Chapter 1- witch kings and cross-dressing shades
It was 5am in the land of lunat-
"ahem!"
Oh yeah, I mean Alagaesia, and the wind carried a scent that would change the world….
"What, like….chocolate?"
No! not like bloody chocolate! Stop interrupting me when I' trying to give a dramatic narration!
Yes, as I was saying: it was 5am in the land of Alagaesia,
"You already said that…"
AND, the king Galbatorix was lying dead in his thrown….
***
Galbatorix suddenly gasped for breath and opened his eyes. Okay, so maybe he wasn't dead, just severely comatosed.
"wow, what a hangover….." Yawned the king. "I'm totally pissed…….ah well." He shrugged.
"DURZA!" He screamed in a surprisingly high pitch. "Duurzaaaaa!"
"I'm here!" Durza skipped in, smiling.
"I am pissed, Durza…." Muttered Galbatorix quietly in a monotone. "Durza, what the hell are you wearing, Durza?
"erm…."
"You are wearing a dress Durza." He observed.
"Yes." Durza smiled shyly.
"O-M-F-G!!" Screamed Galbatorix. "You tranny!! He screeched, the piercing sound cracking Durzas already chapped lips.
Galbatorix took a deep breath and looked calmly at the shade.
"Now, get me some salmon." The king concluded solemnly. Durza danced out of the room, relieved that his very best friend had accepted his choice of lifestyle.
The king stared blankly around the room with mad, dilated pupils, until, after approximately fifteen minutes, his gaze rested on an old broomstick which was randomly placed in the corner.
"And what is this?" He mumbled, stumbling drunkly towards the object. He studied it…. 'Nimbus 2000' it read at the top in gold swirly writing.
"An elvish broom?" He mused. "Durzaaaaaa!" He screamed once again, whilst running in circles with his arms flailing in the air. Durza lightly sprinted in, this time wearing a layer of thick, bright red lipstick and pushing a trolley piled high with salmon.
"Do you know what this means, Durza?" Asked Galbatorix calmly, pointing at the broom. "This means I am a witch, Durza."
"Sir, I thought you were a dragon rider?"
"That was last week, seriously, keep up you mindless parasite." Snapped the king.
"And besides, I am bored." Galbatorix shrugged simply.