Probably Not Even Then

by MissLisaBennett

Lily Potter is the youngest of all her cousins and is considering taking her relationship with her boyfriend further, but requires some... advice. In a family with no secrets how will our over dramatic, half-grown heroine be able to keep this a private matter? Especially when her big-gobbed cousin threatens her very livelihood?

A/N Today I logged into and thought "I should upload a story..." So I went to my writing folder and wah-lah!
As always, thanks for reading.
~MisLis~

"Stuff it Hugo," I muttered to my cousin trying to stem the constant flow of whispers in my ear. After all, the dinner table at the burrow was not somewhere we should be having the conversation. Oh, why did I tell him? What possessed me that day at the end of term? We were just sitting on the train, I was chatting to Marie, and Hugo's head was stuck in book. Somehow he managed to pull his head out of his arse at the most inopportune moment.

I may have mentioned my boyfriend. And the fact that I was considering sleeping with him. Fuck. My. Life. Well, not really. I mean my life isn't that bad, it's just I need access to a certain potion, and my being underage makes that a little more than difficult. Hugo keeps taking the mickey since he knows I have to get it somehow, because, as he says, "Face it Lily, you suck at charms." This takes me to the awful fact that I may, quite possibly, have to have a very distressing conversation with my mother.

I know, when she gave me the talk all those years ago, she said I could come to her for any reason. But I'd rather not. Because my family can keep secrets like a flour sifter holds, well, flour. And my Dad will find out, because my parents share everything. My brothers will find out, because Dad's fit will not be quiet. After James finds out, I'm pretty much a gonner. He'll tell Fred, and together they'll seek out the rest of my extended family and everyone I know making sure everyone knows I require such a potion.

Currently, Hugo was threatening to 'mention' it at the dinner table. He says I'll be sure to get some decent advice if I ask the room at large. I do not plan to ask the room at large; I can already picture the look of horror on Grandpa Arthur's face.

"Lily," Hugo hissed in my ear. "I really don't think you should be telling me to stuff it." I harrumphed and tried desperately to pay attention to what my cousin, Roxanne, was harping on about. Why did Hugo decide to be merciless now?

"Come on Lils, I bet Roxy wouldn't even mind if you interrupted right now. Lord knows everyone else would be pleased."

I couldn't help it, I replied.

"Hugo, shut up. Even if she is droning on a bit that doesn't mean I want everyone to know."

The problem was, however, at the precise moment all conversation at the dinner table had stopped. So evidently everyone, even those who weren't in Roxanne's conversation, heard me call her dull. But that's not what concerned me, because they also now know that I'm hiding something. Fan-fricken-tastic.

"Sorry I'm boring you Lily." Roxy said frostily from across the table. "What is it you would like to talk about?"

"Nothing. I was just about to excuse myself." I said hurriedly. Now I had to miss dessert. "Thanks a bunch Hugo," I muttered as I pushed myself away from the table. I scurried away from my family's prying eyes. They were all eyeing me and I didn't like the look in most of their eyes. I hoped to god Hugo didn't say anything while I was gone.

I was in my Mum's old room. The place I used to sleep when I was little and dinner went late. I heard someone following me before I got the door closed. I closed it anyway. Her room was just as she'd left it when she was eighteen, right down the Gwenog Jones poster on the wall. Of course, Mum had better posters of Gwenog now, signed, with her standing beside her. Correspondingly, it was my mother who had followed me.

For one wild moment I considered telling her the truth when she asked. I quickly squashed that thought, and instead told her nothing was wrong. Being a woman my mother knew 'nothing' was definitely not nothing. Therefore, she did not leave as I suggested she should.

"Come on Lily," my mother cooed at me, I am not a child anymore thank you very much. She patted the bed beside where she was sitting. "Tell me what the matter is."

"I'm sorry Mum," I said taking the seat. "I would love to and all, but you'll tell Dad."

"What is it that I can know but your father can't?" she asked curiously. Clearly, she couldn't think of anything that fit the bill. That is how parents' minds work.

"Didn't I just say I can't tell you? Dad will make a big deal about it, and I'm not even sure I want you to know. In fact, I don't want you to know. I just don't have a lot of options."

"But Hugo can know?" my Mum asked slyly.

I blushed a little. I have no idea why, it wasn't my fault Hugo found out. "He was eavesdropping. Well... not really but I forgot he was there while I was talking to Marie."

"So Marie can know." This was not a question, merely a statement of fact. I nodded anyway.

