He takes a deep breath and reminds himself for the thousandth time why he's doing it: because it's important to Quinn, and they're dating. She's been kind of psycho ever since he met her for prom, and he's fully aware of how much she wants to be prom queen. Finn knows they're going to win because he paid Jacob Ben Israel what he had left of his Sheets N' Things money to make her win, only to find out that that asshole already knew that he and Quinn had won. Of course, he had kept his mouth shut about everything with Quinn. She would be mad if he ruined the 'surprise' and he had learned that scary Quinn was the worst of all the Quinn split personality modes that he had. He had no desire to see that come out. Actually, he had little desire to do any of this at all, but he was reminding himself that he was dating Quinn now. He had to put up with this and after tonight, it would all be over and hopefully Quinn would go back to being semi-normal.
But his heart's not in this. Mostly because he knows that he's here with the wrong person.
He's had that feeling a lot lately. That feeling that he's screwing up major time and he doesn't know how to fix it. Sure, to anyone else, the answer would be simple, but Finn Hudson was always dense and sometimes, it took someone to knock him over the head with a metaphorical chair for him to see things. So he was still stuck on trying to figure out why everything felt so wrong. But tonight, he's not confused. He knows who he wants to be holding hands with. He knows who he really wanted to pick out a corsage for. He knows that even if she looks ridiculous to everyone else, his body is going to do that weird thing that always happens when he looks at Rachel lately. He stops breathing and his heart beats really fast and he feels like he forgets that he knows how to speak, walk, or carry out any other vital function. It scares him that he feels that way, still, even after she broke his heart.
It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't sing that song for him. That song at Regionals was weighing heavily on his mind. No one had ever written a song for him, and he hadn't realized how hard all of this was on her until he had heard her sing. He just wanted to run out onto stage and pull her into his arms and apologize for being such an idiot and hold her and never let go, but he had felt Quinn's piercing glare behind him, and after Regionals she had confronted him about it.
"You have to let her go, Finn," she had said, looking at him almost sympathetically. As sympathetic as it was possible for Quinn to be, considering that she was a selfish bitch most of the time. "You know you're holding her back. You belong here with me, with Burt and your mother. We're going to win prom queen and king and we're going to get married after high school and start a family. You're going to look back someday and know you did the right thing."
He knows that none of Quinn's words are really about Rachel. Quinn's words are about Quinn and Quinn alone. She's having some kind of crisis, Finn can tell, he just doesn't know how to deal with it. He's hoping he can talk to her after prom is all over. Tomorrow, he's going to confront her about it, but not tonight. As she's reminded him about a thousand times, tonight is their night, they're going to win prom king and Quinn and-
"FINN!"
Her tone is shrill and he realizes he's done that thing where he's spaced out and forgotten to nod periodically so Quinn thinks he's still paying attention. "Sorry," he replies, but he's not sure that he is. "I was just thinking about what it's going to be like when we're crowned prom king and queen," he lies, and that seems to placate her. Instantly, her face lights up and she starts rambling on again. If he wasn't totally disinterested in what she was saying, he might even realize that the light in her eyes is why he first fell for Quinn. Her enthusiasm and her joy… true, it's marred now with a lot of stalkerish obsession, but for a second, it's there, and it's enough to remind him that maybe things won't be so bad.
Okay, who is he kidding, everything is going to go fucking wrong, but at least he has a few seconds to pretend like that's not true. His eyes are still hurting from what seemed like a million pictures taken by her mother and the professional photographer she hired. Her dress is silver and his tie matches exactly. She had it custom made for him and everything. Honestly, he's more like the lackey on the Quinn Fabray train of domination. Deep down, he knows that everything is going to unravel as soon as this is over, but he's still living in a happy bubble where Quinn's interest in him didn't just extend to this whole prom thing.
"This is it," she squees, and she pulls out one of her hundred watt smiles. He follows her out of the limo (which he hired because she not-so-subtly instructed him that she wanted one) and this feels wrong. It's all wrong. But, he smiles and convinces himself that he's just being stupid, looking around instead and trying not to reveal how uncomfortable he is that there are so many eyes on him.
He's not two steps past the door when he's looking for every pink dress he can find. He knows that she's going to be going in pink, because what other color would she be wearing? She's Rachel Berry, after all.
