Yo. For those who've clicked this fic and wondering what the deal is, here's the down low. This is a comedic underdog story with romantic undertones/subplots. There'll be a Duncney/Gwuncan love triangle (handled much differently than in canon), as well as some Noah/Dawn, Jasmine/Shawn and several other pairings to be revealed later. This is also a story very loosely based on the anime, Baka and Test, but you don't have to know anything about that to follow this.
To those of you who have seen a story similar to this (or knew I was rebooting this story), welcome back! This is a remake of the original Academy of Hard Knocks. Unlike the original version, Pahkitew Island characters will be part of the plot, and the entire story has received an overhaul in both style and delivery that I hope readers both old and new will enjoy.
So, without further adieu, here's the first chapter of The Academy of Hard Knocks: The Ballad of Loserdom!
Disclaimer: This is fanfiction, so I probably own nothing.
Chapter 1: It's a Hard Knock Life
"And where the hell do you think you're going, Crawford?"
The mohawk sporting teenager stopped in his tracks and turned back to his teacher, hissing, "Oh, cut the crap, Hatchet. We both know I'm back in Class F."
Duncan Crawford. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class unknown. Wawanakwa Academy's most prolific delinquent.
"That's MR. Hatchet to you, moss head," the burly teacher snorted, "I don't wanna do this anymore than you do, kid, but we gotta open up this envelope and confirm how shit you are at classes."
Samson "Chef" Hatchet. Freelance teacher, P.E. Director, and head chef at Wawanakwa Academy. War veteran and dictatorial tough love enthusiast.
Duncan wrinkled up his nose and retorted, "Then open it! I told you I already know! You deaf or somethin'?!"
Mr. Hatchet just grunted and ripped open the envelope. "Huh. You're right, kid. Class F as usual."
"Told you," the punk scoffed, "Can I go NOW?"
"Yeah, yeah," the teacher dismissed him as he began to go over the rest of the envelopes. Noticing an F marked on a certain envelope, he gave a chuckle which Duncan didn't notice. This would be an interesting year. Watching the punk walk off, he shook his head and went to find any more straggling students to give their envelopes to.
Duncan Crawford. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class F. The so-called "hero" of our story.
Wawanakwa Academy, run by the prestigious celebrity Chris McLean, worked a little differently than most schools in the Ontario school system. And by a little differently, that meant that it was run entirely on Chris McLean's personal rules.
First, according to a student's test scores, track record, and popularity, each student was placed in one of five classes each year, there being separate classes for every year they went to Wawanakwa Academy.
Class A was the highest class. Only the brightest, smartest, most athletic, and most popular students were allowed in this class. As such, they were given the best classrooms in the entire school. Televisions in their classrooms, food that wasn't cooked by Chef Hatchet, personal foot massages. The entire buffet of perks that Wawanakwa Academy offered.
Class B was similar, albeit toned down. There wasn't much difference between Class A and Class B other than the fact they had to eat Chef Hatchet's food and got no foot massages. They still had a nice classroom with nice necessities to live out their school year.
Class C was your average, every day class. No perks, but decent classrooms and normal school spirit. Sometimes, to them, less was more.
Class D was where things began to go to hell. Used and worn desks, faulty air conditioning units, and the worst of the worst of Chef's grub was being served. But it could have been worse.
That's was what Class F was for. It was for the students with the weakest grades or the blemished track records; the most unpopular students or the laziest students. No air conditioning. Desks that could fall apart at any moment. Half of the time never even getting a teacher to teach them. It was a hard knock life for them.
Duncan Crawford only made good grades in P.E. and Drama. He had an awful track record due to being in juvie several times. He was considered a bully by many of the weaker and geekier members of the student body, which left him with a less than savory approval rating. Of course he wasn't surprised to be in Class F. There was no way he could be anywhere else.
"Just march through it and get your GED.," he would tell himself. Maybe work as a mechanic after high school.
So, march onward he did.
"Late as usual, huh?"
Duncan turned to the resident class representative of Class F and cursed, "Suck my dick, Noah."
"Please," the Indian teen remarked as he sat in the teacher's chair, "Your dick would be on the lowest rung of dicks I'd suck."
Noah Patel. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class representative of Class F. Resident smartass and brainiac, extraordinaire.
Not many people understood how Noah was in Class F. He was probably one of the smartest people in Wawanakwa Academy. No. They knew. They knew very well. His sharp tongue made him unpopular with others, he was dreadful at sports and group projects, and he was probably the laziest person to ever grace the school's doors.