"So you don't want me to know..." again this was fact, but I felt it was leading somewhere this time. Maybe she would be able to help get me what I need, just in a more distant way. "Do you think you could talk to Auntie Hermione?"

Okay maybe not. Aunt Hermione would be way worse than my dad finding out. I was visibly cringing so my mother backtracked. "No, not her. You're right; I wouldn't want to go to her for that either."

I stared at her. Evidently, she thought she knew what I was talking about. She stared back at me. I lost and started talking first. "Mum," I started. "I don't know what you think I'm talking about, but you're wrong."

I hoped like hell she didn't know what I was actually on about.

"I am?" she acted surprised. The act was a ploy, I could tell. It's the same type of thing I do. "Well then you should be able to talk to your brothers about it?"

Fuck. She knows. She has to. But I am not going to confirm it for her. She's smiling at the look on my face.

"Relax Lily. I'm not going to force you to talk about it. I won't make you confirm what I already know to be true. I am going to say, it would be a whole lot easier for you if you did tell me."

I considered it again. Then I thought about how she has been jerking me around and decided FAT CHANCE.

"No. I don't want you to know."

Mum studied me. "You know, I didn't even think of this before. I never thought that you might need help with this. Shows how much I think ahead." She stood. "Do you need me for anything else or can I go back downstairs?"

She was abandoning me? She wasn't going to offer anything constructive to help with my problem-that-she-thinks-she-knows-about-but-I-real ly-hope-she-doesn't?

Well, crap.

She caught my scared look.

Double crap.

"Well," she said as she padded towards the door. "I'm just going to talk to Victoire and Teddy. She had Dominique and Rose over for dinner yesterday. Molly and Lucy were invited as well but they couldn't come. Victoire was going to tell me about how she forgot to invite Roxanne."

Holy. Hot. Damn. Not only was my mother a genius, she was also smooth. She just named all of my female cousins, in a very obvious way I might add. I already know, for a fact, that Victoire did not have a dinner party yesterday. So clearly, my mother was giving me an out.

She is way too smart. But don't ever tell anyone I said that.

Mum was not speaking with Victoire like she said she would be. I still can't believe I didn't think of one of my cousins before. Every single one of them is of age, and at least half of them are sexually active. (You can never be too sure with Molly and Lucy, being Uncle Percy's children and all.) Vic, was married for heaven's sakes! This, of course, meant she was the one I planned on going to.

It also didn't hurt that she's a healer and will likely be very good with the whole situation. Best just bite the bullet as the muggles say, at least I think that's what they say. Mum looked like the cat you gave you the canary cream as she watched me approach Victoire and Ted. Not that I planned on telling Teddy anything at all.

My family was still eyeing me suspiciously, this included Vic but, I figured she would get over it. Overly protective is the game Victoire always played, I heard it sucked when she was at Hogwarts because she would always moddycoddle you. For some reason her mother-henning about was always punctuated with reason. Way too logical to do any good. Except in this situation, where she will clearly see that I need to be protected from pregnancy and hand over the goods. Clearly, that is exactly what will happen.

"Victoire?" I asked as I came to a halt in front of her. I angled my body ever-so-slightly to block Ted out of the conversation. The block would not actually do any physical good, but it showed him he wasn't welcome in the conversation. After all, can't you just see him running and telling James? I can.

"Oh well fine then Lils, I can tell when I'm not welcome." Teddy huffed and scampered away. Victoire just smiled.

"Yes Lily?" she responded, watching me pleasantly.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you, regarding, ah, er, private type matter. I was going to talk to my mother but everyone knows that would end badly."

Her whole face brightened. "So you came to me about sex?"

I had a coughing fit; I just about lost a lung. She should have been way more concerned, being the healer who would have to save me.

"Yes, well, I thought you could, well, keep it on the down-low or something. Mum actually suggested that I ask you about it if I couldn't ask her." I stretched the truth a little, so sue me. If it made Victoire happy, it was worth it.

It did make her happy. "Did she? Well I was just about to head home you could join me if you like, I'll just grab Teddy."

My hand shot out to stop Victoire moving away. "I don't want Teddy to know Vic!" Later looking back on that day, Victoire will say I squealed and Hugo will back her up. I want to get one thing straight right now. I did not squeal. I also did not screech, cry or shriek. And I most definitely DID NOT whimper or shed tears. The blubbering was completely Hugo's imagination. Ask anyone.