When he finally spots her, he thinks he might just like have a heart attack and die or something. He's never been so captivated by anyone. For a second he catches her eye, and it's at that exact second that Quinn laces her fingers with his and reminds him that she's his date, without saying the words. "Let's go thank our sure votes," she smiles, pulling him along.
He looks back at her, but she's looking down at her hands before letting herself get swept into the conversation she was having with Mercedes and Sam before their glances met. He's never been more angry at himself.
The night passes quickly. He's seated with some of the other football guys, and Karofsky and Santana, which is the weirdest couple he has ever seen in his whole life. Not that it matters, she's spent her whole night looking over at Brittany, and he's sure he's seen her dabbing at her eyes once or twice, because the blonde has never so much as returned a glance, she's so wrapped up in her boyfriend. He's made a concerted effort (a phrase that Rachel taught him) not to look at her, or anyone on the right side of the room, for that matter, just in case. He doesn't want Quinn to catch him looking and what's more, he doesn't want to do something stupid.
When Principal Figgins stands up on stage, Finn knows that the moment is coming. "Hello students. I hope you have been enjoying the 53rd annual McKinley High prom. Let's give a hand to the prom committee for organizing such a classy event," he says, clapping enthusiastically (though the Principal is one of the only ones – the school gym isn't exactly classy). "It is now the time to announce the winners of the 53rd annual McKinley High prom King and Queen award. This year, we had two sets of contestants. Miss Lauren Zises and Noah Puckerman, and Quinn Fabray and Finn Hudson." He sighs as Quinn rolls her eyes that he says her name like Faaaaah-Bray instead of Fuh-Bray and squeezes her hand as a gesture of support. "Here to present the crown is me, Principal Figgins, because last year's winner, Mindy Hitchens was attacked by a rabid swarm of bees and is in hospital recovering." Finn winces because that sounds like it hurts, but Quinn's elbowing hurts a lot more. Jesus, he's not even allowed to feel sympathy pain for anyone anymore.
"And your 53rd McKinley High Prom King and Queen are…" (Finn thinks that he might die of boredom at the length of the dramatic pause) "Finn Hudson and Quinn Fabray!"
Finn is sure his ears are going to be ringing for days from the loud squee that Quinn gives. She starts crying and she jumps up and she's doing this weird thing that looks like she's scooping the air or something. He doesn't understand but he stands and gives a nervous smile as he straightens up his tie because Quinn will kill him if his tie is crooked in the picture that'll undoubtedly end up in the yearbook. She'll find him and rip his throat out like some kind of crazy possessed demon.
They go up on stage and he helps her with the train of her dress. She's still crying as the tiara is put on her head, and as he bends down to accept his crown, he catches Rachel's eye again. The look on her face is a look he's seen before. It's the only thing that he remembers about that first day of having mono symptoms. It's the same look that showed up on her face when she asked if he saw fireworks when he kissed her. Like she's been defeated. She can't even muster up the courage to clap or to look like her heart is anything other than entirely broken.
It's at that moment when he realize that the night isn't going to go wrong, it's been wrong since before Christmas. "I have something to say," he says, looking at Principal Figgins.
"Mr. Hudson, Prom Kings don't usually make spee-"
Finn shoos him aside and ignores Quinn's confused look with a large helping of death glare warning him to stop whatever the hell he's about to do.
"I have something to say," he repeats, into the microphone this time, which he rips out of the stand because Lord knows it's going to kill his back to stretch down that far.
"I'm stupid," he announces, and the crowd roars with laughter. "No, I am. I think I was dropped on my head as a kid or something. My mom says that I spend too much time playing video games but I think she's wrong cause I read that it helps with hand-eye coordination and stuff and there's those Brain games for the Nintendo DS," he rambles. That's a bad habit, he rambles when he's nervous. Luckily, he picks up on it and shakes his head.
"Anyways," he continues, looking over at Rachel. She's reaching for Sam's water glass because she's finished her own. He knows what that's about. He knows about the star cup she keeps on her nightstand. He knows she's pretending she's thirsty because she doesn't want to admit that she's sad. "The point is, I make a lot of dumb decisions. I do things because I get scared, or because I'm hurt, and I end up looking back and regretting them. And tonight, I made another mistake."
