As morning broke, brilliant rays of sunshine pouring in through the open blinds of his room, Eli's green eyes flickered open. He didn't make any immediate moves just then, rather he opted to stay in a bed just a bit longer. He pulled his blanket up over his ears, the warmth far too inviting to completely awake. Eli sunk further into bed, allowing little room between him and the sheets as he dared to close his eyes once more. He wasn't trying to delay what was in store for him. He had grown used to this routine but things in his life had been going so well, he almost didn't see the need for today's visit. Nonetheless, he knew it was inevitable. He would have to tackle the day head on like he always did this time of the week. He had come a long way- that much was clear to just about anyone who knew him last semester- but Eli knew enough about himself by now to know it was wise to continue with weekly visits. He would never be cured of his illness but he had the ability to manage it. He could maintain matters and enable himself to have the best chances at leading a normal life, as relative a term as that was. He wanted a chance to be happy, to be free of his personal demons rather than having to fight them off on a daily basis. It was a lot to endure but Eli was taking the necessary steps to get his life back in order since his breakdown last semester. The contrast between then and now was like day and night.
Looking back on the last few months, Eli couldn't believe he had survived that personal journey. Coupled with his history from a few years prior, he could see just how great a toll life had on him. He always thought of himself as strong and capable. He didn't like looking weak or fragile in anyone's eyes. To him, admitting that he had an issue was the most blatant way of telling the world he couldn't handle all life had thrown his way. It wasn't within his nature to depend on others so greatly. On the rare occasions that he did, he always left with an unsettling feeling within himself. He knew it might have been deemed foolish to feel embarrassed but there was just something in his personality and mindset that shut down that sense of reason, at least back then. He thought back now to all his greatest moments of weakness. He cringed as the memories came flooding back like tidal waves. He closed his eyes a bit tighter as if the simple act would somehow make it all disappear. As expected, the memories still lingered. He could see himself in a room overcroweded with things. For him, each and every item was completely vital and needed his utmost attention. Hoarding for him was something born out of emptiness. Once Julia passed, he needed to fill that void somehow and the only real alternative in his eyes was to collect things. The mere thought of throwing anything away was enough to make him panic. He knew it wasn't normal but he figured he never was such a thing. He had always been different, always on the cusp and fringe of matters, never truly partaking. He preferred it that way though, to be on his own rather than mixed in with the crowd. He never fit in growing up thus him giving up on trying to now as a teen.
Eli chewed on his lower lip as the montage of incidents past played out once more in his mind's eye. Now he sat in Morty on a rainy day, thinking about life. Right at his fingertips was the chance to move on from his past but taking that leap of faith had been so dauting. He was willing to give up on the whole institution of relationships and the like because it was far easier to tell himself it wasn't worth it, lest he experience disappointment once more. The death of the most important person to him had broken him down in the worst way possible. He didn't feel worthy of anyone. It scared him how much he was falling for Clare then. She had come into his life at such a pivotal moment and altered so much within a short period of time. She held such a power over him whether she realized it or not. It wasn't something he had been expecting in the least bit but as life tended to go, he wasn't given time to become acclimated. He had to learn as he went along, going through the motions of everyday life until he found his footing. He had taken some time but he finally reached a point of clarity thanks to the conversation he had with his mother that day. As tears formed in his eyes and he worried about forgetting Julia, his mother was right there to give him the reassurance he hadn't even realized he was so desperate for. He needed to hear it from someone else, that level of validation he wasn't able to provide for himself. To have an outsider look in and call the shots so to speak was almost vital at that point.