Duncan didn't care much for Noah, but did respect that he was one of the few geeks who actually would stand up to him. Well, until it got physical. Then Noah would run off, screaming in a high pitch.
"Where's our teach anyway?" Duncan asked as he went to go to his normal seat by a goth with pastel blue hair, "Already chickening out 'cause it's as hot as a sauna in here?"
"I wouldn't say a sauna," the tanned boy snarked, "More like... The fifth inner circle of hell."
"Gee, that certainly made us feel a little cooler, Noah," the goth snarked and rolled her eyes.
Gwendolyn "Gwen" Bergman. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class F. Social justice activist and fledgling artist.
Out of everyone in Class F, Gwen was the person Duncan was the closest to and also the person who probably deserved to be in a higher class. She made great grades, that was for sure. But she stood up for her beliefs in a strong way, making the school administration hate her. She also had a hatred for one of the school's queen bees, which affected her popularity greatly.
"You see that new movie last night?" Duncan asked with a smirk.
"The new B-movie on Syfy?" she asked before adding, "Are you kidding? My bro and I were all over it."
"Knew it," the punk chuckled, "Any good?"
"Eh, for B-movie standards," she shrugged, "The blood seemed really fake and the costumes were obviously costumes, but the atmosphere wasn't as cheesy as most flicks."
"Uh, it was way too cheesy!" A new voice butted in, "Zombie apocalypse ain't a joke!"
"Here we go," Noah muttered from the teacher's desk, now focusing his attention on the Nintendo 3DS in his hands.
Shawn Horwitz. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class F. Ontario's self-proclaimed greatest zombie apocalypse advocate and conspiracy theorist.
To say that Shawn was an odd one was an understatement, to say the least. While his fear of zombies and many conspiracy theories made sense why he was so unpopular, he was also extremely rich. No one really asked him where he got the money, nor did he really answer those who did ask.
"Real zombie apocalypses won't be so clean cut or easily resolvable!" Shawn continued, "Let me tell you, we're going to be screwed to hell and back if it really happens!"
"Uh, earth to The Walking Doofus," Duncan reminded, "It ain't gonna happen."
"Ohohoho, oh country air," he laughed and crossed his arms, "It's gonna happen. And when you're getting your face ripped off by flesh eating, brain sucking corpses, don't come runnin' to good 'ole Shawn."
"Uh, Shawn?" A blonde girl in a cheerleader uniform brought up, "It's 'au contraire', not 'oh, country air.'"
Samantha "Sammy (or Samey)" Johnson. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class F. The twin sister to Class A's Amy Johnson, more than obviously has an inferiority complex.
"Sammy?" Gwen asked, arching an eyebrow, "I don't think that that's the biggest issue with Shawn's tirade."
"Hey!" The zombie enthusiast shouted, offendedly. However, he was ignored for the time being.
"Oh! Uh, right," Sammy rubbed her arm awkwardly, "Right. Uh. Sorry."
"You do know you don't have to apologize for everything, right?" Noah asked, not looking up from his game console.
"Uh, right! Right. Sorry."
Sammy was by far the heart of Class F, but not in the best of ways. Due to her twin sister's cruel attitude towards her, Sammy had developed an almost crippling inferiority complex. Her entrance to Class F came from Amy stealing and using her homework and Amy slandering her sister's name throughout school. While Shawn was already her friend, Duncan, Gwen, and Noah usually tried not to be TOO rough on her.
A bullying delinquent, an outspoken goth, a lazy genius, a conspiracy theorist, and a shy cheerleader wasn't a normal group. And no, they wouldn't necessarily call each other best friends or anything. But they were stuck in Class F together and knew to stay sane, they would have to stick together to some level of cohesiveness.
What was looking to be another normal day in hell for Class F, was quickly changed when the door opened. The entire class fell silent for a moment, when instead of the transfer student that had been announced to join the class, someone from Class A walked in and scanned the room.
Courtney Ramirez. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class A? Certified counselor-in-training and Grade A stick in the mud.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Gwen asked, in shock that a Class A student had decided to enter a Class F classroom.
No response, other than the Latina scrunching up her nose.
"Uh, earth to Princess," Duncan used a nickname that he knew pissed off the girl, "Why the hell are you in here?"
No response. An eye twitch. She sat down in an open seat and slammed her head down on the desk.
"Ow."
"I think we all know why the hell she's here," Noah muttered, still not looking up.
"No way," Shawn raised his eyebrows in surprise, "You failed the Class Litmus Test?!"
"Shut up!" The girl snapped, "No, I didn't fail that! I failed my-" She moved down into mumbling.
