shook his head. " Little Diddikins is a wizard too, we found out just a few weeks ago while you were at school. His talents been a bit slow to surface, so we've pulled him out of his old school and enrolled him in Late Occlumens and Spellcaster's Educational Restricted School."

" Late Occlumens and Spellcaster's Educational Restricted School…" Vernon murmured," Hey, doesn't that spell…"

" Dudley will start there in the fall" interrupted Aunt Petunia " As you're already a qualified wizard, we thought you could show him a few tricks. Come on, follow me…"

It was all Harry could do to stumble, dumbstruck, after his Aunt. 'This must be a dream, he thought, I've fallen asleep in Vernon's car, I….'But what he saw in the kitchen was enough to silence him in mid-thought. Above the kitchen table were two large framed portraits of his mother and father. The figures in the portraits were waving and smiling down at the occupants of the kitchen, like has-been actresses in corny toothpaste commercials. Harry was engrossed in his parent's faces, accepting that this was too strange for a dream, when a loud voice pulled him down to earth.

"You like those, don't you Harry, we had them done in Diagon Ally, off some old photos we had lying around. We wanted to acknowledge our noble wizarding family and preserve their memory,'' said Uncle Vernon with a hint of sorrow in his voice.

"How about those spells then", a deep voice grunted. Harry turned around with a start to face Dudley Dursley. It seemed that without school knickerbockers to worry about, Aunt Petunia had made up for the diet by feeding him more than she ever had in her life. Dudley was slumped into a gigantic armchair in front of the television set, his mountainous folds of flesh oozing over the sides. Taking no notice of their son's pathetic state, his beaming parents

arduously pushed the armchair into the centre of the kitchen, before settling into kitchen chairs to watch.

"Er… okay then", Harry mumbled. He proceeded to demonstrate several simple spells for his adopted family. Instead of the looks of horror he would have expected from the Dursleys, his incantations were greeted with admiration and applause. After his "show" was over, Aunt Petunia jumped from the chair she had been perched on, and laid a hand on Dudley's massive robed shoulder. The robe, Harry noticed, seemed to have been fashioned from a five person tent.

"Just wait, Dinkeydums, soon you'll be able to do all those fancy spells"' she squealed.

Harry had not moved since casting his last charm. Slowly he lowered his wand.

"I had better be going now", he said, to no one in particular. And with one last look around the now stone-walled, shag carpeted kitchen and his parent's encouraging faces, he swept from the room, once again wondering if the whole world had gone mad.

A/N: There's the first chapter of that. This story is actually something I've been working on since the release of the sixth book, as a joke for my friend. I have several chapters completed, but not typed. They will be on the way shortly.

Hope you enjoyed it and sorry if it destroys your image of Harry Potter. Reviews would be appreciated!