Once given the green light to move on with life, Eli had to come clean to the one person whose attention and support he needed most. He could recall that day so easily as he made his way over to Clare's. The moment she opened the door to him, he felt both uneasy and at peace. It was an odd sense of feeling, one in which he became accustomed to over time. As he sat on her couch, hands shaking on their own accord, he had never felt so vulnerable, exposed. He was letting her in on a snapshot of his mind. It wasn't something many people were granted. Those times were few and far between as he always opted to stay guarded. It was safer to build walls around himself so he couldn't hurt others nor would he run the risk of having something or someone hurt him. But Clare was different. She was able to break down those barriers and see into his heart. He didn't understand how she was able to do it and so effortlessly at that. To this day it didn't make much sense to him but he merely accepted it for what it was. They had a special bond, an interesting connection that couldn't be put into mere words. He appreciated her more than he could ever fully say. Looking into her eyes then as he pleaded for her to never give up on him, he could see the promise radiating off of her. She had a good heart, something that was almost too rare to find in a world full of jaded people.
He supposed that was what drew him in. From the day he met her, outside of school on his first day at Degrassi, he could tell she wasn't like most people. She wasn't standoffish like others were due to his appearance. She could have easily cast him aside but she carried on conversation even though it was evident she was nervous. He was intruiged from the start and everyday since that most unique of introductions, he learned from her. The lessons she taught him were not only about love but as well as life and himself. Each day was better than the last and often times he felt as if it were all just one extremely vivid dream. The fact that it was real and happening to him was something he depended on more and more without consciously deciding to do so. It couldn't be helped, not when it was right in front of him on a daily basis. In hindsight, he could see that was a mistake he had made. He loved her deeply, that much was clear but he loved too hard. Without meaning to, he had put so much weight on their relationship and in the end was the main cause for their end. He tried to shut off the memory but it remained persistent. He could see the dark road of which he had been driving on that night. As he talked to her on the phone, he could hear the anguish in her voice but it didn't fully register with him. His own thoughts and emotions had been completely off and in the end, he crashed in more ways than one.
Now in his mind's eye, he could see the stark white hospital room he had called home for a few weeks. His body mangled and bruised, all effects from purposely crashing his car. In the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do; a solution of sorts. But it didn't solve anything. In fact it had only made the situation worse, making it reach a level to which they simply could not be saved. He could still feel her hand in his as he tried to keep her with him. The tears swelling in her eyes was far more painful than the injuries he had been left with. He had broken their relationship, cut off the last good thing he had going for himself. Even to this day, his heart sank at the memory of her leaving in a haste. He couldn't blame her for her actions though. She had promised never to leave him but in the end, everyone had their breaking point. It was clear to him that he had pushed her past her own although he wished he would have seen it before it happened rather than afterwards. From that day, the abysmal end to what had the potential to be a great school year, Eli went through the break from school trying to sort himself out. Taking his medication dulled him to the point where he couldn't even feel actual emotions. It was strange how numb he felt. It was a feeling he wanted to have so many times in the past but now it came at a price. Trading his creativity for sanity wasn't something he was really in the market for.
His actions turned dangerous as he became his own doctor, mandating when he would take his pills and such. It was a terrible move to make but he wanted to be free of it all and get his spark back. Going without the medication was a recipe for disaster. He grew cold and malicious, his sights only set on one main goal. He wanted Clare back and was willing to go to great lengths to obtain her once more. Eli shook his head at the thought of all that had transpired the past semester. All his tricks and underhanded motives were not moments he liked to revist but it was inevitable. In the end he was able to own up to what he had done. The final moment of weakness could also but looked at as his strongest point. The onstage manic breakdown was like an epiphany of sorts. He had reached his moment of clarity and in doing so, he had set himself free. Looking out into the crowd, his eyes found the one face he wanted to see most. As much as it meant to him to see her so effected, Eli truly couldn't think on it. That time was for himself and while he was treated to a standing ovation, he wondered what was next for himself. Where did this all leave him? What was in store? The future scared him but the promise of getting his life in had been his saving grace. He had essentially hit rock bottom and the only place to go from there was up. He made his amends with those he had hurt and hoped his sincere and earnest apologize would suffice.