Victoire smiled and reassured me he would be watching television the whole time. I watched she dance across the room in the way that only insanely beautiful people can walk. Halfway across she was joined by her sister, Dom. If Victoire is an angel, then Dominique is a god. That colour of strawberry-blonde hair does not exist naturally anywhere else except Dominique Weasley's head. It's not fair.

But I digress. Vic finished her conversation with Dom and rounded Teddy up. We flooed to their house. True to Vic's word, Teddy flopped in front of the T.V. and did not look like he was moving again. Ever. It made me feel safer to have him in the house.

Victoire made tea and we sat in the kitchen. I started up, trying to get it over with.

"So I've been considering having..." but she held up a hand to stop me.

"Not yet Lily."

"Huh?" I asked, not at all following. "I just want to make sure..." again with the hand.

"Lily, just wait about one more minute." I stared at her. She smiled serenely and drank her tea. My staring lasted another forty-two seconds (not that I was counting.) And then I heard it. The floo whooshing again, and again, and again.

"Shit," I muttered flinging my head onto the table. "Victoire," I moaned. "Why?" She giggled and was soon joined by the rest of my cousins as they filed into the room.

"I thought it would be fun!" she said happily. "We can have a big girl talk."

"Yeah," Roxanne said, plunking herself beside me. "And now that I know what you were on about, I don't even care you called me dull."

"Besides Lily," Rose added, taking the seat on my other side. "You always get a better grasp with more perspectives."

I finally raised my head. Vic was just smiling at me. Traitor. I really thought I could trust her.

"Relax Lily," Lucy said from my right. "It's not nearly as big of a deal as you're making it. The secrecy won't get you anywhere. And it doesn't last long."

Obviously, she has had sex. Well excuse me for being new to this. I didn't know all of my cousins were even bigger harlots then me.

Okay, so that is a bit harsh. Considering they are all older. Even though Lucy is still in school, she is of age. Molly had settled against the doorway. Clearly, she loves to be uncomfortable. Dominique was sitting on the kitchen counter. Somewhere she had gotten a wine cooler. I raised my eyebrows at her.

She shrugged. "I have a lot to offer you know. I like alcohol and I like sex." She banished a bunch more coolers from the fridge towards us. "So drink up and listen up Lils."

Victoire ignored her sister's infringement on her hospitality and continued to drink her tea.

I buried my head again. "I just wanted to make sure I was safe!" I cried desperately. "I haven't even decided for sure yet!"

"Good call on the making sure you're safe part." Rose muttered. "That was the most frightening two weeks of my life."

Lily was stunned. "You had sex without protection? You?"

"Don't sound so surprised Lily," Dominique was sniggering. "It's always the goody-two shoes that get caught up in the throes of passion." Everyone laughed at Rose's expense, until Dominique continued. "You shouldn't be laughing Victoire!" she called, absolutely bursting to tell us whatever she was on about. "I remember in my fourth year and you came to me with your pregnancy scare!"

I was completely dumbfounded. Both Rose and Victoire had had pregnancy scares! They were supposed to be the smart ones! Rose has been called the brightest witch of her age by just about everyone (except those who knew Aunt Hermione, they reiterate that Hermione was just stupid smart (do not comment on the oxymoron, like both Aunt Hermione and Rose would. You know what I meant.) and Rose is just a tad it shy of Hermione's bar.) Victoire was a healer. She did medical stuff for a living! (And for fun, because no one would want to be a healer if they didn't enjoy it)

Victoire had stopped laughing. She glared slightly at Dominique.

"What?" Dom asked, completely uncaring. "I thought we were trying to educate Lily?"

"We are," Molly stated for Victoire. "And believe or not Vic, it's good for her to hear these things."

More like make me feel like a malfunction waiting to happen. If Rose and Vic had screwed up, it pretty much guaranteed I would screw up ten times worse. I should probably quit before I get AIDS. And pregnant. And I have an AIDS infected baby that my parents have to raise. I'm pretty sure that on the one to ten fail scale that's about a thirteen.

Possibly just a twelve though. I can't be sure.

"So you want the potion then?" Roxanne asked.

I nodded at the table, even though I pretty much had no intention to ever have sex. I have no intention to have the intention to have sex. Maybe when I'm married.

Probably not even then.

"Don't look so down Lily. Sure it hurts like a bitch the first time around but it gets fantastic, I should know." Dom was talking again. Maybe she should just shut up.

"Did it really hurt that much for you?" Lucy asked genuinely interested. "I barely had any discomfort."

