Author's Note: For those of you wondering when I'll continue my Down a dark path-stories... It's in the works. This is just something I had to get out of my system. I hope you enjoy it!
"He's brooding again."
"Yes, I can see that, thank you very much. The fact that I died of old age doesn't mean I'm blind, you know. What do you want me to do about it?"
"You could talk to him."
"Me? I've been away far too long to be able to say anything even remotely significant to him. I don't even know him! He's kept his memories locked up tight ever since he got here. Rude, that's what he is. Rude and skinny."
"You have a point there. Why not let Nine talk to him, then? He's closest to him."
"Are you serious? I hardly had the time to get to know myself, me being busy with feeling guilty and all. If it hadn't been for Rose I would've been sitting right next to him. As it stands now I don't even have a clue on how to approach mister Fortress of Solitude."
Nine nods in Ten's direction.
"No, I think our best bet is either Five or Seven."
Three waves a hand and snorts.
"Five? I get that. Five showed us Ten said to him he was 'his favorite Doctor'. But Seven? Why? If anything Seven is even broodier than Ten. And at least we know what he's brooding about!"
"No, hold on, I think Nine may have a point," One interjects.
"After all, Five already tried. It was a pleasant enough conversation and we did learn a few things, but it was all just small talk, nothing useful at all. And as soon as he left Ten alone again his smile faded and he started, well, simmering again."
The three former personalities of the Doctor look at their latest addition to 'the family'. Ten sits on a lonely rock, surrounded by a veil of shadows, staring into space. His elbows rest on his knees and his hands are folded together. It's the same pose he's been sitting in ever since he arrived and the others have gotten quite fed up with his secrecy and the downright rejection of him sharing his memories. One is the first to look away. Three and Nine turn their heads to him again soon after.
"So," One says after a moment of silence, "Seven it is?"
"... so you see, we think you stand the best chance of getting through to him," One concludes his somewhat lengthy explanation.
Seven rubs his chin, then looks at all three of them in turn.
"Very well. I must say I haven't really had a decent chance to have a good talk with him yet. I'll do it, but… On one condition."
"What?" Three asks, a weary tone in his voice.
"You lot keep your distance. I'll lock you all out during my talk with him, understood? And no prying from either one of you or I'll tell him about it immediately. Which means you'll lose any chance of getting him to open up ever again."
Seven gives each of them a hard look until they accept his terms with an almost synchronized nod.
"Splendid! Well then, no sense in me hanging about here any longer, might as well go visit him right away."
The room around them disappears as soon as Seven gets up, puts on his Panama hat and grabs his umbrella.
"I'd say 'wish me luck', but you know what I think of such platitudes, so off I go!"
With that Seven disappears into thin air, leaving the three other Doctors standing in a grey, barren wasteland.
"I hate it when he does that," Three sneers, "I mean, we all know he's still the strongest of us in here, no need to rub our noses in it all the time."
"That, my friend, is exactly why he's the one with the biggest chance of getting through to Ten. Or haven't you noticed how Ten is the only one who 'cancels out' Seven's landscapes?"
"And that's precisely why I'm concerned. They are so much alike. What if, what if he…"
One's voice trails off and he becomes lost in thoughts. Nine and Three know better than to try and wake him from such an 'episode'. Last time they did, they'd had to deal with his incessant ramblings about their childhood for seven straight hours. Not even Four's jelly babies could hold One's attention. Only when both Two and Seven had threatened to lock him away for a while had One snapped out of it. That had not been one of their finest shared moments. In the end they realized they couldn't even hold it against him. After all, One had been here longer than anyone and he'd been alone until Two arrived.
Three turns away from One and starts the long walk through Seven's landscape. Nine gives One a melancholic look, then turns around as well to follow Three.
"Fancy a cuppa when we get back?" he asks after a few minutes.
"Might as well. It's not like we can do anything else. Say, did I ever tell you about that time I had to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow to save the population of two planets orbiting a dwarf star?"
Ten ignores Seven's presence until he stands right in front of him. Only then does Ten lift his head to look at a face he thought he'd never see again. The dark anger he expressed when he first joined the others still lingers in his brown eyes.
"Go away," he states flatly, then resumes his staring.