It had been enough and now Eli had a whole new lease on life. He felt in control of things, as if he truly held the reigns from then on. He had taken time for himself, reevaluated his life goals thanks to his therapist and parents. It was all a work in progress, as he was well aware. There was still so much he needed to pick through but he felt as if he cleared up most of the core issues. Since getting his life in order, good things seemed to be coming his way. He was more sociable now, collecting friends around every corner. The greatest accomplishment of all was gaining Clare back. It was precarious at first, the two taking baby steps as the tried to tread this sensitive water. In all honesty, he didn't know what would come of them in the long run. After weeks of working on a solid friendship, they had found each other once more, rekindling the old flame that never quite burned out for Eli. He smiled to himself now, his mind filling with visions of the blue eyed girl he loved so much. His heart raced in his chest far too quickly but it didn't matter to him. He held her in such regards and was beside himself at there mere realization that they were together again. They fell back into their comfortable routine. It felt even better than the first time around if only because they had worked out all the kinks. Now things ran smoothly. He knew all the mistakes he had made in the past and vowed never to repeat those actions.
Eli stretched out, still under the covers without any real motivation to get up. He figured he would give himself a few more minutes to hang around. There wasn't a sense of urgency and Eli was far too fond of the comfort his bed provided. Before he had any time to further become acclimated with his current state, three loud knock on his door caused his eyes to pop open. He should have expected his father would be quick to wake him up. While his parents relaxed somewhat since he had been getting better, they still fussed over ensuring he made all his appointments. Eli groaned to himelf, burying his face in his pillow. Another knock sounded and he chose to ignore it. He closed his eyes shut and moved his body around until he was in a comfortable position. He counted down in his head from five. As soon as he mentally said the word "one", he heard the distinct sound of the door opening. "Dammit," he said under his breath as Bullfrog's loud footsteps made their way over to where he laid. "Up and at 'em, Rip Van Winkle!" his dad practically shouted as he pulled the covers off of him. Eli looked to his father then, his eyebrows furrowing and a scowl on his lips. "Ya know, your face really can get stuck like that. I've gotta say, it ain't pretty," he continued to tease. There wasn't any way conceivable for Eli to be upset with his father. He, as well as his mother, were close to him. Most days they felt like friends more so than parents.
Eli rolled his eyes dramatically as he bit back a smile. It was too easy to break into laughter at anything Bullfrog said. He was the type of person that everyone loved. Eli hoped to be that kind of father in the future. He was laidback but attentive and caring, especially in moments of need. Both his parents had the ability to give him time to learn things on his own. He was raised on trial and error. If Eli made mistakes and errors along the way, they were there to make sure he got back on track. There weren't enough words to thank them for all that they had done. He knew he had put them through hell and back over the years with worry and concern. It was never intentional though. He would never set out to bring pain to his parents but he had gotten so lost along the way that it was difficult for him to see reason. It still made him feel downcast to think he had put that strain on them but those days were behind them now; Eli was nothing short of determined to make sure there wouldn't be any room for repeats. He was tired of hurting those he cared about. As he met his father's gaze, Eli couldn't help but laugh. "Is that what happened to you then?" he countered as he rose from bed, playfully bumping into Bullfrog's side. Eli was fond of their banter, the two always trading wits as a form of dialogue. "I'll be ready in a bit, just give me about…twenty minutes and we can head out, alright?" He smirked and shook his head, raiding his dresser for the day's clothing. He could hear Bullfrog grumble something to the effect of, "Kids these days, no respect." Eli looked over his shoulder and laughed, leaving his father to himself.
He made his way to the bathroom, placing his clothes on the raditor before turning the knobs on the sink. He studied his face as he brushed his teeth, his green eyes watching his features. He looked so much happier these last few weeks. It could all go back to the start of his newly restored friendship with Clare. The largest part of his joy came by way of her going out with him again. He smiled to himself as he finished up and began running the water for his shower. All the pieces of his life were finally coming together and the finished product was a beautiful image of a life worth living. Eli continued with his morning routine, showering and changing into the clothes he'd brought along with him. He looked at his reflection, his still damp hair fell over his eyes and he pushed it from off his face. Squaring his shoulders, he took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. Once out in the hall, he could hear the television as Bullfrog caught up on the score of whatever sport what was being played. The sounds of a cheering crowd was hard not to pick up on. Eli walked tenatatively down the hall, passing his parents room. CeCe was already out of the house and off to work at her antique shop leaving just the guys to carry on with the day's task. Eli joined Bullfrog in the living room, leaning his body against the entry way. "I'm ready," he said. Bullfrog looked up and nodded, rising from his seat on the couch. He picked up the remote and turned off the TV, then tossed the control aside.