"Oh yeah." Dominique groaned. "Hurt like hell, anyone else have that?"

Everyone shook their heads. "Not hell," Vic answered. "It hurt, but I can't imagine it was anything like shoving a baby out of there."

"True that," everyone said, taking a drink. Everyone sat in silence for a while. Victoire summoned something from the cupboard over the stove.

"Here," she said, pushing the vials towards me. "There's two years' worth there. After that you'll be of age."

I smiled weakly. "Thanks, I think. But I probably won't need them."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Just because of what we said?"

I did a non-committal gesture that involved my right shoulder and my left hand. Don't ask; it took talent. "You said it hurts... and pregnancy. Knowing me I'll probably just fuck it right up."

"Hey now," Roxy said, annoyed. "You're listening to the wrong parts. It hurt Dominique the most and you seemed to have missed that she likes sex."

Lucy, Vic, and Rose snorted. Roxanne may have understated Dominique's delight in sex.

Dom just shrugged her shoulders. "What can I say? Orgasms are awesome."

"We're really not trying to put you off sex Lily," Rose reassured me. "There is nothing wrong with having sex. We've all lived to do it again."

"And again," Roxy added, giggling.

"And no one here has gotten pregnant." Rose continued.

Victoire shifted in her seat. Looking uncomfortably at anything in the room but the people. Everyone noticed.

"Victoire Apoline Weasley!" I shrieked. "How long has you been carrying Teddy's child in your womb?"

Everyone waited with baited breathe.

"Not long," she said after a large pause. "Only a few months."

There were 'congratulations' all around. I felt slightly sick, not that I could discern why.

After a while longer I made to excuse myself. This was a fun little get together and all but I'd really rather not continue to be a part of it.

"Ehrg, I'm going to go home." They all seemed to accept that, for which I was thankful. I had had a bad feeling that they wouldn't let me leave. I pocketed the potion and got up. Victoire followed me to the living room.

"You know," she said, thoughtfully. "You can talk to your mother about this."

I stared at her.

"I mean," she made to clarify. "You apparently aren't comfortable talking to us-"

I interrupted. "Maybe if I hadn't been ambushed..."

She ignored me. "You can always come to any of us of course. But you should give your mum credit. She's good with this type of thing. I talk to her about this stuff all the time."

"You do?" I asked, incredulous.

"Well, yeah. She gave Teddy and I the talk when we were young and she caught us fooling around. She sat us down right there and gave it to us straight. Not once did she give us a hard time about it and ever since then, I've felt comfortable around her. And she definitely knows what she's talking about."

"Ugh, I did not need to know about that last part."

Victoire just smiled until Teddy walked into the room.

"It was about sex then?" he asked bluntly. I stared, horrified, at him. He knew. He knew and he would tell my father. They have a freaky God-person type thing where they tell each other everything. Mostly.

For some reason my father treats Teddy like he's an adult. The rest of his kids will forever be seven years old, but Teddy turned into an adult the day James was born. And now he was going to tell my father I was planning to have sex.

Even though I totally wasn't. Anymore.

Okay that's a lie. I'm still considering it.

"Relax Lily," Teddy laughed. "You're way too uptight about this whole thing anyway."

"How did you know?" I asked unbelieving.

"Oh, Ginny told Victoire and I as soon as she came back down the stairs. Right after Hugo outed you to her."

That jerk. So that's how she knew what I was on about. Hugo blabbed! And then she blabbed! My whole family probably knows by now.

Right now, I really wish I was one of those people who could just stop caring. One of those people whose life could be in shambles around them and they simply wouldn't give a damn. I am not one of those people. Here I am with my life crashing around my ears and I definitely give a damn. Or two. I might even give three damns.

Never mind that, I'm using up my damn quota and I really should use them for something better. Damn Hugo.

That felt good.

Damn Hugo to the depths of a fiery hell for all eternity.

That felt better. I even feel slightly more in control now. I flooed home with my new found control. I wanted to go straight to Aunt Hermione's and Uncle Ron's but Victoire and Teddy said I'd better not.

Molly came out in time to point out that it would be rude to floo without warning at such an hour.

She really is the dullest person in the world. I know I called Roxy dull earlier but she has nothing, nothing, on Molly. It's really fortunate that Uncle Percy didn't manage to damage Lucy the same way. But again I digress.