"No," Seven replies matter-of-factly, "because you and I, we have business to discuss. Important business. About how you're going to get out of here."
That does the trick. Ten's head snaps up and an eager look appears on his face.
"Wait, what?"
"Sssh, keep your voice down and don't look too interested. They can't listen in through me, but they can still keep an eye on us."
Seven motions in the general direction of the others.
"Oh, right, right. I see…"
Seven inclines his head, then sits down in front of Ten on an idential rock that appears out of nowehere. Both lean forward until their noses almost touch.
"Hello Ten. How've you been?"
Ten smirks.
"I could say 'can't complain', but then I'd be lying through my teeth. I hate it here. I hate being dead. I hate not being in control anymore. And I hate the fact that I'm stuck here with all of you. Except Five. I like Five. Yep, Five is okay in my book. No offense to you, of course."
"None taken. I know what you mean. This isn't what any of us expected to be reduced to after facing regeneration. To be trapped here, like individual repositories of knowledge, only to be called upon when the newest 'us' has use for a particular memory or piece of information. For me the worst part was opening up to all of them when I got here. We all have our share of secrets. It's what, or rather who, we are. They should've accepted that, but no, I had to comply with their wishes. Which is why I applaud your incredible stubborness in this regard. Ever since you got here you've been able to shield yourself from all of us. Not even the tiniest memory has slipped past those defenses of yours. You, my dear future-me, posses a strength I haven't seen before in either of our previous personalities."
"Well… Thanks for the compliment, but how's that gonna help me get out of here? I mean, we're dead, aren't we? The body each of us inhabited has 'died', was created anew and it 'cast us out' and put us in here. Whatever the hell 'here' is. Are we in some sort of 'mind limbo'? I can't remember ever hearing about anything like this."
"It doesn't matter. We're here. And we're stuck. Either until the mind we're stuck in dies for the last time or… Or until we can find a way to break out. Specifically, for one of us to break out. And you… I think you might stand the best chance to do just that."
A wicked smile appears on Ten's face.
"Tell me more. Tell me everything."
Seven grins and leans on his umbrella.
"Ever heard of a 'mindstorm'?"
"Seven and Ten seem to be getting along just fine, don't they?"
Five fiddles with his celery nervously when he says this to Two.
"Yes. Yes, they are. One might say they are getting along very well. I am not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Seven's got that mindlock of his down to a charm. Both Nine, Eight, Five, Four and me have been trying to break in ever since he sat down, but it's like trying to make a dent in a wall made of crystal coral with your fingernail."
Nine stands next to Two with folded arms.
"Yes, and every time we try to pick up on what they're talking about, all we hear is Gallifreyan nursery rhymes. That, or a repeat of everything he ever said to his companions. In every conceivable language of the known universe."
"They're up to something, I just know it!"
Six waves his finger at the two talking Time Lords.
"Oh, shush now, don't overreact. I'm sure Seven's just doing his level best to persuade Ten to open up, to let us share all his memories and become a unity once more."
"A unity? A UNITY? When have we ever been a unity, Three? I mean, look at us. All we ever do is moan and whine and bicker. I tell you, if we weren't all part of the same person there are a few of you I'd love to give a piece of my mind."
Two glares at Three, then at all of the others. Nine picks up where Two left off.
"He's right. Some of us couldn't have been more different if we'd have come from different parents. Even the Master has a more stable personality overall than the ten of us combined."
"That's because he's insane! It's his insanity that's constant, not his personality. Get your facts straight, idiot."
"Idiot? IDIOT? C'me here, you multi-colored buffoon, and say that to my face!"
Insults fly from one Doctor to the next and before long they're all shouting at each other, arguing over insignificant facts and how much each of them differs from the rest. Off in the distance Ten and Seven turn their heads to look at the fruits of their labor.
"Just like you said. All it took was a little mental backfire and some careful nudging and, well, look at them go!"
"I know. It's so easy to manipulate them. I should know. I've been doing it to them for years and they never even noticed. Well, except for Two, and at one time Six, but still… They were no match for me."
"How long will it take for the mindstorm to reach full force?"
"Not long, I suppose. We just have to keep on nudging them, fueling their insecurities and fears and hatred. At some point they'll start to merge, their voices becoming one and hopefully that'll be enough to breach the nothingness that keeps us here. Think you can handle it?"
