I squealed in delight as my best friend chased behind me, her pale full of water, spilling slightly as she ran to catch up. I fell in the sand and Tori fell on top of me her pale drenching both of us, water soaking our matching polka-dot swimsuits.
"Tor!" I complained the water was cold.
"Let's go sit on the towel with mom." I nodded. We ran over to the woman sitting on the colorful towel, she had hazel eyes and chestnut hair that was braided down her back for the outing at the beach.
"Hi girls!" Tori's mom greeted us.
"Mom, will you teach me how to braid hair?" I asked Tori's mother, I called her mom because Mrs. Vega was too long and there was no way I was going to call her Holly. She nodded and reached for Tori's hair.
"I'll start it and you can finish okay?" I grinned and watched as she expertly twisted the strands of hair together. I copied her every move but it still came out a bit messier than hers had been.
"That's a good start Jade. Keep practicing and you'll get even better." I smiled up at her.
"Can you show me now mom?" Tori asked. I grinned and turned around; there was nothing I loved more than when people played with my hair. Tori braided my hair and then we went to the bathroom to see our work. When we came back our mothers were packing up and the sun was setting in the sky.
"Girls, Holly and I are going to go start dinner why don't you play on the playground for a while; your fathers will bring you home when dinner's ready."
"Okay love you mom!" I said running up and kissing both mine and Tori's mother on the cheek.
"I love you too!" Tori said falling in behind me. We watched our mothers get into the car and pull out of the parking lot. Little did we know it was the last time we would ever see our mothers.
10 years later
Last week I celebrated my seventeenth birthday. I had a small birthday party with my friends from school; my one joy in life was the performing arts school I attended. It's been ten years since my mother passed away but no one at school knows, they don't understand why I am extra bitchy this week they just know to stay away. I braided my black hair and put on my signature black outfit. Almost all the clothes I wore were black, but today I was wearing the color for a different reason. I was mourning. I had on a black skirt and black corset top. I wore a black sweater over it for church knowing I needed to look proper. I sat in the front pew and waited for my father to start his sermon as he spoke of love and tragedy I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. He was uplifting but I could not bring myself to be happy, this was why I hated church. Everything dad said always seemed directed at me. He wondered why I didn't come to morning mass more often but that was the reason. When I got up for communion I saw a familiar face in the back of the church, or so I thought, it wasn't possible that it was the same person. On my way to sit down I glanced again and saw the solemn face of David Vega, my dad's best friend from college, the husband of my mother's best friend. I sighed pulling tissues out of my purse; If Mr. Vega was here I knew things could get emotional. My dad mentioned that he came to visit every once and awhile, after the accident David and Tori had left for the East Coast saying there were to many memories. I imagined that they had never gotten there, that they were a couple hours away from LA but still in California somewhere. We had lost contact about 5 years after the accident. The last time I had seen Tori, we were twelve. We'd begun to develop very different personalities but somehow we got along. I wondered absently about what she was like now. I clutched at the ring that hung around my neck, my mother's wedding ring. Thinking of Tori always reminded me of our parents. Mass ended and I slowly made my way to the back of the church to take my place next to my father.
"David, how wonderful to see you again!" My dad exclaimed. As I looked at Mr. Vega I noticed he had on clerical clothing. I looked at him suspiciously. There was no way; could he really be a priest?
"Jim, I was wondering if we could stay at your house for a few days, I know it's a lot to ask, but Tori and I are moving up to LA and we have to get the housing situation sorted out, I'm sure you know how that is." He said chuckling.
"Of course you can! It'll be just like when we were roommates." My father said delighted. They started talking and I stood there half-listening, half day dreaming.
"Jade, you've grown so much! Tori always talks about you, she wished she could've come today but she's auditioning for an arts school she wants to go to. She should be back a bit later in the day." My eyes widened.
"Hollywood Arts?" Mr. Vega nodded and before I could say anything my dad interrupted.
"Wonderful! That's where Jade goes! I'm sure she'll love it!"
Tori
I sighed today marked 10 years since my mother's life was taken from us in a fatal car accident. Today I couldn't attend mass like I normally do; I had to audition for an arts school. I was excited for the school but having to audition on this day just made everything worse. I was walking into the school and I still hadn't picked a song to sing. I walked into the audition; it was a table of judges. I had brought my guitar so I set it down before going over to shake their hands. The first man introduced himself as Erwin Sikowitz I shook his hand and then watched in horror as he pulled out a coconut and started sucking on it, was that normal? The next woman introduced herself as Helen; she was the principal of the school. The last man on the table looked a bit intimidating I shook his hand and he told me that I was to call him Vice Principal Dickers. I nodded and walked back over to my guitar, it was time to pick which song I wanted to sing and I knew just what song.