Eli smiled softly, pushing his hair from his eyes once more as he turned on his heels and moved to the front door, grabbing his jacket from the closet. He shrugged into his coat. Winter was fast approaching, the cold air instantly chilling him as he opened the door. He could hear his father getting ready and Eli opted to wait outside, leaning against the car. He exhaled, seeing his breath release into the air. The sun could be seen but he didn't feel it as he stuck his hands into his pockets, attempting to get as much warmth on his fingers as possible. He stared out at his empty neighbourhood, everyone else off at work or school. Eli drew in a breath, the air swirling around in his lungs and sending a chill down his spine. It felt reassuring though and he appreciated the simple relaxation that met him as he breathed. He turned at the sound of the front door closing back, Bullfrog's keys jangling as he stepped down the short walk way. As he unlocked the car, Eli slid into the passenger seat, putting on his seatbelt. Once Bullfrog started the engine, the space was filled with blaring riffs from the speakers. The radio was always set to Bullfrog's station. Eli grew up on classic rock where other kids were told fairytales. He preferred his upbringin without a doubt. He rested his head on the top of his seat, his eyes closing as fatigue was winning once more.
It felt as if his eyes were closed for no more than a few minutes when he felt Bullfrog shaking his shoulder. "Come on, Sleeping Beauty. We're here." Eli yawned and stretched his arms out before him and looked around himself. Glancing out the window, he could see the brick building he'd had to spend the next two hours in. Eli rubbed at his eyes stubbornly, yawning once more before pressing the button on his seatbelt. Once free of the restraint, he gripped the handle and opened the door. He felt sluggish, his body seeming to weigh more than ever as he stepped onto the sidewalk. A few people walked along, an elderly couple shuffling and a woman jogging while walking her dog. Eli watched them pass as Bullfrog fell into step next to him. The pair looked up at the building before moving forwarrd. "How are you feeling?" his father asked nonchalantly. Eli licked his lips and bit down on the lower one as he tried to completely wake himself up. He merely shrugged it all off. He had grown used to these session. They were helpful even if he was reluctant in the beginning. Anytime he walked through the glass doors, he could recall how nervous he had been the first time. He liked keeping to himself and the idea of having to be open about things that troubled him made Eli cautious. But he had gotten past that hurdle and had developed a close bond to his therapist.
"Ready as I'll ever be," he answered as he made his way into the establishment. Eli removed his hands from his pockets and blew on his fingers to allow more heat to thaw them out. The office was silent, as it normally was no matter what day he stopped in. At the start of this whole ordeal, it was unsettling to him. Silence was always appreciated but this left him feeling on edge. He wasn't sure what to expect but the first time he had gone in, he had his parents with him for the first hour. Now he went to every session alone, one on one meetings that Eli felt comfortable with. He could talk openly about his life and concerns and trust that his views actually mattered. As Eli hung about the lobby, he looked around as Bullfrog spoke to the receptionist. He glided his fingertips along the table that sat in the center of the room, a large bouquet of white orchids tastefully in the middle. The room as a whole, Eli figured, was meant to evoke a sense of calm. The neutral tones that encompassed the area did make him feel more at ease. Eli ran a hand through his hair just as the receptionist called his name. "The doctor will see you now," she said softly but just loud enough for Eli to hear in the distance that separated them. Eli glanced to his father who nodded once reassuringly. Eli smiled back tentatively as he crossed the space, pushing open the door to Dr. Rivers' office.