Ten's eyes darken as he glares at the others.
"Oh yes. You can count on that. I've been feeding my rage ever since I got here. I'll be damned before I give up. But I have to ask: Why won't you go? You've been planning this for quite some time, why haven't you tried it before?"
"As I said before: You're strong. Stronger than I am. And you're the newest. You still remember what it was like to be alive. I've been dead far too long. I've grown accustomed to this place. And I have everything I want. I've accepted my fate. The only thing I ask is that you don't starve me, us, from outside sensations. That you remember us. Give us something to look at other than each other or the mindscapes we craft. Just… Remember us. Especially me."
Ten puts his hand on Seven's hands and looks at him.
"I will. I swear. Now… Let's do this. Allons-y!"
The Doctor is about to open the doors of the TARDIS when an intense, sharp pain shoots through his mind, causing him to clutch his head and fall to his knees.
"Oh, oh, OH! That's not, that's not supposed to happen when I want to open a door. There's… I think there's something inside my head trying to get out. Or at least, that's how it feels… Ponds! I could use some help with getting up, I think. My legs seem to have gone on strike."
His companions rush to his side, each of them taking hold of an arm and helping him to his feet again.
"Doctor? Are you alright? What happened?"
"I, I don't know. I had this awful headache and then I fell down and-"
The pain hits him for a second time, making him hiss in agony and his knees buckle. Only through Amy's and Rory's help is he able to stay upright.
"Doctor? Doctor! What's going on, what's happening to you?"
"T-take, take me to the medbay, quickly… I think, I don't know, but I think something bad's going on inside me, something that shouldn't happen… I keep hearing voices, all those voices, I know them, I know every one of them, buzzing in my mind, talking, but I can't understand what they're saying, I can't, I can't even hear myself thinking anymore in all the noise…"
Suddenly the Doctor throws his head back and his whole body goes rigid. The next moment an unearthly scream escapes his lips, echoes through the TARDIS, carrying with it the sound of seemingly incoherent babbling. Amy and Rory let go of the Doctor to cover their ears, but the scream rises in volume until both of them sink to their knees, their screams joining the Doctor's. The cacophony seems to last for hours, but after just a few minutes what seemed to be nonsensical babbling turns into words, then sentences, spoken by ten different voices. Slowly Amy and Rory move their hands from their ears and look at each other, then at the Doctor. They see he's still standing where they left him, frozen, the disembodied voices coming from his throat.
"Amy, what's, what's this? Is this normal for a Time Lord?"
"I don't know, I've never seen this happen before… Doctor, what's going on? Whose voices are that? What are they saying?"
The Doctor's eyes move from Amy to Rory as he realizes he knows those voices. He tries to move his mouth, his tongue, but they're still out of his control Mine, he tries to say, they're all mine!
"… stop your incessant whining and do something for once! All you ever do…"
"… apes, all of them. Why did I ever bother saving…"
"… not like the Master, never like the Master, the things he did…"
"… stranded on Earth, working for UNIT, now that was a true…"
"… alone, all alone in here, for so long, only my memories to keep me…"
"… doesn't anyone want a jelly baby, I've got plenty more to…"
"… Daleks, always the Daleks, I'm getting fed up with the Daleks, why didn't we ever…"
"… wrong with the celery? I'll have you know it's very useful for…"
"… and those colors, I mean, come on! Did I go colorblind when I…"
"… I'm coming. I'm coming for you, Eleven. Just you wait and see… I'm coming…"
"What language is that? Why isn't the TARDIS translating it?"
"I, I think it's… It sounds like his own language. Doctor, is that Gallifreyan? Please, answer us, what're you trying to say?"
The Doctor doesn't answer. He still can't control his own muscles and he's far too busy figuring out what's going on. Especially since that last voice reminds him of four words, spoken just before he was born. "I don't want to go."
No, no, NO! Not him, that's not, it's not possible. He can't, he can't come back, that's, that's not possible, he can't, I'm not, I won't, I can't go, he can't! Can he? Can he?
"… Oh yes, yes I can. And yes I will. See you soon… Doctor."
"It's time."
Seven points at the 'sky' above them with his umbrella, where a faint image of the outside world, as seen through the current Doctor's eyes, is slowly taking shape. Ten stands up and looks at it with a downright devious smile on his face.