"When I was seven, my mother and her best friend died in a car accident. It was ten years ago today. They used to sing this song to me and to Mrs. West's daughter Jade. When they were in the hospital we would sing this to them for hours, so this is the song I'm going to sing for you, Blackbird." A vivid memory of Jade and I holding each other in the hospital singing this song appeared in my mind. I began to strum the chords lightly.
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.
Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise. "
When I ended the song a single tear rolled down my cheek. Sikowitz and Dickers both turned to Helen who nodded. They compared notes for a minute and then Helen spoke up. "Alright, Tori, we don't usually do this but we would like to offer you a spot in our school right now. You can meet with Lane our guidance counselor to figure out a schedule and then start classes. You're audition was amazing, you were meant to be here honey." Then Helen and Dickers got up and walked me out. Sikowitz was still sipping his coconut. I met with the guidance counselor who seemed very nice, he helped me figure out a balanced schedule , he even introduced me to one of the students who was supposed to help show me around for a while his name was Andre Harris. We got along really well. He loved music; he showed me his locker which was a keyboard that unlocked when you played a cool tune.
"So Tori, are you ready for your first class?" I shrugged. He grinned.
"It's alright to be nervous, but Sikowitz is really chill, I'm sure you'll do fine." I nodded and walked with him to class.
"Hey guys! This is Tori, Tori these are my friends, Robbie and his puppet Rex, Cat Valentine, Beck Oliver, and…" My eyes widened.
"Jade West" I finished. He looked at me confused.
"Vega? When did you finally escape from that hell hole?" My eyes widened and for the first time I took her in completely. First her carefree tone, second she called me Vega, third she was hot, and she was the most attractive woman I have ever seen. She was dressed in black from head to toe; even her black hair was braided down her back. She had beautiful curves but the most striking thing about her was her beautiful blue eyes that shone with hurt. I knew why they did but I couldn't talk to her about it now. It had been years since I'd seen her.
"Dad finally made the decision to come up here when he became a priest took him long enough. I heard Mr. West did the same." Jade nodded.
"Jesus Vega, call him Jim you've known him as l have. You look very cheery today." She said bitterly.
"Trust me this is not my style, I just promised Dad that I would dress nice for the audition today. It's why I missed mass." I told her honestly. My little flowery skirt and coral colored blouse were certainly not me. I hoped she would realize that.
"So you two obviously know each other." Andre said awkwardly breaking into the conversation. The two girls rolled their eyes at him simultaneously. Neither girl responded to him but they both went and sat down.
"So Andre, tell me a little more about your friends?" I went back to being the sweet carefree girl with Andre.
"Sure I'll start with Robbie, he's pretty weird most of the time but he's the best ventriloquist here at Hollywood Arts and man when he puts down his puppet to sing or play the guitar he's really talented. Then there's Cat. She's not always the brightest but her singing, dancing, and acting rival anyone's here. Beck he's a blank page. He's dating Jade and is an amazing actor. Jade Is well the best female singer songwriter, actor and script writer, dancer and choreographer we have here but she's also very...ganky. She strikes fear in everyone but she also can be nice when you're working on a project. It seems like you know her pretty well. She didn't even yell at you." I nodded.
"They sound cool Andre, but Jade and I, I really don't want to talk about it okay?" He nodded. Sikowitz didn't show so I ran home to change. I put on black vans with black ripped jeans, a black band tee shirt and braided my hair down my back. I got back just in time for lunch.
"Well Vega, the outfit is much more fitting." I sat next to Jade at the lunch table occupied by Andre's group of friends. The only thing I had on that wasn't black was the wooden Saints bracelets on my wrist. I grabbed Jade's hand under the table and slipped a bracelet onto her wrist. She didn't even look down to see what I was doing and that was fine with me. Beck sat on the other side of Jade and Andre on the other side of me. Robbie was going on about how his mother hated Rex. I could feel tension building around the table. I didn't know if Jade had told anyone what today was but I could tell she was getting upset. Suddenly she stood from the table. She bent down towards Robbie and in a voice so low I could barely hear her said,
"Shut up about you goddamn problems with your fucking puppet. Your mother hates the piece of shit because it holds you back from being who you really are. You should be grateful that you have a mother and one that cares about your stupid ass problems." My eyes widened. She seemed so dangerous in that moment and I knew she was just letting the hurt get the better of her. She stormed into HA but no one at the table moved. I turned to Beck.