Quinn looks like she wants to kill him, and Mr. Schuester has magically appeared on stage. He looks ready to pounce at any second, like one of those bodyguards on Jerry Springer, but he's about as white as they come and this isn't totally staged. He takes a deep breath and continues. "As much of an honor as it is to be crowned Prom King, I have to decline. Because I can't be up here and pretend like everything is okay and flash my teeth for pictures, which Quinn made me get zoom whitened by the way so sorry if I'm like, blinding you or something. I can't stand up here and pretend like this is the best life of my night, because it's not."
He hasn't taken his eyes off of Rachel, and as he pauses to catch a breath, he realizes that everyone else is staring at her too, since they've apparently all caught on. Everyone except for Rachel, who is sitting with her back turned from the stage and gesturing at Kurt for something, probably his glass of water. Honestly, it's a good thing that she's not into alcohol because he could see her whole life flashing before her if she had been.
"I said, this isn't the best night of my life," he repeats, like he's expecting her to turn around. She doesn't.
"Oh for God's sakes, Berry, turn the fuck around," Santana yells, rolling her eyes as she shakes her head, mumbling something about 'charming' that he can't make out. Rachel's kind of scared of Santana, so she does what she says, and it's only as she looks up that she seems to grasp that he's actually been trying to talk to her in front of the whole junior class.
"I made another mistake. Actually, I made a few mistakes. I got angry and I refused to look past someone's mistake, when I make mistakes all the time and she's always forgiven me. I was a hypocrite. I've had so many chances to make things right with her, but I haven't. And I can't stand up here and pretend like I campaigned with the right girl to be prom royalty."
He looks around the room and suddenly he clues into the fact that everyone can see this happening. He swallows hard and his heart beats fast. What if she says she doesn't want him back? He gets nervous and looks around the room. Luckily, his brother catches his eye and gives him a proud, reassuring nod, and Finn smiles back at him. Thanks, Kurt.
"Rachel, I'm dumb. I mean, I get lost when you start using all those big words and sometimes I feel like I need a dictionary to understand you, but I like that. I love you, and I'm sorry that it took me standing up here with Psycho Barbie to-"
"Bitch, that's my line!" Santana screamed, crossing her arms over her chest unhappily.
"Ugh, shut up, Santana. Let the man finish," Mercedes called, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry that it took me standing up here with Quinn to realize that I want to be with you. Only you. If I am going to be standing up here with anyone, it should be you. It's always going to be you. You look really pretty and stuff in your dress, by the way, and yeah, that was what I wanted to say." He hangs up the microphone and stares at her. She's sitting there and she looks like she's been frozen. Her eyes are wide and she's making another face that he's seen before.
"Break a leg," she mouths, finally, and he smiles. One of the smiles that he reserves for her. He watches her stand up and it's like one of those moments in the movies where people start clapping and moving aside for her and his grin grows wider and –
"AAAAAAAAAH!"
He hears her before he sees her.
"OH!" comes the voice from the crowd as Quinn tackles him with a surprising amount of force, considering that she's pretty much a feather.
"You stupid boy! You're ruining my life. This was supposed to be my night! I'm supposed to be a successful real estate agent! You're not supposed to make speeches about Rachel Berry and how great she is! This is my prom! MINE!" she yells, beating him with her fists. She looks absolutely crazy, and finally, Mr. Schuester pulls her off of him, but he's still kicking and screaming and Finn just sits there, stupefied. For once, he's in the status quo.
It takes a second for the commotion to settle, but when it does, suddenly Finn and Rachel are old news to everyone, Quinn's meltdown taking precedence. To everyone but Finn and Rachel, that is. He stands up and makes his way down the stage, walking quickly to where she's standing on the side, waiting for him. He smiles at her, and she doesn't say anything. She's just staring up at him, her dark brown eyes wider than he's ever seen them.
"Is you not being able to talk right now a good thing or a bad thing?" he asks, shifting awkwardly on his feet.
He has to be careful not to fall on her as she pulls his face down to hers and presses her lips against his forcefully. Yeah, it's totally a good thing.