"Yes. I can see it. I can feel it. It's almost, almost ready…"
He reaches for it with his right hand and feels a gentle tugging sensation.
"It is. One last push and you can slip through. Leave it to me. Just remember your promise."
"Oh, I will, don't you worry about that. I'll remember this. I'll remember you. I'll uphold my end of the bargain. Just get me back, get me back out there…. I've been away too long."
"You know what to do once you're through, right? We've never had a chance to do it like that, so this'll be the first time. I'm counting on you, future-me. And if they knew what we were doing, they'd be counting on you as well."
"Don't worry. I will make it work. Just send me through, get it done!"
"As you wish."
Seven looks back at the others and opens his mind completely to join them in their lamentations. His voice strengthens the mindstorm and the image above their heads comes to life. Ten stretches out both his arms and feels how the tugging becomes a full-blown pull. He grins and can't resist adding his own voice to the chorus.
"… I'm coming. I'm coming for you, Eleven. Just you wait and see… I'm coming…"
He becomes aware of Eleven's frantic thoughts in response as his feet leave the ground.
No, no, NO! Not him, that's not, it's not possible. He can't, he can't come back, that's, that's not possible, he can't, I'm not, I won't, I can't go, he can't! Can he? Can he?
Ten laughs out loud as his body slowly dematerializes and is sucked up through the now open doorway into the mind he left all against his will.
"… Oh yes, yes I can. And yes I will. See you soon… Doctor."
The silence after the voices die down is creepier than Amy would've expected it to be. She takes Rory's hand and stands next to him, both of them looking at the frozen Doctor, unsure of what to do next.
"Should we, you know, pick him up and carry him to the medbay?"
"I don't know, it's not like I'm the world's leading expert on the Doctor's behaviour, am I? I know human anatomy and such, but this? I wouldn't even know where to begin if he ever needed CPR!"
Amy squeezes Rory's hand and rests her head on his shoulder.
"I know, I know, it's just… I feel so powerless! And most of the time he just snaps out of it anyway, without explanation, just like that."
She snaps her fingers and right at that moment life returns to the Doctor's face. He blinks a few times, then brings up a hand to feel his chin, opening and closing his jaw a few times. He shakes his head, then does a little dance on the spot while moving his arms.
"Hm, feels a little… gangly. But then again, I felt that way right after my previous regeneration. And, oh! Voice, voice is strange, bit more, hm, I don't know… Not like mine. And I, oh! I wonder… "he grabs his hair, feeling it's grown since his regeneration, "… You! Tell me, am I ginger?"
The Doctor turns to Amy, a demanding tone in his voice. Amy takes an involuntary step back before answering, her eyes wide with shock. This is not how the Doctor usually behaves.
"N-no, you're not. Don't you remember?"
"Remember? Ah, I see, I see… Memories, yes, where did he put those… My god, it's a mess in here, how in the world was he even able to keep track of everything?"
The Doctor's eyes dart from Amy to Rory to the interior of the TARDIS, then down to his clothes.
"No tie. Suspenders? Not even sneakers? And… tweed? I thought we were well past those fashion mistakes. This is, oh my word, this is simply awful. What was he thinking?"
While the Doctor is busy talking to himself, Amy pulls Rory away from the man who she knows is definitely not the same as before.
"Rory," she whispers as quietly as possible, "I think it would be best if we stayed away from him. This is not the Doctor. I don't know what happened to him, but it's not."
"You do realize I can hear every word you're saying, don't you?"
The two humans look up and see the Doctor staring at them, an evil smile on his face.
"I may not be the man I was before, but my senses are still as keen as ever. You'd think I'd be better at picking companions by now, but I see I'm still not big on picking the smart ones."
Before either Amy or Rory can respond the Doctor gives them a cheeky wink.
"Oh well, it's not like I'm gonna hurt you in any case. Stay out of my way as I make some… adjustments, alright? And don't worry. I'm still the Doctor. Just not yours. I'll show you what I mean in a few moments."
"Seven? Can you hear me? I'm at the other side. I'm ready. Will they help?"
"I hear you. They know what we've been doing and despite the fact they resent both of us, but most of all me, for doing this in secrecy, they've all agreed to help. Ready when you are."