"Shouldn't you go after her?" I asked him. He didn't really seem to care.
"Nah, she's like this all the time. It's better not to get involved." I looked around and realized that while everyone seemed genuinely scared of Jade no one seemed concerned about her or shocked at her actions. I forcefully got up and shoved my food away.
"Well if there's one thing I know it's that someone insane doesn't act like that. She's not pissed off or mad. She's hurt." I ran into the school after Jade. I finally found her in the janitor's closet. She was crying lightly and inspecting the bracelet I had placed on her wrist.
"I don't need your fucking help Vega or your sympathy." I rolled my eyes.
"Sure you don't come on; your hair is falling out." I sat next to her and motioned for her to turn her back to me. She did and I started running my hands through her hair taking out her braid and trying to sooth her. I gently re-did it and waited for her to open up.
"It's so hard Vega. It's been 10 years and I still can't get over it! What the hell am I going to do?" I sighed. I was struggling with it too.
"I don't know. I miss my mom everyday Jade. I want to know more but dad never tells me anything. I don't even think we have a home to go to tonight. I don't want you to get upset but why haven't you told any of your friends about it?" She tilted her head back and looked up at me.
"I didn't want them to be careful around me or treat me differently. Beck is already clueless enough as is." She leaned her head back onto my shoulder.
"Yeah about that, your boyfriend is an asshole and I so don't approve so do me a favor and tell me you haven't slept with him." I put the elastic into her hair so that the braid wouldn't fall out.
"Do you want me to lie? You're staying with us while you get settled so you do have a home." I looked at her relaxed face.
"Our lives are so fucked up." Her eyes shot to my face most likely because I wasn't swearing as much as she did and it came as a shock.
"They are. We should probably go back out." I nodded. Walking out of the Janitor's closet felt surreal, Jade had opened up in there but back out here I didn't know how friendly she was going to be.
"Vega, what class do you have?" I looked at my timetable.
"Advanced Vocals. You?" She nodded her head silently telling me she had the same. Apparently so did Cat and Andre.
"Jade are you okay?" Cat asked. Jade gave her a half smirk but sat next to me. The teacher then walked in, he looked to be in his late 20's or early 30's he wore a nice suit and seemed to be pretty calm.
"He gives us assignments for the week. He's pretty cool." Andre told me. He was sitting in front of me next to Cat.
"Alright Class, this week you're going to pair up with the person sitting next to you and I want a song describing what is going on in your life to be performed on Friday. The song can be about one of you or both of you but you both have to take part in the singing aspect of the song. The rest of class will be free time to work." He sat behind his desk and graded papers. I turned to Jade.
"I'm assuming you don't want to do this right now?" She laughed and almost everyone in the class turned to look, I guess that wasn't a usual sound coming from Jade.
"You assumed correctly Vega. Now you've asked me too many questions, I think it's time I asked you one. Are you a good catholic girl?" Jade said this with a salacious smirk and it made me shiver. Where the hell did this girl come from?
"Well, I go to daily mass every morning. Confession every two weeks, I don't have a boyfriend with whom I fornicate and I love our Lord God above all things. So I guess you could say...Yes." This time Jade laughed even more freely. Even the teacher looked up from his work to see what was going on. I was being honest with her but also a little snarky.
"You, Miss Jade West I would hope could answer in the same way?" I asked grinning back at her.
"Well, I do happen to be in our church youth group and the daughter of a minister, so I suppose I would say yes." She was still smirking but her eyes were no longer lighting up.
"Vega let's cut the crap. I really wanted to know. I'm assuming your answer wasn't all bullshit so I'd like if you answered these questions honestly too. Does it bother you when I curse? Or that I've fucked Beck?" I pondered the question for a moment.
"Jade if you couldn't already tell I'm not a nun. I swear myself, not as much but I do. And the only reason it bothers me that you're sleeping with Beck is because I think he's an ass." She nodded.
"Fair enough, but why do you think he's an ass?" I didn't know whether to tell her the truth or not.
"It pissed me off that when you stormed out today he wasn't concerned in the least. No wait correction, he was concerned that he would get burned by your wrath. It also pissed me off that he couldn't tell that you were hurt not angry. Which in his defense, he doesn't know everything about you so he might not catch on that you were hurt by what Robbie was saying but that doesn't mean it didn't annoy me any less." She contemplated what I was saying and shrugged.
"I think it is kind of my fault for not opening up to him about mom. There was no way for him to know. How averse would you be to skipping school Vega?" I looked at her. I had pre-calculus last period and any reason to skip that class was good.