"Can you repeat that?" Sammy asked, in confusion.
"I said, I failed my-" once again, she died down into mumbling.
"Seriously, we can't-"
"I FAILED MY FINAL, OKAY?!"
Gwen stared at Courtney after being cut off. A few seconds passed before Gwen, Duncan, and Shawn burst into laughter. Noah and Sammy tried to hide their own amusement at this, and were failing miserably at it.
Courtney was a stickler for the rules and one of the more prolific members of Class A. To see her knocked down to Class F of all places was a shock to say the least, not less that she failed her sophomore final exams. Duncan was a little back and forth at her being in his class. On the negative side, she was a stuck up prep. On the positive, he liked to irritate stuck up preps.
Courtney Ramirez. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class F. Pissed off CIT and still a Grade A stick in the mud.
"It's not funny!" She sat up and crossed her arms, "I was sick that week!"
"Mm," Noah mused with a nod, "They don't let you retake tests here either. A shame."
"You don't sound very sympathetic."
"Sue me," was Noah's only reply.
"It's not so bad here," Sammy tried to cheer Courtney up. Courtney smiled, before giving out a yell. Her horribly put together chair collapsed underneath her.
"This is ridiculous!" She exclaimed as she stood up, "Why haven't you guys challenged one of the other classes yet? Like Class A for example?!"
"Challenge one of the other classes?" A student who overheard her asked, as the class began to die down into an awkward silence.
There was one more thing that made Wawanakwa Academy different from most schools. Chris McLean, their principal, used to be a host on many reality TV shows. Televised on national television, to settle things between students, Chris instilled Challenges. Wild events where the winner would be able to settle any deal they had made.
This evolved over the past five years into being incorporated with the class system. A class could challenge another class for their classroom or perks.
"What are you, nuts?!" Shawn asked, "We're the loser class! We ain't got a snowball's chance in hell!"
"Zombie boy's right, Princess," Duncan crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, "'Sides. It could be worse." The weakness of his chair's legs caused them to snap and send the punk tumbling backwards.
"Could be worse?" Courtney asked, turning to glare at the downed delinquent, "Could be worse?! This is Class F! There is no 'worse' than this!"
"Juvie," was all he replied with as he stood up.
"Right, right," she deadpanned, "One thing though. Prison and school are two different things!"
"Depends on the person you ask," Gwen chimed in with a dismissive shrug.
"Hold on, she might be onto something." All eyes strayed to Noah, the class rep.
"What do you mean she could be onto something?!" A student yelled out, "We can't challenge Class A!"
"No, but we could challenge Class D," the boy out down his 3DS and cocked an eyebrow, "They're just as bad as us, technically."
"So, wait," Sammy asked, "Are you saying we should challenge Class D or...?"
"I'm saying that I'm just as tired of Class F as everyone else is," Noah replied, "As much as I love the constant injuries in this death trap of a classroom since it gets me out of P.E. quite a bit, I'd really love SOME comfort."
"Yeah, man," Shawn added, rubbing the back of his neck, "Just think what it'd be like if we were in a room with actually sturdy desks?!"
"Or non-splintering chairs!" Another student added.
"Or actual air conditioning, maybe?" Sammy asked with an uplifted hand.
"Okay," Duncan thought for a second before asking, "So, you're really sayin' we have a chance, right? 'Cause your cynical ass isn't the most trustworthy source of info, you get that, right?"
Noah scoffed, "Of course it isn't. But if we want it hard enough, what's sitting on our butts gonna do about it?"
"Challenge! Challenge! Challenge! Challenge!" A riot was starting in Class F. They might not have had a chance at Class A, but defeating Class D in one of McLean's challenges sounded downright doable.
"Alright!" Courtney decided to take this chance to stand up, "You guys do know you're going to have to rally seven people to be your challenge committee, right? And since it seems like you guys have just now thought about this, I nominate myself to be the first member of the committee."
"Surprise, surprise," Gwen retorted with a roll of her eyes.
Shawn stood up and grinned, "I volunteer as tribute! You need someone with survival skills with how dangerous the challenges are, you know!"
"I... I wanna do this too," Sammy said, standing up as well, "I want to prove to Amy- to my family that I can do something."
"Then I'm in too," Gwen stood up, adding, "Besides. This stupid regime of McLean's needs turned on its head. I'm all for it."
Duncan watched as Gwen's gaze met his. He closed his eyes and gave a rough sigh before standing up.
"Like I'm gonna let Pasty, Zombie Boy, Princess, and the Tolerable Twin get all the glory for this. Guess I got no choice."