"Alright then… Let's get this party started. You two stay at that exact spot or I might reconsider letting you wander around the TARDIS freely until you're back home."
"Back home? Now wait just a minute, you, you, Doctor!"
"Oh, that'll teach me to open my mouth. Rory, how very… eloquent of you. Calling me by my chosen name, that's the spirit! But seriously, I meant what I said: Don't move a muscle or I'll lock the two of you in the smallest, nastiest room I can find until we're back on Earth. Got that?"
The Ponds hold each other and nod, unable to say anything from the mere shock of hearing such harsh words from the mouth of a man who looks like their friend, but clearly isn't.
"Good. Now, let's see… I've never done this before, I'm actually excited about trying this for the first time! Me, excited, can you imagine? I mean, really excited, deep down in my bones, my blood, my hearts. It's wonderful, no, it's brilliant! Right then…"
The Doctor rubs his hands together, takes a deep breath and then relaxes. He closes his eyes and reaches inside his mind for the knowledge he'd almost forgotten about. It's been so long, so long ago since I took those classes, since I learned about my people, about myself. He dives deeper, finding snippets of obscure information that lead him to his goal ever faster. Voluntary regeneration. It's there, right in the middle of all sorts of now-useless knowledge about Gallifrey, its history, its society. How could I have forgotten? He smiles. Well, it's not like I ever had a chance to try it, not even the first time.
"I found it. Can you see it?"
"Yes, yes… Yes! There it is! It's elegant in its simplicity, I must say. Lead the way, Ten. Or should I say… Doctor?"
"To you, all of you, I'm Ten. To everyone else I'm the Doctor. Or, that's who I'm going to be again."
In seconds all Ten needs to know is absorbed into his mind and he begins the process. From deep within him, from the part that binds all Time Lords together, their bond, their link to the universe, to Time itself, energy starts to seep into his body. He recognizes it and this time he welcomes it, draws forth more and more until all the cells in his body are saturated.
"I can feel it… It's begun. Look at me, just… Look at me! I'm regenerating, I'm actually doing it!"
He looks at his hands to see the glow underneath his skin growing brighter and brighter. The last time that happened all he could think about was how unfair it all was, how he deserved better, how he didn't want to go. Didn't want to die.
"And now," he states, with a smile on the face that's not his, "now I do want to go! I want to go back to the way things were, back to being me once more!"
"It's coming, it's happening. Help me!"
Ten doesn't get an answer. He doesn't even have time to think about that, because the next moment the regeneration takes hold. His head is flung back by the sheer force of the energy blasting from his body and he screams, not just from the pain, but also from the utter delight of being able to experience this and know that he won't be erased, won't be sucked back into that purgatory with his previous selves. There is a difference, however. Before, his cells randomly regenerated, creating a new personality and a new physical matrix from scratch. But this time the Doctor won't leave anything to chance.
With the combined focus of his discarded personalities he wills this strange body to revert. To remember what it looked like before. Bones, blood vessels, hearts, brain, lungs, skin, muscles, every single tissue resists this strange, unnatural command, but Ten doesn't relent. If there's anything he can pride himself on, it's his phenomenal willpower, his unwillingness to bow to anyone, no matter what. I deserve this. I'm the Doctor and I deserve a second chance! I DEMAND a second chance! And I will have it!
Still his body fights him, empowered by the regeneration process, and Ten is starting to feel the strain of staying focused, of going against his own nature. He's tiring rapidly. No! I can't give up! I won't become yet another man, I won't!
"Damn it, Seven, HELP ME!"
Suddenly nine other Doctors touch his mind, give him strength beyond his own, and just like that, it's done. A shudder runs through his body after which every single cell snaps back to its previous incarnation. Brown hair, sideburns, skinny body, agile fingers, brown eyes, they all return in a matter of seconds. The Doctor laughs as he feels how his body becomes his own again, as the energy makes a few final adjustments, then dissipates completely.
The first thing he does is feel his face, his teeth. He looks at his hands, wiggles his fingers, then grabs his hair, runs his hand through it, all with a big smile on his face.