"It's not like I'm going to get perfect attendance anyway. Plus we could totally just ball our eyes out when we get home and not get in trouble." Jade smirked.
"I don't know about you, but my dad knows not to question me. The best time was when I was out until about eleven and dad asked where I had been and I told him I was at the convent." I threw my head back and laughed, I could just see his reaction right now.
"Come on let's go before we get anymore weird looks." We both got up and left. The teacher didn't question it so I figured Jade must really have quite the reputation at this school. I got in her car and we drove back to a small little house.
"So I don't really know why you're going to share with us, our house is really small, theirs two bedrooms so I figure we'll share, and that way your dad can take the couch." I nodded.
"Sounds good. Our dad's must be out right now but they already put my suitcase in here so I'm assuming that was their plan too." I looked at Jade.
"So you can unpack if you want. I only use half of this closet anyway and I'll start making some space in the drawers." I started putting all the clothes I needed hung up in the closet which consisted mostly of my church clothes. When I got that out of the way Jade had cleared two drawers for me.
"If you don't mind, all the rest of my clothes are going in these drawers, I already took care of the church clothes so no need to treat anything nicely." Jade rolled her eyes.
"Like I would anyway Vega." She started grabbing stuff and filling the one drawer while I filled the other. Her room was very plain, it was obvious that she intended to leave it the way she found it.
"Vega, please tell me you wear these all the time." Jade said with a shit eating grin as she pulled out a lacy thong. I blushed all over. I didn't say anything I just grabbed it from her and shoved it in a drawer.
"Wow Vega no comment! I thought you didn't have a boyfriend to fornicate with?" Jade questioned teasingly. I rolled my eyes at her teasing.
"I don't have a boyfriend." Jade quirked an eyebrow.
"Is that guilt I hear? Does Vega need to go to confession?" I grinned back at her.
"At least I don't fornicate with my boyfriend regularly." She laughed whole heartedly.
"I suppose your right; sex only has two true purposes. Babies and bonding. Hey Vega if you want to bond better I could finger you." Jade wiggled her eyebrows at me but I pushed her off her bed giggling.
"Come on let's finish putting my stuff away and then we can relax." Jade sighed but got to work. When we finished Jade suggested she show me the church her dad worked at.
"So our church is pretty large and right now we share a priest with the parish in the next town to cover all the masses. We're looking for another priest so maybe your dad can join here. We started the parish youth group and it meets every Sunday to talk for half an hour after the 9:30 mass and we also help out with the food pantry on Sunday if it's shorthanded. We have longer meetings on Tuesdays. We start off by asking questions to a priest and getting honest answers on what the church believes, and then we break into groups of like 5 and share our problems. After that we do some form of group prayer and then we eat. It's pretty great." Jade told me this as we walked down the street. We didn't need to get in the car because the church was so close. When we got there the church was huge. There were many pews and there were two separate chapels. One main church upstairs and then in the basement there was a smaller more friendly chapel. Jade showed me the small room with couches that they use for the youth group meeting and the even smaller confessional rooms they use to break into small groups. I suddenly came up with an idea.
"Hey Jade, these are confessionals right?" She nodded.
"What if we shut and lock the door and confess." I asked slyly.
"Vega, I like the way you think." Jade walked over and shut the door.
"Okay let's make a promise right now that we will talk about everything that is bothering us and if something is bothering us, we can come here anytime together and do the same." Jade said quietly. I agreed.
"Why don't we go back and forth? You say something that's bothering you and then I will etc." Jade nodded.
"Vega, I still think about what happened every day and I miss mom all the time. Dad won't tell me anything at all no matter how many times I ask."
"The same thing bothers me too Jade. I want to know more. But to be fair I'll share something else. I'm a virgin. It probably shouldn't bother me because I guess it's a good thing but I feel like such an outcast. At my old school everyone called me a prude and innocent. It still bothers me. Heck I've only ever kissed one boy in my life and I don't count it because it didn't last for longer than a second. I'm seventeen and I've never been kissed."
"Can we talk about that now Vega? Or did you not want a discussion; you just wanted to get it off your chest?" I sighed. I really wanted to talk but at the same time I wanted to share everything so it was all out in the open. I needed someone to talk too. Ever since my mom died I had bottled everything up, it wasn't like I could talk to my dad about this stuff; he's a priest.
"When my dad tried to have the sex talk with me he basically gave me all the churches reasoning for waiting until you were married. I loved him for trying but I was already fucking Beck at the time."