All of them turned to face Noah. Duncan, Gwen, and Shawn's stares quickly shifted to glares. They knew what Noah was trying to pull.
"...What?"
"You do know that you've got to do this too, you know," Gwen said, crossing her arms, "You're the one who brought this up to begin with."
"Uh, yeah," Courtney added, "You're the class rep. Act like it!"
"I was just going to be the brains behind the operation," Noah deadpanned.
"If ya don't want your brains splattered on the sidewalk Sunny-side-up, I'd get to volunteering, egg head," Duncan threatened, cracking his knuckles.
Noah widened his eyes before clearing his throat, "As the class representative, I'd love to volunteer.
"Then we only need one more!" Shawn exclaimed, "Who's with us?!"
Awkwardness, unsure gossiping and innocent whistling filled the room. No one else seemed willing to join this war. It was then that the door opened.
"Uh, hey, eh. Is this class F?"
"Unfortunately," Noah lamented before a light bulb went off in his head, "Say, you're the new kid, right?"
"Yep, I'm-"
"Wanna be popular?" Noah was probably lying. There was no popular in Class F. But this kid didn't know that.
"Would I?!"
"Great; you'll be the last member of our team," Noah smirked, "And you're...?"
"Ezekiel!" The boy replied, "Ezekiel Small! But you guys can call me The Zeke, yo!"
Ezekiel "The Zeke" Small. Junior at Wawanakwa Academy. Class F. Ex-homeschooler, toque enthusiast, and social pariah.
"So..." Sammy drawled, awkwardly, "Where do we go from here?"
"We need someone to go declare a challenge against Class D," Courtney explained, before jabbing herself in the chest with her thumb, "As an ex-member of Class F, I nominate myself."
"I'm pretty sure that's a bad idea," Gwen offered.
"She's right," the class rep agreed, "We want them to challenge us, not want to silence us"Excuse me?!" The girl asked in annoyance, "Then who would be a better choice?"
"It's gotta be someone intimidating," Shawn mused aloud, "Someone who could rile the class up enough that they'd wanna put us in our place."
Everyone's eyes, minus Ezekiel's, drifted to Duncan.
"...I ain't gonna lie and say it ain't true," was the punk's only retort.
Class D didn't seem all that different from Class F to Duncan. Different faces but the same piss-poor conditions. Maybe a little better, but not by much. He scanned the room, but only recognized three faces.
"Sup, Duncan?" A teen in a cowboy hat greeted happily, "What'cha doin' in these parts?"
Geoff Davidson. Junior at Wawanakwa High. Class D. Pretty much everyone at the academy's best friend and the class representative of Class D.
"You know," Duncan shrugged, "The usual. No teachers give a shit about us and it's hot as hell. The usual."
"True, true," the dimwitted party boy nodded sagely.
"Okay, but why are you here?" A wide-eyed brunette crossed his arms and frowned at Duncan.
Cody Anderson. Junior at Wawanakwa High. Class D. Gwensexual and most popular guy at school wannabe.
"No one asked you, pipsqueak," Duncan glared at the other boy. Cody had... More than a small interest in Gwen. So time and time again, Duncan either watched Gwen turn him down or help her get rid of him. She only saw Cody as a brother after all.
"Now, now, let's keep it chill, dudes," Geoff came between the two before asking, "But seriously, Dunc. Don't see you in these classrooms much. You move up or somethin'?"
"Ain't it obvious?" A muscular girl cut in, "He's here to challenge us for our classroom."
Evelyn "Eva" Hanuman. Junior at Wawanakwa High. Class D. Part time stunt double, full time She-Hulk.
"This true?" Geoff looked over at Duncan, and once the punk nodded he exclaimed, "Awesome! This is gonna rock, man!"
"Geoff!" Cody exclaimed, "If we lose this, we could lose our classroom!"
"Oh, right," Geoff frowned before clearing his throat, "Then, uh, with the power of the court-"
"That's a judge, genius," Eva snarked.
"Oh, right," Geoff blinked, "With the power vested in me-"
"Pretty sure that's a preacher, man," Duncan corrected, exasperatedly.
"Right, right, right," the party boy then cleared his throat and announced, "As the class representative of Class D, let's have a rockin' challenge, dude!"
With those words, the fate of Wawanakwa Academy began to turn. This would be the beginning of the rise of Class F.
Duncan smirked. Mundane school days were no more. Things would finally get interesting for the first time in his entire school career.
And there's the first chapter. What did you think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know in a review!
Next time: Class F faces off against Class D in a race against time, and knowing Chris, for their lives.