Latest installment for the tumblr SPN Prompt Thing. Light Destiel.

It's always in the background when Dean looks at Castiel now.

That broken, strung-out mess he met in 2014. That hippie-esque stoner who used pills to wake up, pills to go to sleep, and whatever he could get his hands on to numb the pain in between.

So when he finds Cas on the floor of the Batcave's kitchen, an empty fifth of Old No. 7 on it's side on the floor next to him, Dean feels something inside of him break. This is the Cas he never wanted to see. The Cas he hoped he'd never have to see.

He's been terrified since they moved Cas into the Batcave, watching his every move, scared to death that he'd slip and fall in the shower, or tumble down the stairs, or even just trip over his own feet. Dean was convinced, in some misguided way, that if he kept Cas from breaking his foot, he'd never have to see that broken version of the former angel. Dean would do anything to prevent that.

He owed Cas at least that much.

But here he was, no broken bones at all, slumped against the refrigerator, smell of booze heavy in the air, blue eyes hazily tracking Dean as he moves closer.

"What are you doing in here, Cas?"

"Staying out of your way," he slurs. "Because all I do is cause problems for you, Dean. So I'm staying out of your way. I can't do anything without my damn grace. I'm hopeless, I'm hapless, I'm pointless."

Dean feels a sharp stab of pain in his chest as he kneels beside him. He doesn't know how to fix this. He can't make this better. He can't get Cas's stolen grace back. If anyone should feel useless and worthless, and goddamn pointless, it's Dean.

Now he's wishing that bottle wasn't empty.

Dean shifts, drops onto his ass and leans up against the fridge, shoulder bumping against Cas's.

"Cas, you're not pointless."

"Really? Then tell me what good I'm doing here? I sit around this damn place all day. I can't heal Sam. I can't do anything. I can't even get you to accept a simple apology."

Ouch.

"Cas, I'm not mad at you anymore. I'm glad you're here. I want you to stay."

"Why?"

"Because…you're family," Dean says uncomfortably, "and…and I…I need you Cas." There. It's out, he said it and hopefully it will be enough.

"What does that even mean? You need me? Need me how?"

"Dammit, Cas. I just do. Ok?"

Castiel turns his whole body until he's facing Dean, his blue eyes boring into the other man. "No, not good enough. What does that mean?"

Fuck. Drunk Cas is also aggressively determined to get his way Cas. Dean knows what he means, but he doesn't know how to express it with words. So he doesn't use words at all.

Reaching out, he hooks his hand around Cas's neck and pulls him in closer. This has been a long time coming, and this isn't the way he wanted to do this, but he won't let Castiel fall and become that broken shell he met in 2014. He needs Cas to understand how he feels, and Dean just doesn't have the words anymore, so he's going to do this his way, and his way means pulling the former angel closer until his lips brush Cas's, Dean trying to convey every feeling inside of him with a press of lips.

"That's what it means," he murmurs softly, pressing their foreheads together, "when I say I need you. I need you, Cas."

Castiel relaxes against him, forehead still pressed to Dean's, a soft smile on his face.

"I need you, too," he whispers.