"I told you about how everyone called me a prude. They also called me a Jesus freak and teased me about becoming a nun. On day someone wrote Sister Victoria Vega on my locker. That's why I wanted to be so cool and hang with you today. I'm afraid of becoming an outcast again, of everyone finding out my faith and making fun of it." Jade took my hand because she realized I needed the support.
"One time while I was dating Beck I went out as friends with Andre and I kissed him. I never told Beck about it and I constantly feel guilty because I know he would never do something like that to me."
"Once I was walking out of church this man put a knife to my throat and pulled me down an ally I didn't have any money so he got mad and threw me to the ground. I blacked out and don't remember anything from that day." Jade gasped and pulled me close to her.
"One time after mom died dad started yelling, he was really drunk and it was before he turned to God, he told me that it was all my fault that mom had died. I was only thirteen at the time. And I...I cut myself. It lasted for a while. Once dad stopped drinking, I found the strength to stop too." We were sitting on the ground. I looked at her arms but she shook her head. I reached for the hem of her skirt and locked eyes with her she nodded once that it was okay. I pulled her skirt up and saw faint angry red marks on her thighs. They contrasted greatly with her creamy white skin. I gripped her hand tighter and put her skirt back down.
"When you left I felt alone, that was when all the teasing started and without any friends or a mom I thought dark thoughts, many times I pictured ending my life, dad saw the depression and he took me to church." I said. She hugged me tightly before letting me go.
"I don't really have anything else right now; do you want to talk about the bullying at your old school?" I looked at her sheepishly.
"Probably about as much as you want to discuss your relationship with Beck." she nodded.
"Okay then I'll start. When I'm with Beck sometimes I feel great. Other times I get repulsed by him, I don't understand it but sometimes I just imagine him with gentle curves instead of rock hard abs. I used to love his carefree personality because I was in charge all the time but more and more I'm realizing it's not what I want. I want someone I can open up to and be honest with not someone who only knows what I think they would like. But I feel like I can't trust him enough to tell him and we've already been together for a long time." I locked eyes with Jade, trying to convey what I wanted to say. I thought about her situation.
"I'm the last person you should probably go to for relationship advice but I think that if you've been dating Beck long enough to sleep with him, but you can't trust him enough to show him all of you then maybe you're not a good match." Jade looked at me thoughtfully.
"Wow Vega, I never really thought about it that way but you're right. Maybe I should go to you for dating advice. And I don't know about you but I feel like a weight has been lifted after telling someone this maybe we should do it more often." I nodded and grabbed her hand. I needed the reminder that she was physical, that she was here now and wasn't going away.
"I'm so glad we moved here. I needed friends. I was drowning Jade, the insults hurt so much and I couldn't talk to dad. I couldn't turn to God; he was why I was getting bullied. I went through the motions of everything for dad but every chance I got I denied my faith. I just feel so conflicted and scared all the time. What if it starts again?" I felt tears roll down my cheek the silence was deafening. Jade put an arm around me to comfort me and I clung to her like an anchor. Even though she wasn't bullied I knew she could relate to the pain. I let her sit there and share it with me.
"Honestly Tori, I am so sorry for everything you've gone through. If I could go and beat every single person who hurt you into the ground I would but it wouldn't help you. I want you to look into my eyes and hear what I am saying right now...can you do that?" I nodded. Jade grabbed my chin and brought my face up to hers.
"Tori, you are loved. I love you, your dad loves you. My dad loves you. God loves you. All our friends even. Our moms, looking down from wherever they are right now love you okay? You are beautiful because you are you. You have friends now, you can depend on me. Andre, Cat, Robbie and even Beck all are your friends. If anyone here tries to hurt you they will have to come through us. I want you to be yourself. I want you to live your faith if that is what you choose. I will always accept and love you no matter what, and I know our friends will too. Life is hard, and we all have baggage, our cross to bear if you want to call it that. But you're strong and you've got me to lean on." The tears came out faster, the hot liquid warming my cheeks. I grasped her body close to mine, as close as I could get. I let my tears drip onto her.
"You have me to lean on too Jade. I will help you with anything. You don't know how much this means to me." I struggled to get out the words, but I realized I had never said anything more true or anything more selfless and wonderful.
"Come on Vega, you gotta pull yourself together so we can go home." When I looked at her I saw her eyes were bloodshot too.
"Why can't confession be like this Jade?" She shook her head at me.
"I have no idea."
Little did the two girls know that two very shocked priests sat on the other side of the door.
"Dave, our little girls."
"I know Jim, I know, but there's nothing we can do. At least they have each other. I think it's time we told them."
"Everything?"
"Everything."