My mother was waiting for me in the den where I flooed to. She was knitting. It's weird how everyone calls us so alike when I would never, ever, be caught knitting. I mention such to her and she just laughs. Dad laughs too, as he has just entered the room.

"Your mother wouldn't knit either. She absolutely refused to learn. And then, one day after James was born, she just picked up a book and started to learn. I told her to ask Grandmum but she wouldn't hear of it. I can just see it Lily, eventually you'll learn it from a book too when you're too stubborn to ask your mother."

He was laughing good-naturedly. This made me wonder if Mum had actually told him. I stared at him for a few more moments before deciding she hadn't. What is the world is happening?

My mother's eyes held the answers of course. It was when I looked at her eyes that she ruined all hope.

"I thought you could tell him."

What fresh hell? Is she crazy? I don't want to be within a hundred mile radius when he gets told, let alone be the one telling him. Unless it's over the phone.

No, not even then.

Dad was now puzzled and waiting for answers. His eyes roamed between his two favourite women, as he always calls us. Secretly, I believe I am his favourite, not because I am such a gem, but because I don't see how Mum could be anyone's favourite. She's just so scary.

But I am off topic yet again. The nub and jist of the matter is Mum want me to tell Dad that I might become sexually active. Quite seriously, she is out of mind.

"Mum," I said, plainly opposing her plan. "You are out of your tree. If you think he should know, then quite obviously you will have to tell him." As soon as I said it I regretted it. Not only have I dug my own grave by insulting my mother (just a weensy bit) but I have also suggested she actually tell him.

Neither of these are good things.

Her eyes went all squinty and her hair made that crackly type thing that happens when she gets pissed off. "Alright then Lily, I will."

She turned to my father, who was horribly behind and confused. Poor old guy, personally I think his mind is going. He can't quite keep up like he used to.

"Harry," my mother started, eyes flashing to him. "Our only daughter and last child is considering having sex for the first time."

Holy shit. She did it. Just said it like that. And I'm still in the room! Quick, I must find an exit!

Blast it! Daddy is blocking the only way out.

Oh crap. He's going red. He looks so horrified and upset. This is so much worse than I thought it would be. I thought he'd be angry. I thought he'd yell. I think I've broken him. He just stands there, looking at me with those great sad eyes, staring at me like I'm the biggest disappointment in the world.

He just says "Well, uh, alright then." And leaves real quick like.

Mum stares after him. I don't think that was the reaction she expected either. I have a feeling she was betting on there being shouting, but I know she'll never own up to it. She turns to look at me, her eyes slightly sad, just like Dad's had been.

"Come her darling," she murmurs and beckons me toward the couch. At some point she has put down her knitting. I go, feeling distressed.

I didn't mean to upset Daddy. I didn't mean for everyone to find out. I couldn't have known how everyone would react. For instance, I thought my mother would be more upset. I thought my cousins would be less open about it. I thought Daddy would only be angry.

I curled up beside Mum, already feeling better about things in the way that only mothers can help.

"I didn't mean for this..." I say hoping she'll understand.

"I know. I shouldn't have told your father in such a way. I did think he would take it differently. But he is taking it quite well as it is."

"I didn't want everyone to find out."

"I know."

"Daddy thinks I'm a disappointment."

"No, he doesn't. Don't say such things Lily. Daddy knew this day was coming, he's just upset that it happened so soon."

"It's not soon!" I cried. "I'm more than old enough."

"It is soon for us. I actually thought it was quite funny myself-" I elbowed her, "- but your father has trouble seeing you any older than six."

I think I've already mentioned that fact once today.

"Do you want to talk about it anymore?" my mum asked, brushing my hair from my face.

"No," I shook my head. "I want to ring Hugo's neck!"

"Ahh, don't be too hard on him Lils. I had my game face on."

"That little traitor!"

"Alright, enough, go to bed." I went, grumbling all the way.

Morning did not bring Hugo a reprieve. Somehow, my mood had worsened overnight and now instead of terribly depressed and slightly put out, I was viciously angry. Somebody was going to pay, whether it be my father for acting like a git, or Hugo for divulging my secret, somebody was going to pay today.

James woke me early. Which was not only ridiculously annoying, but also extremely odd: since when did my brother get up early? Both of them tend to sleep well past noon when Mum allows them. For some reason it doesn't bother her that they sleep late. If I try it however, hold on to your covers because she'll be vanishing them entirely to get me out of bed. Why must the standards be so convoluted in our house?