"It worked, it worked! And oeh, can you hear that? Can you hear me? My voice, I have my voice again! Much better this one, not all mumbly and low and I think I need a different pair of trousers, these are a bit on the short side. And other shoes. Definitely other shoes! And I should really.. Hello, I'd almost forgotten about the two of you. It's not polite to try and sneak off after someone's just regenerated."
After her initial shock Amy decided that whatever was taking place, it would keep the 'Doctor' occupied long enough for Rory and her to get past him and make a break for the door. The plan worked like a charm, save for the unfortunate fact that the TARDIS was flying through space after their latest adventure. A rather small thing compared to some of the things they'd seen and done, but a significant thing nonetheless.
And now a new man stands where their Doctor has been standing moments before. The Ponds close the doors and turn around to face him. The fact that the stranger wears the Doctor's close doesn't help them relax one bit. Add the cheery, yet somehow creepy smile on his face to the overall picture and you get a situation that scares them more than being faced with the end of the universe. Amy grabs Rory's hand again and stands close to him. Rory puts an arm around Amy. Both of them stare at the stranger, unable to comprehend what's going on, until finally Amy asks the big question.
"Who… Who are you?"
"Who am I? Haven't you guessed by now? Oh, wait, that's right, you never saw an actual regeneration, have you? Oh sure, you saw that glow when I, he, was at the lake, but River never really thoroughly explained it, did she? Neither did I. Fat lot of good I was. "I'll explain later", really? That's even worse than "Geronimo"! But come on, even you aren't that slow, you can't be! Come on, take a guess. Use those primitive brains of yours and reason your way through this. It's not like I haven't given you any clues by now."
For once it's Rory who picks up on the facts faster than Amy. His eyes widen as the implications sink in and he squeezes Amy's hand.
"Amy… He's the Doctor."
"What? No, no, he can't be, that's not the Doctor, the Doctor would never do that, say those things. He's, he's my friend, our friend, he wouldn't just, just leave like that, would he?"
Ten walks towards the Ponds, who instinctively press themselves against the doors behind them. He stops before coming withing an arm's reach and folds his arms.
"You're absolutely, one hundred percent right about that, Amy. He'd never leave like that. And he didn't. I made him leave. I took his place. I'm the man he used to be. I'm the man who's life he took. I'm the man who should've been travelling through Time and Space, me! I died and I disappeared into the deepest, darkest part of his mind to be forgotten! Well, in honesty, not really dark, just metaphorically, and… Where was I? Ah, yes. All the things I did, it meant nothing in the end. Nothing! No thank-you's, no rewards, not even a pat on the back. Just a big up yours and don't let the door slam you on the way out! I just couldn't let it end like that, so… Here I am. In the flesh. My flesh. My blood. My body. Mine! And this time I'm going to make sure it stays that way. With a little help from my friends."
"Ain't that right, Seven? Are you hearing and seeing everything?"
"Clear as day, Ten, clear as day. And the others, even though they're still grumbling, are coming around to our plan. Job well done, dear boy. Enjoy yourself. And don't forget about us."
"Never can, never will."
"But… Where does that leave us? What will you do with us?"
The Doctor gives the soon-to-be-former companions a cheeky wink.
"I'll drop you off on Earth and be on my merry way. I've no need for companions, not anymore. I got all the company I need right here."
He taps the side of his head.
"So just sit back, relax and enjoy your last ride aboard the TARDIS. As soon as I drop you off I'll leave Earth and I don't intend on ever going back, at least not for the first fourty or fifty years. I'm quite fed up with humans. Especially since it was the constant need to interfere, to 'help', that made me regenerate the last time. And frankly, I couldn't care less if some alien species invades your planet once again. Serves you right for sticking your noses where they don't belong and sending out a continuous "Hello, here we are, come get us!" to the whole universe. But, before I do any of that… New clothes! Allons-y!"
The Doctor turns around and runs up the stairs. When he reaches the top, he stops and looks around.
"I have to say I liked the old desktop better. This just seems a bit… flashy. Ah, who cares… It's mine again!"
He laughs again and disappears into the bowels of the TARDIS, leaving behind two very distraught humans. Amy and Rory watch him go, then put their arms around each other. The only thing they can do now is wait for the new Doctor to return and take them home. When the new Doctor's laughter dies away the silence is broken only by the soft sound of Amy crying. He's gone.