CHARMED
"Not Exactly Evil"
By J. B. Tilton (a.k.a. NoAzMale) and Teresa Thibeault (a.k.a. Tessalynne)
K
Disclaimer: "Charmed" and all related characters and events are the property of the WB television network, except for those characters specifically created for this story. This is a work of fan fiction and no infringement of copyright is intended.
Summary: A mysterious intruder gives the Charmed One's a whole new perspective on evil.
ONE
Phoebe slid down into the tub and closed her eyes with a sigh of contentment. The warm water surrounded her, a soothing balm to her aching muscles. It had been a long day. But it was finally over and she fully intended to enjoy a quiet, relaxing evening alone. She hadn't decided whether to read the new book she had bought or to watch the video she had rented earlier that day.
Suddenly a sound caught her attention. Her eyes snapped open and she saw someone beginning to shimmer into the bathroom. Demons frequently shimmered into the manor but she had never known one to shimmer into the bathroom before. She might have thought it was Cole except for the simple fact that whomever it was seemed to be shimmering in on top of the sink.
"Good Lord, not even a hot bath is sacred anymore," Phoebe grumbled.
The figure materialized before Phoebe could react further. The fragile sink, collapsing almost immediately under its weight, fell to the floor shattering into several pieces. The figure collapsed amid the debris on the floor. Phoebe screamed for Piper and Paige, grabbing for the towel next to the tub. The figure, which appeared to be male, didn't seem to notice her as he flailed about trying to regain his footing.
"The bathroom?" he mumbled as he managed to rise from the floor. "How did I ….?"
Suddenly the figure seemed to realize he wasn't alone. He glanced up and saw Phoebe standing there, a towel wrapped around her, dripping water all over the floor.
"Oh my," he cried, clapping both hands over his eyes. Phoebe watched in stunned disbelief as he parted his fingers slightly to peek at her and then quickly closed his fingers covering his eyes completely. "I-I-I is dweadfuwwy sowwry. I had no idea anyone was in here."
Phoebe stared in stark amazement as the figure turned and literally ran from the room. Unfortunately he had no way of seeing where he was going. With his hands over his eyes he had no way of knowing the bathroom door was closed and ran head first into the door, knocking himself out cold. Phoebe watched as he crumpled to the floor.
"You think it's dangerous?" Paige asked as everyone stood staring at the rather odd looking unconscious figure on the floor.
The 5'8" frame was draped in a ghastly leisure suit that appeared to be burnt orange in color, though this was difficult to determine with any certainty through the fine coat of porcelain dust that covered the figure. The color clashed mightily with his red tinged skin. Though this conflict paled in comparison to the one created by the brilliant purple shirt that stretched tightly across a paunchy mid section. Black framed glasses with heavy lenses hung crookedly from his ears, one of which appeared completely normal, while the other was sharply pointed. His hands lay slack upon the floor and though human in most respects they sported clearly demonic-like claws.
"What is it?" Piper exclaimed.
"I think it's a demon," Leo began uncertainly, "But it doesn't look like any demon I've ever heard of."
"It's almost like it's only partially transformed," said Phoebe. "As if it started to change to its demonic form but never quite finished.
"And you said it knocked itself out?" asked Piper.
"Ran right into the door," said Phoebe. "It acted like it was embarrassed when it saw me wrapped in a towel."
"An embarrassed demon?" questioned Paige. "That's a new one. What do we do with it?"
"Cole should be home in a few minutes," said Phoebe. "Maybe he'll know what it is."
A low moan brought their conversation to a halt as the figure stirred and opened its eyes. A hand to its head nursed the bump caused by its collision with the door and further mussed the wispy hair covering its scalp. Sitting up and adjusting the crooked spectacles with a squint, it gazed somewhat sheepishly at the four figures gathered around it.
"Oops."
"Oops?" questioned Piper, tapping her foot impatiently. "Is that all you have to say for yourself? Just who are you anyway?"
"Who me?" the creature asked. "Oh, I'm nobody. I, uh, er, that is, I seem to have made a wong turn somewhere. Dweadfully sowwy. I'll just be going now."
He closed his eyes and squinted very hard. He started to shimmer but the shimmer was abruptly cut short. He opened his eyes and looked nervously at the girls and Leo.
"Oh deaw," he exclaimed.
"It appears you aren't going anywhere," said Paige.
"Stand back," said the figure, raising his hands menacingly. "I am the gweat Maladwoit, tewwible scourge of the underworld. My power is legendawy. You cannot hope to stand against me. Do not oppose me and I may yet let you live."
"Maladwoit?" questioned Phoebe. "You sound more like Elmer Fudd to me."
"Oh, no, not Elmer, Elbert," said the figure. "Elbert Egbert Klinehopper IV, Esquire, at your service," he announced proudly before remembering where he was. "Stand back. I am not to be twifled with. Do not force me to vanquish you."
"I don't think you're going to be vanquishing anyone," Piper shook her head at the ridiculous looking creature before them. "Let's all go downstairs and see if we can sort this out. Leo, under the circumstances, you think you could do something about the sink?"
"I guess so," said Leo. "Good thing the pipes weren't damaged. That will make it easier."
He raised his hands and the sink magically reassembled itself.
"White Lighter!" Elbert exclaimed his voice squeaking with fear. "You're a White Lighter? Oh no! No, no, no. Not a White Lighter. We're all going to die! We're all doomed. You'll never get me, White Lighter!"
They all stood mystified and watched as he turned and ran at full speed into the shower away from Leo. And once more their mystery guest crumpled unconscious as he collided with the back wall of the shower.