"Lily!" James was squealing, giddy. "Wake up sleepy head!" He was jumping around me like a six year old. Sometimes I wonder about him, truly, it worries me. Is it even possible we're related? Could I have been adopted? What a relief that would be, to have some normal sane family out there, not having to worry about becoming batty like the rest of them. If only life could be so sweet.

"Gurump." I said, kicking him as much as possible. "Go away James."

"But Lily!" he cried further, "Mum says it's time to get up!"

"Go back to bed James."

"No!"

"Why are you in here?"

"I told you, Mum says 'get up'"

"No."

"Why are you acting like a child?" Did he honestly just ask me why I was acting like a child? Me? The most mature person in this entire house? That includes my parents!

"Go away," was my oh-so-witty reply.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum!" James called loudly out the open door towards where my mother undoubtedly stood cooking food. "Lily won't get up!"

I could hear her reply from the kitchen. "Lily, get out of bed."

"But Mu-um," I called back, drawing it into two syllables. "James is on my bed being rude!"

"James," came my mother's stern voice. "Leave your sister alone."

"You told me to wake her!" James cried back indignantly.

"I did," Mum was standing at my bedroom door now. "I told you to wake her not sit on her. Now get out. I told you to clean your room before breakfast."

James exited the room, but not until after mussing my hair crazily. Weirdo

"Why is he even up?" I asked my mother brusquely.

"Hell if I know," she muttered, walking back to the kitchen. She thinks we don't hear it when she swears. She thinks that we just take it as her ignoring us. She's wrong. We always catch it when she swears, and she swears a lot.

We at the Potter house learned from a young age that it's alright for parents to by hypocrites.

But enough of my psychotic family, it's time to kill somebody.

I skipped breakfast (oatmeal, ew) and headed straight for Hugo, not even dressing. I was at Aunt Hermione's and Uncle Ron's before my mother could reprimand me for being a wonton child. The look in Hugo's eyes when he saw me was slightly satisfying. I put my 'bitch-face number three' on and he was pretty much terrified.

"Lily!" He cried when I walked into their kitchen and eyed him eating his breakfast. Lucky jerk had bacon and eggs. I don't know how he got it, as neither of his parents can cook.

"Hullo Hugo," I said silkily. At sat beside him at the breakfast table. Rosie shoved a plate of breakfast if front of me and I began to eat, never taking my eyes off Hugo. Hugo was watching his plate. He couldn't eat because of my relentless staring. Good, he doesn't get to eat.

I finished my delicious breakfast before giving him a reprieve. "I heard the strangest thing last night."

"Is that right?" he said evasively

"Yes, apparently after you interrupted dinner, and I had to leave, my mother pulled you aside."

He gulped, but didn't say anything.

"Sorry Hugo, I didn't quite catch that," I said, even though he had clearly said nothing at all. "Does that correspond with your version of events?"

"Yes."

"I see. I also heard that you told my mother everything."

He didn't answer. Wise of him.

"Hugo!" I started in on him. "You complete arse! What the bloody hell were you thinking? Do you know how much trouble you have caused me? Do you even think of other people before you open that big gob of yours?"

I was now out of my chair and pacing the kitchen. Uncle Ron came to the doorway, took one look at me and started backing away. Aparrently, I looked at bit scary.

"I swear Hugo; you are as brainless as those norgks the Scamander twins keep going on about! And they don't even exist! How I am supposed to remain a sane human being with you gallivanting around ruining my life?"

Rose was giggling at the sink where she was doing dishes.

"Thanks to you my father won't even look at me. All of my cousins are laughing at me. My mum has gone all wise-woman-of-sex. And you just sit there all hoity-toity. You are the biggest prat in the entire world Hugo Weasley. I can't believe you did this to me." And then, I couldn't help it, I cursed him.

Thanks goodness they can't actually tell you did the magic or else I would have gotten myself expelled from school. I've only done magic outside school one other time (to hex James) and Mum caught me. I was grounded for a year. It was insanely tragic.

Rose admonished me with a look once Hugo was covered in creepy crawly bugs. It was very satisfying to see Hugo freak out at the breakfast table. He won't be able to eat at the table again for a very long time without getting bad memories. I will always get good memories at this table. In fact, this event occurring has made my life better. Although, in order for this to occur I had to have a pretty traumatizing experience about sex that had nothing at all to do with the actual act. I do not think it was worth it, but it was made better by Hugo's continued squeals. Perhaps he would learn to keep him mouth shut when I actually do start shagging.

Not that I will. Ever.